Sunday, July 31, 2005


The Funniest Thing I Read in the Sunday Paper...

...and it wasn't even on the comics page.

I believe the key trait of a fanatic is that they don't get that others don't get their point of view. Who cares about such things as the soft sell and appropriate language? Their message will win people over regardless! Some previously-blogged examples of this would include the PETA comic book, Your Mommy Kills Animals and Tony Perkins's editorial in the Washington Post asking, "What's so bad about Biblical law?"

Now comes an editorial straight from the head of "Special Projects" for the American Family Association. See, today, the Boston Globe ran two editorials on the matter of boycotts: one on tomato farmers, and the other on not giving money to companies that support gay rights.

In fact, you can tell from the heading that this editorial is a tragic misfire: "Targeting gay rights." Doesn't this sound like an article that Mike Signorile or Dan Savage would write? But instead, it's written by the guy who's actually targeting gay rights. I mean, couldn't you at least refer to them as "homosexual privileges" or something?

The rest of the article... well, I'll let it speak for itself:

When the results came in, we discovered that Sears and Roebuck topped the list of advertisers who sponsored offensive programming. So Wildmon announced that he and his congregants in Tupelo, Miss., would boycott Sears. The media got hold of it, and Sears realized it had a public relations problem on its hands. Wildmon led a protest march in front of Sears Tower in Chicago, and within hours Sears announced it was changing its sponsorship of several questionable programs (I remember ''Three's Company" was one of them.)

"See? We had power in the '70s! And we've been targeting anything vaguely gay since that time!"

Nowadays, the Internet makes it easy for any group to organize a boycott. At any given time, probably every company in America has somebody boycotting it. But there's still power in numbers, and our organization, in concert with other conservative groups, can still generate an enormous number of complaints--anywhere from 100,000 to one million. When that happens, corporations pay attention.

Yes, by either a) ignoring them, b) going over to their point of view, but then flipping back to supporting gays after being hit with a bigger boycott, or c) resulting in the company openly supporting its gay employees. I mean, at least us queers have Cracker Barrel in the win column.

Since Sears, we've boycotted Disney to protest their Gay Days and Procter & Gamble for contributing to a campaign in support of homosexual rights, which we believe would lead to an endorsement of gay marriage.

Hmm, I wonder... how did that boycott against Disney end up again?

Oh, and if you read through the article, you'll find that not in one place does Sharp explain why all this gay stuff is so bad. Sure, there's the thing at the front that strikes up an almost tangential connection to sex and violence, but otherwise, he's basically saying, "It's just bad, okay?"

I'm sure this will win the hearts and minds of Bostonians everywhere.


The Eyes Have It

Yes, I'm sure the badly-corroded Jesus statue popping its eye open was a total miracle. And the apparent horrible case of dandruff? Miracle!

Remember the good ol' days, when things had to bleed before anyone called the Vatican?

Saturday, July 30, 2005


But Really, I Love the Nig-- Uh...

I'm sorry, but if you're the son of the guy who famously said, "Segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever"-- and then got proven totally fucking wrong, of course-- wouldn't you try to go out of your way to avoid being lumped with racists?

Guess stupid passes down on the father's side.

Friday, July 29, 2005


Exploding Conch Shell, v. 2.0

My little brother has a noble dream: he wants to take over Cuba. No, seriously. Once Castro kicks it (hopefully, at some time when my brother has acquired an acumen of knowledge regarding politics and real estate development), my little brother will move in and seize control of the island nation in a glorious coup.

Well, guess I have to tell him that he has some major competition.

Take note of the language, by the way: "accelerate the demise" of Castro's rule. It's reminiscient of the multitude of insane plots embarked upon by the CIA to knock off Castro during the '60s. And when I say insane, I mean insane. Itching powder on the lining of his scuba suit, and LSD on the mouthpiece. Special salts in his shoes that would make his famous hair fall out. The exploding conch shell of the title. Once, Ian Fleming joked at a state dinner about exploiting the Cuban love of "money, religion, and sex" by dropping counterfeit money, painting a big cross in the sky, and telling Cubans to shave off their beards to avoid impotence caused by radioactive waste, and the CIA honestly wanted to go through with it. Wacky.

Oh, and Caleb McCarry, the guy in charge of this latest attempt, was also related to the massive clusterfuck that was the booting of Aristide, according to Shakespeare's Sister. Oh, dear.

Well, at least my little brother might be able to afford some land there when we're done with it.


Manhoes for Bush

Y'know, I was thinking; it's been about five months since we found out that Jeff Gannon was a whore, and in more ways than one. And I thought: amongst the approximately five hundred scandals that have failed to result in anything at the White House, what made this one so important?

Well, at the very least, it's that a man was being paid by a GOP analyst to go to White House press conferences and give Scott McClellan a blowjob (metaphorically, of course, though one never knows) while talking shit about liberals. And at the very most, it's that a man with what is technically a criminal past*- that was found out by a man with nothing more than a computer and a credit card- managed to obtain a hard press pass and insider info, meaning that either a) someone at the White House was very, very lazy, or b) someone at the White House owned Jeffy-poo a little favor.

