Thursday, June 23, 2005


Scott McClellan Is Invincible

At least, that's what I'm assuming, because the blatant hypocrisy of his statements is strong enough to tear mortal men in two.

The White House defended Rove's remarks and accused Democrats of engaging in partisan attacks. Rove, said spokesman Scott McClellan, "was talking about the different philosophies and our different approaches when it comes to winning the war on terrorism."

Partisan attacks? This man's superior says that all members of a certain political philosophy are clueless when it comes to war and want American troops dead, and he has the fucking gall to accuse the Democrats of partisanship? And since when did such statements count as "talking about... different philosophies and different approaches"? Yeah, and the Somme was a friendly water balloon fight.

It's official: the Bush administration wants to see America divided. They can say all they want about "one nation" and being "uniters, not dividers", but instead of throwing a man who accuses the entire left wing of treason out on his ass, they stand up and defend him. Screw Rove; toss them all out.


Oh, You Silly Liberals

Dear Karl Rove:

I may be one of those dirty liberals- y'know, the ones who, according to your words, want troops to die- and guess what? I care plenty about 9/11. And do you know what I care about most relating to 9/11? Making sure it doesn't happen again.

I want to give "therapy" to those who attacked our country? My form of "therapy" for Bin Laden involves a swift arrest, a trial before the world court, and justice on the edge of a very sharp blade. Which, I've got to admit, makes a lot more sense than your form of justice, which involves invading a country that is related to Bin Laden merely through religion and geographic proximity, failing to prevent the growth of an insurgency in said country, and not capturing the goatfucker you swore you'd bring to justice three years ago.

I saw 9/11 with my own eyes, Rove. I didn't read about it in some history book or some periodical. I. Saw. It. I saw planes crashing into buildings, snuffing out hundreds of lives instantly. I saw people jumping to their deaths because they thought anything would be better than burning to death. I saw two of the strongest symbols in America fall, leaving a hole that will never truly be filled.

I know everything we lost: we lost our innocence, our sense of security, our ideas that we were viewed as an uniting force in the world. And, if your comments are any indicator, we also lost our sanity, our dignity, and our ability to draw together as one and help each other.

Fuck you, Rove. I want my states united.


The Age of Shamelessness

I hope Randy Cunningham ends up being chased by the souls of the victims of the WTC attack, Sarah Winchester-style, after invoking their name for such a strawman cause:

"Ask the men and women who stood on top of the Trade Center," said Rep. Randy (Duke) Cunningham, R-Calif. "Ask them and they will tell you: pass this amendment."

No, Randy. You see, I spoke to the victims of the WTC attacks. They're not saying what you say they're saying. In fact, they're saying something else, and they're fucking shouting it. You want to know what it is?

"Stop wasting time with fucking flag burning amendments and catch the fucker who did this to us!"


This Is Not America

Bill O'Reilly finally admits that longs for the fascist state.

I'm sorry, but if you say, "We should round up everyone at a liberal radio station," then just get out of the country. Go. Go to Zimbabwe, or Saudi Arabia, or somewhere else where they do stuff like that to people with opinions. Because you're not an American anymore.

By the way, this blog will be mostly inactive until July 10th. The Cognito Clan has rented a house in Umbria, and Internet access will be restricted to occasional jaunts to Internet cafes in nearby towns (if they even have any).

Wednesday, June 22, 2005


What Did I Speak Out Against? Temp-ta-tion.

Why do some people feel that, if they can't see it, it can't see them?

I remember reading an article on Christian video game companies a few months back (sorry, Google pulls up nothing). The head of one of the companies talked about the kinds of games Christian gamers sought out (I, personally, happen to like Grand Theft Auto, but that's another story), but said that they preferred to stay away from MMORPGs. Why? Because in games like Everquest and World of Warcraft, there's the possibility to make an evil character.

And I think, if there's the possibility of making an evil character, then why aren't more Christian gamers flocking to these games? I mean, I play games like Fable and The Sims, where one has complete control over their character's moral choices. In Fable, one can be a crusader for good or evil incarnate. In The Sims, your little digital people can have happy, eventful lives, or you can seal them up in their houses and watch them slowly die. And every time I played these games, I took on the role of the good guy. Why? Because it makes me feel bad when I do bad things when other options exist. Sure, as I said, I play games like Grand Theft Auto, where the main character is a freaking mass murderer, but given an actual choice between good and evil in a video game, I will always, always go for good.

But some people fear knowledge, fear temptation. They'd rather ignore the whole mess than stare at it, face-on, and renounce it. It's what Neal Horsley admitted to when he said we needed laws to make sure he never groked with a farm animal again. It's what the head of Generation Life admitted to when she said Kinsey was responsible for introducing her to "the devastating consequences of sexually transmitted diseases, pornography, and abortion", implying that she'd rather live her life blissfully unaware of things that actually exist.

