Friday, September 30, 2005


Choose Idiocy

I'm sure they just truncated what Bill Bennett said after he said that the crime rate would go down if you aborted an entire generation of black people. I mean, he probably said the same thing about aborting all white babies, or all Latino babies, or...

Okay, he didn't. Goddamnit, racism isn't supposed to be the new pink.

UPDATE: My God. This prick just doesn't get it, does he?

Responding later to criticism, Bennett said his comments had been mischaracterized and that his point was that the idea of supporting abortion to reduce crime was "morally reprehensible."

Bill, no one is arguing with you about the whole mass abortion thing. What everyone has an issue with is the fact that you made a statement that paints blacks as predisposed to crime. Jesus.


California Schemin'

Oh, well. Looks like it's up to the courts again.

Suck it, Arnold.

Thursday, September 29, 2005


Should I Be Outraged or Turned On?

Because I'm definitely leaning towards turned on.



Reading is Fun... Especially When It Angers a Fundamentalist

Here's a meme: how many banned books have you read? I count 29:

Scary Stories (#1, and with "good" reason; that story with the spider eggs fucked my nine-year-old shit right up)

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (#6, and one of the biggest "PC" bannings)

Of Mice and Men (#7; I got nothing)

Bridge to Terabithia (#9; I read somewhere that this was banned because of "occult themes". "Occult themes"? It's about two kids who meet at a bridge and plot out a fantasy world! It's about as occult as playing make-believe!}

My Brother Sam is Dead (#12; again, nothing. Just going to say that both this and Terabithia were on my fifth-grade reading list, so suck it, "concerned parents".)

The Catcher in the Rye (#13; it was the prostitute, wasn't it?)

The Giver (#14; was it because of the euthanasia? Because if it was, maybe you should read the book again...)

Goosebumps (#16; God, the occult is everywhere, isn't it?)

The Great Gilly Hopkins (#21; why was this banned? Extreme brattiness?)

A Wrinkle in Time (#22; okay. Let me get this straight: one of the most positively spiritual sci-fi books not written by C.S. Lewis gets banned? What the fuck? Was it because fundamentalists didn't like that Charles Wallace starts listing all those people after Jesus as positive influences against the Forces of Darkness?)

The Stupids (#26; all I can say about this one is, do not see the movie. Tom Arnold deserves to be flayed for it.)

The Witches (#27; and here I thought people fighting the occult would win points! Ah, well.)

The New Joy of Gay Sex (#28; look, this was most definitely extracurricular, all right? I can kinda see why it should at least be put in a "special" section of the library, though.)

Kaffir Boy (#31; again, another stunningly anti-racism tone that gets blocked because of the epithet)

The Handmaid's Tale (#37; I somehow love the irony of this book being challenged by fundamentalists. "Damnit, we can't let them see our playbook!")

To Kill a Mockingbird (#41; this book needs to be read by everyone over the age of 10)

Cujo (#55; somehow, Stephen King managed to survive getting placed on the list for this long. Hell, I'm surprised IT and its kid sex didn't get it placed somewhere in the single digits.)

James and the Giant Peach (#56; again, I got nothing)

What's Happening to My Body? Book for Boys (#61; hey, it was one of those mandatory puberty things. Though I can see why some people would want to keep people in denial about their naughty, naughty genitals.)

Slaughterhouse-Five (#69; never mind the stunning anti-war message, there's a porn star!)

Lord of the Flies (#70; again, nothing)

Native Son (#71; nothing)

Carrie (#77; again, this gets on the list but IT doesn't?)

The Dead Zone (#83; I can't keep making the IT jokes)

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (#84; no idea about this one)

Song of Solomon (#85; oh mah Gawd! Lesbians!)

Where's Waldo? (#88; apparently, there's a topless woman in the beach scene. Shock. Horror.)

The Drowning of Stephen Jones (#94; how dare we be told not to kill gay people!)

How to Eat Fried Worms (#96; my fourth-grade teacher read this one to the entire class. If I can say anything about the elementary school education, it's that it strove to piss off fundamentalists.)

And, for a bit of variety, here's a book I'm surprised isn't on the list:

Like Jake and Me. This is a picture book about a kid visiting his divorcee dad, Jake, on a ranch after being dropped off by his mom. At some point in the book, a wolf spider crawls down Jake's back, and the kid helps Jake undress to find it. No, I'm not joking; the kid helps his dad get naked. In the end, Jake's naked with a cowboy hat over his privates, and the mom is charmed enough to consider taking him back. All I'm saying is this book gave me funny feelings, even at age eight.

So, keep reading, kids. It's the best way to make your mind expand and fundamentalists' heads explode.


Oh, Yeah...

DeLay got indicted. Woo.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005


We're Leaving This One For Alberto Gonzales To Deal With

Dear Pentagon:

You. Lazy. Fucks. This is a website where soldiers are told it's okay- nay, are encouraged- to treat those killed in this war as trash, as waste, as tokens of success. "Not enough evidence" to trace back to the offending members? Gee, if only those soldiers in the pictures who are gleefully pointed at maimed corpses while facing the camera could offer us a hint. I mean, it's not like we have digitized databases that could easily lead us to pick out photos, could we?