Of course, as with every scandal that the Bush White House stirs up, it seems to have vanished into the ether. But wait, is that... a sign of life? Why, yes, it's an editorial in the Southern Voice! Oh, Jeff; how can we miss you if you won't go away?

Putting aside the fact that a man with a... "questionable" history of public views on gay issues has been granted an editorial in Atlanta's major GLBT newspaper, the article is basically the story of Gannon's life: I was a man who was too stupid not to go back and delete websites from when I was a hooker before I went before the Bush White House tossing out baseless statements that embarrassed liberals, and some gay liberal bloggers outed me for this. For some reason, we are supposed to sympathize with him.

Oh, and there's an added bit about how bloggers like John Aravosis (who is five times the journalist that Gannon is) are offering aid to the enemy by questioning the Bush Administration's handling of Iraq. Yes, because during war, we must always obey our leader! The leader is always right, and you're a dirty commie for pointing out what he's screwing up! Thoughtcrimes! Thoughtcrimes!

Sigh. In conclusion, Jeff Gannon is just another reflection of how this administration has somehow avoided paying for its multitude of sins. Now if only he'd be quiet, and reflect on how his name could have been synonymous with Linda Tripp.

*I, of course, hold a libertarian view of the sex trade: as long as no one is doing it against their will, go for it. Still, as the books read nowadays, it's a criminal act, and one that should have set off alarms at the White House like a warehouse fire.


They Did It! We Don't Know How, But They Did It!

Hey, you know what? Maybe al-Qaeda convinced that Brazilian guy who got shot by British police to act suspicious. Yeah, that's it! Yeah, and then they paid the prisoners at Abu Ghraib to get raped!

Remember, kids; the authorities can do no wrong. Everyone else, however, has to make up for it in buckets.

Thursday, July 28, 2005


Let the Bird Soar

Apparently, President Bush took leave of his senses yesterday, believing that he was not George W. Bush, but actually Sid Vicious.

I'm not surprised; he's been doing that to us for the past five years.


Bin Laden Determined to Attack the '80s!

So, Bin Laden wanted to attack us with poisoned blow. Well, good to know he's reached the level of "CIA trying to kill Castro" when it comes to insane plots.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005


"You Didn't Kill Anyone! Here's a Raise!"

Someone, please tell me: why does the man who used his position of power to out an undercover CIA agent as petty revenge against a man who said that we had no grounds to go to war, thereby endangering national security and getting us into a war that most Americans see as pointless, get a fucking raise?

Washington is like an acid trip. Things happen that go against all laws of reason, and they happen a lot.


Reading is Evil!

Do any of these goatfuckers actually read the Harry Potter books before they go bitch crazy about them?

"The things that concern me about the Harry Potter series," the preacher and Christian publisher notes, "are things like sacrificing animals and emphasizing power, regardless of good or evil. Or offering up blood sacrifices, and things like boiling what seems to be a baby alive in a cauldron, or being possessed by demons -- these are not things that we want to have our children subjected to."

Right, because we all remember that moment in The Order of the Phoenix where Hermoine stabs herself in the cooch with a crucifix and starts spewing pea soup. "Emphasizing power, regardless of good or evil"? I think J.K. Rowling's made it pretty fucking obvious what good and evil are. And as for the "baby boiling" and "blood sacrifices"... well, I can see where you'd get that out of Voldemort's "resurrection" ritual in The Goblet of Fire, but the book makes it pretty clear that those are dark magics, not to be practiced by anyone decent.

It's not about sorcery. It was never about sorcery. It's about the fact that kids are reading a book that tells them to question authority and decide what's right on their own, which is anathema to fundamentalist thought. Hell, if C.S. Lewis wrote that shit, they'd probably still oppose it.


Stony Dan

Ladies and gentlemen, a dildo you could kill a man with.

And it's 28000 years old, too. Show it to a fundamentalist, and his head will explode for two completely different reasons.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005


We'll Just Stop a Terror Attack With Our Newly-Protected Handguns!

Y'know, I feel so much safer knowing that our elected officials, who we trust to protect us from outside threats to the best of their abilities, decided to move back a defense bill upgrade to cater to the whims of the NRA. After all, a horrible terrorist attack that could claim thousands of lives is just less important than--

Okay, I've officially reached my capacity when it comes to making snide, ironic statements. What the fuck is wrong with Washington?


Ministry of Backdoor Love

There's a perfectly healthy reason why three German states have been keeping asecret records of gays, right? Especially when there's no obvious legal reason for doing it, and the list divides men up by their sexual practices. I mean, it's not at all evocative of practices of the Nazi era, right?



The Thrill of Victory, and The Agony of Defeat...

...have been successfully avoided by Rick Santorum. Well, mostly the latter, in his case. So, why no run for Prez, Ricky?

