Tuesday, May 31, 2005


Damn. And I Had Down Norman Mailer.

Who is Deep Throat? Uh... this guy? Could be.

UPDATE: It is.


Black Fool's Gold

We've almost hit the oil peak, according to some experts. From here on out, oil's going to be harder to get at. Prices will go up, inflation will strike, and wars will break out for what's left.

That is, of course, unless people break from oil as a major energy source and fully embrace alternative energy. The wind farm out on the Cape is pretty much a given (and will now run cheaper, due to base closings that have freed up land for the farm), and nuclear energy has limitless potential if handled with caution. I believe that when the peak hits, we'll be able to ride it out.

And if not? Well, I have been looking into job options in a pre-industrial society, just in case. Father Cognito thinks I'd make a good shaman.


"Jews are Liars. How's Your Veal?"

The fact that Christopher Hitchens not only had dinner with David "What Mass Murder?" Irving, but argued for the publication of his works in the US, is more than enough reason to pimp-slap him.

Once again: call me, George. We'll have fun kicking Hitch in the balls together.

Monday, May 30, 2005


Remember Today

Remember the people who died for you today.

Remember the revolutionaries, the Union soldiers, the doughboys, the grunts, the troops.

Remember everyone who fought in every war for America, whether you view it as just or unjust.

Remember. It's the least we can do.

Sunday, May 29, 2005


Your Next-Door Narcs

Let us examine what is wrong with our drug laws as of right now:

1. They are draconian. According to a 1990 study, 90 percent of all first-time drug offenders were sentenced to an average of five years in prison*.
2. They are racist and elitist. Currently, possession of crack (most common among lower class blacks) carries a harsher sentence than possession of cocaine (most common among upper-middle class whites).

Want to know what will be wrong with them if Congressman James "You Said 'Fuck' on TV, You Should Go to Jail!" Sensenbrenner gets his way? All of the above, plus compulsory narcing for anyone who so much as hears about drug use. And yes, that includes narcing on your siblings, your parents, and your kids. And here's where it gets worse:

Taking time to talk to your relative about treatment instead of calling the police immediately could land you in jail.

In other words, you must sit there, helpless, as your son/brother/dad/husband goes to jail. Any attempt to change that, any attempt to straighten him out that is not judicially mandated, will result in a minimum sentence of no less than two years in federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison.

It's official; we are slowly yet surely sliding into fascism.

*Yes, I openly admit that my source for this is Bill Bryson. If I erred, then correct me.

Saturday, May 28, 2005


Everybody Out of the Gene Pool

God, if I were the poor guy who runs Sadly, No!, I would have slit my wrists long ago out of despair for the human race. In my brief visits to the site, I've found articles calling for the execution of gay people, talking about launching another Crusade (not "Bush makes a faux pas" Crusade, but a real "kill all Muslims in the name of God" Crusade), and now, arguing that rape is good, and hell, women keep asking for it. Never mind the fact that just because a subset of the population wants it (e.g., BDSM) does not mean that all people find it enjoyable and not at all traumatic (e.g., Abu Ghraib).

How can something so stupid be allowed to keep breathing? May every girl Mr. Ross runs into have a handgun, carry a can of Mace, and know Pai Mei's Five-Point-Palm Exploding Heart Technique.

Friday, May 27, 2005


Law and Order: Special Interests Unit

Tom DeLay: "Don't make fun of me, Dick Wolf!"

The Texas Republican went on to suggest the "slur" against him was intended as a jab at comments he had made about "the need for Congress to closely monitor the federal judiciary."

Oh, you mean comments like--

"The time will come for the men responsible for this to answer for their behavior, but not today."

Those kind of comments?

Only a man like DeLay could tell someone to stop cracking jokes about him while he's facing an indictment. At least Bill Clinton hasn't told anyone to stop making jokes about him and blowjobs.

Thursday, May 26, 2005


Yeah, The Suffering Guy Can Suck on It!

That does it. Any group that claims to be Christian and says to a senator, "Fuck your crippling disease," deserves nothing less that a hearty pimp-slapping from the Lord himself.


I Said, Money...

...money changes everything. Especially ideologies about when life begins and moral boycotts.

Remember, kids; the higher up you are on a pedestal, the easier it is to fall.


Thought Lost Out

In AP Psych, we learned that some people who are manic often engage in something called "the flight of ideas". This is when they spit out words that bear some relation, even if the string of words lacks any sort of coherent meaning whatsoever (e.g., "Row go stop drop roll hole in the wall bang bang clang...").

Which is my only real explanation for the words of this proponent of a "Love Won Out" program:

"The goal is to provide healing for those that want healing in this area of same-sex attraction," said Glenn Reph, the church's executive pastor, adding, "It's not negative. It's not gay bashing."

But while claiming not to condemn anyone, Reph said that letting children "choose" homosexuality "would be like letting them choose murder or adultery" because it is "not God's way of life."

So, you're not being negative... but you're comparing gayness to the violent taking of another's life. I don't know how those ideas can get so close to one another without exploding.

Luckily, a local chapter of PFLAG is injecting some sanity. But it's scary how people like Reph can say stuff like that without appearing to experience any form of cognitive dissonance whatsoever.


Oreos Taste So Much Sweeter With a Righteous Asskicking

Kraft to American Family Association: "We'll sponsor whatever gay events we want, so go fuck yourselves." I know I'm buying some Macaroni and Cheese this weekend.


