The Evil Petting Zoo

I'm Surprised She Doesn't Get Torn In Two

2008-09-19T12:00:00.002-04:00

Yeah, I know, I've been really shitty about updating. I just started a second job that requires I get up at 5:30 in the morning this week, I've got class all afternoon, and homework in the evenings. I'm adjusting, though, so I'll try and be better.

So. Last we left the Lady Lynn Forester de Rothschild, she was taking hypocrisy in new and thrilling directions by calling Obama an "elitist." Now, she's officially hitched her wagons to McCain, and, in trying to articulate the reason for her shift in position, explains why she views Obama as someone who views himself as superior to the common folk -- and, in the process, drops the word "redneck".

Just so we've got it all straight -- the wife of a British aristocrat calls Obama an "elitist" and then, when trying to explain why he's an elitist, insults the very people Obama supposedly insulted during the whole "bitter" clusterfuck. It's like a diamond of hypocrisy -- beautiful, multi-faceted, and deeply, deeply flawed.

So Much For "Never Forget"

2008-09-12T08:57:00.002-04:00

So, yeah, I've been busy this week. I moved back into the dorms, and I've started my senior year. Between the classes, the adjusted schedule, and darting out of town so that I can get stuff that was left behind during the initial move-in, I haven't been able to post much.

Which means I wasn't able to post this steaming load when it was dropped:

Q But Osama bin Laden is the one that — you keep talking about his lieutenants, and, yes, they are very important, but Osama bin Laden was the mastermind of 9/11 –

PERINO: No, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed was the mastermind of 9/11, and he’s sitting in jail right now.

Well, good that we know that now, isn't it?

Seven years. Seven. Motherfucking. Years. That is the time the Bush administration, nay, the GOP as a whole, has been flying around the flag of 9/11 to enforce its agenda. Iraq? 9/11! Iran? 9/11! Patriot Act? 9/11! FISA? 9/11! But it can't cut both ways, can it? When it turns out that we could have done more to prevent 9/11, Bush ignores the 9/11 Commission Report. When we've gone seven years without capturing the man behind al-Qaeda, the administration just shifts the goalposts.

And this isn't going to stop with Bush, not by any stretch of the imagination. At the RNC, which is basically McCain's debutante ball, they air this goddamn monstrosity that hijacks 9/11 to rally the war flag against Iran by connecting the attacks to the hostage crisis. They will keep waving this flag with no sense of shame or humiliation.

They have turned one of the worst tragedies in the history of our nation into a joke. Those disgusting bastards.

The Southern Strategy

2008-09-05T08:45:00.002-04:00

Well, after months of "elitist" bullshit and the latest tack towards insulting "community organizers," I'm glad to see we have finally put aside all pretense of attacking Obama for "arrogance" and gotten straight to the racism.

Georgia Republican Rep. Lynn Westmoreland used the racially-tinged term "uppity" to describe Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama Thursday.

Westmoreland was discussing vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin's speech with reporters outside the House chamber and was asked to compare her with Michelle Obama.

"Just from what little I’ve seen of her and Mr. Obama, Sen. Obama, they're a member of an elitist-class individual that thinks that they're uppity," Westmoreland said.

Asked to clarify that he used the word “uppity,” Westmoreland said, “Uppity, yeah.”

That's right. Someone gave him an opportunity to back away from the racist buzzword, but he forged on. Doesn't it feel so much better, getting it out in the open?

Baked Alaska

2008-09-03T12:08:00.002-04:00

Well. That blew up nicely, didn't it?

Y'know, when Palin got nominated, I knew there would be doubts raised about her history. I knew there would be doubts raised about her record (anti-choice, anti-gay, pro-big oil, etc.). I just didn't know there would be a shitstorm on par with Hurricane Andrew tearing through a sewage treatment plant.

I mean, where to begin? You've got Palin's pregnant teenage daughter, which serves as an unfortunate testament to the fact that McCain opposed federal money for teen pregnancy prevention programs. You've got Palin's close ties to a political party that believes Alaska needs to secede from the US. You've got her being for the Bridge to Nowhere before she was... hell, was she ever really against it?

But the best part of this is seeing the wheels slipping off of McCain's campaign. It's not like they've come all the way off, but all attempts to rationalize the Palin pick are proving to be comedy gold. Cindy McCain goes on This Week and argues that Palin has the extensive foreign policy experience of living closer to Alaska than anyone else (hey, my uncle lives up in Maine, does that mean he gets to sit at the next policy meeting?). A McCain spokesperson goes on CNN to proclaim Palin's experience in handling the National Guard; not only does he get driven into the ground, but McCain cancels his appearance on Larry King that night in retaliation for someone actually acting like a journalist. Meanwhile, McCain shows all signs of keeping his wagons hitched to Palin's, if the RNC speeches are any indication.

This is going to be fun to watch, if only for seeing how far it can go forward before falling to pieces.

A Darker Shade Of Horse

2008-08-30T21:46:00.002-04:00

So, unless you've been living under a rock, you'd know that McCain has picked Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to be his running mate. First of all, I know my opinion isn't much, but I think McCain made the pick to avoid having to grab "the best of a bad hand," as it were. Look at the people who were being floated as his VP -- Fiorina had the HP scandal, Jindal admitted to taking part in an exorcism, Lieberman can't stop rattling the saber, and Romney is... well, he's Mitt Fucking Romney. It's not unexpected that McCain would choose to go outside the pool and pick someone who's an unknown.

But, that's the thing. Palin's an unknown. She's spent all of two years as governor of a state that has a smaller population than Austin, Texas. Her nomination basically throws out every sort of appeal of experience the McCain campaign can make. She doesn't really shore up any of the blank spots in the McCain platform... except for, of course, the age thing. So, where Obama's nomination of Biden carries the tone of someone who's trying to fill his gaps on foreign policy and labor, McCain's nomination of Palin carries the tone of, "In the event the first Miss America cannot fulfill her duties..."

Still. Either way this race goes, someone's making history.

Your Lips Say Yes, But Your Eyes Say No

2008-08-28T09:51:00.002-04:00

So, Hillary Clinton finally, finally gave her speech announcing her support for Barack Obama. She announced her unrivaled support for Obama. Hell, she's the one who led the effort to directly nominate Obama for candidacy. Whatever media narrative there was about Hillary's "bitterness" or "rivalry" has effectively been buried.

Yeah. Try telling the media that.

In her speech to the Democratic convention Tuesday night, Hillary Clinton urged fellow Democrats to vote for Barack Obama, and she did it in no uncertain terms -- verbally.

But did her body language match her words?

Body language expert and former FBI agent Joe Navarro says he doesn't think so.

Yes, you know, we could actually, for once in our lives, just listen to what someone says, but instead, we're going to dig as far down as we can for something, anything that backs up our conclusions. Because we have all the integrity of a wet paper sack.

God, sometimes the coverage just makes me want to punch something.

I Stopped Beating My Wife Three Weeks Ago, Thank You

2008-08-26T13:56:00.002-04:00

Karl Rove has the moral integrity of a steaming pile of cattle turds, and FOX News the dignity of a shit shoveler.

I don’t think she did too well on saying I love America. That wasn’t adequate enough because, look, people are gonna hear that, and then those that have paid attention to her earlier comments are gonna try and square those two off.

That would be the man who loved his country he so much he helped out an undercover CIA agent to get revenge on her husband, who helped design a campaign ad that put a war veteran on the same level as Saddam Hussein, claiming that Michelle Obama, who poured her heart and soul out over her family and their dedication to the American dream, didn't do enough to fend off the comments that were blown out of proportion by Rove's own friends and allies. That would be the man who rode the coattails of an administration that fucked the economy, curbstomped civil liberties, and left an American city to drown, claiming that a candidate's wife hasn't done enough to prove that she's a proud American.

This man has absolutely no fucking shame, does he?

Biden Our Time

2008-08-24T21:27:00.002-04:00

So, I'm late once again on this matter, but Obama has declared that Joe Biden will be his running mate. Can't say I'm entirely thrilled -- Biden's had a tendency to trip over his words (especially in relation to Obama) and he really soft-balled the Alito nomination -- but he does have credentials that fill out the gaps in Obama's resume, and he'll bring some fire to the campaign.

Yeah, no funny video tonight. Just want to let my meager observation stand alone.

They Should Just Get A Machine To Do It

2008-08-21T21:27:00.003-04:00

Okay, folks, let's play Campaign Mad Libs. Here's what I need: an illogical attempt to turn the accusation around at the other candidate --

"We're delighted to have a real estate debate with Barack Obama," said spokesman Brian Rogers, adding that the press should focus on Obama's house. "It's a frickin' mansion. He doesn't tell people that. You have a mansion you bought in a shady deal with a convicted felon."

-- a defense of McCain's actions that involves the fact that he was a POW, no matter how little that has to do with the subject at hand --

He also added: "This is a guy who lived in one house for five and a half years -- in prison," referring to the prisoner of war camp that McCain was in during the Vietnam War.

-- and an attempt to paint Barack Obama as "elitist."

"In terms of who's an elitist, I think people have made a judgment that John McCain is not an arugula-eating, pointy headed professor-type based on his life story."

Huh. That worked out better than I thought.

The Inveterate Veteran

2008-08-19T07:46:00.007-04:00

We can all agree that John McCain served his country in Vietnam, and went through a great deal of torment in the POW camp. However, by now I think we can also agree that he's a man who's been known to shift positions at the drop of a hat, and who isn't exactly open with the truth.

The problem comes when his various campaign tentacles use the first fact as a bulwark against the second.

Nicolle Wallace, a spokeswoman for Mr. McCain, said on Sunday night that Mr. McCain had not heard the broadcast of the event while in his motorcade and heard none of the questions.

“The insinuation from the Obama campaign that John McCain, a former prisoner of war, cheated is outrageous,” Ms. Wallace said.

Yes, apparently time spent in a POW camp completely removes one's ability to lie. It also gives you lactose intolerance and the ability to smell fear. But Ms. Wallace isn't the only one offering up logically unsound defenses of McCain:

It may be typical of the pro-Obama Dungeons & Dragons crowd to disparage a fellow countryman's memory of war from the comfort of mom's basement, but most Americans have the humility and gratitude to respect and learn from the memories of men who suffered on behalf of others.

Now, I'll fully cop to being one of the pro-Obama Dungeons & Dragons crowd. However, my mom's basement is probably the filthiest room in the house, which is why I prefer a second-floor bedroom during the summer, a dorm room when I'm at school, and hopefully a not-that-bad studio apartment when I reach LA.

But, it's funny that a representative of the Republican party is talking about how most Americans should have "the humility and gratitude" to recognize a veteran's accomplishments. Like Max Cleland, who lost three limbs in Vietnam -- oh, wait, he was compared to Saddam Hussein and Bin Laden. Or John Kerry -- but, yeah, not only were there the Swift Boaters, but the mocking of the entire concept of the Purple Heart. Or maybe John Murtha -- oh, right, Jean Schmidt called him a coward. I'd actually buy that McCain represents a change from these tactics if he wasn't cozying up to Swift Boaters.

No one deserves to be attacked for their service. But they absolutely deserve to be attacked for using their service as a means to deflect all other criticism about them.

UPDATE: As Anonymous says in comments, I got Murtha's name wrong. A long time ago, too. Goddamnit, I can be a real idiot some times.

Because Those Damn Polar Bears Will Vote For Obama

2008-08-14T10:23:00.002-04:00

More ecological wisdom from the world's biggest, proudest polluter.

Parts of the Endangered Species Act may soon be extinct.

The Bush administration wants federal agencies to decide for themselves whether highways, dams, mines and other construction projects might harm endangered animals and plants.

New regulations, which don't require the approval of Congress, would reduce the mandatory, independent reviews government scientists have been performing for 35 years, according to a draft first obtained by The Associated Press.

Yeah, when have those independent, uninfluenced scientific bodies ever been right? Well, except for climate change...

Interior Secretary Dirk Kempthorne said late Monday the changes were needed to ensure that the Endangered Species Act would not be used as a "back door" to regulate the gases blamed for global warming. In May, the polar bear became the first species declared as threatened because of climate change. Warming temperatures are expected to melt the sea ice the bear depends on for survival.

The draft rules would bar federal agencies from assessing the emissions from projects that contribute to global warming and its effect on species and habitats.

Oh, it's simple, then. To completely disregard the fact that independent scientific bodies might know better than government officials, you have to disregard the fact that they were right about global warming, which the Bush administration is all too happy to do.

The Interior Department said such consultations are no longer necessary because federal agencies have developed expertise to review their own construction and development projects, according to the 30-page draft obtained by the AP.

"We believe federal action agencies will err on the side of caution in making these determinations," the proposal said.

I'm sorry, would that be the same "side of caution" that the EPA erred on when they delayed on regulating carbon emissions for so long that the Supreme Court had to bitchslap them into doing it?

It's not enough that Bush was happy to fuck up our justice system. Now he's gotta fuck up the ecosystem before he leaves office, too. Great.

America Is The New Balkans

2008-08-13T09:48:00.004-04:00

Digby has it right; Cokie Roberts's Hawaiian nonsense is just endemic of a larger, more disturbing thread in American discourse. It seems that these days, you can just write off an entire person or political vein of thought because of where it comes from. Nancy Pelosi endorses "a San Francisco mentality" that is just completely alien. The idea that gay folks should serve in the military is one of the insane gibberings of the "San Francisco left." John Kerry's out of touch with this country partially because he's from Boston. If you're not from anywhere that grows corn or tobacco, you've apparently got three eyes and weird ideas about universal health care.

Now, it's not like I'm going to pretend this is totally alien to liberals as well. But it's usually limited to disgruntled bloggers and other Internet voices. It's not like Chuck Schumer is going on TV and saying, "Fuck Florida, they voted for Bush." It's not like Nancy Pelosi is going to refer to offshore drilling as "some Oklahoma City brain fart." But apparently, it's just fine to dismiss a politician or a set of ideals because they come from a more liberal city. Remember the days when we argued things based on facts and not invective?

An Affair To Dismember

2008-08-12T09:49:00.002-04:00

So, I've said nothing about the revelation that John Edwards had an affair. Well, where the hell do I start? First of all, I'm immensely disappointed. First of all, from a moral standpoint, I find it disgusting. At least Elizabeth know about the affair, but still, cheating on your wife when she's dealing with cancer? I don't care how fucked up your home life is, some things should not be done.

Second of all, from a political standpoint, this was incredibly fucking stupid. Not the affair; that was stupid on its own merits. Edwards went into the primary knowing this affair was a buried secret -- did he really think it wouldn't be dug up at some point? Did he really think that, if he became the candidate, it would just lie quietly? It's a good thing he dropped out.

But, despite all this, Edwards is a great advocate for the poor, and I'd hate to see his career destroyed over the same bullshit that Newt Gingrich was able to get away with on multiple occasions.

Obama Must Sup From The Font of TGI Fridays, 24/7

2008-08-11T08:14:00.003-04:00

You know, I honestly believe that the punditry will not be happy with Barack Obama until he sets most of his money on fire, dresses up in a work shirt and oil-stained blue jeans on all campaign appearances, and takes all his meals at the salad bar at Applebee's. Then they get to call him a poseur, a radical populist, and maybe even a Communist.

Take, for instance, this statement from Cokie Roberts, which is so dense I'm surprised it doesn't spontaneously collapse and form a white hole.

Roberts: …going off this week I know his grandmother lives in Hawaii and I know Hawaii is a state, but it has the look of him going off to some sort of foreign, exotic place. He should be at Myrtle Beach and if he’s going to take a vacation at this time. I just think this is not the time to do that.

"Yes, we know he's visiting a beloved relative, and we know he's not going out of the country, but the idiots in the Midwest -- er, I mean, 'the potential voters' might get Hawaii confused with Fiji! I mean, I have no idea why they'd get that impression..."

Yeah, forget the work shirt and blue jeans. I don't think the media bots will drop the elitist bullshit until Obama's wearing a potato sack.

There Ain't No VA For The Culture Wars

2008-08-07T20:25:00.003-04:00

You know, the more I think about this An American Carol debacle, the less upset I get about it. This Weekly Standard article definitely helps, which is funny, because you'd think conservatives championing this film as the great strike against liberal Hollywood would give me more to worry about, but this gives me less to worry about. Sure, I could get upset about the fact that the film has the "good humor" to feature Dennis Hopper as a judge who opens fire on ACLU lawyers who try to take down the Ten Commandments (because after all, we know that eliminationist humor is harmless fun, and has absolutely no negative repercussions). I could dispute the allegation that everyone in the article treats revealing you're a conservative in Hollywood like revealing you're a Jew during the Inquisition (after all, I hear John Milius goes lot to lot clad in sackcloth and ashes, begging disgusted PAs for the chance to deliver a log line). But really, by the time Zucker says he's not going to be original because original doesn't profit him anything, I just can't be arsed to devote more attention to this movie than the few stray thoughts necessary to mock it. At worst, it will be a transitory fascination that makes cultural critics despair for the taste buds of America, like the Scary Movie franchise and its many tentacles, but the most likely result is that its "talking points disguised as jokes" sense of humor ensures it plummets butt-first into the same open grave as The Half-Hour News Hour. So, really, not a lot to bitch about.

Well, okay. One thing to bitch about:

[Zucker] adds: "I don't have any desire to be taken seriously. Really, I really don't. But having said that, I really believe this stuff. Why can't I put it out there? And I'm scared to death of Obama. If I didn't do something about it I would feel--My kids would ask: 'What did you do in the war Daddy?'"