Well, I say, give it to me. Give it all to me. I want to hear how low my fellow man can go. I want to hear about hate, murder, rape, genocide, abuse, abandonment. I want to look upon the seven deadly sins in all their forms. And do know why?

Because I can say, "No."

What's your excuse?

UPDATE: I found the article, but it's been archived. However, the first comment here talks about the whole MMORPG thing.


Yes, But Does it Dream of Electric Sheep?

The Philip K. Dick Android. No one tell Deckard about this, okay?


At Least Someone's Saying It

Go, Howard Dean. And shut up, Mitt Romney. Shut up, you sanctimonious, hypocritical douche.

Oh, and what's that, random insane Massachusetts Republican?

"The citizens of Massachusetts don't need Howard Dean's evil rhetoric to know the governor has been a good governor who shares their priorities," said state GOP executive director Tim O'Brien.

Oh, O'Brien, you sad, sad shell of a man. "Evil" is Pol Pot, Hitler, Ted Bundy, Paul Bernando, and Barney. "Evil" is not a man whose major offense is pointing out the obvious truth of elected Republican officials. And as for priorities, seeing as 56% of Mass. residents are okay with us gays getting married, maybe it would do Mitt better to focus on health care, ya think?

Tuesday, June 21, 2005


Is This Because I'm a Christian?

John Hostettler stirred up shit in the House by claiming that Democrats hate Christians... after one of them voiced wanting to put an end to the religious hostility at the USAF.

I don't know whether to be shocked that an elected official actually thinks there's a holy war going on... or to be appalled at the fact that this guy decides to side himself with those who encourage religious bigotry.

Monday, June 20, 2005


I Know Where You Live, Bin Laden!

"Now, if only I could do something about that..."

People, this is the head of the CIA. The C-I-fucking-A. He heads up an organization whose best skill is making people "disappear". He is in charge of an organization that killed the deposed leader of South Vietnam after they realized that siding with him wasn't going to win any favor with South Vietnamese dissidents. They are supposed to, to put it succinctly, get shit done. So, if they do know where Bin Laden is, then why the hell can't they do anything about it? Care to explain, Porter Goss?

But Porter Goss indicated that the United States just can't go in and snatch him, telling Time magazine that America has to respect the sovereignty of other nations.

Yeah. I'm glad to see the CIA is showing the same respect for sovereign nations that they did when they literally wanted Bin Laden's head.

We're supposed to be the strongest nation on Earth. We're supposed to be the crusaders, the guys who fight for good and make evildoers crap their pants in fear (at least, that's what Bush says). So why the hell can't we find some bearded whackjob, and if we can find him, then why can't we take him out?

Sunday, June 19, 2005


The Federal Bureau of Insufficiency

I'm trying to reconcile the fact that the FBI, one of the organizations that is supposed to keep us safe as we go about our daily lives, responded to 9/11 by not hiring people with expertise in the Middle East.

This is an organization with the power and money of the federal government behind it. There is no reason why, when a high-ranking official is asked about knowledge of the Middle East, he should say, "Yeah, wouldn't that be nice?"

"What skill sets would they need to better identify, penetrate and/or prevent a future Osama bin Laden-style terrorist attack?" Kohn asked.

Watson answered: "They would need to understand the attorney general guidelines for counterterrorism and counterintelligence investigation."

"Anything else?" the lawyer inquired.

"No," Watson answered.

An understanding of important dates in Arabic history, which could lead to code words or possible dates of terror attacks? Don't need it. A good grasp of important terms in Arabic and Islamic cultures, which could also be used as code words? Nope. A mastery of the Arabic language, at least? Nah. You'll be fine as long as you know how to follow the guidelines.

I'm sick of it. I'm sick of our federal government, the people who should be out there fighting every day to the full extent of their abilities to keep us safe, passing the buck and focusing on what's not important. When did America atrophy?


The Day of Manly Manliness

Happy Father's Day, everyone. Up here, it's just as gray as it was on Mother's Day, so, aside from giving Father Cognito presents, we're not doing anything special. We've decided to save both Mother's Day and Father's Day for when we're in Italy, where it will be (presumably) sunny and temperate.

Saturday, June 18, 2005


Well, I Can Make a Bird, Or a Plane, Or a Pterodactyl...

...or a pig. Of myself. So, tell me, Cadet Red Flag, why do you feel it is necessary to desecrate the holy symbol of an entire faith, not all of which consists of terrorists?

Alvarez said the contest will illustrate the hypocrisy of Muslim extremists who burn the American flag, "because of the supposed desecration of the Quran," Alvarez said.