I'm with John: this is the 21st century equivalent of ears on necklaces. We need to be doing everything we can to find the shitstains who do things like this and drum them out of the service so fast their helmets will be spinning. We can not let this clear violation of human decency go unpunished.


Oh, My, They're Going to Have The Sex

You know, sometimes I try not to think of those who are opposed to gay marriage as irrational simpletons. I know there are probably some who, despite being horribly misguised, are quite intelligent and verbose. And yet...

Somewhere, a primary school grammar teacher is weeping.


Psst, Karen; You're Supposed to Inspire Them

Oh, hi, Karen Hughes! I'm glad to see you're traveling the Islamic world, providing the perfect example of America and its values.

A woman in the audience then charged that under President Bush the United States had become "a right-wing country" and that criticism by the press was "not allowed."

"I have to say I sometimes wish that were the case, but it's not," Ms. Hughes said with a laugh.

Or, y'know, not. "Oh, wouldn't it be convenient if the press could just shut its gop and talk about that crazy Tom Cruise some more? Tee hee!"

The sad part is, I think this woman is exactly what Bush thinks American values should be.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005


Don't You Know That You're Toxic?

Now, in a perfect world, Michael Brown would have kicked out on his ass for his utter failure during Katrina, and would be forced to make his living cleaning out clogged septic tanks with his bare hands. Alas, ours is not such a world, so he is back at FEMA, this time as a consultant.

Can anyone in Washington tell me the meaning of culpability? Anyone?

Monday, September 26, 2005


A Brief Apology

I was flipping through my archives yesterday, and after much consideration, I would like to apologize for what I said about the death of Theo van Gogh. I still think the things he said were detestable. But I realize that what I did was, to some degree, blaming the victim.

I'm sorry.

Saturday, September 24, 2005


The Blade Dulls

Oh sweet Zoroaster. Now Chris Crain, president of the Washington Blade is saying, "Leave Jeff Gannon alone!" Come and pour through the idiocy with me:

One particularly angry reader asked rhetorically if he could expect to pick up the following week’s paper to read an opinion column by an “ex-gay” explaining the way out of homosexuality. “I wish!” was my reply.

The job of any good opinion section is to challenge readers, not just preach to the choir. For that reason, our Forum pages are open to anyone, gay and non-gay, whether or not they support the goals of the gay rights movement.

And when that information is proven to be inaccurate and psychologically harmful? Hell, we devote two pages to it!

But Jeff Gannon doesn’t represent that sort of challenge. He doesn’t oppose gay equality. In fact, he confirmed just this week that he is bisexual.

And in the weeks before that?

My position is that I can't imagine that gay marriage would be something that I would be interested in in the first place. I actually like being alone. I have decided that is how I want to live. I have a dog named Winston. I am still the same to Winston, no matter what, and there is comfort in that. Winston doesn't watch the news. (New York Times Magazine, March 20th, 2005)

This is not to say that I have not made mistakes in the past. Like all of us have at one time or another, I made poor choices and exercised bad judgment. But I believe in a forgiving God who changed my life. It was through that renewal that I went on to have a career as a reporter and further blessed to become a White House correspondent. (Jeff Gannon's blog, February 24, 2005)

Give us two months, and he'll say his name is "Teresa" now.

LET’S SAY, FOR the sake of argument, that the role played by newspapers isn’t enough to justify publication of provocative views by someone as controversial as Jeff Gannon. Let’s say that this man, or his opinions, somehow deserve to be excluded from this “tolerance” about which we all preach so much.

Yes. Yes, let's say that. Mainly because, before this man started writing for your prestigious paper, he was spitting out columns for a GOP newssite that defended DOMA and Rick Santorum and mocked Kerry for his "pro-homosexual" platform. And, unlike David Brock, I don't see him apologizing for those views.

Oh, and here comes the best part:

The growing polarization of American politics has taken root within gay America as well. The explosion of liberal gay bloggers, many of whom spend about as much time on the “gray” of most issues as Rush Limbaugh and his “dittoheads,” has only exacerbated the proud queer tradition of disdain for gay Republicans (“Nazi Jews”) and the caricature of conservative Christians (“religious right,” “religious political extremists”).

Wow. Wow. First of all, I show no such disdain towards conservative evangelicals. I do show disdain for people who want to treat my life like a football to be punted about. Second of all, and most disturbingly, this man, a man who runs a major metropolitan GLBT newspaper... who has heard Focus on the Family propogate the myth that we die at 42... who has heard the Traditional Values Coalition compare our relationships with sheep-fucking... who has heard the Family Research Council talk about how our very presence corrupts children... who has heard James Dobson talk about how we are going to destroy the world... is talking about how "the religious right" is a mere caricature thrown about by us pink pinkos.