"I donated my career to stop this s--."

"What did you do in the war, Daddy?" "Well, I never actually fought in the war -- any war, for that matter -- but I did make a shallow parody movie where George Patton kicks the shit out of a Michael Moore stand-in in the name of patriotism. And then I played the martyr about it when I know I'm in an industry where someone can get convicted of fucking young boys and still have a steady directing career. Yes, son, I put my very soul on the line so that you, too, would have the chance to make jokes about how Rosie O'Donnell is a crazy dyke."

You know, if there's one thing I really, honestly cannot stand from people who claim that we are in the great clash of civilizations and must fight at all turns with all available methods to protect our great nation from the terrorist threat, it's when they make a complete mockery of the idea of armed service by comparing it to whatever great endeavors they are undertaking to protect the motherland. From Hugh Hewitt claiming he's in just as much danger in the Empire State Building as on the front lines to Rick Santorum comparing national service to buying one of his campaign bumper stickers, it seems a good number of people who claim to know just how important war is are quick to claim that they risk just as much as the men in uniform. Sure, it's unlikely any of them will encounter an IED on 42nd Street or Sepulveda Boulevard, but it's the thought that counts, right?

This is how David Zucker serves his country; by attacking the terrorists with the same comedic genius that spawned Scary Movie 3.

Fuck My Wife, Please

2008-08-05T21:06:00.002-04:00

That John McCain; he's a man of pure class who's always on top of everything.

In introducing his wife, McCain noted the ongoing beauty pageant at the event and said that he had "encouraged Cindy to compete. I told her, with a little luck, she could be the only person ever to serve as first lady and Miss Buffalo Chip."

For those of you who don't know much about the Sturgis Biker Rally, that would be this Miss Buffalo Chip:

"Go on, honey, suck that banana! If it goes viral, we can count on up to three whole polling points!"

Sometimes, you have to wonder if McCain just follows his campaign trail like someone who came into the movie halfway through and doesn't know what the hell's going on.

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

2008-08-04T21:52:00.002-04:00

Let us go back to the strange and scary year known as 2005. Hurricane Katrina had yet to brew, Britney Spears had yet to shave her head, and the Democrats were actually showing a spine and threatening to filibuster some of Bush's more whacked-out judicial nominees. At the time, the Republicans in Congress threw a major shit fit, threatening to deploy the "nuclear option" and crying up and down the aisle that the Democrats were being "obstructionist." Obviously, the Republicans did not like anything that gummed up the governmental process.

Well, now that the Democrats are actually in power, anyone who's been paying attention would realize that the Republicans only consider it obstructionist when they're not the ones doing it. Case in point: Roy Blunt has suggested that his party will shut down Congress if the Democrats don't sign off on offshore drilling. You know, if the Democrats had a press machine worth a damn, they could spin this to feed off of the animosity that most people feel towards a do-nothing Congress. But if history has proven anything, it's that Congressional Democrats have a hard time successfully rallying for anything less than vacation time.

Michael Moore Is Fat: The Musical

2008-08-01T21:04:00.002-04:00

I trust the guy behind this movie to produce a nuanced, subtle look at American politics, don't you?

That does it. The next time somebody busts out the "liberal Hollywood" canard around me, I am going to punch them in the goddamned throat.

As with many of Zucker’s earlier films, his latest japefest is loaded with sight gags and a litany of one-liners, but there are few sacred cows. Along with many Muslim terrorists named Mohammed, even severely handicapped children are subject to the film’s screwball comedy. Jimmy Carter shows up for a brief razzing, but far more relevant Dems, including Barack Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton, seem conspicuous in their absence.

Instead, Zucker (with co-writer Myrna Sokoloff) mocks the usual conservative targets: ACLU attorneys, liberal colleges and anti-war protesters. The movie saves its most severe scorn for the main character, a slovenly documentary filmmaker based on Oscar winner Michael Moore. The attack is literally scorched-earth style: In a climactic scene, Moore’s stand-in (here named “Michael Malone”) finds political clarity at the smoking ruins of the World Trade Center while the admonishing ghost of George Washington (played by Voight) hovers nearby.

Anarchist humor and conservative politics make for strange bedfellows. Another “Carol” scene takes place inside a portable toilet stall, where Malone is repeatedly slapped around by real-life Fox News host Bill O’Reilly, accompanied by the spirits of former President John F. Kennedy and World War II icon Gen. George Patton.

Using Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol” as a loose framework, Scrooge’s holiday humbuggery is replaced with Malone’s anti-American bias. Not only does the character attempt a boycott of the Fourth of July, but he also lends unwitting aid to jihadists plotting to blow up Madison Square Garden. Through the imagined interventions of Patton, the dead presidents and country singer Trace Adkins, Moore’s surrogate travels through history, eventually coming around to embrace patriotic values.

Yes, folks, one of the producers behind Airplane! has made a movie where Michael ~~Moore~~ Malone, well-known traitor to America and hater of all its values who has shown his burning hatred for our country by pointing out the areas where it could use work and our values have been short-sighted, gets the shit beat out of him by conservative figures and is reminded that 9/11 changed everything. Oh, and apparently all Muslims are the same person, and cripples are a laugh-a-minute. But David Zucker, who achieved political clarity around 9/11 (hello, Brain Eater!), swears it's all about the American spirit:

But Zucker has been mulling a big-screen mauling of Moore for years. He alluded obliquely to his movie project in a 2006 interview with conservative radio host Michael Medved and told the Los Angeles Jewish Journal around the same time, “You have people like Michael Moore going into foreign countries saying Americans are the stupidest people in the world. I want to tell the real America story, that America is a force for good.”

Okay, here's all I can say to that: fuck you, Zucker. No wait, I can say more, though I can't believe that I have to say it: Just because someone says that America is flawed does not mean that they want to take a shit on the Constitution and burn the White House to the ground. Just because someone says that our fine nation needs work and the people in power have fucked it over does not mean that they think we should dig up George Washington's corpse, burn it, and scatter the ashes to the four winds. Just because someone questions the established order does not mean they are guilty of high treason.

And seriously, if America's such a fucking force for good, then why do we keep putting out the Scary Movie franchise?

First They Came For The Homophobes, And I Said Nothing...

2008-07-31T13:18:00.004-04:00

There is a phenomenon, noted among the fantasy/science fiction fandom, known as "the Brain Eater." The specifics of the Brain Eater are vague, but many take it to mean when a writer, fueled by success and already bearing at least a few political beliefs that veer off from the center, spirals into full-blown political insanity and starts working these opinions into their writings. This is where you get things like Dave Sim, author of the successful independent comic Cerebus, talking about how women are intellectual voids that drain warmth and creativity from men, or the alleged quote from Anne McCaffrey, author of the Dragonriders of Pern series, where she explained how male dragonriders "turning gay" was based on the fact that anyone could be turned gay by a tent peg up the ass.

Orson Scott Card has obviously already been visited by some sort of illithid (why, yes, I am an absolute geek, how did you guess?), which supped mightily of his brain meats. But if his recent article says anything, it's that the Brain Eater came back for seconds.

Okay, so, it starts out like any other article by him on the topic of homosexuality: gay marriage infringes on straight marriage, legitimizes an illegitimate relationship, those homos are all the victims of sexual abuse who've been perverted in mindset and want to self-perpetuate, blah blah bullshit. Nothing new, I suppose...

Why should married people feel the slightest loyalty to a government or society that are conspiring to encourage reproductive and/or marital dysfunction in their children?

Why should married people tolerate the interference of such a government or society in their family life?

If America becomes a place where our children are taken from us by law and forced to attend schools where they are taught that cohabitation is as good as marriage, that motherhood doesn't require a husband or father, and that homosexuality is as valid a choice as heterosexuality for their future lives, then why in the world should married people continue to accept the authority of such a government?

What these dictator-judges do not seem to understand is that their authority extends only as far as people choose to obey them.

How long before married people answer the dictators thus: Regardless of law, marriage has only one definition, and any government that attempts to change it is my mortal enemy. I will act to destroy that government and bring it down, so it can be replaced with a government that will respect and support marriage, and help me raise my children in a society where they will expect to marry in their turn.

Biological imperatives trump laws. American government cannot fight against marriage and hope to endure. If the Constitution is defined in such a way as to destroy the privileged position of marriage, it is that insane Constitution, not marriage, that will die.

Yes, you just read a sci-fi author proposing the overthrow of the American government for, of all things, allowing gays to marry. Not torture, not the War in Iraq, not the abuse of civil liberties -- no, Orson has gladly lined up all of these things, as long as they protect us from the dreaded Mohammedans. Nope, righteous rebellion should be triggered because those "dictator-judges" are invalidating marriage by letting the queers get in on it.

Chad, who makes a perverse hobby of following Card's various brain droppings and dissecting them, of course delivers a point-by-point refutation of the many, many instances of bullshit throughout the article. So, really, there's nothing left for me to do here but point and laugh. Which I shall do, with much vigor.

I've Had It With Your Bullshit

2008-07-28T20:29:00.002-04:00

So, in case you've missed it by now, a man down in Knoxville, TN, went into a Unitarian Universalist church and opened fire, killing two and wounding several. He did this while the church was putting on a children's production of Annie. When the police searched his car, they found a manifesto blaming his recent ills on liberals, and claiming that since he could not attack liberal leaders, he would attack those who voted for them. A search of his home found books by Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, and Michael Savage.

I've got a message, for all those glorious pundits on the right, from Ann Coulter to Glenn Beck to Bill O'Reilly to Michael Reagan to Michael Savage to Michelle Malkin. Here's the message:

Choke on it.

These are the fruits of your labors. You pretend to jape and joke, and all the while, men like Jim David Adkisson take your words as gospel. You proclaim that Howard Dean should be hung for treason, and they listen. You "joke" about your desire to choke Michael Moore to death, and they listen. You fantasize about the ways you want to kill liberals, and they listen. You encourage your readers to stalk children, and they listen. You open people up for death threats, only to mock them when they fear for their safety, and they listen. You talked about San Francisco getting righteously destroyed, and they listened. You "joke" about assassinating standing politicians, and they listen. And after a while, they start to think it sounds like a good idea.

Don't tell me you didn't know this was coming. You've known this was coming for a long while. Hell, when it happened, and when one of your fanboys started thinking it was time to scare the shit out of those measly liberals, you cracked wise about it.

Well, ha ha. What a funny joke it was. But the joke's over. Now's the time when you show that you've still got something, tarnished and rotten as it may be, resembling a soul. Now's the time that you realize that people listen to what you have to say, and what that leads to may not be good. Now's the time when you realize that us liberals aren't just fucking targets, but your fellow Americans with lives, loves, and dreams. We are not waste. We are not traitors. We are American citizens, just like you.

And if you continue on this path, then that's good. That means I get to treat you as the piece of waste that you obviously consider me to be. Makes it easier for both of us.

Amazing What A Donut Gets You These Days

2008-07-24T13:12:00.002-04:00

As I may have noted in the past, I am not a big fan of CBS News under the aegis of Katie Couric. Her time on the program has been characterized by a general lack of questions -- barring the occasional expose, she and many of the reporters under her will not look critically at whatever info is handed to them by a politician, pundit, or lobbyist, and instead pass it off as truth.

But honestly, I never thought it would go this low:

So, McCain absolutely blew a question on the surge and the Sunni Awakening (the general he mentions discussed the start of the Awakening months before the surge had even been announced). But it's not enough to just let the blunder go unquestioned; no, CBS cut the interview so that McCain appears to answer the question with a pat response about how Obama would be willing to lose a war to win a campaign (which, while low, does not make McCain look like someone who knows shit about Iraq). This, in turn, violates the Standards and Practices of CBS News by making it appear like McCain answered Question A with Answer B.

It's bad enough that we have a media that's lying down on the job. Does CBS News really have to go all Ministry of Truth on top of it?

Next We Ask Wolves Why Sheep Don't Want To Be Eaten

2008-07-23T13:00:00.004-04:00

Clayton Bigsby - The funniest videos clips are here

There's an unfortunate tendency in the media to listen to any voice that has enough money and influence behind it on a controversial issue, no matter how ill-suited to talk about the issue or, well, just plain batshit insane the voice in question might be. Some good examples in the past include taking William "Anal Sex!" Donohue seriously when he alleges "anti-Catholic bigotry" and asking David Duke what he thinks about Ahmadinejad's Holocaust denial conference.

CNN's airing a special called Black In America, which, one might think, would indicate that they've learned a lesson from the Imus scandal, the various monkey T-shirts, the coverage of Katrina, and so forth -- namely, that racism exists in America, and one should be careful in making sure it doesn't get adopted as mainstream dogma.

Yeah, right:

Steve Sailer, a columnist for The American Conservative magazine, wrote last year that some whites who support Obama aren't driven primarily by a desire for change.

They want something else Obama offers them: "White Guilt Repellent," he wrote.

"So many whites want to be able to say, 'I'm not one of them, those bad whites. ... Hey, I voted for a black guy for president,' " Sailer wrote.

Sailer cited another reason why many whites want Obama as president:

"They hope that when a black finally moves into the White House, it will prove to African-Americans, once and for all, that white animus isn't the cause of their troubles. All blacks have to do is to act like President Obama - and their problems will be over."

In case you're curious, that would be the same Steve Sailer who writes for VDARE, an organization that argues for closing the borders to keep America "pure." He's also put forth the particular argument that blacks just don't have the same capacity for judgment as whites. That's right; CNN just let a white supremacist tell them why whites are primarily motivated to vote for Obama so that they won't be seen as racist.

But he has money behind him and writes for a nice respectable organization, so that means he get a voice. They're just not going to pay attention to what it's saying.

My Friends In Big Tobacco Tell Me Cigarettes Cure Polio

2008-07-23T11:59:00.002-04:00

So John McCain has decided to follow in the steps of Bush once again and endorse the plan for off-shore drilling. And on whose credible testimony is he basing this policy?

“My friends, we have to drill off shore. We have to do it. It’s out there and we can do it. And we can do that. The oil executives say within a couple of years we could be seeing results from it. So why not do it?”

Yes, those would be the same oil executives who funneled cash into global warming denial groups until it became unprofitable and gave each other $400 million retirement packages while the country paid $5/gallon after Katrina. And they're only throwing their support behind a program that would, at the very least, provide them with a new source of government welfare even if it doesn't yield sufficient amounts of oil. I know, I'm amazed, too.

But then again, we all know that it's Obama who's to blame for high oil prices. Classy, John. Why not blame him for Crocs while we're at it?

No Cure For Cancer

2008-07-21T21:07:00.002-04:00

So, back in spring of 2007, Howard Dean appointed Leah Daughtry, a Pentecostalist minister, as chief executive of the Democratic National Convention. Daughtry's appointment is obviously part of an effort to bring more evangelicals to the Democratic party, and I honestly consider the effort to bring in evangelicals who believe in social justice a good thing. I am, of course, a little pissed off by the distribution of official party packets that run counter to the party position on abortion and same-sex marriage, but by now, I'm pretty much used to the DNC talking out of both sides of their mouths in an effort to get the evangelical vote.

No, what really bothers me is this:

Dancing down front, in an aisle between pews, was a woman in an elaborate dress with a lace corsage whose breast cancer had been eradicated, Daughtry had said, through the prayers of her church sisters: “The eggheads will say her chemotherapy worked, but everyone who uses chemotherapy isn’t cured.”

The what?

“The intellectuals, the egghead types — Pentecostalism is incomprehensible to them. They don’t understand the spirit-driven. I can make the trains run on time, and they have a hard time reconciling that with my religion.”

For the love of God, can we please, please put a stop to this anti-intellectual bullshit? I was tired of it when right-wing talking heads pushed it as a reason why you shouldn't trust those high-and-mighty scientists. I was sick of it when Chris Matthews painted college-educated Americans as "the other." I could've vomited when Paul Begala willingly gulped down the Kool-Aid.

But now it's a hand-picked member of Dean's efforts to ensure victory for Obama in '08 who's pushing the idea that a reliance of science and reasoning is wrong and abnormal. I'm getting really goddamn tired on the DNC thinking that the best way to win over voters is to imitate the GOP.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

2008-07-19T17:22:00.001-04:00

If it works for soft drinks, why won't it work for the abuse of civil liberties?

If there is one word I am utterly sick of hearing from the mainstream press, it's "bipartisanship." Now, I am not adverse to the idea of both political parties getting together and actually getting good stuff done. It's just that, with Congress currently consisting of an obstructionist Republican minority and a diffident Democratic majority, "bipartisanship" is more often than not taken to mean, "Just shut up and bend over for whoever holds power." It doesn't matter what the government actually does, just as long as it goes smoothly.

Take, for example, this article in Newsweek, as written by Stuart Taylor, which explains that the best thing we can do for this whole torture imbroglio is to... pardon everyone involved and then invite them to tell us what happened, so that we can help those affected and just put the whole thing behind us. Otherwise, it could "touch off years of partisan warfare."

Now, I agree with Taylor's general idea -- a body does need to be set up that will expose just how far our disastrous torture policy has gone and how many people have been hurt by it. But when he cites South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission, he forgets to mention that pardons were promised only after testimony was shared and the crime in question was judged to be politically motivated. Here, he talks about handing out a blanket pardon before hand and then hopefully, maybe, getting an answer or two out of the Bush Administration.