"They haven't apologized for burning our flag, yet they expect people to apologize for supposedly desecrating the Quran," he said.

Yes, well, first of all, I didn't realize that you were such a devout Americanist. I don't care if you're more jingoistic than Toby Keith, the flag is not a holy symbol.

Second of all, the quote recalls an interesting question I've heard bouncing around since the Qu'ran report: Why all the fuss about this, when there was practically none when the terrorists who took the Temple of the Nativity used the Bibles for toilet paper? And I agree, both are equally deplorable. But there's a very good reason why everyone cares more about this. Are you ready?

We're supposed to be the good guys. We're supposed to be the people who see that others are being tortured and abused, and we're supposed to offer them a safe haven where they will be free to worship and able to live prosperously (at least, that's the current excuse for why we invaded Iraq). Yes, radical Palestinians turned the Good Book into Charmin, but did you really expect anything less? They want to push the Jews into the sea. We, on the other hand, who are supposed to be upholding Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness, are treating holy books like garbage and putting them in naked pyramids.

Yes, we have to play dirty every once in a while. But once we get down to their level, then really, who are we anymore?

So, enjoy your pig, cadet. Enjoy feeling like you're on their level. Because I don't.

Friday, June 17, 2005


Teri Will Be Avenged!

So: after it turned out that nothing could have been done for Teri Schiavo... after it turned out that both Congress and Jeb Bush violated the system of checks and balances for absolutely nothing... and after it turned out Michael Schiavo did not, in fact, beat Teri into her coma like some of the more slanderous wingnuts had suggested, what is Jeb going to do next?

Well, for starters, how about having a state's attorney investigate some of those completely baseless claims?

A little note to everyone who "fought for Teri": It's over. Deal with it. You had your chance to make your statement about single-sourced government and keeping a shell of a human being on life support. And you lost. Horribly. The majority of Americans thought you were acting like children, and not only was Teri truly brain dead, but any of your empty attempts to "help" her (e.g., bringing her water, which she would've choked on) would have made things worse. You can't accept that, though, can you? You've found your warhorse, so you're going to keep riding it, even if it's had all of its legs chopped off.

Fine. I don't care. Make idiots of yourselves. It makes my job so much easier.

Thursday, June 16, 2005


Because This Really Needed to Get Creepier

"Oh, Katie, you know I love you, and this whole thing isn't arranged for publicity and a denial of my nonexistent homosexuality. And, since I love you, you must convert to my clam cult- I mean, faith. And of course, I've got to make sure you're always keeping your thetans in check, so that's why I hired this 'minder' to follow you around at all times. Just think of her as a human pet!

"Katie? Katie, why are you struggling with the doorknob? You know I had the door specially reinforced and deadbolted. And only I have the key. You are mine, Katie. Respect the clam and tame the cunt!"


Does It Feel Hot in Here?

I visit the Reason website often. I don't agree with everything they say (hell, I almost hoarfed into a wastebasket when they described Janice Rogers Brown as their "perfect Supreme Court Justice"), but they do have good articles, and I like their opinions on most social issues.

My one main bone of contention, however, is Ron Bailey. He's Reason's in-house science expert. At least once a month, you could expect an article out of him saying, "Global warming is a sham!" Whether it be support for Michael Crichton's State of Fear, or talking about how a few degrees doesn't really matter, he's always been one of global warming's quickest critics.

And then it turned out to be a real threat. And it's been four days since that article went up, and I still haven't seen a "Sorry, I goofed" post from Bailey. Sure, there's an article on how universal health care will hamper progression in the medical field, but nothing on global warming.

Maybe he hasn't seen it. I don't know. All I ask for when I get news from someone, though, is that they apologize when they screw up.


The Walking Dead

Well, look at that. Teri Schiavo was officially braindead. Oh, and there was no evidence that abuse caused Teri's PVS. I wonder if Bill Frist, Jeb Bush, Randall Terry, and everyone who made a mockery of our government and accused Michael Schiavo of being an abusive husband will apologize and shut the fuck up.

Then again, that has as good a chance of happening as the sky does of turning purple.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005


This Game is Mostly Harmless

Except for the part where it devours your life.

42: a WarioWare-esque voyage through The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. And no, I haven't gotten to the Eccentrica Gallumbitus game yet.


Yes, Satan? Sorry, I Mistook You For Someone Else...

The Delusional, Fucknutted Rotting Cryptkeeper (tm Pam Spaulding) Fred Phelps is now protesting a soldier killed in Iraq. Why, you may ask?

A flier on the Web site of Pastor Fred Phelps' Westboro Baptist Church claims God killed Cpl. Carrie French with an improvised explosive device in retaliation against the United States for a bombing at Phelps' church six years ago.