"I have six children ages 4-14. And the idea of coming off a race of the intensity that I am engaged in at this point and turning around and running another two-year campaign for president is not something that I believe is in the best interest of my family," Santorum said in an online interview with The Washington Post.

Translation: "I've already made my kids pet their stillborn sibling. Do I really want to fuck them up more when they hear what daddy called the Bostonians?"

Monday, July 25, 2005


"Death. I Mean, Cake!"

John Roberts says exactly the wrong thing at exactly the wrong time.

This is very important. Not only did this man basically admit, "Yes, I view my faith as the guideline for US laws, not the Constitution," but has said that, if having to deal with something relating to either end of life, he will recuse himself, which would possibly lead to a split Supreme Court.

Boy, can Bush pick 'em.


Yes, Yes, But How Would Milton Have Done It?

Spoilers. For. Everything.

And now for something much more fun than child rape.

Okay, so, if you haven't heard by now, someone dies in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Somebody very important. (Hint: rhymes with "Bumblebore.")

So, of course, the Guardian took it upon themselves to hold a contest: rewrite Dumbledore's final serenade as if written by another author. If you ever wanted to see Dumbledore talking to Death, getting eaten by a grue, or being used to drain the piss out of Dan Brown, then now's the time.

Sunday, July 24, 2005


About Last Night...

I'm sorry about the post. It was a bit extreme, but really, I was just so horrified. I still have faith in the American people. I still have faith in the American dream. I still have faith in the basic goodness of others.

But my government has utterly and indeniably failed me. They are working to cover up evidence of what is basically child rape at Abu Ghraib. They could have easily come forward and said, "Some horrible things have happened, but we promise swift retribution." But they're not.

I'm not angry at Americans, or America. I'm angry at those who claim to represent America. Who claim to be our shining beacon unto the world, the guardian, the great protector. Their armor is rusted, their sword is stained in blood, and they have no legs to stand on.

I want my government to be honest, clear, and willing to admit mistakes. But now I know that will probably never happen.

Saturday, July 23, 2005


Who Are We?

What happened to truth, justice, and the American way?

What happened to us?

What happened to the idea that we were the stronghold of the world, the great shoulder for the world to cry on? The protector of the oppressed? The knight in shining armor?

The Pentagon is trying to block the release of more photos and videos detailing the abuses at Abu Ghraib. And if the videos reveal what Seymour Hersh says they reveal, then we have officially failed ourselves.

In the same period, reporter Seymour Hersh, who helped uncover the scandal, said in a speech before an ACLU convention: “Some of the worse that happened that you don't know about, ok? Videos, there are women there. Some of you may have read they were passing letters, communications out to their men….The women were passing messages saying ‘Please come and kill me, because of what's happened.’

“Basically what happened is that those women who were arrested with young boys/children in cases that have been recorded. The boys were sodomized with the cameras rolling. The worst about all of them is the soundtrack of the boys shrieking that your government has. They are in total terror it's going to come out.”

The emphasis is mine. If this is right, then American soldiers raped young boys, who were guilty of no crime other than being with their mothers or guardians. And instead of dealing with this matter openly and frankly, or openly shunning the perpetrators, the government has decided to sweep it under the rug.

Congratulations. The terrorists have finally won. Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses, so that I may fuck them up the ass, is the new mantra for America. I want this not to be true. I want, with all my heart, to live in a country where the innocent are protected and the guilty are punished openly and without recourse.

And yet, that's not what's happening. Crimes are happening every day against those that we are quick to label terrorists, guilt notwithstanding. Anyone who dares to speak out is said to be offering comfort to the terrorists. Kindness? Understanding? Don't you know that those are for liberal pansies? Strangle the brown folk! Nuke Mecca!

I miss America. Doesn't anyone else?


Did We Learn Nothing From Catherine the Great?*

I will never be clean.

The dead man was identified as a 45-year-old Seattle resident. According to the King County Medical Examiner's Office, he died of acute peritonitis due to perforation of the colon. The man's death is not being investigated because it did not result from a crime, Urquhart said.

Five bucks says this shows up on L&O: Special Victims Unit next season.

I'd also like to point out that, while I can only get married to the man of my dreams in one state at this time, I could theoretically top an entire barnyard in seventeen states with no penalty whatsoever. God, this country is beautiful.

*Yes, I know it was a stroke. But I needed something funny.


The Mitt Romney Cavalcade of Wrong

"Mommy, why's there an X and hastily scribbled 'second parent' on my birth certificate?"

Then again, it's not as if Mitt "Oh, Just Do What You Did Before" Romney has given two shits about gay parents. The next election can't get here soon enough.

Friday, July 22, 2005


Romney and the MBTA

"Well, how was I supposed to know the proper cost of a T fare? I mean, I don't take the subway, like you mere mortals!"

I'm beginning to think Mitt commutes daily from Rhode Island to serve as Governor. It would explain so much.


Attack of the 50-Foot Size 10s

Apparently, women with curves are out to deprive Richard Roeper of his God-given right to a boner, or somewhat.