Newsweek Lied, Peop- Uh, Oops...

I'm sure everyone else will be apologizing any day now.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005


And By "Authority", I Mean "Desire"

Scott Bloch says he has no authority to enforce a ban on sexual discrimination against gay people. This, mind you, is the man who took a page out of the Ministry of Truth's handbook when it came to the OSC website's description of job protections, then jumped genres and employed a catch-22 as an explanation ("you can't be fired for being gay, but if you are fired for being gay, you can't seek help"). And this order came from Bush, the very same "marriage is between a man and a woman" Bush. And what is Bloch's little explanation for all this?

"It is binding on me," Bloch said, "but it is not something I can prosecute in my agency. . . . I am limited by the enforcement statutes that you give me."

Hey, Scott? Who said anything about prosecuting? A man in your office fires a guy because he's gay, and the gay guy has rock-solid evidence, you fire the bigot's ass. It's not about courts, it's not about Congress, it's not about the justice system, it's about you.

It takes a very, very stupid man to keep passing the buck when the President of the United States tells him to get off his ass and do the job he gave him.


An Ark Just Floated By. That Can't Be Good.

Well, weather.com says it's gonna be rain for eight of the next ten days, with May 31st and June 3rd being merely "partly cloudy."

And they call this summer, huh? Hahaha-[commits seppuku]


Videotape La Resistance!

If video of North Korean men risking their lives to post a sign dissenting Kim Jong-Il does nothing to inspire you today, then just go back to bed.

Full article here.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005


Yeah, Promote Hatred of America! Christ'd Want You To!

What gypsy curse did Pam have inflicted on her so that she would have to serve as the nexus for all dumbfuckery? Case in point: Pam is the first to report on a N.C. Baptist minister whose church's sign proudly reads, "The Koran needs to be flushed."

Lovelace said he knew before he put up the sign that some people would disagree with its message.

"Yay, people will hate me for this! I'm gonna win converts so easily now."


X-treeeeme Intolerance!

So, here's something that should make your soul shrivel up and die: the fruit of James Dobson's loins has had his work published.

Ryan Dobson's prior book, To Die For: The Dangerous Truth About Following Christ, tried to blend "extreme" youth culture (e.g., skateboarding, wrestling, skydiving) with evangelical Christianity. Kind of like Stephen Baldwin, but with a dad who spits out vaguely Naziesque statements about how an entire minority group's actions will bring about the end of civilization.

Now, Ryan has a new book out, and it is sure to be as "extreme" as his other opuses (opi?). What is it titled, you may ask?

Be Intolerant: Because Some Things Are Just Stupid.

I will repeat that for you: a man, who claims to be a Christian, and who is the son of a man who claims to be one of America's biggest Christians, has put out a book that is effectively titled, "Hate People Who Are Different; It's Cool!"

This makes the baby Jesus cry. Hell, it makes the adult Jesus cry, too.


Mother Nature Pisses on Me

Unless the big flashing bank board I saw while out on my driving lesson lied to me, it is now 39 degrees Fahrenheit in the Boston area.

Thirty-nine degrees.

In May.

I love New England when it's pretty, but fuck this.


How Embarrassing

Damn that Augmentin.

Last night was Senior Awards Night at my high school. I had been informed that I was getting an award, but I didn't know which one. So, I went and sat on the stage, waiting for my name to be called.

Here's where the Augmentin comes in. I'm taking medication for what we believe are ingrown hairs. These bumps have been appearing en masse on my scalp for the past year or so, and I have no idea what they are. I'd already gone through one Augmentin treatment, and that cleared up the bumps. Then they returned, and I went back on the pills, only to find that this time, the Augmentin is having no effect.

So I'm sitting on the stage with the other senior recipients when the stomach pains start. See, one of the things about Augmentin is, you have to take it twice a day, once in the morning, once at night, and always with food; otherwise, massive stomach problems can occur. Which still doesn't explain why, after eating a hearty dinner of pasta, garlic bread, and salad, I was experiencing the Galveston hurricane in my gastrointestinal tract.

After about thirty minutes of various awards, I finally decided to step down from the stage when one of the presenters did so I could ask my parents about what action to take. They told me to go to the bathroom, then come back and sit in an aisle seat so that if my award was announced or I had to go, my passage would not be impeded.

Of course, it was when I was darting for the boy's room that Mother Cognito came racing out of the auditorium and yelled, "Justin, they're presenting your award!"

So, I had to race back from the bathroom and take the stage to get my award. Ah, well. It happens to actors at the Oscars all the time. Mind you, they're probably in the bathroom doing coke instead of relieving themselves, but still.

I sat through the rest of the ceremony, repeatedly running to the bathroom the whole time. We finally left when the scholarships were being handed out, as they had all been announced ahead of time. Still, I'm probably gonna be remembered as the only senior award recipient who had to rush back from the toilet to receive it.

Monday, May 23, 2005


It Stands

The filibuster stands, and Owen, Brown, and Pryor are the only judicial nominees whose votes will not be blocked (except for in "extreme cases").

The assraping of our Constitution by the theocrats has been temporarily put on hold.


No Cure for Juvenile Diabetes

Oh, this is just nice. A NJ senator who's opposed to embryonic stem cell research told a 14-year-old girl, "I'm sorry, honey, but you're going to die with juvenile diabetes."