And therein lies the problem. Because the Bush Administration is not going to do shit if it knows it won't get punished. Cheney learned a lesson from Watergate, and that lesson, twisted and malodorous as it may be, was, "If there's someone to make it better in the end, then the crime pretty much never happened in the first place." Even today, the Bush Administration has been served with subpoena after subpoena for misdeeds ranging from political interference with federal attorneys to the Plame scandal and has responded at every turn with, "I'd like to see you try." By offering an escape plan, practically gratis, there's an even greater chance of everything vanishing straight down the memory hole. Furthermore, there's little disincentive for when the next abusive twit takes office and decides to play merry hell with the Constitution.

But, no. Everything needs to be done properly. Everything needs to be done politely. No one must ever face punishment for the fact that they have blatantly violated the rule of law. Because to do so is partisan, and that's the last thing anyone wants to be these days.

Hell, some people would rather be the guy who let a torturer get off scot free than a partisan.

Next Will Be The Andrew Jackson Center For Native American Welfare

2008-07-16T18:01:00.002-04:00

I was out of the country when Jesse Helms died, and by the time I got Internet access again, it was a little late to comment. Now, a while back, I said I would hold a big fuck-off party when he died. Then, some time later, I said that I'd realized it was wrong to celebrate the death of any one person.

So, now that Helms is dead, all I can say is: Good fucking riddance. Yes, look at me, I changed my mind again. That's one of the few benefits of being young and trying to figure out where your ideology lies. But seriously, fuck Jesse Helms. Fuck that racist, homophobic piece of trash. If he hadn't fought for the Klan vote so fucking hard, integration might have gotten here sooner. Hell, if he hadn't treated us gays like lepers, who knows how many people could still be alive because they'd gotten AIDS medicine. But no, we were disgusting little fags, and he was proud to watch us die.

Which is where we come around to what really drives me fucking crazy when little shit stains like Helms die: There will be people who aren't willing to admit that their ideological allies were pathetic little trolls. Instead, they will eulogize, nay, canonize their brothers in politics, no matter how bigoted, how twisted, how fucking disgusting they were.

But I've got to admit, it takes some fucking gall to want to stick Helms's name on an AIDS relief bill. But Elizabeth Dole has that gall, or just the general cluelessness, to attempt it. Dole, who has never seen her people decimated by a plague that everyone else wanted to ignore, thinks that it's perfectly appropriate to honor a man who helped that plague spread to every corner it could by sticking his name on a bill meant to help its victims.

I say we let her know exactly what we think about that, don't you?

Four More Years

2008-07-14T15:00:00.003-04:00

Four years. It's been about four years since I started this blog. That's the time between presidential elections, Summer Olympics, and leap years... all of which we will have, or had, this year. Funny how that works.

When I started this blog, I just wanted to have a place to comment on weird news articles, bitch about politics, and share events from my daily life like most of the other bloggers and LJers I read. After a while, I guess the blog started to veer towards politics and pop culture, and lately it's been mostly politics, with the occasional bit of pop culture.

Of course, it's not like I've been at the top of the game all this time. When I started the blog, I took the position of the "ostrich centrist," the kind of person who thinks, "Oh, both sides have good points, why can't we find a balance?" After a while, of course, I came to realize that playing centrist isn't the most logical position in the world when the majority of one party's insistent on tearing up the Constitution and the leadership of the other party seems to keep saying, "Thank you, sir, may I have another?" I've made incredibly specious arguments on this blog, some in the past year. I've acted like a self-entitled fanboy when it comes to pop culture, passing premature judgment on events or shows that took a slight downturn or did something that seemed disagreeable at the time (though I still hold true to everything I said about the death of Captain America).

But over all, I just want to look back at everything that's happened. When I started this blog, I was fearful about what the next school year, my last year at high school, would bring. And I guess the phenomenon's repeating; next year, I graduate at Emerson, and fling myself into the weird, wild world of screenwriting. And this blog will still be here, of course. To record all my fears, my outrages, and my hopes.

It's been a good ride so far. Here's hoping it keeps going.

Reality Has Jumped The Shark

2008-07-12T10:26:00.002-04:00

Sometime Tuesday night, Irony was found dead on the floor on his apartment in Bed-Stuy. He was found clutching a note that said, "Oh, fuck it."

That would be the Lady (yes, Lady, as in, wife to a Lord) Lynn Forester de Rothschild, wife of British banking financier Sir Evelyn Robert Adrian de Rothschild and generally filthy rich socialite, describing how she will not vote for Barack Obama because he is "elitist."

For fuck's sake, woman, you are technically British nobility, and you are pushing forward the meme that Obama is an elitist. Now, I don't know a lot around Lady Rothschild's early background -- from the interviews I've dug up where she discussed such a thing, she says she worked hard at her summer jobs while living in Jersey, which at least rules out the possibility of "indolent rich." But still, she's married into nobility, works at Estee Lauder, holds swank Manhattan parties, and acts like she has the proper class consciousness to describe Obama as an "elitist."

God, class warfare has never seemed so appealing.

With My Luck, I'd Get That Fucking "Heart" Ring

2008-07-11T22:12:00.004-04:00

via videosift.com

Our president has what could charitably be described as a fucking abysmal record on environmental policy. From altering NASA's mission statement to remove that whole "protect the planet" bit to having Cheney allegedly censor reports to climate change to the EPA needing to be told by the Supreme Court to get off its ass and handle carbon emissions and still doing nothing, Bush has gone out of his way to make sure that the planet rots under his administration.

And guess what? He feels absolutely no shame about it whatsoever.

The American leader, who has been condemned throughout his presidency for failing to tackle climate change, ended a private meeting with the words: "Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter."

He then punched the air while grinning widely, as the rest of those present including Gordon Brown and Nicolas Sarkozy looked on in shock.

You. Rancid. Piece. Of. Dog. Shit.

That does it. Somehow, I have taken a wrong turn, and ended up in an episode of Captain Planet. And I don't even have the ability to control the primal elements. Or a monkey. At this point, I'd settle for a monkey.

Kneel Before Zod

2008-07-10T11:53:00.005-04:00

So, yesterday a good number of the Senate Democrats followed the lead of the House and capitulated to Bush. No, why use a word like capitulated? They bent over fucking backwards to give the administration what it wanted. They could have killed this legislation. They could have scrapped the provisions that effectively say, "It's not a crime if the president says it isn't." But they went along with it. Hell, even the media doesn't doubt for a minute that this was anything but a surrender.

Of course, it's an oversimplification to say that they surrendered, or that they were afraid of it. That is very likely the case for some of them; after months of being wrung up and down by Republican pundits and politicians as traitors and naive fools, they must have quaked before the might of a lame-duck president and the minority party. But there's another possibility, as John Cole brings up; maybe the Democrats who voted on this bill actually see it as necessary. Maybe they see it as necessary to cede more power to the executive branch, a branch that already says, "We don't have to comply with your subpoenas, ha ha ha ha." Maybe they think it's a good idea to give telecoms an easy out from betraying the trust of their customers all because their fancy lawyers didn't realize such a thing as the Fourth Amendment exists.

And that may be the one thing scarier than a party packed with cowards.

Justin Cognito's European Vacation

2008-07-10T06:43:00.002-04:00

No, I'm not dead. That's the bad news.

On Tuesday, the Cognito Clan set out for two weeks on an European vacation -- three days in Italy's Cinque Terra region, six days in Tuscany as part of a family reunion, and four days in Amsterdam. There were plans that I would get regular Internet access at the villa in Tuscany, so I thought I would update there.

Yeah, right. We brought along Brother Cognito's laptop so he could use Skype to call his girlfriend. Yeah, well, the villa had DSL, and Brother Cognito's laptop had no ISP, so we were SOL. And nearly all attempts to get Internet access failed miserably (this Internet cafe was full, that Internet cafe was closed, the other Internet cafe had moved...).

So, how was the vacation? Not bad. We had a long slog to get to our town of Riomaggiori on the first days (no, first two days -- we took off 5:30 PM EST Tuesday and ended up in Riomaggiori 3 PM local time Wednesday), but there was some good stuff there. Tuscany... well, it's always nice to see Siena again, especially in the run-up to the Palio, but after a while, all the charming Italian hill towns start to blend together. Amsterdam was definitely cool, though. If I should, for some unseen reason, have to flee the country, Amsterdam would be a good destination. It's a place where you can see both sweet little ducklings on your average stroll and prostitute under glass. Yes, I walked about the Red Light District with my parents. That should be weird, but it really isn't.

And then we got back Tuesday night, and the reason I posted absolutely nothing about this was because, after being denied the Internet for most of my vacation, irony of ironies, my Internet got blocked off. The problem's fixed, though... for now.

So. Back to work.

I Portray Both Genders As Equally Weak Due To Feminine Qualities

2008-06-23T19:34:00.006-04:00

As most people with a pulse and a functioning brain realized, the portrayal of Hillary Clinton in the media during the primary season was tinged -- no, not tinged, dripping with -- heavily ingrained sexism, from Tucker Carlson describing her constituency as "Vaginal-Americans" to Chris Matthews claiming the only reason she got elected office was because her husband stuck it in an intern. In few places has this been more prevalent, however, than in the columns Maureen Dowd has written for the New York Times. Between associating Clinton's campaign with an outdated, caricatured model of feminism and claiming her discussion of sexism is "depressing" (oh, wait, it's not Dowd, it's "a woman she knows"), diving into the crying hysteria and going so far as to describe Clinton as "the heroine of a Lifetime movie," and claiming Clinton isn't the best "test case" for sexist attacks against powerful women after reciting a long, long list of attacks against Clinton based almost entirely in gender (gee, I wonder what that was for, then), Dowd has done her best to drive an axe into Clinton's back for being, well, a female politician. And trust me, that's just the start of a long list. She'll tell you it's because of the "ickiness" associated with her husband's administration, but please. There are plenty of ways to call a woman unpleasant, disagreeable, and weak-willed without relying on gender stereotypes.

Fortunately, someone at the New York Times finally realized that somewhere along the line, they fucked up. So, now that Dowd's finally called on the carpet, how will she explain herself?

“From the time I began writing about politics,” Dowd said, “I have always played with gender stereotypes and mined them and twisted them to force the reader to be conscious of how differently we view the sexes.” Now, she said, “you are asking me to treat Hillary differently than I’ve treated the male candidates all these years, with kid gloves.”

To Dowd's credit, she has "played with" gender stereotypes as they relate to men as well. And that's about all the credit I'm willing to give her, because when she says "played with," she means "flogged them like a tired cow." Because whenever a Democratic candidate has displeased her, she has been all-too-quick to paint them as weak and inefficient. How? Well, she called John Edwards "the Breck Girl" and called Obama "Obambi." What do you think it all means?

I know Ms. Dowd likes to think of herself as a woman disappointed by the vagaries of modern gender roles and the "failures" of second-wave feminism, but she plays directly into a disgusting, old-fashioned rubric when she thinks you can humiliate a candidate just by painting a vagina on them. It's sexist, it's homophobic, and above all, it's just pathetic.

Diatribe Of A Mad Black Woman

2008-06-23T07:19:00.001-04:00

What Cal Thomas sees 24/7

Oh, look, it's time once again for the Obama campaign to indirectly dig up the racist undertones (and, hell, overtones) that run through life in 21st century America. Let's turn to FOX News, as we so often do when we need a good laugh. what sayeth you, Cal Thomas, about the visibility of black women on TV?

Thomas: And who are the black women you see on the local news at night in cities all over the country. They’re usually angry about something. They’ve had a son who has been shot in a drive-by shooting. They are angry at Bush. So you don’t really have a profile of non-angry black women.

So, the only black women we see on TV are the impoverished mothers of gangsters, who are of course angry all the time (if I didn't get bingo on my dog whistle card, I at least got tic-tac-toe). Won't S. Epatha Merkerson be surprised. And Whoopi Goldberg. And Sherri Shepherd. And Khandi Alexander. And... Well, Thomas does say that Oprah's the exception, because Oprah's the black woman it's okay for white people to know. But when talking about portrayal of Michelle Obama in the media, Oprah comes as an afterthought to all the rage-filled mothers of criminals. Gee, I wonder why.

Hanging Up

2008-06-21T20:49:00.002-04:00

So, that FISA bill -- the one that extends more powers to the president in almost all of its iterations, the one that our elected Democratic officials have decided to line up behind for reasons that defy logic?
Passed the house yesterday. You'll hear a lot of talk from our Democratic officials about how it's a better bill because it rejects Bush's "inherent authority" argument. You won't hear them talk about how it does this by handing the lawsuits of telecoms that aided Bush in spying on the American people off to another court, where the telecoms can have the lawsuits dismissed if they produce written proof that the president told them it was okay to break the law. In other words, if the president says it's not a crime, then it's not a crime.

Instead, what you'll hear is our leaders claiming that this bill is manna from heaven for a beleaguered Democratic Party that happens to be in the majority in Congress. You'll hear Nancy Pelosi offer the rock-hard endorsement that she could "argue it either way." You'll even hear Barack Obama, the man many of us hoped would revolutionize politics, cite his support for this measure by claiming that national security needs more support "given the grave threats that we face." They'll talk about how much they dislike the compromise, how much they wish they could change things. But they could have. They could have filibustered. They could have shoved a potato in the legislative tail pipe. But they were too afraid of another wave of negative publicity, of being seen as "weak." So they gave more strength to a program that flagrantly violates the Constitution.

I realize I don't play in politics. I realize I'm not the kind of person who has to make these choices. But I have elected the people who do have to make these choices. And I wonder why they didn't do everything they could to stop this. Maybe I'm just being incredibly naive, but I thought they'd realize that they have the power to do so. They have the power to hold it up. They have the power to launch a counteroffensive. They have the power to show America what's really at stake.

But they don't. They struggle vainly against it, and then just throw up their hands and say, "Okay." I honestly thought things might change this year. Still voting for Obama, of course, because the possibility of him is leagues better than the possibility of a McCain presidency.

I just thought things would be different. Silly me.

Let Them Eat Chips Ahoy

2008-06-19T21:27:00.002-04:00

I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a fan of the little pieces Jeannie Moos puts together for CNN. They are the worst kind of human interest stories, the kind of thing that make even local news reporters who pad out the last thirty seconds of their broadcast with stories on water-skiing squirrels put them heads in their hands and despair. The worst part comes when she decides she wants to be a serious journalist, but just can't leave behind the schlock long enough to actually bring the gravitas, which cheapens the impact of her story. A good example of this was when she did a story on a CurrentTV package designed to demonstrate the horrors of waterboarding, but seemingly turns it into a "how long can you hold your breath?" contest that caps off with archive footage of water skiers ("the good old days when water boarding meant riding a board on water"). Oh, ho, the jolly humor of enhanced interrogation! What fun and folly!

But her latest piece is, quite possibly, the stupidest thing a mass media network has put out in the name of news in the history of mankind, and yes, I'm including the "terrorist fist jab" on that roster. It begins with her usual weighty discussion of recipe plagarism by spouses of presidential candidates, so light and airy that you could use it to get the Hindenburg across the Atlantic. And then she gets to Michelle Obama's shortbread cookies, and points out, due to the presence of dried fruit, that it is an "elitist cookie." She mentions how the cookies are elitist not once, not twice, but four times in the span of thirty seconds.

It. Is. A. Mother. Fucking. Cookie. It's a small pastry that has been produced for many centuries, designed for when we want a sugary snack but don't want to buy an entire cake. It can contain ingredients from chocolate chips to peanut butter to oatmeal to raspberry jelly to, in areas where the FDA is especially lax, rat turds. It is not a goddamn symbol of status or wealth, nor should it be treated as such by any self-respecting individual.

But the media, which seems to have thrown self-respect overboard like pants on a nudist cruise, has already written its narrative. Obama is an elitist. If he sucks at bowling, he's an elitist. If he drinks orange juice, he's an elitist. If he isn't the kind of person who would be seen at a non-existent Applebee's salad bar, he's an elitist. And if he eats cookies with "weird" dried fruit -- you know, I hear hippies eat that to add flavor to the souls of infants! -- then he is a super elitist. It will be repeated again, and again, and again until Obama dies, at which someone will write an obituary that says "Barack Obama, Noted Out-Of-Touch Sissy, Dead."

I just wonder how Jeannie Moos can find the resolve to turn in a piece like that, look herself in the mirror, and not promptly get sick.

So White, You Need Special Sunglasses To Look At Them

2008-06-17T16:34:00.001-04:00

Professional white person Mary Battiata has written an article for the Huffington Post on how the election of Barack Obama could possibly kill the "bling" and "gangsta" styles amongst black youth. Slate columnist and noted racial theorist Mickey Kaus chimes in, hoping that Obama's cultural revolution also puts the boot to the neck of hip-hop and stomps hard.

Now, see, there's one flaw in this idea: black people are, well, people. They are not a hive mind. The style and subculture that Battiata and Kaus look at like a rotting carcass on a desert highway is most popular amongst inner city people who have come from poverty. To say the election of a black multimillionaire will launch off a cultural shift that will completely demolish the way of life clung to by working class black people is like saying the election of a rich white person would destroy the hippies, or the punks, or the skinheads.

Actually, scratch that. Reading over Mickey Kaus's post, that's exactly what I'd expect him to think. Yup, let's wipe out hip-hop! Out with Public Enemy! Down with Mos Def! Goodbye to political, activist rap that shares the same genre as songs about bitches and bling! Drop the bomb! Exterminate the brutes!