Now, I'll admit it; I'm a gay man, so I'm not in this ad's target audience. And when I fantasize about the perfect man, I think of... well, I'd rather not go into it here, but I doubt the average man looks like that. But I also find average guys pretty attractive, too: the guys who are a bit skinny, or have some pudge on them. And what Roeper says is really amazing for its brazen "whatever"ness:

Now here's where I'm supposed to say that I find it refreshing to see "real people" on billboards, given that our culture is so obsessed with youth and beauty, and that most billboards feature impossibly gorgeous, ridiculously thin women who have been airbrushed to a level of perfection that 99.9 percent of the population can never reach.

But the raw truth is, I find these Dove ads a little unsettling. If I want to see plump gals baring too much skin, I'll go to Taste of Chicago, OK? I'll walk down Michigan Avenue or go to Navy Pier. When we're talking women in their underwear on billboards outside my living room windows, give me the fantasy babes, please.

"Yeah, I know, our culture is one of women being led like a donkey with a Twinkie-on-a-stick towards some standard of beauty that is well-nigh impossible to obtain, and that women with extra poundage are treated like freaks by the media- but who cares? I want all Kate Moss, all the time!"

Remember, average women; every time you flaunt it, L'il Roeper goes flat. Isn't that more than enough incentive to be visible?


The Fan, The Shit Has Hit It

So, apparently the Wall Street Journal will be reporting today that the memo revealing Valerie Plame's secret identity was clearly marked "Top Secret", with a special designation for the info about Plame.

Meanwhile, John notes that, even after the revelation of Roberts as candidate for Supreme Court Justice, everyone and their mother wants to be the one to crack the big story about Rove.

The chickens haven't just come home to roost; they're laying eggs, too.


I'm Glad I'm Here

I know I give the US a lot of crap. I know that I sometimes complain about the stuff I go through as a gay guy*.

But you know what? I'm really glad I don't live in Iran.

What happened to those two boys is both frightening and frustrating. How can we allow things like that to happen in our modern world?

Remember; extremism kills.

*Not that I don't have a right to complain. I mean, when religious right groups side with hate groups, I think I'm allowed to bitch just a little.

Thursday, July 21, 2005


Taking a Break

I'm taking a little respite from blogging until I feel normal again. Ever since the surgery, I've felt slightly... well, disconnected from the world around me. I think it might be because I'm not sleeping right; I have to sleep on a couch, because if I sleep on anything thicker, there's a good chance I'll turn over and squash my freshly-reconstructed nose.

It's not going to be long. Probably just a couple of days. And if anything really crucial happens in that time, I'll be blogging it. Until then, though, I just think I need some time to myself.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005


Back Under the Burqa With You!

Hey, remember when Laura Bush was all about touring around the Middle East and making points about women's rights? Think she's going to say something about this?

The draft of a chapter of the new constitution obtained by The New York Times on Tuesday guarantees equal rights for women as long as those rights do not "violate Shariah," or Koranic law. [snip] But women's groups are incensed by Article 14, which would repeal a relatively liberal personal status law enacted in 1959 after the British-backed monarchy was overthrown by secular military officers. That law remained in effect through the decades of Mr. Hussein's rule.

I will repeat that: the new Iraqi government is drafting up a constitution that says that women will have less rights than they did under the tyrannical dictator.

Democracy wins!


There Ain't No Justices

So, it's John Roberts. Who has been a judge for all of two years, written amicus briefs for Operation Rescue, and who's making the fundies all misty-eyed:

"The president is a man of his word," said Tony Perkins, the president of the Family Research Council, a conservative Christian group. "He promised to nominate someone along the lines of a Scalia or a Thomas, and that is exactly what he has done."

Joy. I mean, I should probably wait for the guy to start talking-- I mean, Souter turned out to be a big surprise-- but this doesn't exactly look promising.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005


Smack My Bitch Up

"Women are weak and unable to take care of themselves."

"The Violence Against Women Act is meaningless."

Would someone please tell Phyllis Schlafly that you can't have your bullshit and eat it, too?

(Ganked from Pandagon.)


The Nose Knows

Today I had the nose packs removed. Good news is, now I can somewhat breathe. Bad news is, my nose is going to keep bleeding for a day or two, which means I have to wear a strap over my face that keeps a pad of gauze under my constantly-running nose. Joy.

So, what was it like? Well, at around 6:10, 3/4s of the Cognito Clan showed up at the hospital for various reasons. I was there for the nose job; Mother Cognito came to wish me luck, and to go get a mammogram; and Father Cognito was there to wish me luck, and to look into what caused his knee to blow out right before we went on vacation to Umbria (the two watched over me in shifts while I was undergoing the surgery). I talked to a litany of nurses, and then the doctor, and then the anesthesiologist. I don't really remember much after the anesthesiologist, because damn, that stuff acts quick; my parents were actually kinda surprised that I'd gone under even before I was wheeled into the OR.

