Thursday, September 30, 2004


On the Plus Side, Now I Don't Have to Move to Canada

It failed. Again. Like there was any fucking doubt.

It's not over, though. Stay tuned for hundreds of campaign ads that run something like, "So-and-so wants queers to marry!"


Psst... Don't Tell Them About the Figure Skating

You know, Nigeria must be one fun place. Witches cast hexes, cell phone numbers can kill you, and organized sports have a risk of making people gay.

"Our youths are now taking after our great [soccer] stars... don't forget that in the developing world that the braiding of hair and ear-rings have a sense of homosexuality," Otunba Olusegun Runshewe, a leading government official told Nigerian television.

Eesh. They'd probably kill David Beckham where he stood.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004


This Just In: Pack of Wild Gays Force DeLay at Gunpoint to Endorse Marriage Amendment

The vote on the FMA begins in the House Thursday, and according to DeLay, it's all the activists' fault:

DeLay slammed what he called activist judges for "forcing" Congress to act "to protect the institution of marriage".

"We are forced to bring a constitutional amendment to the floor because of activist courts and activist judges," DeLay told reporters.

"Yes, yes, of course, because right now, homosexual marriage is spreading like wildfire across America!... What? You mean, it's just staying put in Massachusetts? Well, it's certainly raising an uproar in that state, what with people having their marriages devalued!... What? People don't care? Well, um... uh... oh, never mind."


Trump This, Bitch!

Hey, remember that episode of The Simpsons with Arthur Fortune, the obvious Richard Branson analogue? Who went sledding down Everest and knocked out Muhammed Ali? Well, looks like Branson's trying to one-up his own analogue, by offering Virgin flights into space by 2007.

Be careful, Richie. Just remember what happened to Pan Am.


Novak of the North

What's FOX News doing broadcasting into Canada? You'd think our neighbors to the north would biologically reject it.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004


Must... See... This... Movie...

How do you potentially make an adaptation of Watchmen by Darren Aaronofsky and David Hayter even better? Why, cast Shaun of the Dead as Rorschach, of course!

If this goes through, trained guard dogs that goes straight for the ball sack won't keep me out of that theatre.


The Most Awesome Thing I Saw on the Internet This Week

Is Alan Keyes' daughter a "selfish hedonist"? It kinda looks like it.

You have no idea how much I want this to be true. I would love nothing more than for that hypocritical blow-hard to truly implode.

Monday, September 27, 2004


Anime Fans, Plotz!

Remember, kids: no matter how much your last effort sucked goat dick, you can always find work in Holllywood (see first item).

That's right: Pitof "Last Names Are For The Proletariat", the auteur who transformed Catwoman from a strong female character with 50 years of history in the DC Universe into Halle Berry doing her best to stink up the joint, is planning on directing a live action version of Akira. Because God is dead, and we have killed him.


Instant Martyr: Just Add Explosion

I've noticed a certain philosophy running throughout the Israeli Defense Force as of late: when the going gets tough, blow the shit out of a Hamas leader.

Now, let me get this straight: I'm not crying any tears for any of these guys. They were leaders of one of the worst terrorist organizations in the world. If anything, this is what they deserved.

But for God's sake, does the Israeli government really think this is helping their cause? The first Hamas leader- a crippled guy- gets taken out by a missile blast while leaving prayer, and 7 others are killed along with him. The second Hamas leader dies of a missile blast in a likewise situation. And now this guy, who gets killed by a car bomb, and doesn't that seem less typical of an intelligence agency and more typical of the mob and terrorists?

This isn't the right way to deal with radical Palestinians. I don't know what the right way is, but this certainly isn't it. While a "bad guy go boom" policy might shake out one or two cowards from the ranks, about ten others will join in their place, wanting to get revenge on the big bad oppressor who killed their spiritual leader.

There is an answer to peace in Israel. We're just all so insane that we can't find it yet.


More Proof that Wal-Mart is Evil

Why the fuck would anyone stock the shelves of their chain store with The Protocols of the Elders of Zion? Sure, they removed it, but still.

Geez. I bet they stock The Poisonous Mushroom in the children's section.


One Love? One Heart?

Obviously, these are concepts lost on the Yardies, a British gang of Haitians who are trying to fly in a hitman from Jamaica to kill Peter Tatchell, a gay rights activist who has been instrumental in the boycott against anti-gay reggae artists.

Seriously, Bob Marley needs to rise for the dead and pimp-slap these bitches.

Sunday, September 26, 2004


Can't Afford Hitler's Death Car? Then We Have the Deal for You!

A man in San Antonio plunked down $37,500 for David Koresh's (presumably bitchin') Camaro. You just know it has an "In case of Rapture" bumper sticker on it.


Oliver Stone Called, He Wants His Shtick Back

When conspiracy theory goes horribly, horribly wrong. Courtesy of Disinformation.

That's right, folks: Martin Luther King, Bill Clinton, Jews, gays, and Michael Jackson are all in some conspiracy to profane our culture. And if you want to know more, you can send money to the Happy Valley Mental Institution, c/o that guy who keeps shitting himself and talking about elves in the radiator who want to eat his soul.


Don We Now Our (Hopefully-Not-So-)Gay Apparel

Well, this is interesting. Guess who was behind the temporary, ineffectual ban on drag in the Johannesburg Pride Parade? A gay group that calls drag "degrading and anti-gay".