Douchebag.

Liberty Is A Scary, Scary Thing

2008-06-16T21:12:00.004-04:00

A combination of a slightly hectic schedule and my Internet connection being hit with some strange wasting disease that reduces it to sub-DSL speeds has left me probably the last person to comment on the recent Boumediene v. Bush decision, where the Supreme Court found 5-4 that the right to habeas corpus extends to detainees. Keep in mind that the Supreme Court is not making new law here, but effectively reasserting old law by declaring the Military Commissions Act of 2006, which codified the denial of habeas corpus to detainees, to be unconstitutional.

I want you to remember that word -- "detainees." Because, as has been mentioned again, and again, and again, the prisoners at Guantanamo are not prisoners of war. They are placed into a special category created by the Pentagon that puts them somewhere between common criminals and prisoners of war, but denies them the full rights of either. Unlike criminals, they are denied the right to fair representation and the right to a speedy trial, with some having been in Guantanamo for six years without charges brought against them. Unlike prisoners of war, there is no rock-solid guarantee that they will not be tortured. The executive branch attempted to create a new category for them, the legislature backed them up at points, and the judicial branch has, once again, restored some of their rights.

So, how are the cheerleaders of this great plan taking the recent decision? They are throwing what could best be described as a shit fit. John McCain, who stood up for the rights of detainees until he decided it wasn't politically expedient, declared the ruling "one of the worst decisions in the history of this country". Newt Gingrich answers the inevitable question McCain's opinion raises -- "What, worse than Dred Scott?" -- with the answer that yes, it is worse than Dred Scott, and will likely cost us a city. But this is nothing compared to Lindsey Graham, who has honestly suggested proposing a constitutional amendment that would derail the decision.

Just look at some of the rhetoric on display. "Smugglers with nuclear bombs." "They get better treatment than the Nazis did." There is again, as always, this attempt to cast the detainees at Guantanamo Bay as boogeymen that must be locked in the deepest, darkest closet, all in the name of freedom. This rhetoric ignores the fact that the Nazis had the rights they did because those rights were codified by international law instead of existing in some sort of legal limbo, and that hundreds of the detainees at Guantanamo were likely innocent men set up by tribal leaders and local authorities in the name of rewards and revenge. But all those who follow the current administration's dogma want you to know that they're truly dangerous men, so dangerous that we must lop off a piece of the Constitution to make sure that they never harm us again.

Why Not Just Use "Ho"?

2008-06-12T14:34:00.002-04:00

Yeah, remember what I said yesterday about how this election season was going to dig up some nasty, nasty racist sentiments in American culture? Looks like FOX News couldn't stand the wait:

"Baby Mama." Nice. For those of you who are not conversant in street slang, a baby mama is the unwed mother of your children. In other words, what Michelle Obama is not in relation to Barack Obama. If FOX News had any dignity, they would have likely referred to her as Barack's wife. But then again, we all knew FOX News burned their dignity on the pyre of conservative viewing figures long ago.

It's going to be a long election season.

It's A Great Big Freeway

2008-06-11T15:08:00.002-04:00

Have you ever had one of those moments in your life where you find yourself utterly obsessed with something that you know is coming? You know, logically, in the back of your mind, that it will come in time, but until then, there's nothing to do. But even still, you spend your days surfing the Internet, trying to find whatever new info you can. You dream about it. You just wait for the day when it arrives.

I'm going through one of those phases with LA. Yes, I know, I was just there. But a few days ago, I ended up having a conversation with my parents about planning for LA, and after that, everything just... clicked. I used to be okay, if a little excited, about the concept of living in LA, and now I'm just fucking enthused. Maybe it's a combination of factors -- a second job that's bringing me more money, the "holiday's over" sensation that comes with being a month into one's summer vacation, the general lack of automotive transportation (Brother Cognito takes it for his job), and the slow, crushing realization that the end of my time in higher education approaches. All I know is, I've engaged in feats of folly ranging from haunting Yelp to trying to decode the LA Metro map.

Figures. Guess I can't have the normal summer doldrums, like everyone else. I have to focus intently on the other side of the country, instead.

Monkey Wretching

2008-06-11T13:43:00.002-04:00

This is a historical election this year: as is obvious by now, this is the first time we've had a serious African-American candidate for president (because no one honestly thought Alan Keyes would take the White House in anything less than an armed coup). Of course, this means that we're going to see some nasty, ugly, racist shit boiling up to the top of our national discourse.

Like, say, even more comparisons between Barack Obama and a monkey. And, in an extra special bout of sensitivity, these shirts were sent to black civil rights groups. What say you, fuckstick?

His name is Kelly Newcom of Ash Flat, Ark., who insists, "It's not a racial thing."

"I was extremely vexed over the fact that individuals who have no idea who I am and no idea what my motives were to sit and accuse me of being a racist," Newcom said in an e-mail, adding, "I am far from it and I care not what race, sex, or religion a person is."

Except for when you want to make a funny joke by comparing them to a monkey, huh? But he swears, he's not the one engaging in racial antagonism:

Newcom made the shirts, he says, to protest what he sees as a disparity between minority organizations and white groups. "Why are the minority groups allowed to have these organizations? Just let a white organization be formed and it causes an uproar. Just try finding a white one on the net, listen to the crickets chirp."

I'm going to explain this very slowly: because white people, as a racial group, have not been uniformly fucked over by the people in charge of this nation. White people, as a whole, were not dragged here for forced labor, kept from voting, owning property, and literacy, or targeted for execution when they tried to attain any of these things. White people, as a whole, were not moved off of their lands en masse in a forced march for convenience's sake. White people, as a whole, were not barred entirely from immigrating or thrown in internment camps due to racial paranoia while their neighbors picked through their belongings. These little kinks in their family histories have put some of them at a position that may be considered, well, unprivileged, and these organizations work to make sure that their is some sense of parity. Yes, it does suck that there aren't more organizations that cater to the disadvantaged of all racial stripes, but white people, on the whole, have had a shitload more opportunities in the grand history of these United States.

Like I said, this election season is going to dig up a lot of racial enmity and ignorance. Hopefully, we can take steps to either drag it out into the light or to correct people's misconceptions.

"Sorry, Wendy, I Just Don't Trust Anything That Bleeds For Five Days And Doesn't Die."

2008-06-09T13:25:00.003-04:00

As a male, I will never experience a menstrual cycle unless I take some really, really weird drugs. Then again, neither will most advertising executives. As a result, I've often heard women bitch out some of the really stupid advertisements for pads, tampons, and pain relievers, with slogans like, "Have a happy period."

And, while it does me (and other feminists) good to see Midol treating a period like, well, a pain... isn't the slogan, "Reverse The Curse" a bit too much? I'm not just saying this as a Red Sox fan, but as someone who realizes just how far back the perception of menstruation as "unholy" goes. There are actually passages in Leviticus about how a woman has to be put in a tent out back when she's having her period.

Yeah, it's not that big a deal in the long run. But still, you'd think that, after decades of marketing this stuff to woman, all the advertisers involved could reach a nice middle ground between "nothing at all" and "womb-rending horror from the Abyss."

Me Am So Dumb

2008-06-06T14:16:00.002-04:00

Is America a nation of idiots?

I'm not asking this out of despair, though that tone has been known to grace the statement whenever I see they've made another season of Dancing With The Stars. I'm asking this out of anger, the same way one would ask, "What do they think we are, cowards?" Because I've seen this pattern popping up again and again, the idea that the average American doesn't have a brain in his head. But it ain't that "anti-American" sentiment that we were told was en vogue right around the time Iraq pissed away all the good will America had accrued after 9/11. No; I'm seeing it come from within, from the people who claim to represent America and its people.

Seeing it come out of Chris Matthews's mouth is one thing -- his style of journalism seems to feed on petty factionalism. But -- and I know I'm late to the party on this one -- to hear Paul Begala, who claims to speak for Hillary Clinton, say that candidates need to steer away from "eggheads", is just another insult entirely. Is this the common American to these people? I understand that the current economic situation and the systematic deconstruction of financial aid have made it hard for working class students to attend college, but to mark the common American as someone who stays away from higher education and, worse, intellectual exercise? Is this what people like Matthews and Begala think the average American is like?

The American people are not idiots. They just need the right information. And as long as people like Matthews and Begala continue to think of Americans as people who need to be spoken down to, then they'll fail to get it.

He's Nothing Like The Peasants In My Own Mind

2008-06-04T11:52:00.002-04:00

I have said it before, and I will say it again, if only because I don't think there's truly a way to put my full meaning behind these words unless I have the vocal cords of Black Bolt: Cut the "elitist" crap. I mean, honestly, it's entering self-parody by this point. We have the hard-bitten, blue collar workers of CNN and MSNBC constantly pontificating on whether or not Obama is out of touch with "the common man." Again I ask, who is the common man, and which of you has honestly spent a solid amount of time in his presence?

Of course, leave it to David Brooks to drive it to the point of self-parody, by claiming that Obama wouldn't fit in naturally at an Applebee's salad bar. First of all, yes, because I'm sure Brooks spends all his time eating at Applebee's on the dime of the New York Times, which is truly the paper of the proletariat. Second of all, as many people who have actually been inside an Applebee's have noted, Applebee's doesn't have a salad bar.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: Fuck your memetics. Next time you're talking to the members of Steelworkers 503 (you know, around the time when the rivers turn to blood), ask them whether they care about the candidate who supports universal health care or the candidate who eats at T.G.I. Friday's. You might be surprised by the answer.

Yes He Can

2008-06-04T11:43:00.002-04:00

After months of campaigning, months of in-fighting, months of slander campaigns, months of meaningless debates over orange juice and bowling scores, Barack Obama has netted enough delegates for the Democratic Party nomination. By this point, the nomination's practically in the bag.

Now, I'm not pretending that Obama is some grand liberal messiah who will radically restructure politics as we know it. He's a left-centrist candidate who's said he'll accept prominent Republicans in his cabinet, after all. But I'm not asking for a gigantic tidal change. I'm asking for someone who can set this nation on the right path again. Someone who can get us out of Iraq. Someone who will close Guantanamo Bay. Someone who will put an end to legally-mandated torture. Someone who can clean up the mess left by the Bush Administration. And I believe Barack Obama is that person.

Besides, this is one hell of a milestone. First official black candidate for President of the United States. Here's to making history.

The Pod People Have Fancy Suits And Camera Time Now

2008-06-01T16:03:00.005-04:00

Do certain political pundits and reporters have something done to them before they go public? Do they have a special kind of lobotomy? Are they made to read the Necronomicon and have their sanity damaged? Do they have brains sucked out and replaced with alien parasites that have had no interaction with humanity and thus have no idea how human society works?

In case you've missed this latest controversy, Obama misspoke at a family function on Memorial Day and claimed that his uncle, when serving in World War II, had helped to liberate Auschwitz; in fact, it was Obama's grand-uncle, and he had helped to liberate Buchenwald, not Auschwitz. Of course, that didn't stop some commentators from trying to drive a Swift Boat into Obama's campaign, at least, until true patriots called them out for acting like wastes of skin.

But, of course, when you've already hit bottom, the only true way to go is to dig deeper. Which is why Fox and Friends, when covering the story, kept claiming that Buchenwald was just a work camp, not the death camp that Auschwitz was.

"Just" a work camp.

"Just" a work camp.

"Just" a place where Jews, gypsies, homosexuals, and others were herded by the Third Reich to produce something of worth before their inevitable extinction. "Just" a place where their corpses were turned into soap, blankets, and lampshades. "Just" a place where they were subjected to horrific medical experiments. But hey, it wasn't Auschwitz!

What goes through these people's minds? What bizarre alien thought processes produce these statements, things no American -- hell, things no person -- would say it all seriousness? What leads to someone ascribing utter political importance to bowling scores and mistakes about which gear of the Nazi death machine one's great-uncle knocked off? What madness leads people to try to crucify someone for the honorable military service of their great-uncle?

And we still have five more months to go. I can't wait to see what depths this campaign season has to reach.

Dollars To Donuts

2008-05-30T15:05:00.002-04:00

So, last weekend, I thought Michelle Malkin had finally jumped the shark. She and her fellow flying monkeys had latched onto Dunkin' Donuts for supporting terror. And how does Dunkin' Donuts support terror? Simple; spokesperson Rachael Ray wears a scarf that looks vaguely like a keffiyeh. Yes. That's right. Because a woman was wearing a black-and-white scarf with a checkered pattern around her neck, then that automatically means she's wearing a keffiyeh and lending support to the terrorists.

Now, I'd still be laughing about this, if Dunkin' Donuts hadn't honestly given in to Malkin's paranoid concerns. I can understand that Dunkin' Donuts probably didn't want to get into a hassle over a fucking costume element in one ad, but for God's sake, it's Michelle Malkin. The woman sees jihadis around every corner and under every bed. To yield to her madness means you've just given legitimacy to her crazy moon logic. I honestly expected better out of Dunkin' Donuts.

I'm Perfectly Satisfied With My Complete Failure

2008-05-29T10:52:00.004-04:00

As we all know by now, Scott McClellan has become the latest rat to desert the sinking ship (if that metaphor fits; by now, the ship should have hit the bottom of the Mariana Trench), publishing a book where he reveals that he knew all about the shit that was going on in the White House, and how he had been told to spin like a top and deny, deny, deny it all to the press. And while I'm amused by Karl Rove trying to attack McClellan by comparing him to "a left-wing blogger" (why thank you, Karl), all I can say is: What, you expect a fucking medal, Scott? You knew this was bullshit when you stood up there and threw it out to the public. You defended an administration you knew was in the wrong, one you knew was lying to the American public. And am I supposed to believe that Jeff Gannon just let himself in?

But there's something else to this whole story that fascinates me. Here's Scott McClellan, the man who fed the press corps poisoned apples for years, telling the media that he expected better of them. Hell, he openly attacks the idea of "the liberal media." Now, in all fairness, Katie Couric and Chris Matthews, of all people, have come forward and admitted their complicity. But even then, you have people like Charlie Gibson and Brian Williams, big veteran news casters heading up the nightly news on the major networks, praising the job they did covering the run up to the war. You even have Charlie Gibson, a so-called fucking news man, saying that "it is not our job to debate them."

You. Are. A. Journalist. You are not a town crier. You are not a publicity man. You are a mudraker, a pest, a hemorrhoid in the ass of the American system. You are the person who digs through the trash bins, looking through truth. You could have changed this. The Bush administration would probably have gone to war anyway, but you could have exposed their falsehoods and stopped this shit carrying on for four more years. Instead, you sat there and you took it like a whore, and then spread it all over the papers so that we'd all be waving little flags instead of middle fingers. And when we -- the people who realized from the beginning that Bush was fixing the facts, who realized that something very wrong was happening -- spoke up, you ignored us.

The man who spread the lies you fed on has admitted his complicity, and still you deny your faults. What will it take you to realize that you have done something wrong?

Something Poisonous Has Taken Root

2008-05-27T20:28:00.002-04:00

The Assassins numbers will continue until this bullshit stops.

First it was a half-hearted joke from Mike Huckabee about Barack Obama's fear of assassins. Then it was Hillary Clinton evoking the RFK assassination to say she wasn't out of the race. And now it's this crap.

In case you missed the pertinent part, that was FOX News talking head and former Washington Times bureau chief Liz Trotta saying that it would be nice if someone took out Obama. Of course, it's said with a laugh, which is pretty much a defense mechanism in and of itself ("What, can't you liberals take a joke?").

Mind you, Liz Trotta is supposedly apologetic about all this, but look at that, it's our old friend, the non-apology apology:

“I am so sorry about what happened yesterday with that lame attempt at humor…I just really fell over myself in making it appear that I wished Barack Obama harm or any other candidate for that matter. I sincerely regret it and apologize to anybody I’ve offended. It’s a very colorful political season, and many of us are making mistakes in saying things we wish we hadn’t said.”

"Making it appear"? You didn't make anything appear to be anything else, you idiot, you cracked a clear joke that it would be nice if someone took out Osama bin Laden and Barack Obama in some sort of two-for-one package. At least she says she said something stupid, but she couples it with an apology to "anybody I've offended," which shifts the dialogue away from "I said something stupid" to "I'm sorry you were so offended by my comments."

This is not a joke. There is an honest-to-God fear, thanks to the level of discourse and the rise in the number of hate groups over the past year, that someone will honestly try to assassinate Obama. These comments that play on this fear are not shining pearls of political wisdom, nor are they great examples of wit. They are filthy, dirty tricks that poison the political discourse. On any sane network, Liz Trotta would have been drummed out the door and told never to return before the day was through. But then again, she had the good luck to speak on FOX News.

Look, I'm Just Saying...

2008-05-24T08:41:00.002-04:00

Oh, Hillary:

"My husband did not wrap up the nomination in 1992 until he won the California primary somewhere in the middle of June, right? We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California. I don't understand it," she said, dismissing calls to drop out.

Not only were her comments -- what's the phrase -- "horribly fucking inappropriate," but they touched on something that shouldn't have been touched. Most people who support Obama have this fear in the back of their heads, what happens if someone really doesn't like the idea of a black guy for president? It's been debated on message boards, covered by the media, and so on. And for Clinton to touch that nerve, even unintentionally, belies an absolute lack of tact.

