Sunday, October 10, 2004


PhillyBlog: I Protested at National Coming Out Day, and All I Got Were These Stupid Handcuffs

Thank God my hotel has a media center, or else I wouldn't be able to share this little bit of awesomeness with you all.

So, the Cognito Clan decided to head down to the gayborhood today. We set out this morning with no big plans, except to see fellow gay men. Well, when we get there, we find out everyone's setting up for a National Coming Out Day block party. We soon depart in search of a place that sells cheesesteaks that our concierge told us was awesome. Well, two hundred blocks later, it turned out such a place did not exist. After walking back to the gayborhood and plotting various methods of execution for the concierge, we found festivities in full swing... as well as the opposition.

That's right; fundies crashed the party. All "Leviticus 18:22" and "Man and woman" and all that jazz. According to The Gay Philadelphian, they were members of a group called Repent America (ooh, how charming).

Well, soon they broke through the barrier of people holding up pink cardboard cut-out angels (yeah, I don't know, either), and started spewing their bullshit right in the middle of the festivities. Needless to say, whenever they spoke up, they were quickly drowned out by "woo!"s from the dirty queers surrounding them. Mind you, I ended up playing a part, too, just after I sat down to lunch:

Righteous Fundie: Why were Sodom and Gomorrah destroyed?
Me: (to parents) I just have to answer this one. (walks outside and starts yelling at top of lungs) INHOSPITALITY! GOD DESTROYED SODOM AND GOMORRAH BECAUSE THE INHABITANTS WERE CRUEL TO STRANGERS! NOT BECAUSE OF SODOMY, YOU DUMBFUCKS! (calms down, returns to cheesesteak and fries) There, now I feel better.

Then, the cheering got especially loud: The paddy wagon had arrived. Apparently the good Christian soldiers forgot to get a permit. They were dragged away, and everything returned to relatively normal.

The rest of the block party was cool, but mild by comparison. One booth was giving away Team America T-shirts, so I got one for me, one for Brother Cognito, and one for my friend. Mother Cognito saw bears in the wild. We saw the most adorable puppies in existence, either owned or being given away by animal shelters. Some gay rugby player almost hurled on this spinny contraption. I wanted to do karaoke, but stepped down after a) I found out they didn't have "Gay Bar", which you'd think they would, and b) some girl went up to the stand and sang a rendition of "I Will Always Love You" that attained sentience and spanked all other competitors.

I promise full Philly update when I get home, but when something this awesome happens, you generally don't wait.

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