I have no problem with the Blade running editorials by conservative gays such as Andrew Sullivan and Jonathan Rauch. But when the Blade stands up to defend a man who has sold us out without apology, and then tells us to try and supplicate to those who arguably hate us, that's a whole other issue.


The Offending Voter Will Be Relocated to Another Parish

I'm with Pam on this one: How in the name of Satan's ballsack did Bernard Law, the criminally-negligent fuckstick who played Three Card Monte with pedophile priests, get a vote to be Pope?

The Church is driving out gay priests in a witch hunt, and offering solace to the real offenders. Hell, one of them even gets a vote to be head of the Church. Fuck it. Just... just fuck it.

Friday, September 23, 2005


Dead Iraqis Don't Say No

Eric Muller of Is That Legal? has stumbled across an amateur porn site with a twist. The male members post photos of their wives and girlfriends for other members to see. Membership is limited, though, but there are many ways one can witness the poon. What's one of these ways?

Photos of dead Iraqis. Some of which have such "humorous" headings as "This is what every Iraqi should look like".

Never find the fact that these men are practically death fetishists. Never mind the fact that they get off on the killing of others. I just have to wonder: Did the thought ever cross their perverted little minds that maybe, just maybe, a jihadist group could stumble across their web site? Did they think about the possibility that, were al-Zarqawi to stumble across a site that links porn with dead Arabs, the opportunity presented to him would be so great that he would cream his pants?

No. No, they didn't. They didn't care about respecting the dead, or about the image this presents to potential terrorists. All they cared about was getting their tiny, misshapen rocks off, whether it be to a buxom woman or a man missing half his skull.

Fucks like this make me ashamed to be human.

Thursday, September 22, 2005


Ancient Chinese Secret, Eh?

Jeb Bush: Enlightened Confucianist?

After more than an hour of solemn ceremony naming Rep. Marco Rubio, R-West Miami, as the 2007-08 House speaker, Gov. Jeb Bush stepped to the podium in the House chamber last week and told a short story about "unleashing Chang," his "mystical warrior" friend.

Here are Bush's words, spoken before hundreds of lawmakers and politicians:
''Chang is a mystical warrior. Chang is somebody who believes in conservative principles, believes in entrepreneurial capitalism, believes in moral values that underpin a free society.

''I rely on Chang with great regularity in my public life. He has been by my side and sometimes I let him down. But Chang, this mystical warrior, has never let me down.''

And then he gave the guy a golden sword. No, seriously. Do the Bushes LARP?


God and Mammon

This summer, we went to the Vatican. Not intentionally, though; while we were in Italy, we tried to catch a train to Florence, and ended up getting on a train to Rome that left at exactly the same time. So, we ended up going to Rome for the day. We decided to see the Vatican Museum, but that plan quickly vanished after we saw the line that went on for eight blocks. Mother Cognito thought the spectacle was rather obscene. Archdioceses in the States were declaring bankruptcy to avoid paying out abuse settlements, whereas the funds collected by the museum in one week could probably pay off the Boston settlement.

Now, the Church in Mexico is likely accepting money from drug lords and not bothering to trace it. Did I mention that they made this statement after Joey Rats bitched about the corruption and drug trafficking that riddles Mexican society?

The Church is no longer my church. A church that once worshipped God now worship the almight dollar. There are many good priests and bishops out there, those who live their lives without great luxury, and those who get down and experience the poverty of which they are trying to rid the world. But the men in charge have grown fat on the contributions of ordinary people... and the occasional criminal.


The War Against Hurricanes

We all knew it was coming: Bush is trying to link Katrina to terrorism.

Turning the subject to terrorists, he said: "They're the kind of people who look at Katrina and wish they had caused it. We're in a war against these people."

So apparently, the Weather Wizard works for al-Qaeda now. Has the Flash been informed?


Texas is So Fucked

I give it a day until someone uses this photo of Rita as proof that God hates vaginas.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005


Stormy Weather

Holy shit, another one?

At least the evacuations are apparently going smoothly in Texas. Of course, they'd have to at this point.


If You Bring Same-Sex Marriage to Florida, We'll... Get Hit With a Blizzard!

Can anyone tell me the inherent flaw of suggesting that allowing a GSA at a Pennsylvania high school may result in a hurricane attack? If so, you're showing more logic than this fundie couple.

In their most shocking claim — one that drew dumbfounded stares from the board — Abigail Jarboe suggested that Hurricane Katrina may have been God’s way of punishing New Orleans in advance for a large, homosexual event that was scheduled to held shortly after the storm hit the Louisiana city.

“I don’t think it’s a coincidence,” she said.

I also don't think it's a coincidence that this couple's credibility melted away like a snowflake in Hell.


You're Not Just a Psychic- You're a Future Psychic!

Behold, the great psionic powers of Bill Frist! First he demonstrates his long-range telepathy by diagnonsing Teri Schiavo from a videotape. Now, he demonstrates his clairvoyance by selling stock in his failing hospital two weeks before it posted its losses.