When I came to, I felt like someone had shoved a paste pot in my mouth. I kept wanting to go back to sleep, which I probably did once or twice. After a while, I was wheeled back into the recovery room, and from there, I just waited until I felt like I could go home. And then I did. I know, not really exciting, but hey, you try recalling thrilling details while the remnants of anesthesia flow through your veins.

After that, I just headed home. I've found out that I cannot eat certain things (chomping on a lettuce leaf, for example, requires a range of motion that my nose hamper prevents), but on the plus side, I've got all the sorbet and frozen yogurt I can eat (no ice cream, though. So many ice cream flavors contain chocolate, which makes me sneeze for some arcane reason, and sneezing is anathema to my current condition.).

Now if only I could truly breathe...


Because Brinksmanship Worked So Well During the Cold War

"Hey, why don't we threaten to nuke Mecca?" If you didn't get to the end of that sentence and come up with three good reasons why, then you have the mental accuity of Tom Tancredo.

Seriously, Tom; there's a reason it's called "cause and effect".

By the way, the reason I'm up at the crack of ass this morning is because I woke up at about 1:45 and found it well-nigh impossible to go back to sleep. Once these nose packs come out, I'm taking a nap.

Monday, July 18, 2005


Schnozz Update

It was a success; my nose now has a bridge. It also has about five pounds of gauze stuck in the nostrils, so I think I'll wait until tomorrow to mention the rest. Until then, I'll be focusing mainly on breathing through my mouth.


The Beverly Hills Special

In a little break from the deluge of news and abuse, in about ten minutes, I'll be heading off to the hospital for a nosejob.

When I entered puberty, a lot of me got bigger: facial hair, muscles, me in general. The only thing that didn't, however, was the bridge of my nose. While the rest of it grew out, my bridge remained sunken. So, any photo of me taken from profile made it look like I'd met the wrong end of a meat cleaver.

We finally decided it would be best for me to have a bridge installed before I headed off to Emerson; any attempt to do it while I was in high school would just reek of Clueless. So, I'll be trusting the #2 cosmetic surgeon in the greater Boston area (hey, he tries harder) and his miraculous Gore-Tex bridge to give me a normal nose.

So, next time you'll see me, my schnozz will (hopefully) be perfect.


Collar and Cuffs Don't Match

When I was a young man, I was struggling with gayness. As a newly-fledged Catholic (I actually ended up being baptism, receiving first communion, and getting confirmed in one night; yay for late bloomers!), I'd heard that homosexuality was a mortal sin. I went to my youth minister, Bob, and asked him if I was going to Hell, and he told me that being gay wasn't a sin, but gay sex was, and even then, it was just as bad as straight sex with a condom. Bob actually gave me the strength to recognize that, hey, being gay was okay, and I came out a few months later.

I'm so glad to see that Pope Benedict XVI is doing everything he can to shit all over my happy memories. Benedict is now saying that one who merely "has a homosexual tendency" is not fit to become a priest. It's loosely defined, of course, but it could basically say it doesn't matter if a gay guy remains celibate; he's still not fit to become a priest. Andrew Sullivan drives me crazy every so often, but he hits in right on the mark when he mentions Father Mychal Judge, the priest who died in the WTC administering to fallen firemen, and who just happened to be gay. Under Benedict's order, despite being celibate, he was nothing.

I'm tired of it. I've been tired of it for a long time, which was obviously why I left the Church in the first place. But now I'm just tired of being told by someone who's never had to struggle with coming to grips with their sexuality tell me that it doesn't matter how hard I try, I'm still fucked up.

So stuff it, Ratzinger. You didn't look over me while I was learning about Catholicism; Bob did. So I think I'll take his word over yours.


I Guess Cameras Do Steal Souls, Then

Do you want to catch the look on that fundie's face when he finds out that, not only has his campaign against a gay-friendly company not intimidated said business, but has in fact driven them to create a site celebrating its queer employees?

Make it a Kodak moment.


Surveillance Nation

The Justice Department has officially announced that they have collected thousands of pages on leftist activism groups, such as the ACLU and Greenpeace. Oh, and here's an interesting tidbit:

The government did release one document it gathered on United for Peace and Justice that Romero said reinforces his concerns. The organization describes itself as a coalition of more than 1,300 anti-war groups.

A memo from Sept. 4, 2003, about Internet sites that were promoting protests at the 2004 Republican National Convention in New York was addressed to counterterrorism units in Boston, Los Angeles and New York.

That's right, folks; peaceful protests now equal terrorism.

Not only is this a frightening step backwards to the days of Hooverism, but it also says so much about the Bush White House. That being: they don't care about terror. What they care about, is those dirty liberals. The DHS expressed more concern for groups such as the Animal Liberation Front and the ELF while saying next to nothing about right wing groups, even though the head of Aryan Nations was reaching out to fucking al Qaeda. The Justice Department has spent hours that could have been spent tracking down terrorists and preventing attacks devoted to groups that save the whales and fight for the inalienable rights of everyone.