I know I haven't really gotten on this train yet, but: please, Senator Clinton. I know I'm just some punk college student with a near zero readership blog, but please. Step out. This is obviously taking some form of toll on you.

And Sometimes, You Have To Call A Black Man A Thug

2008-05-23T09:36:00.004-04:00

As has adequately been noted by other bloggers, Hillary Clinton has received a lot of crap from the media that no male candidate would likely receive without the benefit of being caught with a sex midget. From being told her senatorial accomplishments are the results of Bill putting it in Monica to having Chelsea campaign for her compared to prostitution to calling her a "she-devil," Clinton has been ridiculed, mocked, and isolated for the fact that she is a woman.

And guess what! According to Republican media consultant Alex Castellanos, we can do this, because she's so disagreeable:

CASTELLANOS: “Her problem is she’s Hillary Clinton. And some women, by the way, are named that [bitches] and it’s accurate.”

Let's pretend, let's just pretend, that we're talking about John McCain here. He's received some crap for being old, but has there been anything, anything approaching the tide of bile Clinton has received? Has he been called "the AARP candidate"? Have there been 527 groups called "G.E.E.Z.E.R." dedicated to "demonstrating who John McCain really is"? Has Chris Matthews regularly called him "Grandpa"?

As much as I dislike McCain, candidates are beholden to a certain amount of respect in the media. Clinton has not received this respect because, well, sometimes you need to call an accomplished politician a bitch.

The Internet, Where Everyone Has Duct-Taped Glasses

2008-05-23T09:16:00.004-04:00

Rule of law: If you're posting something on the Internet, you do not get to belittle your opponent by calling them a nerd. Because if you are posting something on the Internet, either on a message board or a blog that you check regularly, then you are, to some degree, also a nerd.

It's not just this case, where I find Mightygodking awesome and think that Cory Morgan can go take a flying fuck off a short pier. I've seen posts on Sadly, No! that mock the right-wing nutcase of the week for looking like a D&D player. In cases like that, what happens is something that makes the geek hierarchy chart look like an animated GIF: "I play D&D, but at least I don't play those White Wolf games!" "Hey, I play those White Wolf games, but at least I'm not one of those LARPers!"

This isn't about ad hominems; God only knows how many times I've launched into ad hominems on this blog. This is about lazy ad hominems. This is about emulating the high school hierarchy that we've had etched on our brains by every teen movie ever and not wanting to be the nerd. Guess what; if you regularly maintain or visit a message board or blog, you are, to some degree, a nerd. Accept it. Live with it. And stop trying to pretend you're above someone else because they are, also, a nerd.

Still No Funny Videos

2008-05-21T19:34:00.002-04:00

Well, son of a bitch. There's still a good chance he can fight it off, after all, he's an ornery guy with the money to buy the best health care... but still. He's over 70, and he's got a malignant brain tumor. That ain't exactly a guaranteed success.

Best of luck to you, Senator Kennedy.

Nothing Like Sunday Morning Gay Bashing

2008-05-19T15:08:00.004-04:00

You know, it's not even like I expect the Washington Post's editorial department to show any sense of neutrality any more. Between Howard Kurtz's glowing article on Michelle Malkin and Charlotte Allen's "I am woman, me am dumb" column-length turd, I have abandoned all sense of optimism and viewed the Post's editorial section as a clearinghouse for Republican screeds.

But Jesus Christ, guys, if you're going to host Republican commentary, you could at least host decent commentary. Instead, I get the mulch heap of recycled Republican talking points, delivered to me by Kathleen Parker. Let's see... the Democrats are out of touch with America (because they think there's something wrong with it, those predictable fools), Edwards is a trial lawyer who hurts people by standing up for them, and Edwards spends money on haircuts. Oh, and Edwards and Obama are totally gay lovers who no doubt gave each other hot karls* before the announcement, where they almost totally made out. Are you disgusted yet, Middle America?

I've given up expecting any balanced political commentary coming out of the Post. Looks like I have to give up on finding anything coherent coming out of the paper, too.

*If you don't know what that is, for the love of God, don't look it up.

Bad Bay Stater. Bad.

2008-05-19T14:49:00.002-04:00

So, yeah. Ted Kennedy had a ~~stroke~~ seizure over the weekend, and I said nothing about it. I guess it's because by the time I could blog, he was up and watching sports. Still, I let it slide, which is not what a good wannabe journalist (or two-bit blogger, even) does. My bad.

Oh, and no video for this one, if only because my temptation to post a Dead Kennedys song would push the boundaries of good taste.

Why, Oh Why, Is There No Godwin's Law For National Office?

2008-05-15T22:01:00.002-04:00

Okay, enough of the feel good stuff. Back to the righteous indignation.

You know, even after eight fucking years of Bush and his cronies politicizing the War on Terror, politicizing torture, politicizing judicial nominees, politicizing federal judges, and politicizing criminal prosecution, you would think there would at least be one occasion, one proper situation, where he would remain tactful and realize that some places are not the right places to throw out talking points.

You'd think, but you'd be wrong:

As the workday began stateside, Bush gave a speech to Israel's Knesset in which he spoke of the president of Iran, who has called for the destruction of the U.S. ally. Then, the president said: "Some seem to believe that we should negotiate with the terrorists and radicals, as if some ingenious argument will persuade them they have been wrong all along."

"We have heard this foolish delusion before. As Nazi tanks crossed into Poland in 1939, an American senator declared: 'Lord, if I could only have talked to Hitler, all this might have been avoided.' We have an obligation to call this what it is — the false comfort of appeasement, which has been repeatedly discredited by history," Bush added.

In case you missed that, the President of the United States took the opportunity of Israel's 60th anniversary to accuse a nominee for his office of appeasing terrorists. Because the US obviously has class and prestige to burn at this point. This bullshit was foul enough when cronies like Rumsfeld were throwing it out. Now Bush takes it upon himself to claim that people who want to come up with better plans for Iraq than "Stop the bullshit" are on par with Neville Chamberlain trying to cut a deal with Hitler. I guess when you've hit rock bottom, the only thing to do is keep drilling.

And just to show how deeply wrong this whole thing is, here's Chris Matthews honestly making a decent point about it.

So Open Up That Golden Gate...

2008-05-15T21:53:00.002-04:00

...California, here I coooooome!

California's Supreme Court declared that gay couples in the nation's biggest state can marry — a monumental but perhaps short-lived victory for the gay rights movement Thursday that was greeted with tears, hugs, kisses and at least one instant proposal of matrimony.

Same-sex couples could tie the knot in as little as a month. But the window could close soon after — religious and social conservatives are pressing to put a constitutional amendment on the ballot in November that would undo the Supreme Court ruling and ban gay marriage.

This isn't over yet. Our brothers, sisters, and allies in California are going to have to fight to preserve this decision; at least Schwarzenegger's on record as saying he won't challenge it. Meanwhile, the candidates who are best supposed to represent us, Obama and Hillary, are turning out tepid press releases that mark them as being vaguely in favor of the decision but not willing to go out of their way to send flowers.

Still. This is an incredible landmark. And it's good to know that when I head out to California and find the guy of my dreams, I'll have all the legal protections afforded to me as to my straight friends and family. Thank you, California.

The Vast Gulf Between "Iconoclast" and "Fuckstick"

2008-05-14T17:39:00.003-04:00

Sorry if I've been absent lately. Squirrels ate my Internet connection. No, seriously.

There seems to be a recurring theme in our national dialogue that, just because you're being all contrarian and edgy, you're "speaking truth to power." Like I said before, its major resurgence seems to be tied to South Park blending its typical foul-mouthed humor with the creators' libertarian beliefs -- it's a lot easier to paint Al Gore as a raving, Ahabesque lunatic than to concretely refute global climate change, after all. But it's always been there, in some way or another, from Andrew Dice Clay on down. We've only really begun to notice it now that people have decided to make a career out of attacking "political correctness" (which, one could argue, was a conservative attempt to reinterpret what had theretofore been a self-mocking liberal buzz word so that they could get away with making fun of multiculturalism).

Needless to say, this is one of those cases.

Yes, that's a T-shirt comparing Obama to a monkey. Yes, it is incredibly racist.

Or is it? (Answer: yes, it totally is.)

Norman acknowledged the imagery's Jim Crow roots but said he sees nothing wrong with depicting a prominent African-American as a monkey.

"We're not living in the (19)40's," he said. "Look at him . . . the hairline, the ears -- he looks just like Curious George."

That's right; we're not living in the 1940s. Which means that when someone breaks out the tired old canard of African-Americans resembling various species of ape and monkey, we are expected to figuratively beat them with reeds.

But here, of course, is why shit like this still happens:

But his defenders are just as resolute. Mulligan's is a refuge, they say, in an otherwise hypersensitive world. Smoking isn't only allowed at the bar, it's expected.

"This place is a diamond in the rough," said Gene McKinley, a Woodstock engineer among the patrons Tuesday. "People here are genuine and honest. It's the one place I can go without having to worry if I'm offending someone."

Okay, here's a brief guide for those of you with two brain cells to rub together: if it makes use of racist imagery for humor without ironically reappropriating it to make a point about its own foolishness, it's racist. If you use such material on a regular basis and consider it funny, then you're not "hiding from the PC police," you're being a racist. You are not being witty, funny, and you are not fighting "the man." You are just wallowing in your own shit and expecting the rest of us to compliment the pleasant vanilla fragrance you're sporting.

A Victory For Women Everywhere, Especially The Self-Loathing Variety

2008-05-09T13:56:00.003-04:00

So let me get this straight. Someone -- and by "someone," I mean "someone or a group of someones who is/are supposed to be relatively sane" -- thought it would be a good idea to honor Phyllis Schlaffly for her particular brand of crazy? You know, the woman who single-handedly destroyed Constitutionally enshrined gender equality and who believes that spousal rape doesn't exist and that the Violence Against Women Act should be abolished? So, what possible ass pull of a reason could we have for giving her more academic merit than we do Mr. Ed?

Alumna Phyllis Schlafly's articulation of her perspectives has been a significant part of American life during the last half of the 20th century and now the 21st century, serving as a lightning rod for vigorous debate on difficult issues where differences of opinion are profound and passionate. Not only should a university serve as a place where such discussions take place, but it may also choose to recognize those who provide leadership and articulation — both pro and con — on vital issues. When the University awards an honorary degree, it does so without endorsing viewpoints or taking sides on such issues.

"A lightning rod for vigorous debate." Sure, I can see that, I guess, in the same way that Bull Connor certainly stirred up debate over how the civil rights movement was being received in America.

Phyllis Schlaffly is a woman who has made a living shitting on the rest of her gender. She claims that women should just stay in the house and service the husband while making a fortune leaving the house to spread such a message to women everywhere. She believes that women are weak and inferior, yet shouldn't receive any amount of protection from their obviously more powerful and resourceful husbands. By honoring this woman, Washington University has spat in the faces of every woman who has ever attended its school and sought a degree in something other than Homemaker or Professional Hypocrite.

Where Have All The Smart People Gone?

2008-05-05T16:20:00.002-04:00

Jesus Christ, Hillary.

Clinton raised questions about Obama's ability to connect with working-class Americans while dismissing economists who have said her plan to suspend gas taxes over the summer would do little good.

"I'm not going to put my lot in with economists," Clinton said when asked to name an economist who backed her proposal.

"We've got to get out of this mind-set where somehow elite opinion is always on the side of doing things that really disadvantage the vast majority of Americans," said Clinton, a former first lady who would be the first woman president.

"Somehow elite opinions"? They're fucking economists. They have gone to school, earned fancy degrees for the privilege of adding many letters to their names, and studied the latest trade journals for the latest theories to tell you whether or not your plans will fuck up the economy. This is their job. And when you can't find one big-name economist who backs up your plan, you don't just wash your hands and dismiss them as elitists.

You know, it was bad enough when the media did this, buying into a false image on elitism just because it made a nice convenient target. But now Hillary's getting on the bandwagon. She's just a common girl, y'know, a common Wellesley College graduate with millions of dollars. She'll chug beer, talk about shooting with her grandpa, and dismiss opinions from people with actual expertise if they clash with her own. If this is what the common American is like, then it's a wonder we haven't been invaded by Zimbabwe.

I'll still gladly vote for Hillary over McCain. But remember what happened the last time we elected someone who put on this common man minstrelsy?

Science and Shitheads

2008-05-03T08:14:00.002-04:00

Okay, I'm sure that by now, we all know Ben Stein went all crackpot nuts with Expelled, right? How he associated the belief of evolution (or, as he puts it, "Darwinism") with eugenics and the Nazis? Well, guess what; he just done gone bugfuck insane:

Stein: When we just saw that man, I think it was Mr. Myers [i.e. biologist P.Z. Myers], talking about how great scientists were, I was thinking to myself the last time any of my relatives saw scientists telling them what to do they were telling them to go to the showers to get gassed … that was horrifying beyond words, and that’s where science — in my opinion, this is just an opinion — that’s where science leads you.

Crouch: That’s right.

Stein: …Love of God and compassion and empathy leads you to a very glorious place, and science leads you to killing people.

Crouch: Good word, good word.

Yes, I'm quoting John Derbyshire on this. That's just how fucking absurd it is.

Obviously Ben Stein has some deep scars from a family trauma (that's putting it lightly, it was the fucking Holocaust), but for the love of God, the sheer anti-intellectualism here makes my mind blank. No, screw that; it makes my mind want to tear itself from my body, head to the nearest dive bar it can find, and drink itself into oblivion. Science -- a large, nebulous body of works that has given us cures, vaccines, the combustion engine, airplanes, the Internet, and many other wondrous things -- is all evil, and will eventually result in genocide. This is a man who worked for Nixon, for fuck's sake. Either he's playing one of the most disingenuous money-making scams I've ever seen, or he drank the Kool-Aid to the point where his eyes have turned cherry red.

Then again, it could always be both.

At Least It Wasn't Michael Douglas

2008-05-01T20:50:00.002-04:00

This is the intellectual powerhouse that the Democratic candidates graced with their presence?

We know you're a joke. Could you at least stop giving us the punchlines and pretend you have some sense of dignity?

A Different Way Of Patronizing The Flyover States

2008-05-01T08:24:00.004-04:00

Stop it. Just... stop it.

See this? This is what postmodernists talk about when they describe the concept of the simulacrum -- an image representative of a meaning that can become divorced for what it's supposed to represent and carries on a representation of its own (ooh, look at me, I'm talking postmodernism! That makes me elitist). The concerns of the working class the media should be focusing on -- health care, labor, outsourcing -- are replaced with cheap little tokens that are supposed to represent the working class. Oh, never mind the fact that people are selling family heirlooms to stave off debt, Obama sucks at bowling!

I'm tired of people in New York and Washington, D.C., people with sizable paychecks and cushy media jobs, throwing about the label "elitist" like it actually fucking means something coming out of their mouths. If you're so concerned about the working class, then report on their issues rather than their trappings, for God's sake.

God Mildly Scold America

2008-04-30T15:42:00.003-04:00

It's just as mawkish and calculated when the media does it, too.

So, as we all know, Obama finally separated himself from Rev. Wright to a degree that maybe, maybe the media won't go into an instant feeding frenzy every time he opens his damn mouth (but I kinda doubt it; I fully expect to see the usual stable of paid right wing pundits debating whether or not Obama's done enough to distance himself from Wright in a week's time). Not that I can't blame him; the minute a trusted ally starts talking AIDS conspiracy theories, there's a need to get out before the circular firing squad closes in.

But I'd like to talk about why we're all talking about Wright in the first place, and not, say, Hagee (besides, well, the obvious). The clip that has been hammered into our skulls. The one where Wright shouts, "God damn America!" If you'd listen to the news, you'd think he'd just randomly decided to get his Fred Phelps on. The phrase, while a rather poor choice of words, came as part of a recognition that America has, as a nation, done some pretty shitty things.

There are things we, as a nation, refuse, or at least politely decline, to face. Thomas Jefferson owned slaves. John Adams was responsible for one of the worst abuses to civil liberties in the history of our nation (name one other time when any speech, any speech critical of the government, was grounds for imprisonment). Andrew Jackson, the guy on our $20 bill, defied the will of the Supreme Court to carry out an action that turned into a genocide.

Today's obviously no bed of roses, either. It's become public knowledge that the President of the United States had a hand in choosing what torture techniques would be used on detainees. But such a story gets politely ignored, while everyone focuses on Obama accurately describing a marginalized populace as "bitter" like he shat on a kitten. We don't even call it torture anymore in the news; we call it "enhanced interrogation techniques."

But there's this story we like to tell ourselves: that America is awesome, righteous, the land of the brave and the home of the free. I, too, believe that it can be these things. But for us to truly assume this legacy, we need to realize that we have our monsters as well as our heroes.

The Corpulent Chaos

2008-04-25T14:49:00.002-04:00

Oh, look at that. Rush Limbaugh has a plan to unleash widespread violence in order to make Democrats look bad. Raise your hand if you are in any way surprised by this.

Nope, didn't think so.

The dream end of this is that this keeps up to the convention and we have a replay of Chicago 1968 with burning cars, protests, fires, literal riots, and all of that. That’s that’s the objective here.”

Now, I know this is supposed to be serious and all, but I just can't get around the fact that he calls his plan for electoral sabotage and urban rioting "Operation Chaos." Dear God, he sounds like a pill-popping version of Butters.