Damn. By the end of the year, the Phoenix Force will want to bond with him.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005


A Bridge Too Far

So, what does Don Young say about the fact that the $223 million Congress gave him for a bridge that connects an island with 50 inhabitants to a town with 8000 might possibly be better spent helping victims of Katrina?

"They can kiss my ear!" Young boomed when Sam Bishop, Washington correspondent for the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner, asked him about the many pleas to redirect the bridge money.

That's right, folks; he's so angry at the idea that he's almost swearing.

And, the congressman said, he helped the seafood industry donate more than $500,000 for hurricane victims. (That was at the "Seafood Invitational," a charity golf tournament Sept. 9 in Roslyn, Wash., Bishop reported Friday.)

"I raised enough money to give back to them voluntarily," he said, "and that's it!"

See, now, what we have here is an example of Dalton Syndrome. In Richard Wright's Native Son, the main character takes a job for a white millionaire named Mr. Dalton who keeps talking about how much he's given to the black community. His accomplishments? He bought ping-pong tables for a community rec center. Certainly, every little bit helps, but when you get $223 million for a bridge that will aid a grand total of 8500 people... well, there are better ways to spend it.


Porn Squad-- in Color!

Man, putting up an advertisement for a "porn squad" must have netted a lot of interested recruits... at least, until they learned what it was all about.

They're going after porn, for the love of Vishnu. And not even kiddie porn, which has been proven to hurt those involved, but stuff that is technically legal. While I may find scat and bestiality horribly disgusting, that does not change the fact that they are legal throughout most of the country.

These eight men could be aiding in the hunt for al-Qaeda, or bringing down crooked CEOs. Instead, they're being made to act as the reincarnation of Anthony Comstock. Because what's safety and justice if you can't be politically advantageous about it?

Monday, September 19, 2005


Well-Placed Beatdowns

This article brings up an interesting point: if we have hate crime laws that put heavier penalties on people who commit bias-motivated crimes, then does that mean that we should punish people who are provoked by biased actions or displays more, also? It's an interesting issue, and one I think should be investigated with all--

"I'm not racist or anything," he said. "It's just, some people I hate, some people I don't get along with. And black people just happen to be the ones because they think they're better than everyone else."

Oh, fuck it. Give the asskicker a medal and this other guy a few more punches for good luck.


The Devil You Know...

The good news is, the Christian Coalition is crumbling like a overcooked souffle. The bad news is, Focus on the Family is taking its place.

Talk about your zero sum games.

Sunday, September 18, 2005


Making Government Work

I'd like to say something to everyone who is saying "Katrina is proof that the government doesn't work":

At this point in time, the government is full of cronies, asskissers, and people who'd like to demolish federal agencies one by one. Saying that the current conditions are proof of the certain failure of any administration to handle the problems of the people is like pouring twenty gallons of gasoline into a fishtank, setting it on fire, and arguing that water is combustible.

Next time something like Katrina happens, let's see how a government that actually cares responds to it.

Saturday, September 17, 2005


The Sad Part Is, Wizards of the Coast Is Probably At Work On Something Like This

Katrina: The Gathering. Warning: no one is safe. Then again, they really don't deserve to be.

I really wish I could reshuffle the deck in real life.

Friday, September 16, 2005


"Pray Out the Gay" Takes on a Startling New Meeting

Vatican gearing up to kick all gay priests out of American clergy.

Joey Rats holds audience with a convention of exorcists.

I'd like to believe these two aren't related.

Thursday, September 15, 2005


Not My Governor

Mitt Romney has come up with a genius idea to stop terrorism: wiretap mosques. Now, by that, he clearly means conducting surveillance on mosques that have at least a reasonable connection to jihadist groups or radical clerics, right? Nope; as far as he's saying, Mitt wants to wiretap all mosques in the Bay State. And then he shits on his constituency some more:

Romney, who referred to himself yesterday as ''red-state folk," has also struck more conservative postures on social issues that may alienate voters in Massachusetts but endear him to the Republican electorate nationwide; his tough talk on antiterrorism measures could also earn him support among conservatives.

In other words: "Screw you, hippies."

I wish this fucker would learn-- and hard-- that you don't become governor just so you can become president; you become governor so that you can care for your people, and, by extension, learn how to be president. You assume the highest office in a state, you care for it. You get to know its people, and you come to care for them. You do not wave them off with a "Bah", as if you have bigger fish to fry.

Someday, and someway, Romneymandias is going to get cut off at the knees. And I am going to point and laugh when that happens.


Reality Gets the House, and the Republican Party Gets the Car

Well, the papers have been notarized and signed by a judge, and now the GOP's divorce from reality is complete. First of all, we have Tom DeLay saying that the fat of the federal budget has been cut. So, where are we getting the money for that war of ours, Tom? I'm guessing the fae, seeing as it mysteriously vanishes at times.

Second of all, it turns out 76% of Americans want an independent panel to look into the Katrina response fiasco. Which would explain why almost every Republican in the Senate (save for the one who didn't vote) rejected said study.

The Republican Party and reality are officially split. I just hope reality gets child support.