Yes, Fred, because it's all about you. And let me guess: when one of your hateful spawn broke his toe, God made up for it by crippling Christopher Reeve.

I know how Phelps's merry crew works: piss people off until someone hits them, then sue them and use the settlement to further their bastardry. Still. It would be worth all the money in the world to see this fucknut eating through a straw.


How Dare He Not Recognize Our Divine Right!

"Waah, our handpuppet is being democratic about who God speaks to, waah!" Shut. Up. What, you thought Bush would come out and say, "Well, actually, only belief in God and Christ gets you into Heaven, so everyone else is going to Hell"? After all, that worked so well for other people.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005


It Says a Lot When "The Competition" Is Technically a Minor

Fundamentalist Mormonism is not a religion. For something to be a religion, it has to inspire people in some way, shape, or form. Hell, the Church of Scientology, for all its pseudoscience and money-grubbing, is technically a religious body. What Fundamentalist Mormonism is, is a disease. It destroys people. It tells its followers to give up their lives to a con man who they are never to question, and forces girls into arranged marriages at young ages.

The latest victims of the rampage are young men who are being kicked out of the only life they've ever known for the most minor of offenses; however, they suggest that it's because they're viewed as competition by their faith's leader for sweet, sweet teenaged poonani (and no, I really don't want to look at my referral logs after typing that). And in case you're still fostering the illusion that this is for the best...

"He [Warren Jeffs, cult leader] told me I wasn't welcome," Steed said. "And on the way out he said: 'Just to let you know, when the final devastation comes, you will be destroyed.' I believed it completely. If you are told your whole life the Earth is flat, what else would you believe?"

Don't you just love it when the man you've put faith in your entire life tells you to your face that you are less than an insect?

This "faith" (and I use the term loosely) does nothing but crush the wills of its followers for the benefit of a middle-aged horndog with a God complex. I hope you get the bastards, AG Shurtleff.


Reintigrate! Reintigrate! Reintigrate!

The poor defenseless Dalek that was abducted a while back has been set free. Hey, why is it when a white girl gets kidnapped, everyone goes bitch crazy, but when it happens to an alien, no one says anything?


Bearing Strange Fruit

Yes, I would just like to know why 16 Senators (15 Republicans, 1 Democrat) thought it was folly not to sign onto an apology for not acting against lynchings. That's almost like saying, "I'm sorry, but I don't want to sign this proclamation that kicking puppies is bad."

Mind you, I'm sure they all have perfectly good reasons. Oh, wait; no, I don't.


It's Like Christmas, Hanukkah, and Ramadan

And lo, the sun shone a little brighter, the waters appeared a little clearer, and the entire world was a little happier, for Paris Hilton had announced her intention to stop making love to the camera. Sure, we've still got to put up with two years of her, but as long as we don't have to see Paris at fifty, sagging, bagging, and trying to run, "That's hot," by us one more time, I think we can put up with it.

Monday, June 13, 2005


Bill Clinton's Dick Killed My Dog

Why do conservative writers rage at Bill Clinton anymore? Specifically, why do they rage at Bill Clinton's dick? Ann Coulter seems fascinated with it, probably because it's even bigger than her own. And anything touched by it is considered rotten; even though Hillary seems to be moving more towards the center, even slightly to the right, she's still a target of constant vitriol.

Now comes the allegation- by which I mean, "complete bullshit lie"- that Chelsea was the product of spousal rape. So continues the rage against Clinton's evil, evil phallus. At least it never lied to us about war.


WARNING: Gaydioactive Materials

I have a riddle: When a member of the Christian Coalition says that gays should come with warning labels, how does that not sound like Hitler's practice of putting pink triangles on gay people during the Holocaust?

Sunday, June 12, 2005


Connection Established

Someone- someone who's totally not John Rogers- leaked the pilot to the now-shitcanned Global Frequency onto BitTorrent. I'd really like to watch it, but I'm hopeless with VirusScan, and I don't want to infect the same computer that Mother and Brother Cognito use with something that could assrape the hard drive.

Still. From what I hear, John did well. Kudos, man.


And Again, And Again, And...

The Cognito Clan finally watched Hotel Rwanda last night, a film that could best be described as both "inspiring" and "soul-crushing." It also prompted a brief debate between Mother Cognito and I after the film was over. She thought that, while the film handled the way the world community gave up on the Tutsis rather well, it underplayed the Hutu militias, who started the whole thing in the first place. I argued that while it only took one psycho to stab Kitty Genovese, it took thirty people to watch her and do nothing as the guy came back and stabbed her twice. We both reached an agreement: in the event of genocide, both the active and the inactive are equally responsible.