But, back to seriousness: this is not the first time that a right-wing radio host has encouraged sabotaging the democratic process, and there wasn't exactly a whole lot of repercussion in that case, either. But this is different. Rush has organized his stupid little "Operation Chaos" with the plans of directly causing conflict in the Democratic Party and spreading turmoil. He keeps saying, "Blame Al Sharpton!", but he's the one who wants to throw thermite on a fire. By both Colorado law and federal statute, that counts as incitement to riot.

We might want to let the Colorado Attorney General know about that, huh?

"Do You See 'Touch-A-Boobie Foundation' Tattooed On My Forehead?"

2008-04-24T14:56:00.008-04:00

As has been stated on multiple occasions on this blog, I am a geek. And, as a geek, I am often defensive of geek culture. Because, let's face it, John Rogers has it right (as he does on so many occasions) when he says that the unwritten laws of the media say that most portrayals of geeks will fall upon the absolute outliers of the subculture, the same way that most gay pride parade coverage includes at least a five-second shot of all the drag queens and virtually zero coverage of the gay police officers. Of course, this has put me in the position of trying to defend geek culture while at the same time trying to distance myself from its excesses and areas where the lack of social understanding really comes through, all while entertaining the paranoid notion that I may be the geek equivalent of the "straight-laced" gay guy who wishes the drag queens would all go away so that we would look better for the straight people.

Still, there's no other way to say it: this Open-Source Boob Project is incredibly stupid, and deserves to be dragged out into the sunlight for ridicule, damn the consequences. For those of you who aren't on LiveJournal and who don't read feminist blogs, the_ferrett, a somewhat popular LJer and webcomic author, was at a con when he and his friends came to a conclusion:

“This should be a better world,” a friend of mine said. “A more honest one, where sex isn’t shameful or degrading. I wish this was the kind of world where say, ‘Wow, I’d like to touch your breasts,’ and people would understand that it’s not a way of reducing you to a set of nipples and ignoring the rest of you, but rather a way of saying that I may not yet know your mind, but your body is beautiful.”

After some female friends agree to the idea, the_ferrett and company try to apply it to total strangers:

And every girl in that hallway was then asked the question: "May I touch your breasts?" They considered, and said yes. And we all did.

Okay, so, just so you got that: the_ferrett and his gaggle of friends approach a girl in a hallway as a group. One member of the group asks the girl, "Is it okay if we touch your tits?" Anyone else remember those little classes from middle school about peer pressure and its effects? But here, the_ferrett cites it as an example of his utopian experiment in action.

But, of course, it must be applied to other cons to gather more ~~gropes~~ data. And how will they do this?

At Penguicon, we had buttons to give away. There were two small buttons, one for each camp: A green button that said, "YES, you may" and a red button that said "NO, you may not." And anyone who had those buttons on, whether you knew them or not, was someone you could approach and ask:

"Excuse me, but may I touch your breasts?"

And if you weren't a total lout - the women retained their right to say no, of course - they would push their chests out, and you would be allowed into the sanctity of it. That exchange of happiness where one person are told with gropes and touches that they are desirable and the other is someone who's allowed to desire.

So... at a convention devoted to geekdom, a place where geeks of both genders and all sexual orientations are ostensibly gathered in some sort of safe place to indulge in their hobbies without repercussions from the hegemony, a situation has now been created where a women must actively designate whether or not she is okay with the concept of being felt up by a man. Instead of enjoying the silent compact that is supposed to exist in our culture where one's body is one's own property to be used as one wishes, and not at the behest of a bunch of horny guys who're still coping with their issues from high school.

Now, I can understand the idea that society's hidebound mores on sexual tendencies have made things horribly awkward for everyone; this was the philosophy on which the "free love" communes of the '60s operated. Unfortunately, philosophy does not equal practice. This guy is talking about introducing into a male-dominated setting a system of action where women are asked, not by an individual, but by a collective of (predominantly) men whether or not they are comfortable being touched in an intimate place. If you can't see the number of ways this can go horribly, horribly wrong, you just aren't trying.

I love a lot of my fellow geeks. I really do. But there are some geeks out there who really need to realize that not everyone digs the utopian love trip you and your friends are on, especially when it comes with the baggage of groupthink.

Post title comes from the inimitable Something Positive

Blameless

2008-04-23T14:42:00.004-04:00

Sorry for yet another fit on absence. Finals are upon me, which means I don't have much time to meaninglessly bloviate these days (at least, on a blog).

So, as you may have noticed by now, Hillary won Pennsylvania by a 10-point margin of victory. Of course, this came on the tail of weeks of needless speculation about, of all things, bowling, orange juice, and "bitterness."

Well, now that Hillary's won, who's here to drop a turd in the metaphorical punch bowl of national debate? Why, none other than Chris Matthews! What say you on the Pennsylvania victory, Chris?

“…But I really do think it’s a strange time because we’re all watching to see who won, but as Nora pointed out, 4 out of 5 ,or so, of the Hillary voters today believe she’s still in the running. That this is still up in the air and I think that was probably a mistake of the media. I think in the effort of the media, to try to keep this game going, we’ve created the delusion that somehow this race is still open. I don’t think it is open. I think if you look at the numbers Barack has to really blow it in the weeks ahead to lose.”

I'm sorry, would this be the same Chris Matthews who looked upon Hillary's unexpected victory in New Hampshire and blamed it on Bill dicking Monica? Would this be the same Chris Matthews who made a big to-do about Barack Obama's fucking bowling score and tendency to drink orange juice in a diner? And he's the one saying the media's made a farce of this whole thing?

Maybe the media did go overboard on some of the factors of this primary (the fact that we've actually used the term "Bittergate" is certainly testament to that). But once again, Chris Matthews proves that, when he talks about "the media," he's obviously not talking about himself.

Master Debaters

2008-04-18T21:21:00.003-04:00

I may be the last person in the liberal blogosphere to report on this, due to the sudden encroachment of finals. But Jesus Christ in a hybrid, the mainstream news media has completely lost the plot.

That video above? Just a short collection of excerpts from Tuesday night's ABC Democratic debate which, apparently, had forty fucking minutes of such questions essential to the future of our nation as Obama's feelings of "bitterness," Rev. Jeremiah Wright, and fucking flag lapel pins. It may be, without a doubt, one of the stupidest things I will ever have the grand misfortune of viewing in my life.

And of course, the media is painting itself as blameless for all of this. It's not their fault, people like David Brooks say; they're just giving the public what they want. One question: what public? What public has explicitly announced its demand for the coverage of worthless candidate minutia over the issues that will affect them in everyday life? What public gives a shit about bowling, pant suits, or barbecue? Oh, I know; it's the imaginary common people who live in the heads of the media elite, the ones they swear are absolutely concerned with all the gossipy shit that seems to get them off.

The public don't want it. The public are sick and fucking tired of it, if the response to the ABC debate is any indicator. Then again, it's not like the media cares; like usual, when a story generates a large negative reaction, a few positive comments are handpicked and presented in the name of "balance."

Eight years ago, the media fell into such a feeding frenzy over the minutia of the Gore campaign that they deliberately passed along false facts. Four years ago, the media cared more about the war Kerry fought in decades ago rather than what he'd do about the one we were currently involved in. We cannot let this infantile, masturbatory focus on the trivial continue to dominate the campaign coverage. Not if we value the journalistic process in any way, shape, or form.

Oh, I'll Show You "Bitter"

2008-04-14T20:34:00.002-04:00

Yes, I know it's the liberal blogger cliche, but really, this feels like the appropriate time to bring it up.

The President of the United States went on television Friday night and admitted that he had personally approved which torture techniques would be used against detainees. The high-ranking members of his cabinet oversaw this decision, and even expressed the idea that they would not be abhorred by the American people. They pushed the limits of the infamous "torture memo" drafted by John Yoo -- you know, the guy who said that there's no law to keep the president from ordering the crushing of a suspect's child's testicles. The leaders of our nation specifically signed off on torture, and knew what they were doing.

So, how much coverage has this news gotten? It's gotten a story from CBS, and brief coverage from MSNBC. But what about CNN, the number one source for cable news?

Sweet. Fuck. All. Instead, we've seen hour after hour after motherfucking hour on an off-handed comment by Obama at a fund raiser and the inherent folly of three multi-millionaires bandying about the label of "elitist" like it means something. And the media are making hay out of this, as if Obama was caught shitting on an orphan, while in the background, the President of the United States admits to having a hand in torture. I'd just like to repeat that, in case it's slipped anyone's mind: the highest office in our land admits to plotting out methods of torture, and it's background noise.

By this point, there is no slur, no insult, no disparaging comment ripe enough to reflect my current distaste with the news media in this country. I must admit a grudging respect to ABC News for running the story, even if they ended up consigning it to the Friday night memory hole, but the utter fall of CNN from bastion of cable news to 24-hour sideshow is unforgivable. There is a reason why Bush and his cabinet members have managed to get away with everything they have done, and it reaches further than a simple memo or unswerving patriotism.

Heckle and Jeckle

2008-04-09T10:06:00.002-04:00

This? This is heckling.

This? This is heckling.

This? This is not heckling, but rather a polite question being asked in a civil tone of voice by an audience member about whether or not McCain's talking out of the side of his mouth when he pays a visit somewhere but says there's no political motive. But CNN reporter Jim Acosta calls it outright heckling, going so far as to compare it to being under fire.

Jesus Christ. I thought it was the media's job to deconstruct a candidate, not to serve as his hemorrhoid pillow.

Another Sterling Example Of Cogent Debate

2008-04-09T10:02:00.002-04:00

You stay classy, Christopher Hitchens:

Man, at this point trying to follow Hitchens' pattern of reasoning is like trying to maneuver a labyrinth while blindfolded. Being a lesbian is a great insult, despite the fact that they're the only women who can be funny. And he keeps attacking Rev. Wright for supposedly narrow views about Judaism, despite the fact that he's no big fan of the Jews either.

But who am I kidding. It's Christopher Hitchens. He'll say anything contrarian if there's a paycheck involved.

The Important Shit

2008-04-06T10:08:00.003-04:00

There's nothing I can say about the media's tiresome obsession with things like Edwards's haircut, Hillary's tits, and Obama's gutter balls that Glenn Greenwald does not say more masterfully.

Well, I suppose I could say it more bluntly: we, the people, don't give a shit. We do not care if one politician fails to wear a flag pin, or if another serves you tasty barbecue, or if another favors the pantsuits. The press corps, however, do. They get boners over these issues. As Glenn says, they claim to speak for "the Regular People," but they just speak for themselves.

For the most part, the press corps these days embodies one of the major cliches of postmodernism -- endlessly arguing about the essence of an object without arguing about its weight. The war, the economy, torture -- all these are secondary to whether or not the candidates are "real Americans," for whatever measure the press determines to be "real."

Pop Philosophy Will Eat Itself

2008-04-04T14:22:00.002-04:00

I'm a fan of South Park. I like its crude humor, its pop culture analysis, and its ability to attack targets with a buzz saw. But I also have a big problem with it: I don't think Trey Parker and Matt Stone take some things seriously enough, and when they try to make a point about them, they come off as craven hypocrites.

It's something I call "PCU Syndrome", after the movie that was all about how college activists are overly-sensitive fanatics, multiculturalism is folly, and the people who stick speed bumps on handicapped ramps are the new Ferris Buellers. I'll admit that college activism and clueless ventures in multiculturalism are often rich subjects for satire -- God, are they ever rich for mockery -- but to be entirely dismissive of a movement that aids others makes the people behind PCU look like overly privileged frat boys who don't understand why those feminists are so bitchy all the time.

Same with Parker and Stone. It showed up the first time in Team America: World Police, which was all about how Hollywood celebrities shouldn't use their fame to argue political opinions from a position of authority. Keep in mind that this movie was made years after South Park had stopped being about cute little kids who swore and was starting to play up the political humor with a bend towards opinion. It's still a funny movie (as seen above), but at its heart, it's clueless.

Same thing with last night's episode, "Canada On Strike", which I bowed out of because I knew there was little chance this would end well. The episode ends with Kyle delivering a speech on how the Writer's Guild -- sorry, Canada -- was foolish to make a big fuss about web-based content that hasn't delivered cash to anyone yet. Except, as August points out, Parker and Stone signed a deal back in August that's estimated to deliver $75 million in ad revenue by putting every episode of South Park up on the Internet to view.

I love satire, even when it pokes at my own set of sacred cows. After all, I agree that the causes I follow are flawed and foolish in some areas, and I would like to see those areas mocked so that I may work to correct them. I'm just not a big fan of the satirist who picks at the mote in my eye while ignoring the split-level house in his.

Slightly Irregular

2008-04-02T18:06:00.003-04:00

I am white. I grew up in a suburb that skewed decidedly upper-middle-class. I am gay. I am currently pursuing a college education tailored towards a career in the entertainment business. I'm a guy. I live in Massachusetts, and plan to go to Los Angeles soon. I have Asperger's Syndrome. I am a geek. I work one job for minimum wage, and am desperately trying to get another for the summer.

Am I normal? Depends. What the hell do you call "normal"? The fact that I'm on the autistic spectrum likely skews me several degrees off balance. Gays are a noted minority, but at my college, probably half the male student body is gay. Then again, I'm also a white male, which means I'm common as dirt all across this fine US of A. Massachusetts and LA have been separated out by common knowledge as where the "weirdos" live by some common knowledge that I cannot contribute to, falling only behind San Francisco. But I come from a middle class background, which is pretty much average across America these days (though likely shrinking). What I'm saying is, I'm a mish-mash of traits, and can't be analyzed for any one factor.

Oh, and what I'm also saying is that Chris Matthews is a leaking asshole, but we already knew that.

MATTHEWS: OK. Let me ask you about how he -- how's he connect with regular people? Does he? Or does he only appeal to people who come from the African-American community and from the people who have college or advanced degrees?

Ah, yes, the perpetual skink hunt for the "regular person." The kind of thing that sends normally rational reporters to the literal fucking middle of the country to pester farmers for their folksy wisdom. The kind of thing that convinces ostensibly liberal commentators to throw over gays, blacks, and women to seek out "the common worker", who most certainly is not gay, black, or a woman. And, as seen above, the kind of thing that leads us to marginalize entire constituencies because we fetishize the myth of the true American, the blue collar bowler who never went to college.

Now, I'm not knocking the blue collar people. They do a damn good job, and they need their voices heard. But I am sick and tired of how media personalities paint the "regular" man as the be-all and end-all of politics. Blacks? Nope, too few. Gays? Nope, they dress funny. Women? No, they have vaginas and breasts and such. Urban people? No, they're too weird. People with college educations? Nah, you know what all that book-learning does to a potential constituent. Everyone knows that the only person who matters in America is the straight white male factory worker.

So, once you're done catering to them... what about the hundreds of millions of other people in America?

Who's The Fool Again?

2008-04-01T14:42:00.001-04:00

Welcome to the Day Of A Thousand Rickrolls. I just thought I would get mine out of the way.

We Decide, Not You

2008-03-31T20:07:00.002-04:00

From Crackle: Richard Pryor and Chevy Chase - Word Association

You know, after an extended history of utilizing racist sources, browbeating those who question his strange semiotics, and outright lying, I don't think Lou Dobbs is well-suited to serve as our custodian on the race debate. But what do you know, he seems to think he's well-suited for it.

I'm going to ignore the whole "cotton picking" bit for now, because it just speaks for itself. But I'd like to point out the irony of a middle-class white guy -- not just that, but a middle-class white guy with a history of statements on race that could best be categorized as "chronically dubious" -- telling two black people that everything's fine, and if there's a problem, then it's all their fault. According to Lou, everyone else (read: the white folks) have worked out all the issues on race, and the only reason they don't talk about anything is because they fear "recrimination" for people like Obama and Condi (read: the black folks). And of course, there's another white guy there, just nodding his head along and saying, "Thank you."

Nope. No reason to talk about race, people. The white people have it all figured out.

I Was Saying "Boo-ush"

2008-03-31T19:59:00.002-04:00

"Dick, are... are they booing me?"

"Uh, no, sir, they're saying... uh, 'Boo-ush! Boo-ush!'"

"Tell me, are you saying 'Boo' or 'Boo-ush'?"

"BOOOOOOOOOOO!"

If you ask me, it's something he doesn't hear nearly enough.

Funny Lookin'

2008-03-27T07:03:00.002-04:00

You'll have to excuse my brief absence. There's been another academic firestorm.

What makes something funny? According to most people who dissect the essence of a knock-knock jokes for a living, it's the incongruity. It's the element that defies logic, that makes something ridiculous, that makes a joke funny. Freudian analysts split humor into the categories of the ridiculous -- the man acting foolishly in response to events around him -- and the ludicrous -- the man acting composed and slightly snarky as foolish events unspool around him.

Guess what! Apparently, Jay Leno thinks the very act of being gay and in love is ridiculous.

JAY: Can you give me like -- say that camera is your gay lover -- number two --

PHILLIPPE: Wait a second. Wait a second.

JAY: Can you give me your gayest look? Say that -- say that camera is Billy Bob -- Billy Bob has just ridden in shirtless from Wyoming.

(Your sycophantic audience hoots with laughter at the idea of a strapping lad like Phillippe giving a "gay look.")

PHILLIPPE: Wow. That is so something I don't want to do. Are you just going to embarrass me tonight, or --

JAY: No, I got more stuff. This is the least of it.