Hint, Hint

Once again, AgapePress, the news center of the American Family Association, has published the opinion of another whacko saying that Katrina was God's punishment for gays. And I find this very puzzling. I mean, last I checked, the AFA followed the creed of, "Love the sinner, hate the sin." So then why are they publishing all these opinions by people who think that Katrina was divinely mandated? I mean, doesn't that seem a bit contradictory?

Oh, screw the subtlety. The AFA is an organization of hypocrites that worships a fascistic God. If they'd at least come out and say these things, then I'd be a little happier-- scared, but happier. But no; they always have to publish an article like this one, as if to say, "Well, I'm not saying anything, but..."

Well, at least I know where they lie now.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005


Give Me a W! Give Me an A! Give Me a R!

And yes, I know I just quoted the insufferable Head. So screw me.

Needless to say, Michelle Malkin isn't satisfied with the Flight 93 memorial. Sure, she manages to throw in the whole "We can't show Muslims that we accept them as people!" thing she does she well, but apparently, the main reason she's objected to the memorial is because it's not angry enough. In Michelle's mind, a memorial to the death of American citizens should be a celebration of war and the fighting spirit.

Christ. I thought we all learned this after Vietnam: war is not a game. War is not the American pasttime. While the men who fight wars deserve to be celebrated, war itself is a bloody, awful mess that is only occasionally fought for the right causes.

Do you know why no one celebrates abortion? Do you know why no one describes themselves as "pro-abortion"? Because abortion, like war, is a necessary evil. No one does it for mere shits and giggles, but because it's preferable to other options. By celebrating war, we encourage people to throw their lives away for a cause that could have been resolved by other means.

I want the Flight 93 memorial as it is: evocative of peace and reflection, a state that our nation, God willing, may one day return to. And I don't want jingoistic cheerleaders like Malkin ruining that.


If People Drank From Separate Fountains, It Would Make Things Go Faster

Okay, I thought we had all agreed that "separate but equal" was a very bad thing. Looks like no one told the Bush Administration. Because who knows what Johnny could catch if he had to share space with poor people! For God's sake, he could even catch empathy.

The blatantness of this move just astounds me. The Bush Administration wants to take us back to the days of Jim Crow. These fuckers just don't care about how they look anymore, do they?


Sanity Prevails!

Mass. marriage lives longer!

I feel like going down to the State House and mooning some fundamentalists.


Let's Get Guy Noir Up In This Bitch

Garrison Keillor is dangling a lawsuit in front of a blogger who sells a "Prairie Ho Companion" T-shirt. I would pay so much to see this shirt to end up on Lindsay Lohan at some point in the next few months.


Everything's Better When Demonstrated With Penguins!

For some strange reason, some conservative groups are throwing out March of the Penguins to encourage conservative values. I thought a lot of conservatives believed they had dominion over the earth and all its creatures; how are they going to feel about bowing to some water foul?

By the way, I can't wait until they find out about Roy and Silo, because when they do, their shit? Shall flip.


Up is Down! Left is Right!

Bush has finally owned up to something! About freaking time.

Somehow, though, I don't think this pound of cure will equal an ounce of prevention.


Ow, My Nose!

So I headed back out to Wellesley for a checkup on my nifty new nose yesterday.

It's infected.

I'm on an Augmentin regiment (yes, the same drug I took that morbidly embarrassed me) with a Cipro chaser, and I'm hoping it works. If only because I don't want to have to go through this whole thing again over Spring Break.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005


We Don't Hate Them, We Merely... Strongly Dislike Them

Focus on the Family is apparently schooling fundamentalists in Maine on the soft sell when it comes to opposing gay marriage. After all, being led by James Dobson, Focus on the Family should know all about not saying harsh, baseless things about gay people, am I right?

Eh, I thought not.

Monday, September 12, 2005


Back to the Horse Trade With Ye!

Brownie, I'm sure you'll always be content with the fact that you did a hell of a (shitty) job.

Now, let's take this higher. This man didn't get promoted in a vacuum. This guy's closest prior experience with an actual "emergency" was probably when an Arabian show horse choked on its feed. The fact that he got hired for this job means that there is something very wrong with our government. Let's flush it out, shall we?


Oh, So That's What I'm Going to College For

Sorry about the lack of posts yesterday. I ended up doing a lot with my roommates yesterday.

So, today start the classes. I've got a Psych course on speech and communication, a course on Eastern religions, an Honors seminar, and an introductory Visual and Media Arts course. Hey, I had to start the schoolwork sometime.

I'm sure it'll all go fine.

Saturday, September 10, 2005


Sometimes a Semi-Circle is Just a Semi-Circle

And I'm sorry I sullied poor Sigmund Freud's name by dragging his allegory into this sordid mess.

So, the architect behind the Flight 93 memorial has revealed his design, which, according to the families of people who actually died in the crash, is "beautifully simple".