We have entered a state where real threats no longer matter, but perceived threats are everything. Someone stop the fiction.

Sunday, July 17, 2005


CDC Rogues, Yo, Keepin' It Fresh!

And now for something slightly less depressing.

This was taken on a sidestreet of Citta Di' Castello, a town in Umbria.

For those of you wondering what the d20 system is, it's the system that role-playing games such as Dungeons and Dragons, Call of Cthulhu, and Mutants and Masterminds are based upon.

So, yeah. What we have here is nerd grafitti.

Let your geek flag fly.


Diddling While Haiti Burns

Are we entering a new age of apathy? ABC News stirred up a fervor when they said, "Hey, no one's really paying attention to Iraq, so let's focus on what the people want." Has this mindset pervaded the entire media?

After the resignation of Jean-Bertrand Aristide (or coup; depends who you talk to), Haiti has fallen apart. Someone's obviously noticed; last May, the State Department issued a travel warning to all United States citizens wishing to visit Haiti, due to "volatile security situations". Last Tuesday, the UK followed suit, but for different reasons.

On July 6, an UN peacekeeping force entered the shantytown of Cite Soleil with the stated purpose of assassinating Emmanuel Wilmer and his lieutenants, men the country's media had labled as bandits. What happened, however, was a massacre. While the UN claims that most of the victims were armed and resisting arrest, video shows that many of them were clearly unarmed, and that children were among the dead. Indeed, the majority of survivors treated for gunshot wounds were women and children. The US is doing nothing to intercede, with Ambassador James Foley blaming a pro-Aristide rebel movement for acts of mounting violence, despite the fact that video has been taken of policemen planting guns on the corpses of slaughter victims, and the fact that eight Haitian police officers have been implicated and arrested in a recent spate of kidnappings.

This is not Iraq. This is not Darfur. This is not over there. This is here. This is one tiny sea away from us. And yet, no one is saying anything. Why?

Talk this up. Tell someone. Write to your Congressman. Call your local news station. Just don't let silence prevail.

Saturday, July 16, 2005


Two-for-One Self-Loathing!

I'm a little late to talk about this, but why the fuck is an openly gay man working for Santorum without having to bathe daily in holy water? Care to explain for yourself, Mr. Traynham?

Traynham went on to say "Senator Santorum is a man of principle, he is a man who sticks up for what he believes in, I strongly do support Senator Santorum."

Oh, principles! Y'know, the Klan has principles, too. Care to try again?

When pressed on whether he supported the Senator's stands on lesbian and gay issues, Mr. Traynham abruptly ended the phone call by saying "Senator Santorum is a family man. I have been with Senator Santorum for eight years and I am very proud to be with him."

Well, that certainly answers... absolutely nothing. You have to wonder: what drives a guy to end up working for a man who sees him as everything that's wrong with America? Some are saying it's a selfish grab for power, while others are saying delusion. I've gotta side with Pam on this one, though; I mean, the DNC is doing somewhere south of nothing to counter the renewed interest the RNC is taking in black voters. It's twisted, sure, but somewhat reasonable that Traynham would put race before sexuality.

I said "somewhat", of course. Because, really, if you want to support the Republican party, you have better people to work for than Sen. Frothy Mixture.

Friday, July 15, 2005


Sweeter Than Candy

Pete is either a genius, a madman, or both. His latest work of divine insanity is a check-up on the kids from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, twenty years after they entered Wonka's factory. Go. Read. Enjoy.

Part 1.
Part 2.
Part 3.
Part 4.
Part 5.


No Jokes This Time

A man beat his three-year-old son to death because he thought he might be gay.

He. Thought. His. Three. Year. Old. Son. Might. Be. Gay. So he "slap-boxed" with him, to see that he wasn't a "pansy".

Obviously, the guy was a few pancakes short of a stack. But what kind of world do we live in where a guy is so afraid that his son is gay that he doesn't care if he's hurting him?

Speaking of which... "Zach"'s dad is defending sending his son to an "ex-gay" camp where the participants are urged to kill themselves if they don't get it right. Of course, Dad won't let things like logic and his son's own feelings get in the way:

“We felt very good about Zach coming here because… to let him see for himself the destructive lifestyle, what he has to face in the future, and to give him some options that society doesn't give him today,” Stark told CBN. “Knowing that your son... statistics say that by the age of 30 he could either have AIDS or be dead.”

Once again, people: Paul Cameron did not get kicked out of the APA because he was just too cool for them. He was kicked out because he extrapolated data from ridiculously low sample populations. My Psych teacher would've ripped off his head and screamed down the hole if he tried to pass that crap off as a realistic study.

Remember, kids: better dead than... gay.

Thursday, July 14, 2005


The "Thuds of Falling Bodies Dance Remix" Was Later Removed Judiciously

What could really make sure that people have a happy, enjoyable 4th of July? How about playing a remix of "God Bless the USA" that features calls to 911 on 9/11?