That's all you have to do for humor, according to Jay Leno. You don't have to put the guy making the "gay face" in an incongruous setting, like a battlefield, a slaughterhouse, or the Republican National Convention. Just being gay is an invitation to being someone's fucking clown, 24/7.

That's all we are, to Mr. All Chin No Cock. We are a walking joke. We are not men and women with loves, jobs, and families. We are not a minority who can still be fired just for being themselves without recompense in several states. We are not a group that has been denied the ability to make a bonding legal relationship with those we love in the vast majority of states. We are not a minority that constantly lives in fear that someone will come after one of us "faggots" with a baseball bat just for being who we are.

We are fools. We are the Stepin Fetchit, the Aunt Jemima, the walking, talking punchlines. And I say we show Jay Leno just the same degree of respect.

Yup, That's Some Liberal Bias

2008-03-23T21:25:00.002-04:00

So, as I have noted, John McCain did something very stupid earlier this week: on three separate occasions, he seemed to show a lack of knowledge of the differences between "Shia" and "Sunni", or whose extremists al Qaeda and Iraq were backing. So, in a week of stories ranging from Obama's preachers to Hillary and the blue dress, why the hell didn't McCain's slip-up get more coverage?

It's simple, really; the media loves McCain. No, I am being completely serious here. Everyone from Ruth Marcus of The Washington Post to Ana Marie Cox of Time to Jonathan Alter of Newsweek keeps claiming it was a "misspeak", and that McCain knows too much about foreign policy for it to be an indicator of anything serious.

I'm sorry, what? When Hillary showed one moment of unvarnished emotion in New Hampshire, the media quickly leaped down her throat, trying to use it as a symbol of whether or not she was too "emotional" or "sensitive" to serve in the highest office of the land. But when John McCain makes a fundamental mistake about our involvement in Iraq on three occasions over two days -- the same mistake the people he's supposed to be replacing made, and a mistake on an issue that is crucial to his platform -- the media decides it's just fine to ignore it. They rationalize it away. "It was an error," they say. "A small slip-up. A goof up."

Right. Just remember it was a foreign policy "goof up" from the guy who wants to be President of the United States and whose best buddy has been making threatening gestures towards Iran. There's no way this can possibly backfire.

Bringing You The News That Matters

2008-03-20T14:59:00.002-04:00

Really, ABC? Really?

Hillary At White House on 'Stained Blue Dress' Day
Schedules Reviewed by ABC Show Hillary May Have Been in the White House When the Fateful Act Was Committed

This is what's pertinent to the campaign? Our little war in Iraq is going into Year Six with no clear plan for making anything better, one of Wall Street's biggest investment banks had to be bailed out of bankruptcy by a $30 billion (that's with a "b") emergency infusion by the federal government, there are former homeowners living in fucking tents in LA, and apparently, your news bureau thinks it's vitally important that we know that Hillary Clinton was in rough geographic proximity of her husband spooging on an intern's dress? Is there any reason at all why this story might affect Hillary's positions on the war or the economy, or any reason to doubt why this might make her a worse leader than the man who played a guitar while New Orleans drowned?

Y'know, if people in the media are sick of hearing that there's some sort of misogynistic bent in the reporting on Hillary Clinton, then perhaps they should stop feeding into it.

An Unhappy Anniversary

2008-03-19T18:01:00.005-04:00

Five years. Today, we have been in Iraq for five years. Our war was "over" in months, but the peacekeeping action that ensued blossomed into what could politely be described as a "hot mess." Three thousand, nine hundred and ninety-two American soldiers dead. Four thousand, three hundred Coalition soldiers dead in total. Estimates on the number of Iraqi civilians who have died range wildly, with "official" body counts approaching 90,000, while the Lancet study estimated 655,000 Iraqi civilians dead due to causes directly and indirectly related to the occupation, from conflict to illness to starvation.

Back when the war was first declared, I was actually in favor of it. I did not for one minute believe Bush's claims of weapons of mass destruction or secret deals with al-Qaeda. I supported the war because I thought it could do some indirect good. Our intervention in Kosovo had helped stop the ethnic cleansing, I thought back then; couldn't it be possible that we could liberate the Iraqi civilians from tyranny and set up a fair government?

Yes, I was naive then. But there probably could've been a stable reconstruction, had things not been bungled horribly. If someone in charge had made it clear to all involved the differences between Sunni and Shia, and why a destabilized central government might lead to strife amongst extremists of both sects. If someone in charge had bothered to make sure that the infrastructure stayed in tact, so that Iraqi civilians could have electricity and clean water. If someone in charge had actually taken it upon themselves to make sure that Humvees and soldiers were properly armored, and not considered such things luxuries that could not be included in such a dire war.

If, if, if. All these ifs have added up. American soldiers are dead for a war whose very cause turned out to be built on falsehoods. Iraq is liberated for Saddam, but the government cannot get its act together, and we make deals with the same extremists who were firing on soldiers not months before to ensure temporary stability. Out of eighteen benchmarks that the Iraqi government was supposed to meet to ensure stability, only three were met.

And there is little remorse over all that has taken place -- at least, coming from those with the most stake in it. Bush still thinks that we're on the track for victory. Paul Bremer, who headed the Iraqi provisional government, said he'd pretty much go back and do it all again. Dick Cheney doesn't care that two-thirds of the American populace opposes the war, calling American opinions fluctuations in the polls. And McCain, the guy the Politico tells us can win the election on the issue of Iraq, can't even distinguish the differences between Sunni and Shia. The first three are idiots who will soon be thrown headfirst into the dustbin of history, but McCain's the man who is trying to convince us that he knows what's best for the nation and, most importantly, he'll keep us in Iraq if he gets into office, no matter what the American people say.

Once upon a time, there was a chance we could have improved life for the Iraqi people. Now we're left with a hard choice between keeping our soldiers in an unstable situation that will most likely cost more American lives, and pulling out and likely accelerating the inevitable collapse. But the American people have spoken, and it is clear that they favor withdrawal. We need someone who can make this happen, not someone who tries to convince us he knows what he's doing while fucking things up worse.

Holy Orders

2008-03-17T18:37:00.003-04:00

So, if you've been paying attention to the media at all these past few days, you'll notice that Obama's pastor has said some things that people in the media consider a bit untoward. Namely, on the nature of the racial divide in America and God's relationship with our country. Now, I can understand why these comments, while justified, are seen as inflammatory, and I can understand why Obama would wish to distance himself from the issue. I've just got a simple question:

Why is this news? I know, yes, one of our presidential candidates has a direct relationship with a religious figure who says outrageous things. I mean, this kind of thing usually has the punditry rampaging down one side and up the other... oh, wait.

Yes, the issues are apples and oranges, to a degree. I just want us to objectively compare the two. Obama has been pressured by the media for days to separate himself from Rev. Wright after the latter made comments about God looking on America with shame for racially-divisive practices, and Obama explained how he had grown distanced from Wright's beliefs by that point. By comparison, a brief media flurry ensues when McCain gets the endorsement from Rev. Hagee, who believes that America needs to wage full-out war in the Middle East to bring about the apocalypse, and McCain feebly claims that he doesn't believe everything Hagee says, but he's glad to have him on the team.

Now, I've seen it argued that these are different matters, that Obama being associated with a "religious extremist" is different from McCain "playing to the base." Is this how far the narrative's shifted? That it's become perfectly reasonable for one of the candidates for the highest office in the land to pal around with a man whose plans for Armageddon make him sound like a rejected Buffy villain? Am I supposed to look at that and say, "Eh, what can you do, candidates will be candidates"?

Come back to me when someone digs up a sermon of Rev. Wright talking about nuking Dixie. Then I might see some reason for all of this.

Good Riddance To Bad Garbage

2008-03-14T11:17:00.003-04:00

First Tucker Carlson was banished from the world of televised news... again. Now, everyone's favorite recently-dead-actor-ridiculing, white-baby-production-advocating, tiny-dicked sorrow-mocking cockbag John Gibson got booted from FOX News. If you followed any of those links or just watched the video above, you'd know that this guy is a grade-A asshole, and I see his canning as a minor cause for celebration. Who knows, it may even make FOX News look slightly more legitimate.

I said "slightly."

Poisoning The Well

2008-03-14T09:09:00.002-04:00

I've been busy the past few days on a desperate search for a summer job (downturned economy; you have to start early), so I haven't been covering the Geraldine Ferraro clusterfuck for all it's worth. In fact, by now, it's all over but the shouting. Well, and the fallout.

There's nothing I can say about this that Keith Olbermann doesn't say up above. Geraldine Ferraro made a very stupid mistake when she claimed Obama only won because he's black. She committed the political equivalent of setting off a suitcase nuke while clutching it to your body when she claimed she was only being targeted because she was white. Finally she stepped down, but by then the damage was done.

And the saddest part of this was, Hillary practically did nothing. Yes, she distanced herself from Ferraro's comments, but Ferraro was still on her staff. Compare and contrast with the Obama staffer who called Hillary a "monster", who didn't even last 24 hours after the statement came out. Here was this toxic statement which just... hung in the air, while Hillary just vaguely tried to distance herself from it but didn't do much else.

At this point, there are two ways for Hillary to even remotely have a chance to pull out of this: either declare, from the highest mountain on down, a severance of all ties with Geraldine Ferraro and a repudiation of her stupid statements, or drop out of the race so that another one of these suitcase nukes does not get dropped.

Oklahomophobia

2008-03-10T14:44:00.002-04:00

And Sally Kern wins this week's Dumbass Award. Take it away, Sally!

So, to recap that: we are a bigger threat to America than terrorism "or Islam" (it's two, two, two bigotries in one!), we're going to hasten the destruction of America, we go after kids as young as two for indoctrination, and we're a "cancer" (hey, does that remind you of everything?). I also love how she says she's "not gay bashing" at the start of the whole thing. It's like the "no punch backs" of bigotry.

So, do you think Kern's any bit sorry? Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

Rep. Kern said the gay community, especially in Oklahoma, should not be surprised by her comments because she's made similar statements in the past.

Kern said the attention isn't necessarily wanted, but she says she won't shy away from her opinions and beliefs, either.

"What is wrong with me as an American exercising my free speech rights on a topic that is a very big issue today?" she said.

Nothing wrong with that. But you're an elected official. You're someone who has been chosen by the people of your state to help all the people, not just the non-gay, non-Muslim ones. You're on your state's education committee. You have authority over votes that protect kids from bullying, malice, and suicide based on their sexuality. And when you come out and state that you would consider any of those bills to be in support of a "cancerous" threat to America, it matters.

Then again, I highly doubt this woman cares if her actions have consequences.

Muslims Are Aliens. This Is Truth.

2008-03-06T10:03:00.004-05:00

Can we stop this garbage? Please? I am getting absolutely and utterly tired of "Muslim" being thrown around as if it's of equal gravity and danger to "did drugs" or "killed a guy." I'm tired of what is, at its very root, an ugly and bigoted rumor pushed around by the Swift Boat crowd getting play in the national press over, and over, and over again. I'm tired of journalists thinking this is one of the most important things to ask about Obama.

But even more than that, I'm tired of Muslims being treated like this "other" by the media, day in, day out. I'm tired of America's first Muslim politician being asked to prove he's not with the terrorists with no consequences for the fucktard who asks him. I'm tired of the fact that the most likely reason for a Muslim character to show up on an American TV show is to either a) be a terrorist, or b) show up once so that a token message can be made about not everyone's a terrorist, only to fade into the background. I'm a little bit sad that there are apparently only two recurring Muslim characters on TV these days: Sayid from Lost and that kid from Aliens in America, and the former's become an assassin and the latter's most likely headed for cancellation.

I'm just ranting, of course. But I have a feeling that things might maybe be just a little bit better if the media actually looked at Muslims as real people, rather than potential threats or walking PSAs.

EDITED: Cancellation =/= assassination. Kids, don't drink and blog.

Slaying The Dragon

2008-03-04T21:49:00.002-05:00

As I've made clear many times on this blog, I'm a geek. Particularly, a gaming geek. I was a bit socially awkward in high school; I was still trying to work around my Asperger's, and while I talked to lots of people and hung out with folks of all sorts of crowds, I felt like I had acquaintances, not friends. It was only after reading a certain webcomic that I saw how games like D&D could help me exercise my imagination (crucial for any wannabe screenwriter) while exercising my social skills (yes, yes, I know, "learning social skills from D&D", very funny, and if that's your response, please go kindly fuck off for the rest of this piece).

Of course, being me, I really got into D&D about two weeks before I graduated high school. But when I came to college, I ended up joining gaming groups and making some very solid friendships through them. D&D helped me strengthen my skills at forming relationships with other people, and actually gave me a bit more self-esteem about my social skills.

So, it's with a heavy heart that I announce the death of Gary Gygax, godfather of D&D and, by extension, a buttload of geek culture. Sure, there's a chance that a different kind of roleplaying game could have evolved out of the social maelstrom of wargaming in the '70s. Yes, a lot of D&D was taken wholesale from Lord of the Rings. But D&D established the roleplaying game as a genre, and by extension, ushered in everything from GURPS to Call of Cthulhu to Vampire: the Masquerade to Shadowrun to HERO.

And it's not just the tabletop game, either. If you've played any sort of video game where your character has levels in a class that are earned through experience, you can thank D&D. And yes, this includes Final Fantasy (hell, a lot of spells from the first Final Fantasy game were taken wholesale from D&D), World of Warcraft, and most other video game RPGs. D&D served as a forefather to all of them, no matter how indirectly.

Godspeed, Gary Gygax. When we roll natural 20s in the future, it shall always be in your name.

I'm Every Woman - Every Stupid, Foolish Woman

2008-03-03T15:00:00.005-05:00

As we all know, the Washington Post hasn't exactly been a bastion of quality lately. First of all, they've continued to hold on to Howard Kurtz, a diffident, equivocating media critic who sees no difference between gossip about Obama's flag pin and the Abu Ghraib leak and hearts Michelle Malkin. Second of all, Fred Hiatt, the paper's editorial page editor has abandoned any semblance of objectivity and come out swinging for the Bush Administration. Third of all, I'm sure we all remember when the paper tried to hire a conservative blogger to "balance" out their editorial department, never mind the fact that the newspaper had an equal number of conservative and liberal columnists and was making no plans to hire a liberal blogger. The paper's managed to showcase some outstanding pieces of reporting, but it's obvious that there's something a little bit off about the editorial board.

Still, I'm wondering which one of them was so addled in the brain case to allow this outdated piece of sexist garbage on the editorial page. In case you're unfamiliar with the author, Charlotte Allen writes for the Independent Women's Forum, one of those organizations that tries to hide the fact that it seeks to undermine feminism by having women talk about how they're all stupid and don't need equality. And in this article, Charlotte basically abandons any semblance of trying to hide her agenda and just goes right in for the sexism:

I can't help it, but reading about such episodes of screaming, gushing and swooning makes me wonder whether women -- I should say, "we women," of course -- aren't the weaker sex after all. Or even the stupid sex, our brains permanently occluded by random emotions, psychosomatic flailings and distraction by the superficial. Women "are only children of a larger growth," wrote the 18th-century Earl of Chesterfield. Could he have been right?

"Women are getting passionate about politics in a way I don't agree with. Could what some rich white dude from the 1700s said be right about us women not having two brain cells to rub together for warmth?"

I'm not the only woman who's dumbfounded (as it were) by our sex, or rather, as we prefer to put it, by other members of our sex besides us. It's a frequent topic of lunch, phone and water-cooler conversations; even some feminists can't believe that there's this thing called "The Oprah Winfrey Show" or that Celine Dion actually sells CDs.

"I know a woman, who knows a barber, who knows a postman, who knows some feminists who say they can't stand Oprah Winfrey!"

But, lest you think Charlotte's talking about how she has all the self-esteem of a wet piece of tissue paper, let's ask her what she thinks about her husband:

And obviously men do dumb things, too, although my husband has perfectly good explanations for why he eats standing up at the stove (when I'm not around) or pulls down all the blinds so the house looks like a cave (also when I'm not around): It has to do with the aggressive male nature and an instinctive fear of danger from other aggressive men. When men do dumb things, though, they tend to be catastrophically dumb, such as blowing the paycheck on booze or much, much worse (think "postal"). Women's foolishness is usually harmless. But it can be so . . . embarrassing.

So, you've got that right? Men, when they're foolish, are assertive and act physically. What do women do that's foolish?

What is it about us women? Why do we always fall for the hysterical, the superficial and the gooily sentimental? Take a look at the New York Times bestseller list. At the top of the paperback nonfiction chart and pitched to an exclusively female readership is Elizabeth Gilbert's "Eat, Pray, Love." Here's the book's autobiographical plot: Gilbert gets bored with her perfectly okay husband, so she has an affair behind his back. Then, when that doesn't pan out, she goes to Italy and gains 23 pounds forking pasta so she has to buy a whole new wardrobe, goes to India to meditate (that's the snooze part), and finally, at an Indonesian beach, finds fulfillment by -- get this -- picking up a Latin lover!

This is the kind of literature that countless women soak up like biscotti in a latte cup: food, clothes, sex, "relationships" and gummy, feel-good "spirituality." This female taste for first-person romantic nuttiness, spiced with a soup¿on of soft-core porn, has made for centuries of bestsellers -- including Samuel Richardson's 1740 novel "Pamela," in which a handsome young lord tries to seduce a virtuous serving maid for hundreds of pages and then proposes, as well as Erica Jong's 1973 "Fear of Flying."