Unfortunately, the world doesn't seemed to have learned a lesson from Rwanda. For every Kosovo, there are two Darfurs. Right now, Christians in Sudan are being targeted for rape and murder by Islamist raiding parties. And, despite the brief flashes of media blitz, no one's really doing anything about it.

This isn't the first time. Hell, Rwanda wasn't the first time. We knew about Auschwitz during the war, but we did nothing. FDR's brave rationalization for not bombing the tracks and stopping the flow of victims was, "They'll just rebuild them, anyway."

We have to make sure that "Never Again" doesn't have a little asterisk added to it. Write to your Congressman about Darfur. And give money to Amnesty International; at least they're one step ahead of us when it comes to suffering.

Saturday, June 11, 2005


Cut His Mic!

There's a perfectly valid reason why James "Go Directly to Jail" Sensenbrenner shut down a meeting on the PATRIOT Act while people were still talking. And that reason is, he's a impetuous douchebag who gets off on reading 1984.

Friday, June 10, 2005


We Will Break You

I want all of you to go read this now. Do it.

When I first came out of the closet, I was foolish and naive. I mean, really foolish and naive; I thought the brunt of anti-gay thought was in the past, a la institutionalized racism, and that anti-gay bigotry was limited to a few holdouts. I remember this idea falling to the ground dead after watching an MTV special on coming out, in which one of the subjects was a Mormon kid who was subjected to a "correctional" program at BYU. The "corrections" involved attaching electrodes to multiple parts of his body and giving him electrical shocks in conjunction with showing him gay porn. It got to the point where he tried to kill himself, like Zach talks about doing.

How the hell can anyone look at examples like that and support these programs? That's what I want to know.

UPDATE (6/11/05): I dare you, I fucking dare you, to tell me that this shit is healthy:

"I would rather you commit suicide than have you leave Love In Action wanting to return to the gay lifestyle. In a physical death you could still have a spiritual resurrection; whereas, returning to homosexuality you are yielding yourself to a spiritual death from which there is no recovery."

This man actually thinks it's a good thing to tell kids that hey, if our bullshit program doesn't work for you, you might as well kill yourself; then maybe you'll have a hope in Hell. What a fucksponge.


Hollywood Gets Off on This, I Swear

There's gonna be a sequel to Garfield. If anyone needs me, I'll be sticking my head in an oven.


Oh, I Wish That I Had Jesse's Gall

Some time ago, I expressed the desire to start a conga line on Jesse Helms's grave. In that time, I've come to realize that wishing death on people and celebrating it when it happens is bad (yeah, I apologize to you for that also, Arafat). Now, I go by the "six months and colleagues" rule: no criticizing the deceased's actions in life for the first six months after their passing, but comments from their colleagues about how they were the bestest person ever are fair game.

That being said, I would still like Jesse Helms to ram it where the sun don't shine.

"We will never know how integration might have been achieved in neighborhoods across our land, because the opportunity was snatched away by outside agitators who had their own agendas to advance," according to the uncorrected proof. "We certainly do know the price paid by the stirring of hatred, the encouragement of violence, the suspicion and distrust."

Oh, do you mean "the stirring of hatred" by times like when you referred to Dr. King as a "pervert"? And there's your answer, folks: the Commies were responsible for integration. They couldn't get to our precious bodily fluids, so they went for our black people.

It's also handy to note that the headline of the article is "Helms Apologetic on AIDS in Memoir", it's not about the fact that he wanted AIDS to fester among certain populations and kill them all off, but rather the fact that it turned out it was a disease and not the wrath of God. I know I said I wouldn't hope for death, but that never stopped me from hoping he gets kicked upside the head.


I Love the Smell of Bat Guano in the Morning

Smells like... victory.

John Conyers arranges Congressional hearings on the Downing Street Memo. Sure, it's just the beginning, but it could be the start of something beautiful.

Thursday, June 09, 2005


My, Kettle, You're Looking Nice and Black

Why, thank you, Pot.

Still think those who wanted to preserve the filibuster were obstructionist, Brownback? Do you, you hypocritical sack of shit?

And another thing: the only reason this woman is being opposed is because she's pro-choice. It's not because of a series of anger management problems, like with John Bolton, or because of a laundry list of people the candidate hates, like William Pryor. No; the only reason the woman's unqualified for the job- which has nothing to do with abortion- is because she thinks a woman should have the right to choose. Brownback, you magnificient dumbfuck.


That Thing Is Gonna Exterminate With a Vengeance

A life lesson for you all, right up there with "Look both ways before crossing the street" and "Never pay for a hooker using an AmEx":

Don't fuck with Daleks.


Alan Moore Does a Happy Little Dance

Watchmen is no go. It's kinda sad that I don't really feel sad about this. See what you've done to me, Hollywood?