Ah, but nothing is beautifully simple in the blogosphere, especially when wingnuttery is concerned! Yeah, the lead wingnut over at Little Green Footballs has declared that the memorial is in the shape of- oh noes!- a crescent, and, because it's vaguely Islamic, is therefore a giant mockery of all things American. Because we all know that every single Muslim in the world was to blame for 9/11, and not just a terrorist group.

Of course, you've got the counterposts on liberal blogs by conservatives saying, "Well, what if they built a Holocaust memorial in the shape of a swastika?" Well, that would be a great insult to the Jewish people, because the Nazi philosophy is, at its core, devoted to wiping out Jews. There is no "shit on America" clause in the Koran, despite what noted Islamic scholars like Michelle Malkin may say.

It's a memorial. It's meant to let the dead lie in peace. Let them have it without railing about how much Muslims scare you, for fuck's sake.


And They're Hiding the Ark of the Covenant at the Camp!

Sometimes, my progressive brethren is just a bit too... exciteable. For example, a topic has shown up on concerning a FEMA "detainment camp" in Oklahoma, where the refugees are fenced in and not allowed to leave for months. Websites like Crooks and Liars (which I normally respect) fell upon this info.

Now, if it were true, it would be horrible. But that's the thing: if it were true. Because, you see, here's a sample of something else you might see on

Greetings, My sister-in-law is kinda psychic and told my wife and I that last night she had a dream about a nuclear attack on the US. Her dream was that she was in Virginia(she went to school there for the past 4 years and is going to a wedding, maybe, in August) and they quarantined everybody by keeping them at the school. She called her mom up here in NH and was told theat we were quarantined as well. The quarantine was to keep us safe from radiation. Background on my sis-in-law: She wouldn't normally use a word like quarantine, and she said she distinctly remembers the word quarantine.

So, you can see why I'm kind of doubtful about this whole thing. Now, if it were true, it would be disgusting and somewhat fascistic. But I'm going to wait until I get a more reliable, and less whack-ass, source to confirm it.


Like David Brent Doing a Chris Rock Routine

In retrospect, I find it something interesting that I was bitching about The Bell Curve the weekend before Katrina hit. Mainly because, like The Bell Curve, Katrina has given idiots free license to be racists again.

Take, for example, this douchefuck, who claims that black people have been "trained" for forty years by government handouts, and, as a result, didn't have "the brains" (or, you know, the money) to get out of New Orleans.

I give the "they're after our women" meme train a week, at this rate.


Tom DeLay's Fun-Time Jamboree!

Tom DeLay, to displaced kids: "Isn't this kind of fun?" Y'know, it is, Tom. Sure, their house probably got flooded and they spent days marinating in their own filth due to government handouts, but now, after a few days, they're surviving off government handouts. It's better than XBox!

Christ. All I ask is that politicians act like Katrina was, y'know, a disaster, instead of a windfall.

Friday, September 09, 2005


The Landlord is My Shepherd; I Shall Not Want

So, it turns out God didn't send Katrinia to punish the gays or the abortionists, but the poor.

House Republican campaign chief Reynolds touts chance to market conservative social-policy solutions; Rep. Baker of Baton Rouge is overheard telling lobbyists: "We finally cleaned up public housing in New Orleans. We couldn't do it, but God did."

And it only took tens of thousands of deaths! My, isn't God efficient.

Baker explains later he didn't intend flippancy but has long wanted to improve low-income housing.

See, now, if you had wanted to avoid flippancy, you wouldn't have equated God, the All-Seeing Creator of the Universe, with an eviction notice.

Our elected officials are celebrating this clusterfuck. What the hell is wrong with America?

Thursday, September 08, 2005


"I'm Beginning to Doubt Your Commitment to Sparkle Motion."

Here's what a FEMA representative said about the firefighters who thought their time could be better spent, y'know, rescuing people than attending sexual harrassment seminars:

Federal officials are unapologetic.
"I would go back and ask the firefighter to revisit his commitment to FEMA, to firefighting and to the citizens of this country," said FEMA spokeswoman Mary Hudak.

Well, I'd honestly say they're pretty committed to saving lives, which is, I don't know, what we pay them to do. Of course, pointing out the glaringly obvious is un-American, as making our own reality is a fast-growing cottage industry.

For further angst about how the American dream is seemingly un-American, go read the unbeatable John Rogers, who says it all far more eloquently than I can.


It's Got Paul Anka's Guarantee... Guarantee Void in Tennessee

Remember that Simpsons Halloween episode where the advertising mascots come to life and start attacking? In the end, Lisa defeats them by getting Paul Anka to come up with a snappy jingle telling people not to look at the monsters, depriving them of their power.

Yeah. Someone needs to tell Bush that it doesn't work in the real world.

Christ. We know people are dead. We know that the dead are numerous. Does he really think this will change anything?


Well... We Were Close

Schwarzenegger, you pussy. You could have made history.

Still. It's just a matter of time.

UPDATE: Wait a minute. Now he hasn't vetoed it yet? What's going on?