Carroll says he's sorry if he made Emily cry and he never said she would die. But he concedes that he said her hopes about embryonic stem cell research were entirely unfounded. And he says it's her parents who were cruel if they fed her these false hopes.

No, no; you were cruel when you told her that there would never be a cure for her debilitating illness. God. Even Bush is okay with using stem cells that already exist.

I've gotta say, I admire this girl's father, because he just tried to get Carroll to shut up. Were that my daughter, I would have ripped the man's spinal cord out with my pinky finger.


Damn, We Got It Mixed Up With the Estrogen!

This ranks only slighty above giving Dutch ovens to arsonists when it comes to "stupidest ideas ever".

Now, if you gave the Viagra to those who would undoubtedly make these sex offenders their prison bitches, then we'd have a worthwhile program. Well, maybe not, but wouldn't it be fun to watch?


This is Newsweek's Fault! We Don't Know How, But It Is!

So, let me get this straight: not only was a picture taken depicting the belief that this war is just like the Crusades, but it made it to the DOD's website.

Why do they hate our freedoms?

Sunday, May 22, 2005


Pray Out the Gay? Nah, Let's Just Punch Out the Gay.

I give you an excerpt from the text to the Southern Baptist Convention's "Resolution on Homosexuality in Public Schools," otherwise known as, "Fear Will Keep the Faggots in Line":

Whereas, many public schools are promoting acceptance of homosexuality as a legitimate lifestyle through programs that use such deceptive labels as "Safe Sex," "Diversity Training", "Multicultural Education" , "Anti-Bullying", and "Safe Schools";

Once again, powerful religious conservatives show that they can't recognize the difference between stopping someone from calling another person "faggot" and telling them that gayness rules.

Then again, given the long laundry list of questionable data they throw out, I'm beginning to believe that may be intentional:

Whereas, homosexual activists are devoting substantial resources and are using their political influence to shape the curricula and institutional rules of public schools to promote acceptance of homosexuality among schoolchildren as a morally legitimate lifestyle because, as one pro-homosexual author has written, "Whoever captures the kids owns the future"

Wow, one author? That really colors the whole movement. Oh, and if he's such an important "pro-homosexual" author, then name him.

Whereas, there is evidence that the homosexual lifestyle reduces life expectancy more than smoking

Right, as conducted by a man who got his ass roundly kicked out of the APA for shoddy research.

Whereas, studies have shown that homosexual identity is associated with increased risk of self-destructive behaviors such as illegal drug use, smoking, excessive alcohol consumption, and "domestic" violence

The SBC really doesn't recognize the idea of the self fulfilling prophecy, do they? "We treat gay people like crap, they feel horrible all their lives and seek release vicariously... it must be all their faults!"

The SBC really does think that we are corrupt and will corrupt others by any exposure. Is it really so farfecthed that they would employ any legal means, including condoning bullying, to move against us?

Saturday, May 21, 2005


And Freedom... Taaaastes of Reality

Yesterday was my last day of classes at Wellesley High School. Now I have two weeks to lie around the house until graduation.

I think I will spent it all laughing in Brother Cognito's face.

Friday, May 20, 2005


Welcome to Bizarro World

There's been a disturbing number of alleged instances at the US Air Force Academy wherein evangelical students are telling others they're going to Hell for believing differently, not to mention a few "Christ killers" and "filthy Jews" thrown in for good taste. So, how do America's highest evangelicals respond?

Tom Minnery, an official at Focus on the Family, disputed claims that evangelical Christians are pushing an agenda at the academy, and complained that "there is an anti-Christian bigotry developing" at the school.

Wow. Wow. So, a Jewish cadet complains that he was told the Holocaust was revenge for the death of Jesus, and that's an indication of anti-Christian bigotry? This man's head is so far up his ass, it validates string theory.


Happy Birthday, Mr. President

It makes perfect sense that a party that keeps railing about "the sanctity of marriage" and pushes abstinence programs riddled with more errors than an Ann Coulter book would invite a porn star and her boss to talk to Bush and Rove.

Hey, religious right! Do you get it yet?

Thursday, May 19, 2005


By "To Death", I Don't Mean "Fatally", Of Course!

Okay. That does it. Anyone who claims that Michael Moore is in any way equal with right wing demagogues can shut the fuck up right now. Why? Because while I haven't paid much attention to Michael Moore, I don't think he ever talked about wanting to choke Glenn Beck to death.

Now what are the chances the FCC will prosecute this one?


You Can Do It With a Mule in a Big-Enough Stall...

...but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all*.

I'd like to point out the fact that a man who regularly calls for the arrest of gay men has admitted to humping "anything wet and warm and [moving]." Shakespeare's Sister says it best: people like Horsley really believe that they have no true internal restraint for their actions, no voice that says, "Uh, I don't think it would be a good idea to tap that domesticated farm animal ass," that cannot be drowned out by their raging ids. Ergo, they must rely on an external body to punish them for being irresponsible, and thus punish all others who are actually being responsible in their actions. I'm not the biggest libertarian mascot, but come on.

*Did you really think I was going to make it through this story without a reference to the Discworld's most popular drinking song?

Wednesday, May 18, 2005


Bustin' Out

It's on. Oh, and look; Priscilla Owen is first on the list. Joy.