There's a thin line between patriotism and stupidity. Then again, in this case, the line was probably wider than the Grand Canyon and glowed in the dark, but that didn't really matter.


Uncle Rom, Part 2: The Romneying

Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney, a Republican who — like Santorum — has been mentioned as a possible presidential candidate in 2008, called the remarks unfortunate, but did not ask for an apology, said spokesman Eric Fehrnstrom.

"Senator Santorum is a fine person, and we're all entitled to make a mistake once in a while," Fehrnstrom said.

"Oh, go ahead, Ricky! Accuse my constituency of widespread moral degradation, you little scamp!"

This fucker honestly doesn't give two shits about the people who voted him into office, does he? Between this, lying to the people about his position of abortion, and laughing while his fellow Republicans make fun of his voters, I bet he views us as nothing more as willing peons who will build a great shrine unto him.

Well, at least we won't be making the same mistake twice.


Just Close Your Eyes and Think of England

So, after expending every possible legislative option, how are fundamentalists going to try and stop gay marriage from going forward? Who, who can help them?

Well, why not... Queen Elizabeth II? Uh... good luck with that.

Oh, by the way, am I the only one who finds this quote extremely creepy?

"Should you act in this, millions of us would surely become more fervent supporters of the monarchy than ever," he wrote.

That's right; act in this, and we'll throw over the right of representation for an outmoded system of government kept around solely for ornamental purposes where one person has a "divine right" to judge all others. Let's get Sam Vimes up in this bitch, shall we?

Wednesday, July 13, 2005


We're Through the Looking Glass, People

"Yay for Karl Rove, protector of sunshine and puppies! Joe Wilson's a big hypocritical meanie, and who cares about his wife?"

In the coming few days, we'll have editorials on how the brave, valiant Nixon was right to spy on the evil Democrats, and on what color the sky is in this guy's world.


You Will Eat This Shit, and You Will Like It!

Hollow Man 2.

I Know What You Did Last Summer 3.

Fucking. Road. House. 2.

Hollywood's not run by liberals; it's run by mentally-deficient mandrills.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005


Now Show Me On the Doll Where the Bad Political Philosophy Touched You

Oh, hi, Rick Santorum. I know you're busy worrying about the things I do to Fido on a nightly basis, but I'd like to talk to you about your recent comments about how that filthy liberalism was why the clergy sex abuse scandal started in Boston.

Y'see, Rick, I'm a Bostonian. I happen to also be a liberal. And I also happen to know that a lot of church members, including Bernard Law, happened to be conservative, and thus thought ignoring the problem would be better than dealing with it. I also happen to know that Pope John Paul II, who was also a strict conservative, did not turn on Law in shame, but invited him to the Vatican to escape prosecution.

Also, as far as I know, Harvard professors did not rape any little boys. Happily-wedded gay couples did not coerce children placed in their trust into performing sex acts. John Kerry did not engage in child sex abuse (although, had the Swift Boat campaign failed, I wouldn't have been surprised to hear that one).

In short, Rick, liberals did not allow members of the Catholic Church to abuse children. The Catholic Church allowed members of the Catholic Church to abuse children.

Good. Glad we got that sorted out. Now go violate Godwin's Law some more, or something.

UPDATE: He's not backing down. Mind you, he has yet to say anything about the liberal attitudes in San Diego, or Ireland, or anywhere else. I guess those damn liberals are as secret as the Illuminati, huh?


My College Tuition For a Life in Montreal!

Last year, it was Evil Dead: The Musical. This year, it's zombies attacking the Society for Creative Anachronism.

At least I know where to go when Jeb gets elected president.


Dear God, I'm Conservative!

I mean, let's face it: I've expressed a desire to punch Ted Rall in the throat; ergo, I'm a conservative. At least, that's what Kenneth Tomlinson's opinion archivist thinks. Among his delightful misfires:

-Henry Rollins is a conservative, just because he said, "Support the troops." Needless to say, Henry's not pleased.
-Everlast is also a conservative. I'll let you all take a little break reading this to go scan the lyrics to "What It's Like", then break into fits of laughter. Go on, do it.
-Chuck Hagel is a liberal for... praising Ronald Reagan? That's right; the guy who said, "Bring back the draft," is one of those bleeding-heart radicals.

Why do research? Making shit up is so much more fun.

Monday, July 11, 2005


Flopping Like a Fish

Looks like no one in the MSM is taking any shit anymore (courtesy of Crooks and Liars).

Seriously, this video is one of the most schadenfreudy things I've ever seen. The press calls out McClellan on his long stream of bullshit, and all he can do is collapse like a house of cards in a stiff breeze and spout the same line like a broken Talking Press Secretary Barbie. Looks like people are finally standing up and taking notice.


Catching Up

So, over the course of my vacation, Spain and Canada both got nationwide gay marriage. That? Is very, very awesome. Congratulations to the soon-to-be-newlyweds.

Now, if only we could get it right...