Wednesday, September 07, 2005


A Big Black Eye

Okay, so, The American Spectator is raising the usual conservative spectres for post-hurricane looting blame:

Like riotous Los Angeles since the 1960s, New Orleans has been a wasteland of politically correct dysfunction for decades -- public schools so obviously decimated vouchers were proposed this year (and torpedoed by the left), barbaric gangster rap culture no one will confront lest they offend liberal pieties, multiculturalist frauds who empower no one but themselves, and cops neutered by the NAACP and ACLU.

Okay, so, no private (implied: religious) schooling, gangsta rap, the ACL- wait, what was that again?

and cops neutered by the NAACP and ACLU.

The NAACP. The N-fucking-AACP. The organization that's supposed to represent black people across America is apparently responsible for the looting of New Orleans, because we all know all those looters are black (after all, the white people only find).

Good Christ. I almost expect an article to show up in the Spectator next week talking about how separate bathroom for whites and coloreds will make things go faster and increase work production.


Downward Dogshit

The Wingnut Rule of Law: If it bears vague connotations of magic or any other religion besides Christianity, it must be evil. The new target of AgapePress's ire? Yoga.

The author also says intense involvement with Eastern spiritual practices is known to cause psychological and emotional problems in some people.

That's right, kids; Hinduism and Buddhism are the new D&D. Say "Namaste", and you're two steps away from worshipping Kali and killing people for their jewels.

And since yoga has religious roots, he adds, one could argue that promoting it in schools violates the establishment clause of the U.S. Constitution, or the so-called separation of church and state.

Kff... snort... BWA HA HA HA HA! Is this douchebag serious? Doing yoga is a violation of the separation of church and state, while there's apparently nothing wrong with putting the Ten Commandments in a courthouse. They must think the Founding Fathers wrote the First Amendment with the idea of protecting America from the brown people and their strange religions.

Conversely, he warns that the "deeply religious practice" of yoga, with its roots in Eastern mysticism, may put kids in a position to be influenced by elements that are not at all healthy.

Remember, keep your kids' minds closed. Have them wear blinders when they're not in school or at home! Cut them off from the Internet! Only show them Davey and Goliath tapes-- but not the new ones, because he knows a dirty Muslim!

Christ. On. A. Cracker. How tenuous is the relationship these people have with God if they think a fucking physical exercise routine with the slightest of Eastern religious themes will lure them away from His light?


Nothing Funny to Say

Forty thousand bodies. We're being told to expect forty thousand bodies.

Jesus Christ.


Going Back to Cali

The California Assembly passed the gay marriage bill. Assuming Schwarzenegger doesn't pussy out like Pataki or Romney, we're one step away from history.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005


Blind to Justices

So, apparently Bush nominated Roberts for Chief Justice. I know I should be worrying about whether he's an ideologue or a Constitutionalist, but think of it this way: we could have had Chief Justice Scalia. This is pretty damn rosy compared to that.

Still. The man has had all of two years judicial experience. I think Bush is just going with a good thing while he has the chance, before everyone turns on him like rabid dogs over Katrina.


I Must Say, This Complete Assraping Worked Out Well for Me

Barbara Bush fucking giggles about the New Orleans diaspora. And yes, Barbara, I'm sure the fact that some of these people lost everything they own as well as family members will make this a positive experience. What, does this woman really think the poor carry all their possessions in a rucksack like hoboes?


Little Man on Campus

Sorry for yesterday's silence. Unpacking is a long and arduous process.

So, I'm at Emerson. So far, it's pretty cool. Then again, classes don't start until next Monday, so you never know. My roommates are pretty interesting, too. One of them wants to do things just so he can have an interesting story to tell; one of his main goals during his stay at Emerson is to get in a fistfight with a transvestite hooker.

Last night's orientation ritual was... interesting. We watched a play featuring the Orientation Leaders where three Emerson students try to stop the thief who stole Paul Revere's lantern. The play featured cameo appearances by Harry Potter, Scooby-Doo and Shaggy, Captain Jack Sparrow, Lara Croft*, and a fleet of Disney characters. No, seriously. If Robert Anton Wilson thinks you can get high by reading Finnegan's Wake, then I think I got high, came down, and got high again just watching this thing. Oh, and then the culprit turned out to be... the Stranger. Because we had to read The Stranger over the summer. Oddly enough, this stranger, unlike Meursault, was a) American, b) female, and c) seemingly likeable.

I think I've gonna have a great time at Emerson. Not that it won't stop me from bitching about everything else.

*By the way, does anyone still care about Lara Croft? I mean, Tomb Raider: Legends has yet to come out, but this play namechecked the last Tomb Raider movie like it was a good thing.

Sunday, September 04, 2005


War Starts at Home

There's something strange going on. We can't bring ourselves to refer to the people from New Orleans as "evacuees." Instead, we're referring to them as "refugees", as if they're people from another country who have come to the US to find shelter from strife. It's as if we're trying to distance ourselves from the fact that these are our people, and we are responsible for them.