Fight like hell, you glorious filibuster-preserving bastards.


Trumped Up

Because Donald Trump couldn't physically take a shit over all five boroughs, he did the next best thing: coming out and calling the new WTC design "crap architecture". So, if the Donald would challenge the new design, then surely he must have his own revolutionary plan, right?

Trump's design, which he said he likely would display on Thursday's live episode of his TV show "The Apprentice," centers around two 111-story towers - one floor taller than the buildings destroyed when two jetliners were flown into them.

One floor taller than the original design? Oh, brilliance! Such unrestrained brilliance! And revealed in the most patriotic setting of all: his own reality show!

This is all the proof we need that Trump's hair is actually an alien parasite that has eaten his brain.


Yeah? Well... You're a Big Bully!

I hate Christopher Hitchens. And it's not for his warhawk attitudes, which have abandoned all semblance of common sense. No; it's the fact that he's a contrarian lech who will throw out whatever will piss off/please the most people at a given time. For instance, the man who belives that all religion is evil and propagates violence created a documentary for Trio praising Plano, TX for its Christian values. Think about that one for a while and see if your head doesn't explode.

That's why I am now announcing my engagement to MP George Galloway, who, after ripping the Senate apart for accusing him of profiteering from Iraqi oil, turned his guns on Hitchens. Sure, the whole "Zionist" thing chafes (what's so bad about wanting a Jewish homeland to merely exist?), but I'm sure I can work my way around it after this delicious rending:

Before the hearing began, the Respect MP for Bethnal Green and Bow even had some scorn left over to bestow generously upon the pro-war writer Christopher Hitchens. "You're a drink-soaked former Trotskyist popinjay," Mr Galloway in formed him. "Your hands are shaking. You badly need another drink," he added later, ignoring Mr Hitchens's questions and staring intently ahead. "And you're a drink-soaked ..." Eventually Mr Hitchens gave up. "You're a real thug, aren't you?" he hissed, stalking away.

That's right; the man who "showed the balls" to make a documentary about the evils of Mother Teresa (that he originally wanted to call "Sacred Cow", no less) can only respond to criticism by calling his opponent a big bully, then taking his ball and going home. Call me, Georgie.


Next, Lyndon LaRouche Will Join the ADL

John Cornyn as Supreme Court nominee? Maybe.

Look on the bright side; if he does something people don't agree with, then he has to commit seppuku.


And Maybe the US Burned the White House in 1812

So, the government attacks Newsweek for "touching off" riots that have been going on for the past few weeks with a story about Qu'ran desecration by interrogators that had been published a year ago without incidenet... and then a Pentagon spokesman tries to resolve the matter by saying that maybe it was the detainees who put the Qu'rans in the U-bend.

Yeah, I'm sure that's gonna quell the riots in the Middle East, DiRita. Christ.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005


Obstructionism, My Left Testicle

Go and read the story of Willie Searcy, a young man who was fucked over in every way possible by Priscilla Owen, one of Bush's judicial nominees. After an appeals court had ruled that the kid deserved $30 million for lack of quality that had left him a paraplegic, Owen wiped out the entire judgment and ordered a new trial, then stretched out the new case for the next five years, during which time Searcy died due to the fact that his parents couldn't afford round-the-clock care.

This is not about religious faith. This was never about religious faith. What this is about is people who want supremacy. It's about people who want to tell us, the common man, that we are ants to be trod upon by the boots of corporate interest. Our tragedies, our injuries, our very lives and deaths are nothing before the matter of a multi-billion dollar industry losing a couple of million.

Oh, and look at that; Owen won't let young women get abortions and wants to reduce the buffer zone limits at abortion clinics! Why, she's such a crusader for life! Unless some company ruins it, that is.


Your Fascism Is Different From Our Earth Fascism

So, let me get this straight: the Wachowski Brothers are behind an adaptation of Alan Moore's V for Vendetta, the story of a lone anarchist rebel conducting a series of attacks against a fascist government in a futuristic England. And in the movie, Stephen Fry will be playing a talk show host who questions the authority of the government-- the same government that controls all media output.

Did Alan Moore run over the pets and children of every person in Hollywood? Because between The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, From Hell, Constantine, the Sam Hann script for Watchmen, and this news, I'm having trouble believing that everyone in the movie business suffers from an utter lack of the ability to get it.


Equine Jihad

A bomb strapped to a horse did a buttload of damage in Colombia.

It looks like Richard Stamos finally learned how to sing the high F in "Loving You".



The Rotting Cryptkeeper (tm Pam) is going to be in Massachusetts, traumatizing the shit out of a 12-year-old girl just because she won an essay contest by writing about how Ellen DeGeneres is an important woman.

Hmm. The real question is, where can I find a trebuchet that launches giant water balloons in two weeks?


And Look, No Apocalypse

Happy first anniversary, same-sex married couples of Massachusetts. I'd give you all cards, as per tradition, but I don't think Shoebox carries those kind of cards.

To many years more of the same.

Monday, May 16, 2005


Music, Makes the People, Come Together...

The new Bush-appointed head of the Corporation for Public Broadcasting has told NPR associates that the corporation should direct its money away from news programs. And what, you may ask, will take the place of such hard-hitting programs as BBC News Hour and On Point?