Wednesday, June 08, 2005


First They Came for the Fags...

...then they came for the ragheads...

Okay, I know everyone in the left wing blogosphere has touted the words of Pastor Martin Niemoller up and down almost to the point of exhaustion. But look at that; now an organization devoted to "family values" is going out of its way to attack another faith.

W.L. Cati, founder of Zennah Ministries, believes most Americans would probably find the Islamic sacred text hard to decipher. "If you really try to read that book," she says, "it's very confusing. The Koran was put together not by chronological events, like [in] the Bible; it's all sporadic. It was put together from the largest sura [or chapter] to the shortest sura, vice-versa."

Like I'm going to listen to a group who tells me that the Earth was formed in six days because the Bible tells them so when they say a holy book is too complex (read: too many big words).

Besides, Cati contends, a reading of just a few key verses would likely scare off most rational readers. "All they've got to do is read suras like 'Take not Jews and Christians as your friends,'" she suggests, or "Sura 47:4, that says, 'When you meet the unbelievers, smite at their neck and make a great slaughter of them.'"

Right, because the Bible is full of sunshine and puppies and daisies, and nothing at all about righteous violence against your fellow man! Well, except for maybe the execution of gay men... and the stoning of impertinent teens... and the stoning of women who aren't virgins... and...

This is what it's coming to, folks. They've had their fun with us gays as a punching bag, and now they're moving to turn Islam into the next great target by painting them all as radicals (speaking of which, Hamas is a "radical Islamic group"; CAIR is as bland as oatmeal). We're all on their hit list; it's just a matter of who's first.


From the Mouths of Asses

There's about five hundred and ninety-three things I'd like Don Imus and his merry men to apologize for, but calling Tom Cruise gay? Dude, it's the truth.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005


Because Watergate is Filthy

Only someone who is extremely obsessed with sex would think that the mention of Deep Throat in newspapers would prompt kids to force their parents to explain how it refers to oral sex. Like, say, Robert Knight.

Because parents, who, in Knight's world, lack all power to protect their spawn from dirty dirty sex, are completely unable to bullshit something about how Deep Throat relates to the voice, speaking out, and deep cover, and must instead blurt out the sordid truth about Linda Lovelace taking it like a cheerleader. You'd got to wonder about people who preach about morals but see their fellow man as weaker than tissue.


My Gay Touch Corrupts All

So far, according to the far right, we're responsible for Nazism, AIDS, and now, high housing costs in San Francisco. Give them a week and we'll be causing cancer in lab rats.


The Silkwood Special

A Los Alamos employee who was set to testify about fraud at the complex has been brutally assaulted and told to keep quiet.

Hey, Liddy! Still think Deep Throat was a coward?


Gone to Pot

The bad news is, the Supreme Court fucked over the sick. The good news is, it's somewhat toothless; imagine the outrage if a person were actually arrested and faced trial for trying to reduce their pain.

I will say this for Thomas and Rehnquist, though; they went against their conservative belief systems because they value states' rights more. That's rather noble. Plus, it gives me another opportunity to say, "Fuck you, Scalia."

Monday, June 06, 2005


Yeah, How Dare They Learn to Treat Other Religions Equally?

My school has a Republican club. I do not object to it. Sure, we don't exactly have a Democrat club (yet), but it's an organized body that tries to put its opinions out and has yet to come into direct conflict with the school's ideals, so I encourage its existence.

This, however, I do not.

The institute, based in Charlottesville, Va., also objects to the "uniformity and conformity" required by some schools, says president John Whitehead. It filed suit May 17 against Hudson (Mass.) High School for allegedly tearing down posters for the High School Conservative Clubs of America.

The posters, hung by senior Chris Bowler, were provocative. They touted the clubs' Web site, which links to footage of beheadings at the hands of Islamic extremists. The site says the images show "the true doctrines of Islam put into action."

Oh, that little scamp! There he is, spreading bigotry towards a faith that some of his fellow students might share and encouraging students to seek out shows of gratuitous violence! Fight the power, Chris!

I'm sorry, but there's just no equal time rule for assholes.


That... That's Some Fine Revolution Making There, Senator

A reader over at Body and Soul sent Barack "The New Hotness" Obama a letter about the stories of prisoners who were ferried by the CIA to other countries where they could be tortured at will. And how does he respond to this? With a "don't knock the War on Terror" form letter.

If this is the new soul of the Democrats, then I think they need an exorcism.

Sunday, June 05, 2005


Bully For You

Filming for The Sensei, a film about a gay student in the '80s who takes up martial arts to defend himself against bullies, has been shitcanned in Jefferson County, Colorado. The official party line from the school district is that it isn't because the film deals with gayness or AIDS, but because Columbine is in the county, and the film might reopen old wounds.