While others leave it at "refugees", however, the Army Times is going one step further (ganked from Pete):

While some fight the insurgency in the city, other carry on with rescue and evacuation operations. Helicopters are still pulling hundreds of stranded people from rooftops of flooded homes.

Emphasis mine. Now, see, an insurgency is an organized revolt with a political or religious purpose. There is very little purpose to the looting in New Orleans aside from posturing and greed, and absolutely no organization. And yet, the Army Times feels fit to use a term usually associates with jihadists in Iraq to describe Americans who are grabbing televisions and food.

We're trying to subconsciously tell ourselves that what we're seeing isn't happening here, despite all evidence to the contrary. We call these people, these Americans, by names usually named for people who have fled from political prosecution in other lands, or terrorists who are trying to grab hold of a weak nation. But we need to remember, at heart: these are our fellow citizens. And nothing we ever say will make them anything other than that.


I'm Not Saying We Should Build a House On an Indian Burial Ground, But It Would Make Us Look Competent

Justin Cognito's First Rule of Life: If there's a corpse lying about, someone will rape it before the week is through. Do these people care about the victims of tragedy? Or is all of life one giant photo-op to these fuckers?


I Hope You're Happy, Pat Robertson

Chief Justice Rehnquist is dead. I may have not agreed with Rehnquist on a lot of things, but at least he based his decisions on how he viewed the Constitution and not on his ideology, unlike Antonin "As a Matter of Fact, I Will Bogart That Joint" Scalia.

Make sure your asses are adequately covered, people. It's about to get really ugly.

Saturday, September 03, 2005


And Stay Out!

So, apparently Homeland Security has told the Red Cross to stay out of New Orleans, because their presence would lead to people seeking shelter and not getting out like they're supposed to. And they shouldn't be there, y'know. I mean, the government is devoting all its time to this evacuation process, and--

Oh. Wait a minute.

Does anyone fucking care in Washington? This isn't a case of the left hand not knowing what the right hand's doing; this is the left hand not knowing what the rest of the body is doing. Fuck this administration.

Friday, September 02, 2005


Ohhhh Noooooo!

I am going to say this very slowly, so that the full impact of it does not cause my head to explode from pure fury:

Mr. Bill... that little clay puppet from Saturday Night Live sketches... knew more about the dangers of a hurricane to New Orleans... than the head of FEMA.

Ow. Didn't work. Head still exploded.


'Cause I'm Mr. Brightside

To jump on Ezra Klein's latest meme game: the good news is, once we rebuild the World Trade Center, Rudy Giuliani will have a bitching penthouse.

The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic Gulf Coast, like it was before. Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house -- he's lost his entire house -- there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch. (Laughter.)

"And as for all you people wading through water and marinating in your own filth? Eh, I'm sure you'll have okay apartments, too. Ha ha."

Jesus. Goatraping. Christ. Between this and Mary Landrieu's grandstanding, our leaders are looking less like a governing body and more like a circle jerk.


Pardon Me, Senator, But Fuck You

The Cognito Clan has been watching the news a lot over the past few days. And in between all the horrible news out of New Orleans, we're seeing something we haven't seen in a long time: frustration from the press corps at politicians who are diddling during the disaster.

Last night, I saw Anderson Cooper bitch slap Sen. Mary Landrieu after she put off his questions about the responsibility of the federal government to deliver an "I'd like to thank the Academy"-esque speech in which she managed to kiss the ass of everyone holding office. I saw Paula Zahn as she appeared two steps away from throttling the head of FEMA when he kept putting off her questions to toss out talking points and half-truths. I saw anger coming from people who had seen too much, and couldn't take any more.

At least one thing's working at full capacity these days.

Thursday, September 01, 2005


In a New York Minute...

Seeing as half the Gulf Coast lies in tatters and a large city is slowly turning into Waterworld, would someone explain to me why Condi is still on vacation in New York?

What does surprise us: Just moments ago at the Ferragamo on 5th Avenue, Condoleeza Rice was seen spending several thousands of dollars on some nice, new shoes (we’ve confirmed this, so her new heels will surely get coverage from the WaPo’s Robin Givhan). A fellow shopper, unable to fathom the absurdity of Rice’s timing, went up to the Secretary and reportedly shouted, “How dare you shop for shoes while thousands are dying and homeless!” Never one to have her fashion choices questioned, Rice had security PHYSICALLY REMOVE the woman.

Word, lady. Word.


And While We're At It, Let's Kick Puppies!

"Hey, we can't let human emotions win over in the face of the free market! We have to gouge the refugees for all they're worth in the name of capitalism." (Courtesy of Ludickid.)

My God. It's like reading the course material for a economics course taught by the Borg. I also love the fact that the genius writing the article cites Joseph's advice to Pharoah druing the famine as evidence of the goodness of price gouging. If we were basing post-Katrina morals off of Genesis, then I guess no one should complain if some guy who lost his wife fucks his daughters so he can have more children.


I Can't Believe I Forgot This...

I've been talking about (and bitching about) Katrina a lot, but I've forgotten about one of the most important things:

Donate. Now.

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