"We heard sentiments from the board that they are interested in support of more music," said Vincent Curran, a senior vice president in charge of the radio division.

Music. Music. If one wants to listen to music, does one switch to a classical station, or a jazz station, or any number of online music stations for indie genres? No! One instantly switches to NPR, the most swinging spot on the dial! Now if only they'd get rid of all that news...

Remember, kids; information is bad for you.


I'm Allahu Akbar, Bitch!

Dude, Dave Chapelle converted to Islam?

This could either be very good or very, very bad. Though it would be nice for America to have a Muslim public figure who isn't Louis Farrakhan or Cat "Terror Watch List" Stevens.

UPDATE: Okay, I found the TIME article. Apparently, he's been a Muslim since before Chapelle's Show even hit the air. But the article, and Dave's words, hint that he might be going the way of Al Green.


Down the Pipes

Did Newsweek get a story about the Qu'ran being flushed down a toilet wrong? Or did the Pentagon go into damage control when it saw that a shitstorm was breaking out in the Middle East?

I really don't know. I'd like to think our government is wise enough to know not to fuck with a religion's holy text, but seeing as these are the guys who brought us Abu Ghraib...

UPDATE: Okay, now I'm siding with damage control. Sploid has the story.


No Jesus Cracker for You!

A Minnesota priest denied Communion for over 100 people because they showed support for gay Catholics- not because they are gay Catholics, but because they like gay Catholics.

Again: glad I left.

Sunday, May 15, 2005


An Explanation

Yeah, I know I've been a little bit lax in posting lately. However, I have a reason for that. I've just been a little preoccupied. Not with work, mind you, either of the school or labor variety, but with feelings.

This is going to be my last week in school. On Friday, I get out of classes. Then I get two weeks to much about and rehearse for graduation, and I'm gone.

The thing is... I'm just not quite ready yet. I mean, I'm happy to be moving on to higher education, but I feel kinda sad leaving behind my teachers and my classmates.

I know everything's gonna be okay. I just don't know it well enough, I guess.

Anyway, I'm gonna try to get back to my old, rapid-posting self soon. Until then, I give you my superhero blog. Okay, so he's not a hero yet, and his powers have yet to manifest, but I'm using the first few weeks as the "pilot", so to speak. Enjoy.


Oh, the Pains of Being Rich!

Kevin deliciously rips apart every trust fund neocon's favorite supergroup, the Green Team. Go. Read. Stand agog at the fact that this shit was published.


A Bitter Pill to Swallow

Ah, sweet justice; Hager, Dr. W. David Hager, head of the FDA's Reproductive Health Drugs Advisory Committee and accused spousal rapist, now knows what it's like to be fucked in the ass.

And as for the people who are complaining that people are targeting him because of his faith: No one's targeting him because he's a Christian. People are targeting him because he's a Christian who lets his religious opinions influence his medical ones. Not that anyone who's saying this really cares about the difference.

Saturday, May 14, 2005


Damnit, Perkins, You Weren't Supposed to Say Anything!

Tony Perkins officially comes out and says, "Yes, we totally believe judges should use the Bible for law decisions."

So. Here we have a guy who says he thinks that books from the Bible about stoning impertinent teens to death and not planting two different crops in the same field are a valid basis for American law, openly admitting his views on the matter to the American public, most of whom see value in a little thing called the Constitution. Way to win absolutely no one over to your side, Tony.

Friday, May 13, 2005


Macaroni and Cheesed

There's always room for Jello. Especially when it goes to support the Gay Games and makes Donald Wildmon shit his pants.

Go forth and buy Kraft!


Alexander the Gay? Not Any More

Oliver Stone is a washed-up, no-talent hack who thinks that his movie sucked because of the relationship between Alexander and Hephaestion, and would respond to such by editing it out.

Stone, you ball-less fucktard.


This Should Be Interesting

The possibility of gay marriage has now opened up in the liberal bastion that is... Nebraska.

If you ask me, this is going to be the real turning point. At this point, gay marriage probably won't go over well in middle America. But what about civil unions? If either goes through (though civil unions is definitely the better bet), it would indicate that, no matter how much the far right blusters, America is indeed ready for legal recognization of gay couples.

Thursday, May 12, 2005


Jews? What Jews?

If you needed any more proof that Pat Buchanan is Satan incarnate, well, you got it.

I knew Buchanan was an isolationist, but this is fucking lunacy. "Just because the people of Germany ushered in a genocidal megalomaniac who was systematically trying to utterly destroy several ethnic and political minorities in all of Eastern Europe was no reason for us to get involved! No, sir!"

Will someone please kick this man in the head for me?



FOX denied Annina the rights to put on the stage version of "Once More, With Feeling."

Suck it, FOX.


John Waters Would Be So Proud

Ah, the Bush White House: a mysterious alternate universe where a guy who says that gays are the greatest threat to American safety gets picked to head the Presidential AIDS Commission, and the guy who is in charge of reproductive health drugs- who staunchly opposes emergency contraception, by the way- repeatedly buggered his former wife while she was passed out due to narcolepsy.

They officially hate us all.