So... men are strong, assertive, and acting out of an irrational yet still protective instinct while scared, but women "sop up" sentimentality and tenderness. According to Charlotte, women are stupid because they act the way the traditional gender constructs portray them to be. It's like unintentional feminist performance art.

But, just when you thought this work couldn't plumb the depths of self-parody any more than it already does, she says this:

I am perfectly willing to admit that I myself am a classic case of female mental deficiencies. I can't add 2 and 2 (well, I can, but then what?). I don't even know how many pairs of shoes I own. I have coasted through life and academia on the basis of an excellent memory and superior verbal skills, two areas where, researchers agree, women consistently outpace men. (An evolutionary just-so story explains this facility of ours: Back in hunter-gatherer days, men were the hunters and needed to calculate spear trajectories, while women were the gatherers and needed to remember where the berries were.) I don't mind recognizing and accepting that the women in history I admire most -- Sappho, Hildegard of Bingen, Elizabeth I, George Eliot, Margaret Thatcher -- were brilliant outliers.

Wow. I take back what I said about the self-esteem of a wet piece of tissue paper. A wet piece of tissue paper holds up a little more.

"I think I'm stupid, ergo, I think that most women out there are stupid"? Jesus fuck. I might as well write an editorial that says, "I'm socially awkward, so I think that most gay men are also socially awkward." Fred Hiatt will be knocking down my fucking door. But, hey, it's not like the paper decided to take the point of the editorial and run with it, right?

Oh, right. That would be the image the Post originally ran on the website to designate the piece, which was later changed after they noticed that there was a shitstorm a-brewin'.

Of course, now the Post is back-spinning and trying to pass it off as just a joke, claiming she wanted to make fun of the contents of the first paragraph -- women screaming at Obama rallies like Beatles fans. Now, I might buy that excuse if the people at the Post had taken a look at, oh, the rest of the piece and say, "Hell no." But, they decided to let a piece go to print where a writer called all women stupid, and told them to just lie back and embrace the soppy sentimentality that apparently defines the gender one hundred percent.

I think it's safe to say that this shit is inexcusable in this day and age. Women have gotten the vote, the right to choose, a permanent position in the workplace, and some degree of control over their own lives. A major metropolitan newspaper should not be hosting an editorial that treats them as emotionally-stunted Barbie dolls. At least, if it really wants those young mothers between the ages of 18 and 34, that is.

Yes, But He's My Agent Of Intolerance!

2008-03-02T18:57:00.002-05:00

Hey, remember when John McCain actually had principles, and some of us liberals considered him a man who would stand up against the crackpots in the religious right? Yeah, that was fun while it lasted.

Yes, this is the same John Hagee who's at the forefront of the Christian Zionist movement, a movement dedicated to bringing about the end of the world. Yes, this is thee same John Hagee who views the Catholic Church as "the Great Whore of Revelation 17" (hey, McCain, weren't you vaguely Episcopalian back in the day?). Yes, this is the same John Hagee who said New Orleans had it coming for hosting a gay pride parade.

Y'know, I think the most startling part of this isn't that McCain's sold out his prior principles to accept an endorsement from Hagee (I mean, it's a month with a vowel in the name, right?), but the fact that I'm actually agreeing with William Freaking Donohue on something. Looks like the apocalypse is coming.

Nazi Pundits Fuck Off

2008-02-29T09:19:00.002-05:00

So, remember when Bill O'Reilly tried once again to singlehandedly shift the narrative rightward by comparing DailyKos to Nazis and the KKK? Well, why would he abandon such a well-reasoned debate tactic?

O’Reilly: What’s the difference between the KKK and Arianna Huffington? What’s the difference?

Ham: I think there is a difference,.

O’Reilly: I don’t see any difference between Huffington and the Nazis. It’s her, It’s her, It’s her…I didn’t say she’s a Nazi.

So, she's a Nazi, but she's not a Nazi. You heard it here first, folks; Arianna Huffington is Schrodinger's Stormtrooper.

Of course, it's especially egregious in this case, seeing as Huffington's mother stood up against the Nazis during World War II. Then again, Bill O'Reilly isn't exactly the world's biggest expert on Nazis.

Brass Ones

2008-02-26T16:05:00.002-05:00

More U.S. military officers would be willing to reinstate the draft than would allow gay and lesbians soldiers to serve openly.

Just to repeat that: More U.S. military officers would rather reinstate the clunky conscription service that, thanks to Vietnam, now goes hand-in-hand with fears of Junior being dragged off to die in some hellhole in the minds of most Americans, rather than let gay and lesbian soldiers serve openly like they do in Canada, the UK, and Israel, among other places, without their militaries going completely critical.

It looks like the best chance of Don't Ask, Don't Tell's death may come at the hands of a body outside the military. We can only hope it dies soon.

Our Livelihood Depends On Suits Not Facing Jail Time

2008-02-24T19:21:00.003-05:00

Dear everyone and anyone who says that Democrats have given terrorists the right to attack us:

The only reason this bill has failed in the first goddamn place is because Bush himself has announced that, if the bill does not contain telecom immunity, he will veto it, even if it gives the FBI the physical property to crawl through the phone lines and strange Osama bin Laden with the phone line. And, really, it's not like the Democrats in the Senate were doing a hell of a lot to stop it in the first place.

We better now? Good.

Obama Seeks Your Precious Bodily Fluids

2008-02-21T20:43:00.002-05:00

I'm sorry, really? Is this what the Obama slander train has come to?

Obama and I are roughly the same age. I grew up in liberal circles in New York City — a place to which people who wished to rebel against their upbringings had gravitated for generations. And yet, all of my mixed race, black/white classmates throughout my youth, some of whom I am still in contact with, were the product of very culturally specific unions. They were always the offspring of a white mother, (in my circles, she was usually Jewish, but elsewhere not necessarily) and usually a highly educated black father. And how had these two come together at a time when it was neither natural nor easy for such relationships to flourish? Always through politics. No, not the young Republicans. Usually the Communist Youth League. Or maybe a different arm of the CPUSA. But, for a white woman to marry a black man in 1958, or 60, there was almost inevitably a connection to explicit Communist politics. (During the Clinton Administration we were all introduced to then U. of Pennsylvania Professor Lani Guinier — also a half black/half Jewish, red diaper baby.)

"Obama was born on a Tuesday. So was Stalin! Eh, eh?" (Note: I do not know whether or not either personality was actually born on a Tuesday. In fact, the more inaccurate said statement is, the more it likely matches up with Schiffren's thesis.)

I don’t know how Barak Obama’s parents met.

"But welcome my conjecture on how he's the mixed-blood scion of a Communist plot to take over America."

Political correctness was invented precisely to prevent the mainstream liberal media from persuing the questions which might arise about how Senator Obama’s mother, from Kansas, came to marry an African graduate student. Love? Sure, why not? But what else was going on around them that made it feasible?

Yes, that is entirely why political correctness was invented: to keep dumb, affluent white conservatives from making wild gesticulations about how a white woman and a black man couldn't just naturally fall in love and embrace their feelings during that period of time, and how it must be the design of a deliberate Bolshevik experiment?

Before readers level cheap accusations of racism —

Too late.

let’s recall that the very question of interracial marriage only became a big issue later in the 1960s.

Yes, it wasn't like my home state of Massachusetts (read, the Commie state) didn't have any specific laws on the book regarding interracial marriage before the '60s. Oh, wait.

Seriously. Was it not enough to keep hitting the racism stump? You had to throw Communism in for flavor? Why not just go forward and say he had gay sex in an extremist madrassah? Or are you saving that one for October?

Cuba Libre

2008-02-21T20:39:00.003-05:00

So, how long's it been since I last posted? Yeah. Thought so. What can I say? Midterms are starting up, and it's like being slapped with a gauntlet.

Anyway. I'm guessing everyone's heard by now that Castro is finally freaking retiring. Not like there's going to be much of a regime change; Fidel's brother Raul is taking over, like he did when Castro was in the hospital for biffing on a concrete floor. There wasn't any coup then, but you never know.

Then again, I can only guess what my little brother's doing this Spring Break.

Sound And Fury, Indicating Nothing

2008-02-17T18:12:00.004-05:00

So, I haven't really been posting lately. Sorry about that. I've been dealing with the lurking remnants of a cold.

There's been another college shooting, this one at NIU. Five dead, including the shooter. And what do you know, once more, Jack Thompson takes his dog-and-pony show on FOX News and blames video games before the bodies have even cooled.

Then again, by now it's been pretty firmly proven that the legal community does not hold Jack Thompson in the highest respect, and that FOX News knows approximately shit about video games. So, when you think about it, it's kind of like watching a game of paintball where none of the guns have ammo. There's no real gravity in the first place, and whatever tension remains has been removed.

Still. Way to ride the wave of destruction, assholes.

I Stand Against Torture, Except When I Don't

2008-02-13T22:28:00.003-05:00

There's one thing going for John McCain, we keep saying. He stands against torture. In an age when the White House seeks to make the practices of Torquemada a legitimate interrogation method, McCain, who's experienced torture first-hand, has stood firm against its use by the government.

At least, when he talks, he does. When he votes, he sometimes falters. Remember the Military Commissions Act? McCain bows to a bill that denies habeas corpus to Guantanamo prisoners, and he's hailed as a "maverick" by the press.

Well, the maverick strikes again. The Senate voted today to ban the use of waterboarding in interrogating terror subjects. The measure passed, by 51 to 45. But guess who wasn't on the winning side?

Mr. McCain, a former prisoner of war, has consistently voiced opposition to waterboarding and other methods that critics say is a form torture. But the Republicans, confident of a White House veto, did not mount the challenge. Mr. McCain voted “no” on Wednesday afternoon.

Yup. Even when the issue is pretty much declared to be pointless, McCain will still buck with pressure and go along with the GOP lockstep. It's practically become second nature by this point. But to see McCain bend on torture, the one issue he claims to hold himself above all others on? It's just sickening.

So Much For The Good Fight

2008-02-13T22:22:00.002-05:00

The Senate Republicans, with the aid of quite a few Senate Democrats, have voted to grant retroactive immunity to telecoms who illegally spied on their customers at the behest of the US government. Eighteen Democrats, including Dianne Feinstein, voted for immunity. Hillary Clinton didn't even show up to vote.

What can I say? Oh, I know. You craven little douchebags.

Maybe the people in the House will actually have a spine.

The President Is Always Right

2008-02-11T14:13:00.000-05:00

Congratulations, Mister Bush. You just pissed away any moral credibility the United States has.

WASHINGTON -- The White House said Wednesday that the widely condemned interrogation technique known as waterboarding is legal and that President Bush could authorize the CIA to resume using the simulated-drowning method under extraordinary circumstances.

Yes, so what if it's turned up nothing? So what if the CIA was so concerned of its rightness, they destroyed the video tapes of the proceedings in case they were used as evidence? So what if we considered it an atrocity when the North Vietnamese did it? 9/11 changed everything!

And I love seeing the enablers on both sides of the aisle sputter and try to make things right. You've got Hayden, the CIA director, saying that tens of thousands of soldiers are waterboarded as part of their survival training, failing to connect the dots that they're given such training so that they can learn how to resist torture. And you've got Dianne Feinstein talking about how this is such a black mark on America, when she's the one who pushed Mukasey through without holding his feet to the fire.

And then you've got Bush, smiling away as he says that this waterboarding is different, because now the "new law" has differentiated between the torture that took place at the hands of the North Vietnamese and torture that takes place at the hands of Americans, while Chris Wallace blathers on about "protecting people who want to harm us."

I don't even know what to say anymore, folks.

The Reverse Backstab Technique

2008-02-08T21:13:00.000-05:00

Well, after thinking on it, I guess I might as well comment on the message hidden (and by "hidden", I mean "written in 50-foot letters crafted from blinking flourescent pink neon") in Mitt Romney's concession speech:

Mitt Romney suspended his bid for the Republican presidential nomination Thursday, saying if he continued it would "forestall the launch of a national campaign and be making it easier for Senator Clinton or Obama to win."

"In this time of war, I simply cannot let my campaign be a part of aiding a surrender to terror. This is not an easy decision. I hate to lose," the former Massachusetts governor said.

"If this were only about me, I'd go on. But it's never been only about me. I entered this race because I love America, and because I love America, in this time of war I feel I have to now stand aside for our party and for our country."

Now, I could be like Jon Stewart and offer a simple, pithy, "Fuck you." But really, I feel like digging deeper into this. Because Romney's just the start of it. You think the dolchstosslegende bullshit flew thick and furious from the mouths of pundits and Congresspersons before? Because 2008 is going to be a fucking knife fight, and I promise you, the GOP is going to be pulling every dirty trick it can out of the bag.

So, I'd just like to see why Mr. Romney thinks the Republican Party is so well-suited to fighting terror, and why we pansy liberals are just going to hand over the nation to the terrorists.

Well, let's see... after 9/11, Bush sent troops into Afghanistan to overthrow the Taliban and bring democracy to the region. That may be the only decent choice he made in this whole War on Terror imbroglio. Let's see what else the administration and its enablers did...

Well, Bush and company invaded Iraq, a country with sweet FA to do with the 9/11 attacks, under constantly shifting auspices (democracy? WMDs? "This is the guy who tried to kill my dad"?). Once they invaded, any reasonable plans to keep things stable fell by the wayside, and the country quickly fell into chaos. And in that chaos, the people we were supposed to be going after in the first place snuck in and set up shop. Random acts of ethnic cleansing, rampant terrorism, and the deaths of over 3000 soldiers ensued. After the American people proclaimed they were sick of the war, Bush came up with the idea for the troop surge which, as you can see, is having resounding effects.

Extremists who were plotting terror attacks were caught, yes, but not through the grace of the Bush administration. Richard Reid was caught because he was stupid enough to try to light a shoe on fire on a busy flight. The cases that Bush trotted before the press involved a man who was later tried on charges completely unrelated to the great danger he was originally arrested for, a plot to blow up gas tanks that never would have worked, and a group of idiots who thought they needed offical Al-Qaeda uniforms. Oh, and the London bust, the reason why we can't take bottled water on flights anymore? Guess which party wanted to move as soon as possible, despite the fact that there was no imminent threat, likely leading to the bungling up of several cases against potential terrorists? And, lest we forget, there was that one case that no one ever solved, the one where people actually died, the one that Bush tries to paint over every time he says there hasn't been a terrorist attack on American soil since 9/11.

Then there are the wiretaps. Oh, yes, the wiretaps. So essential to protecting us from the dire threats to democracy posed by gay servicemen and Quakers. Then again, this serve violation of our civil liberties wasn't so important that anyone bothered to pay the goddamn bills.

And torture -- oh, torture. What do those human rights fags know about torture; they've never seen 24, have they? Our administration happily endorsed a practice used by all the great villains in history and has used it on people who may not even be guilty of any crime. Which, by the way, is a great way to create insurgents; if they didn't hate you before, they do now! It's gotten to the point where foreign courts have declared that we're not safe for refugees.

But, hey-- at least they've supported the people fighting this war on the ground, right? The soldiers? I mean, if you ignore the attempts to dick soldiers out of the GI Bill, the Bankruptcy Bill, the substandard body armor, "You go to war with the army you have, not the army you need or want", the attempts to dick soldiers out of medical benefits, Walter Reed, and the homeless veterans, I'd say the administration has done a pretty bang-up job of caring for our troops.

And then there's the big one -- Osama bin Laden. We've got him locked away, right? And even if we don't, at least we know that Bush really cares about capturing him, right?

I won't stand this slander any longer. I won't hear the people who just stood by while Bush and his merry band of miscreants broke the military, bungled the fight against terrorism, and threw our values in the trash bin point the finger at us liberals and say that we'll betray our nation. Because quite frankly, I don't see how we can fuck things up worse than they already have.

Caloo, Calay!

2008-02-07T22:48:00.000-05:00

Well, looks like everyone's favorite douchebag has finally thrown in the towel. So, tell me, Mitt, just why are you giving up?

Mitt Romney suspended his bid for the Republican presidential nomination Thursday, saying if he continued it would "forestall the launch of a national campaign and be making it easier for Senator Clinton or Obama to win."

"In this time of war, I simply cannot let my campaign be a part of aiding a surrender to terror. This is not an easy decision. I hate to lose," the former Massachusetts governor said.

"If this were only about me, I'd go on. But it's never been only about me. I entered this race because I love America, and because I love America, in this time of war I feel I have to now stand aside for our party and for our country."

Uh... huh. And I suppose it has nothing to do with the thorough spanking you received from McCain.

Ah, well. At least the prick's gone. That just leaves the lesser of two evils to pick from.

Pooped Wednesday

2008-02-06T22:47:00.001-05:00

So, Super Tuesday was yesterday, and still no one can tell me what the hell it all meant for the Democratic candidates. Obama won more states! Hillary won more delegates! Apparently, we need to wait for the next few primaries to get a decisive answer, which kind of puts the buzzkill on the whole media orgasm over Super Tuesday.

McCain, on the other hand, was the clear victor for the Republicans. I'm guessing it's the lesser of all the evils, but it's still not my desired result. I also take some perverse glee in Mitt Romney taking pride that he won in all the states he lived in, which seems to be the political equivalent of saying, "My mom thinks I'm cool." (Though I'm ashamed my fellow Bay State residents didn't come together and pants Romney in the name of bipartisanship).

So. Back to the speculation.