Sunday, July 10, 2005


I Am Not the Shit Beneath Your Heels

The new black in politics seems to be the idea of "surrenderism"; that is, the idea that we should sacrifice our interests, our values, even our very will to seek the things that keep us alive, before the great nation state. Antonin Scalia said that "excessive costs" are a good enough reason to make the handicapped of America crawl up courthouse steps. Priscilla Owen deliberately delayed Willie Searcy's case to the point that his continued existence was no longer a threat to a multibillion dollar company.

Now, Jeb Bush is dealing with the matter of Marissa Amora, a black six-year-old girl in foster care. While under the care of previous foster parents who had a lengthy record of criminal abuse, Marissa suffered horrible injuries that left her in need of permanent care, including a feeding tube. A jury ruled against Florida's Department of Children and Families, awarding Marissa $35 million in damages for future care. So, does Jeb Bush admit that his government was wrong?

No. He's fighting to dismiss the award. Not reduce, but dismiss. And he says it's because the jury was swayed by "prejudice and sympathy".

No more. No. More. I love my nation. I love America. I will give my life for its ideals, its liberties, and its people. I will not give up my life because some fucktard with supreme power thinks that I am nothing in the face of his prevailing interests.

JFK once said that I should ask what I can do for my country. And I do. I volunteer, I help, and, while paying taxes will probably be a pain in the ass, at least I'll do them while recognizing that they go to doing good works. All of this, however, is contingent on the idea that my country will do something for me. They will protect me, they will nurture me, and they will allow me full access to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Unconditionally, and not because it doesn't get in the way of some prevailing interest.

I have done much for my country. I will do much for my country. But I will not be asked to give up my livelihood just because the wrong guy fucked up.


Under the Umbrian Sun

So, I'm back. And what was Italy like? Pretty neat, actually.

We started off our grand vacation with a stopover for the night in Dublin. While U2 was there on tour. Yeah. Not a very peaceful choice. Strangely enough, the cabbie who drove us to the airport the next morning said it was usually worse after a Friday night. This, mind you, while we were driving through rubbish that could choke an ox.

A few hours later, we were in Italy. We'd rented a house in Umbria, only to find out it had a few... quirks. It was hot. Very, very hot. For us to stay cool, we had to open every window in the house and pray for a breeze.

Did I mention that Umbria was also seeing record numbers of moths?

So, we'd go to bed at night, keeping cool the only way we knew how, only to find in the morning that the house had turned into a hostel for all manner of insect life. It was after I was woken up on the third morning at 5:30 AM because I had one unseen mosquito buzzing in each ear that we decided we could no longer live in a wild kingdom for what we were paying, so we went out and bought a fan for each bedroom.

After that, the house seemed much more pleasant. We were regularly visited by all manner of animal life, but the cute kind: a friendly cat we affectionately nicknamed "L'il Fatso", who turned out to belong to the gardeners; a slightly-less-friendly cat we nicknamed "Skitsy"; and Max, a setter who belonged to the Germans next door and took delight in chasing down and barking at a great number of things (including, one night, me, as I was just getting out of the shower).

The towns were neat. Some were cool (Umbrio), others were tolerable (Perugia), others were a bit of a pain (Assisi), and almost all were inclined. You wonder why Italians are so thin after all those starches? Just try walking up the hills of Assisi in the middle of July and see what you look like in a couple of weeks.

The major event of our vacation, however, was the Palio. Every year, Siena throws two horse races, with one horse representing each district of Siena. The race lasts for approximately 90 seconds, during which time there are absolutely no rules. Other horses can be hit with riding whips. Riders can be hit with riding whips. Hell, a horse can place even after its rider has been reduced to a long, greasy smear. Afterwards, all of Siena parties hearty, something that we were forced to miss.

Mind you, for all its brevity, you have to wait a long-ass time to see the Palio. We got to the campo- the central square- at 2:30, and the race didn't start until about 8:45. This, mind you, was after about five occasions where the horses had to start lining up all over again and two false starts, which made the actual occurrence of the Palio somewhat less of a, "Woo!", and more of a, "Oh, thank God."

All in all, it was a fairly good trip. But I'm glad to be home, back in my bed, and in a town that's mostly level and has not been invaded by moths.



My heart goes out to the victims of the London train bombings. We need to be aware that we are still vulnerable, but by staying together, we can fight them off.

Speaking of which... sigh. Georgie, Georgie, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to call off the engagement. Yes, I think Tony Blair is a big pillock. Yes, I do think that, through his inaction, he caused this to happen. Still. There is a time and a place for everything, and blaming the guy who's calling for unity and standing together for what happened mere hours after the fact? That's not really it.

Full Italy update to follow.

Friday, July 01, 2005


Shitstorm is Go

Well, I'm glad to see Sandra Day O'Connor waited to retire until I was out of the country. That way, it'll be easier to flee if anything goes horribly wrong.

So, what's Italy like, by the way? Hilly. Very hilly. More on that when I'm back home.

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