And Now for Something Completely Derivative

So, lately I've been fascinated by superhero blogs. Not stuff like Fanboy Rampage, but fictional blogs for superheroes and their cronies. Some of the ones for brand-name heroes leave something to be desired (though it is a bit fun to see Bruce Wayne bitch out Batman for his nighttime foibles, even if the blog hasn't updated since October), but the really good ones are the ones for made-up superheroes. I've been a fan of the adventures of Dennis Relser, lackey of Greyghost since last summer, and Tom turned my attention towards the Velvet Marauder, who's faced down everything from ninja to Tibetan zombies to villainous sex-crazed furries in bear suits (really).

All of which leaves me wondering: Should I start one of my own?

Yeah. I'm really original.


Damn You, Larry Flynt!

You forced me to picture John Bolton in an orgy. You will pay for this in blood.

Seriously, though; is there anything good about John Bolton?


Don Imus Thinks I'm a Loser

His friend thinks I'm a "political pervert".

Obviously I'm doing something right.


He Comes in Colors Everywhere

Tom Ridge admits that a lot of the changing around of the terror watch levels was based on jack shit. But how could Ridge, head of the DHS, allowed this to happen?

The level is raised if a majority on the President's Homeland Security Advisory Council favors it and President Bush concurs. Among those on the council with Ridge were Attorney General John Ashcroft, FBI chief Robert Mueller, CIA director George Tenet, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld and Secretary of State Colin Powell.

Ridge and Ashcroft publicly clashed over how to communicate threat information to the public. But Ridge has never before discussed internal dissention over the threat level.

Does anyone in Washington still care about the American people? Or do we just look like cattle now?

Wednesday, May 11, 2005


Something Fishy

Congratulations, President Bush, you're officially a false idol.


I Can't Wait for the Cybill Shepherd Escort Mission!

I'm still having trouble deciding which is more profane: Robert DeNiro's announcement a few months back that he wanted to do a Taxi Driver sequel centered around "an older Travis Bickle" (because so many people age backwards), or Majesco's announcement that they'll be making a Taxi Driver video game.

I can just imagine the gameplay: a mix of Grand Theft Auto, Crazy Taxi, and a sim where you kick Paul Schrader in the teeth.


Legs from Here to Ya-Ya

Ann Coulter's legs will replace the whale in my nightmares. Seriously; those things look like they were designed by Rob Liefeld. On a crack binge. After having his eyes gouged out.


Martyr to Stupidity

Guy who kicked out nine Democrats from his church gets clue, quits. Now, if only someone would tell his followers.

"I don't believe he preached politics," said Rhonda Trantham, one of Mr. Chandler's supporters. "I don't believe anyone should tell a preacher not to preach what's in the Bible."

Yeah; he totally preached stuff that was in the Bible. Anyone else remember Republicans 3:25, where Paul says, "And if thou vote Democrat, then get the fuck out of my church."?

Here's another important Bible passage for Ms. Trantham: Render unto Caesar...

Tuesday, May 10, 2005


It's Nowhere Near as Alliterative, But...

Shakespeare's Sister delivers a delicious smackdown to the new Dixiecrats, the "Phobocrats", Democrats who aren't that comfortable with helping the icky gay people.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I will stay in this country as long as one of the major parties supports gay rights. My personal "flee for Canada" moment is when the Democratic Party drops gay rights from its platform. I may support a lot of the same issues as the donkey party, but the minute the party as a whole regards me as something less than human, I'm out of here.

Needless to say, the above article does not help matters.


Mmm... Manly Scents

Apparently, us gays dig the testosterone. I say, duh. The real surprise is, this news, which lends towards the "biologically ingrained" POV, is being reported in The Washington Times. And "gay" is totally unmolested, no inverted question marks or anything! Did Moon forget to drink his coffee before copyediting or something?


Oh, Mary

Dear Dick Cheney:

Did you just happen to forget- again- that you have a gay daughter, you craven son-of-a-bitch?

The only way I can believe that Mary hasn't given him a severe beatdown is because they have her loaded up on Thorazine.

Monday, May 09, 2005



How the hell does one win converts to their cause by going on national radio and saying, "As a matter of fact, I did fuck a mule in my youth"?

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go purge the horror from my brain. Preferably with a blunt object.


House of Saud and Mushroom Clouds

"So you see, Mr. Bush, there is nothing you possess that I cannot take away."

Okay, so it's Arianna Huffington's fledgling blog. But if that's true, then until we come up with a wide-scale alternative energy source, Saudi Arabia basically has us by the crotch. John's gonna be so disappointed that someone else figured out how to take over the world before he could.


Looks to Me Like Beef Poisoning

Once upon a time, the Cognito Clan vacationed in Quebec. After our car broke down, we spent a day and night on Mont Tremblant waiting for it to be repaired. We arrived on Mont Tremblant just as it was closing down for the season. When we went into a saloon-styled restaurant for lunch, I, just entering puberty, ordered a half-pound burger. The waitstaff responded by bringing out a burger that weighed two pounds, because they had to use up all the beef before they closed. That burger conquered me. While I may have been hungry, I was nowhere near prepared enough for a two pound hamburger.

Which makes me wonder why someone thought it would be a good idea to make a fifteen pound version of that motherfucker.

Oh, right; because they can.


They're Cousins, Identical Cousins...

Okay, hiring a conservative columnist to give the New York Times an air of balance? Good. Hiring another conservative columnist who parrots a lot of what the first guy said? Not so much.

The real question is, can Tierney speak while Brooks is drinking a glass of water?


V for "Humans are a Virus"

Agent Smith is V. Does that make fascism the One?