Now, I'm going to say that I cannot begin to imagine what the people who live in Lakewood, CO have had to go through since Columbine. You have the idea that the world is perfect, and then everything is shattered in a stunning act in violence. Of course you're going to be oversensitive in the future, and fear that the tragedy might repeat itself.

Then again, that has absolutely nothing to do with what's going on here. In fact, it makes everything a bit more questionable. While evidence exists that Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold were probably just psychopaths who wanted to go down in history, the theory that still stands is that they were driven to it by bullying. Indeed, many school shooters did what they did to get revenge at their tormentors, real or perceived.

What the Jefferson district is doing here, however, is not dealing with the fact that bullying probably drove two young men to take the lives of thirteen other people, and then themselves, by encouraging discussion about bullying and how to reduce it. What they're doing is dealing with bullying by saying it doesn't exist. Yes, the fact that the film is being shot in a district that's known violence in the halls of learning is a bit unwise. But it should be used as an opportunity to inform, not hide.

Yes, the film's director might have wanted to choose a different district. But if the members of the Jefferson County school board means what they say, then it shows that even in the face of violence, it's better to deny than discuss. And if they don't mean what they say... well, then it's just as bad, but for different reasons.


And Scotland? That's In New York, Right?

After her "Americans are overexaggerating being attacked by terrorists" comments, I hold a standard distrust of Charlotte Church. Still, if our president actually asked a girl with a pretty obvious British accent what state Wales is in, then I hope the earth swallows me whole, because I don't think we can go much lower.

Saturday, June 04, 2005


Nobody Ever Expects the Baptist Inquisition!

It's not enough that some members of some of the more conservative sects, like the Southern Baptists, generally don't view people like Episcopalians and Lutherans as "not Christian enough"; now, some Southern Baptists think other Southern Baptists might not be Christian enough.

Let the dunking tests begin.


...And Party Every... Night

Last night, I received a bullshit fortune, I lost all my money, and I gave a shoutout to "my lycanthropic buddies." This is what happens when I go to school functions.

First off, there was the graduation. That went off mainly without a hitch. The entire Cognito Clan, as well as my aunt and uncle who live in the area, were there to watch me receive my diploma. Or, in my case, walk on stage, take my diploma, yell, "Go Sox!", accidentally drop my diploma, and have the principal hand it back to me.

After that, I baked brownies for the all-night party that the school was putting on for the seniors. This was before I knew the whole affair was catered, of course-- which was a good thing, because I cut my brownies before they cooled, and they fell apart. The caterers were nice enough to take them, though.

The entire party was themed after television, although rather loosely. There was a Las Vegas casino, sumo suit wrestling and a mechanical bull-esque surfboard that somehow related to Survivor, a Central Perk copy set up in the teacher's lounge where people could watch Friends, and fortune tellers in the courtyard who were supposed to reflect Charmed (although if they wanted to be really accurate, Alyssa Milano would have showed up and fired one of the mediums).

I partook in everything. I indulged in the free candy, blew all my chips rather quickly in the casino (two games of Texas Hold 'Em and two games of blackjack were all it took to drain my coffers), and watched Family Guy and South Park on a TV in the mezzanine. I waited in line for a half hour to have a woman read the Tarot for me, and I gotta say, I'm falling on the James Randi side of fortune telling. The main point of the reading was that I don't know what I'm going to do with my life yet, but once I find it, I'll be great at it. Mind you, she tells this to the kid who's known he wants to be a screenwriter since he was sixteen, who's going to Emerson because of its extensive film program, and who's already working on a screenplay and some teleplays.

(The other fortune teller was cool, though. He didn't read my fortune, but I recognized him from The Daily Show, and when I asked him about it, he acknowledged it.)

But without a doubt, the highlight of the night was American Idol karaoke. I made sure I was the first to sign up when the opportunity presented itself. At around 2 AM, I took the stage, and sang "Werewolves of London", complete with some interesting improvisations ("I wanna give a shoutout to Lon Cheney, Lon Cheney Jr., and... Tom Everett Scott? What the hell?"). I got a lot of cheers, which was pretty nice.

Still, there was one performance that rocked the face off of mine. Precious and Kyle, two of my classmates, took to the stage in what appeared to be a duet. When "Hit Me Baby One More Time" kicked in, Precious said, "I'm sorry, I don't do Britney." Then "I Will Survive" started. Thus began a musical odyssey involving Precious channeling the spirit of Motown, and Kyle taking his shirt off, having bottled water poured on him, and getting strapped to a chair while Precious did the robot around him. Needless to say, I took many, many pictures.