Sunday, May 08, 2005


Israeli Women Don't Get Fat

Neil Cavuto of FOX News: "Golda Meir was a cow."

But Israel's cool, of course. 'Cause they just got Project Gotham 2.


Prepare for Total Domination

In case you missed it, this is not about tolerance at all:

A radio address taped by three Christian conservative leaders for broadcast Monday called the judiciary "the last playground of the liberal left."

In other words, a man who claims that he and people like himself have been horribly oppressed by the government are now admitting that actually, most of the government is in their back pocket, and if they just take care of this one little obstacle, they'll be in the clear.

Y'know, I remember someone else from the Bible who had a role in every possible world power so that none could avoid his influence. Only problem is, I don't think James Dobson would like the comparison.


To the Womb that Begat Me...

Happy Mother's Day, everyone! Shame the weather sucks up here. We were planning on going to brunch as a family, but we're probably going to save that for when it's not grayer than an elephant in the London fog.

In the meantime, I'll be making an omelet for Mother Cognito this morning (with aid from Father Cognito, because I suck at putting mushrooms in an omelet).

Saturday, May 07, 2005


From Whiny, Preening Vampires to Whiny, Preening Messiahs

And lo, the trumpets of the angels sounded, the clouds parted, and the voice of the Lord said unto his flock: "Oh, God, don't let Anne Rice talk about me." Irony alert:

But in humility, I have attempted something transformative which we writers dare to call a miracle in the imperfect human idiom we possess.

Because I'd expect a woman who posted, "Those who don't like my book can suck it," in an Amazon.com review for said book to be an expert in humility.

Friday, May 06, 2005


There Goes My Cognitive Dissonance

Microsoft: "We fucked up. Big time." Which means that I no longer have to learn Linux. Woot.

Glad to see that not everyone is sticking their heads in the sand.


Called It

Y'know, I never do these damn Quizilla memes, but it's comics, and if Raksha says it's cool...

You are Spider Jerusalem.
Spider is THE journalist of the future. He smokes,
he does drugs, and he kicks ass. The drugs are
going to eventually kill him but not before he
gets his way. And his way is the demise of the
failed American dream. Although full of hate,
he cares about his city. All he wants to bring
the world is truth. Spider Jerusalem,
conscience of the City. Frightening thought,
but he's the only one we've got.

What Gritty No Nonsense Comic Book Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Golly. Now I just need a President to take down. Oh, wait; there's one.

Filthy assistants! To me!


Relevance Ending... Now

John Kerry: "Mass. Dems should not back gay marriage." Yeah, despite the fact that 71% of Mass. Democrats support gay marriage, as do 56% of Mass. residents in general, it's still too risky for Kerry to back the acknowledgement of a loving relationship between two members of the same sex as a marriage.

I can't believe I cast the first vote of my life for this twat.


I'm Telling You, We're The Oppressed Ones!

A Baptist church in North Carolina has kicked out all its members who voted Democrat.

Dear Bill Frist, Jerry Falwell, James Dobson, and everyone else who keeps claiming that they're "oppressed": You now have the right, nay, the duty, to drink a nice tall glass of Shut the Fuck Up. I have no knowledge of any Unitarian church that kicked out its members for suggesting the erection of a Ten Commandments monument in a government building. I know of no Episcopalian church that told members to leave if they opposed Gene Robinson's convocation as bishop (though plenty left on their own). Bring me proof of these instances, and maybe, maybe I can understand your point of view. Until then, kindly stuff it.

UPDATE: Okay, now I'll allow a little more wriggle room. Keyword being "a little." The case involving the Texas Episcopalian church was the diocese telling members of a church that if they didn't agree with an edict, then they had to secede; also this declaration came only after negotiations between the two sides broke down. The case that takes up the brunt of this article is a lone preacher telling people without warning to get out of his church, no matter what their particular beliefs, just because they voted Dem.


Not Every Sperm is Sacred

A few weeks ago, I tried to give blood. You may look at the links on the side of my blog and realize the problem involved in this. Needless to say, I was deferred from donating, because I'd tried to have sex with a guy, and even though we never actually went through with the act, it still counted. The nurse was sympathetic, telling me that she had a gay brother, and that I should check back until the day when the government pulls its head out of its ass.

That day is not today. Hell, today the head moved up into the stomach. The FDA is going to implement rules that would bar gay men from donating sperm unless they've been celebate for five years.

Even scarier, as Shakespeare's Sister notes, is that HIV is now more than ever an equal-opportunity disease, so there's no reason for this rule to exist other than the belief that all gay men are disease-infested sex fiends.

Seriously, how far back are we sliding?

Thursday, May 05, 2005


Don't Touch That Dial

If anyone longs for the sweet taste of audio drama, Pete's doing some stuff with it. Go hear his experiments with Stephen King stories and an Astro City story.


When Darwinists Walked the Earth...

I honestly don't know how the creator of B.C., a comic strip that has dinosaurs and cavemen walking side-by-side and an abundance of Christian imagery despite taking place before Christ, can consider himself the proper authority to slam evolution. Especially when using meter and verse that would give William McGonagall a sinus headache.


The Blue Screen of Dickery

What the hell is going on in Microsoft? First the anti-discrimination bill; now it turns out Brad Smith, vice-president and general counsel, refused to sign off on support for gay marriage even after all eleven departments gave the go-ahead. Thanks for sticking your head in the sand, Brad. Dick.