Finally, at around 3 AM, tired, stuffed with sweets, and denied the opportunity to perform "Bohemian Rhapsody" because I'd gone already, I called it a night and went home. Still. A hell of the way to end my high school experience.

Friday, June 03, 2005


And Chris Tucker as Bishop

Excuse me, for I must go into a fit of geeky rage.

Brett Ratner? Brett Fucking Ratner? [insert trail of cuss words and obscene gestures]

There. I'm all better now. Except for that part of my soul that will always be hurting, because Brett Ratner is being considered for an X-Men movie.


Everything's Led Up to This

So, today's the big day. I'm finally graduating.

It's kinda sad, really. As I said back in August, I've spent my entire life in the Wellesley school system. I played in elementary school, learned in middle school, and studied hard in high school. It's going to be kinda hard to throw that over for another school.

Then again, I must. I can't keep dwelling in the past, y'know. Besides, I've got my future all planned out: screenwriting career, husband, house, maybe a kid. So, it's not as if I'm stepping off into the abyss.

Well. Here goes nothing.

Thursday, June 02, 2005


Culture of Lives Not Worth Living

For those of you wondering, the title of this post refers to a phrase used by eugenics proponents in the days when eugenics was considered acceptable: "lives not worth living". You'll see where that comes in in a moment.

Oh, look. These people are adopting unused embryos to raise as their own children (ganked from AMERICABlog). That's so sweet and not at all weird... right?

"With another program, to be honest with you, they could have been adopted by lesbian parents, and I'm totally against that," said Mr. Deacon, 35. [snip] On their forms, they said the adopting family must be conservative Christians and, ideally, include a stay-at-home mother.

Nope; not creepy at all. Just a government program that allows people to say that potential families are disqualified due to homosexuality or religious belief. You see those every day.

I don't know what's more outrageous: that Bush is pushing a program that allows people to enforce bigotry against others, or that the New York Times is reporting it like it's nothing special.


Oh, Look. A Pig Just Flew Past My Window.

FOX News is covering the Downing Street Memo. I will repeat that: a news affiliate that openly admits it is conservative is reporting on a memo that shows the causes behind the Iraq War to be trumped up and full of shit, and how no one is talking about it.

This is when you get off your ass, mainstream media.

UPDATE: At my signal, unleash Hell.


Because There's Nothing Gay About Football. Especially the "Tight Ends".

Having a team like the San Francisco 49ers must be like having your own little viewing portal into Bizarro World. In San Francisco, everyone's tolerant, accepting, supporting of gay rights... and then in the locker room, you have Garrison "I wouldn't want a gay guy around me" Hearst and, well, this shit.

In the video the team's public relations director, Kirk Reynolds portrays Newsom. In one scene there is a mock lesbian wedding taped at a strip club.

"I know the courts say we can't do this," says Reynolds impersonating the mayor. "We make our own rules here in San Francisco."

Especially, if the video is any clue, ones that violate the laws of good taste.

The the [sic] happy couple then engages in heavy petting.

I'm sure the team was immensely familiar with these kinds of lesbians.

In other scenes Chinese are mocked.

How sad; it tries to be daring and edgy, yet it must settle for A&F's sloppy seconds.

"Did I push it too far? I did," Reynolds said. "The ideas of the tape are appropriate for the locker room — though some of the subjects were inappropriate for the values of this organization, and mine frankly."

And therein lies the problem. How the hell can organized sports possibly become a friendly environment for openly gay athletes if the management tells the players that it's okay to make fun of people of other races and sexual orientations?

Wednesday, June 01, 2005


Out of Order

Human Events Online, an uberconservative online rag, has put together a list of the top ten "most dangerous" books of the past two hundred years. Of course, it has enough flaws in it to be deemed both inaccurate and risible (what the fuck did Darwin do to you?), but what speaks the most about it is, of all the books of the 19th and 20th century, they failed to include one book.

The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, the forgery by members of the Russian secret police that painted Judaism as an organized conspiracy aiming for nothing less than the complete annihilation of Christianity. The book was created to encourage pogroms in tsarist Russia, and ended up inspiring both Henry Ford and Adolf Hitler. And where is it on that list? Nowhere. Sure, they put up Mein Kampf, but that's the madness, not its source.

It's entirely too telling that Human Events Online deems books about protecting the environment, sexual liberation, dangers in the automobile industry, evolution, and a woman's right to seek out her own life as works that embody the utmost dangers to society above a book that led to the Holocaust.


Just So the Blind Can See It

FOX News admits conservative bias, sky turns blue.



At least, that's what the AFA wants. You've got to wonder what goes through the heads of the guys at this group, don't you? "Well, our recent boycott against the media monolith that is Disney totally sucked fumes... let's go up against another indomitable captain of industry!"

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