And now, with regards to people who are actually taking stands, Mass. Dems are adding same-sex marriage to their party platform.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005



Forbes tackles how one could technically use the software ensured by the Family Movie Act to remix for your pleasure.

A world without Jar Jar... thank you, President Bush.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005


The Number You Have Dialed is No Longer in Service...

Well, looks like The Omen was off by 50; earlier drafts of the Revelation of St. John have turned up, indicating that instead of 666 (gematria for "Nero"), John originally planned to use 616 ("Caligula").

That loud thudding noise you hear is Tim LaHaye banging his head against the wall.


Welcome to Castle Anthrax!

Sex romps and drinking binges leave castle in ruins. See, now, if we lived in the movies, a ghost would have gotten revenge on the heavy-drinking, sex-crazed (presumably) teens long ago.

Monday, May 02, 2005


Raise High the White Flag

I don't know how true this is, but God, I hope it isn't. According to Ynetnews (among other sources), Rumsfeld allegedly visited Saddam Hussein in captivity two weeks ago, and offered him a deal: go on TV and denounce the insurgency, and he can go free. Saddam rejected the offer.

If this is true, we need to get out. Now. Bring home the troops. Give the Iraqi police a pat on the back. The war is over, and we have lost.

Seriously. Look at this shit. Look at this shit. What are we anymore? If we're supposed to be the great uniting force for peace and protection of the little guy in the world, then why did we use all sorts of torture on those merely suspected of terrorism, and why is no one being held responsible?

And conversely, let's say we're not a global guardian. Let's say we're justice, unceasing, unmerciful, and bloody violent. We have a man who spent years suppressing the freedoms of his own people, who gassed his enemies, who looked the other way while his sons abducted and raped women. We've finally put him before some body where he can finally experience the hot taste of justice.

And now we've actually considered letting him go?

I know the world is a messy place. I know that sometimes, deals must be made with the Devil, and people must be screwed over. This is not calculated planning to that effect, though. This follows no prerogative or moral code I've ever seen.

This is desperation. Plain and simple

The people of Iraq have won a democracy. But if this story is real, then we have lost ourselves.


But... But He Has God on His Side!

Pat "Let's Nuke the State Department!" Robertson does the tango with irrelevancy, and then sticks his tongue down her throat. Among his "pearls of wisdom":

-Rudy for Pres! (Just ignore the fact that Giuliani had an affair, is pro-gay, and did drag.)
-Muslims and Hindus should not be judges. (But he totally supports people of faith!)
-Ruth Bader Ginsberg is a dirty Commie. (Because she joined the ACLU, and that was founded by a Commie, y'know. By that logic, everyone who works at Domino's is a Dominionist.)

The fact that this man still gets attention by serious news programs and is not left alone to distribute Chick tracts on some street corner is the surest sign that something is very fucking wrong with the media.


Ha Ha! Torture is Funny.

The fact that Rush Limbaugh can actually say this stuff without experiencing some sort of divine retribution is exactly why I'm a deist.

I liked him better on the Oxycontin.

UPDATE: Oh, look. More shit from the drug fiend:

They despise it because they fear it, because it's a threat, because that God has moral absolutes. That God has right and wrong, that God doesn't deal in nuance, that God doesn't deal in gray area, that God says, 'This is right and that is wrong.'

Oh, you think our idea of God has no moral absolutes, Mr. Limbaugh? Here's just a few:

-Not helping your fellow man is wrong.
-Showing tolerance for other people's views is right.
-Abuse of another human being is wrong, wrong, fucking wrong.

Hmm. No wonder he sides with "the other God".

Sunday, May 01, 2005


You've Got Your Towel With You?

SPOILERS AWAIT. Turn back now.

Yeah, so. I went to see Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy this afternoon. Y'know, you all may think you are geeks. You may think, "Hey, I wore a '42' T-shirt to the movie! I rule!" Oh, but you are insignificant before my geekiness. You wanna know what I did?

I brought a towel.

That's right. I went into the linen closet, pulled out a worn pink towel, and took it with me to the 1:00 showing of Hitchhiker's Guide at the Framingham 16. I figured, it could be worse. I could dress up in full regalia for Episode 3.

Anyway. The movie. Yeah, it doesn't follow the book exactly. What do you expect? It's an adaptation. Ergo, there must be romance, action, and a plot that follows Freytag's Triangle.

The actors were all great. Martin Freeman was perfectly confused, Mos Def, perfectly odd, Sam Rockwell, perfectly manic, and Zooey Deschanel, perfectly bringing personality to what Douglas Adams admitted to writing as a plot device and standard female. Alan Rickman righteously kicked ass as Marvin. There were a few bugs, though; the romance between Arthur and Trillian was strange but welcome, yet the flirtation between Zaphod and the Vice President at the end made key parts of my brain shut down.

Oh, and not once- not once- did they mention the significance of a towel to a hitchhiker. Just a bunch of towel-fu and Ford asking Arthur if he's got his. Come on, Jennings. I did not just drag an in-joke all the way to the theatre just so I could see it not get explained.

All in all, a pleasant film, and nowhere near the doom-and-gloom predicted by the myriad online reviews. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go see if iTunes carries "So Long, and Thanks For All the Fish."

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