You know, I'm a bad gay. I sometimes flinch at my fellow queers when they act a little too exorbitant, even though I know I shouldn't. But bitch, please. Drag is the ultimate in genderfuck and queer spirit. "Anti-gay"? No. Only people who think drag is what gays shouldn't do are not only homophobic, but also have a flagpole up their ass. And not in a fun way.

Saturday, September 25, 2004


And I Thought Stanford Was the Only Gay One on That Show

Cynthia Nixon just got a fuckload of press coverage after it was discovered that she's taking a walk on the wild side. And somewhere, Sarah Jessica Parker is kicking herself with her Manolo Blahniks for not thinking of it first.


Hmm... Must Be "Liberal Bias", I Guess

You know, when even the Associated Press notes that you're spinning like a top, it's time to tone it down a bit.

Friday, September 24, 2004


Well, It's About Fucking Time

The GOP has finally admitted that it did, indeed, send out flyers saying that liberals would ban the Bible and automatically institute same-sex marriage in elected. I just love this one woman's rationalization of the whole thing:

"When the Massachusetts Supreme Court sanctioned same-sex marriage and people in other states realized they could be compelled to recognize those laws, same-sex marriage became an issue,'' Ms. Iverson said. "These same activist judges also want to remove the words 'under God' from the Pledge of Allegiance."

Yes, of course! That automatically means that if anyone with any liberal tendencies is elected, there will be mass gay weddings and burnings of holy texts! There is a middleground, people.

Oh, and "activist judges are trying to get 'under God' out of the Pledge"? Will someone remind Ms. Iverson that when the Supreme Court was asked to rule on the legality of the issue, the case was dismissed in about a nanosecond? Not to mention judges don't get more "activist" than Roy Moore, who hauled a 5000-pound Ten Commandments statue into his courthouse in the dead of night after his higher-ups expressly forbade him to do so, but I don't see her bitching about that.

Once again, I don't hate Republicans. I probably would have voted for Arnold. But God, do I hate the people who run the Republicans.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004


That Must Have Been Some Tasty Kool-Aid

Apparently, a group of black gay Republicans has decided to endorse Bush, and has taken the Log Cabin Republicans to task for breaking from the rest of the party. Pertinent quote:

"We think that the 'Republican Tent' is
inclusive and there is room for differences, but one does not pick up their
marbles and go home if there are a few points of disagreement," stated Anthony
Falls, Republican Precinct Chairman -- Dallas and the ALBRC National
Spokesperson. "The ALBRC does not support marriage for gays, yet we do support
and call for recognition of domestic partnerships," he stated.

Aw, look! They'll sponsor us, but they don't want anything pesky like marriage! It's so cute!

If I may remind the ALBRC of one naggling detail: The 2004 party platform of the GOP calls for banning all forms of recognition of gay relationships, including domestic partnerships. And it calls for measures to block judicial review on the state level, so that no domestic partnerships can be established on a state-by-state basis.

You know, I'd really hate to use the phrase "Uncle Tom" in this situation, because of all the race stuff, but... well, come on.


I Know Nut-zing!

Remember that mailing that was being shipped all over West Virginia, saying that Bibles would be banned and gay people would be allowed to marry if liberals got elected? And how it had the RNC listed as a return address? And how Ed Gillespie said he wasn't aware of the mailing?

Well, he must know a whole lot of nothing, becuase it turns out that the mailing was sent to voters in Arkansas, as well. Now, either his head has gone so far up his colon that it's somewhere in his throat, or he's a fucking liar. And guess which one I'm leaning towards.

Tell Eddie just what he can do with that flyer.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004


Okay, Fine. They Both Suck.

We're through the looking glass here, people.

To summarize: Republican candidate for Gov. of Ind. meets with gays to discuss future plans. Religious right groups find out, shit not just bricks, but entire brownstones. And it turns out that the Democratic Party of Ind. were the ones who let them know.

I... I don't know. American Politics... God, my fucking head hurts. I need some aspirin and a ticket to Canada.


Meanwhile, Back in the 21st Century...

You know, I might just be the only blog with any leanings left of center that hasn't been caught up in the whole "Bush's National Guard" memos fiasco.

Well, looks like the memos are faker than Britney Spears' vocals, and Dan Rather may be the one to take the fall for it. But I don't care.

Sure, the potential to nail Bush to the wall for something that probably did happen may be gone. And sure, some of the blame may come off on the Kerry campaign. But you know what this means?

It means we can go back to things people care about.

Seriously. No more ads. No more attacks. No more motherfucking purple heart Band-Aids. Maybe now we can finally leave Vietnam behind and talk about our current war, and how it affects us.

Or maybe the two sides will fight to the death over this. Whatever.


Did We Really Need a Fucking Encore?

Hey, kids! Remember earlier this year, when Scott Bloch, Bush-appointed head of the Office of Special Counsel, was caught going all Ministry of Truth on a list of job protections for GLBT government employees?

Well, guess what! It backfired so much, that the far right thought they'd try it again, this time in the Social Security Administration.

This is how little the Bush government thinks of gay people. No matter how many times something like banning the DOJ gay pride celebration blows up in their face, they're going to try it again, and again, and again. Get. Them. Out. Now.


In the Words of Dave Nelson: Pure Evil.

Bill O'Reilly has described radio demagogue Michael Savage as "[his] pal" and "very entertaining". I just wonder exactly which one has the Hellmouth under their studio.

Oh, wait. Looks like Mikey said that he's "sick and tired" about the whole Brown v. Board of Education thing. Advantage: Savage.


Insane Troll Logic

So, the UN has started a new global campaign to fight hunger and poverty. This campaign involves taxing heavy arms, taxing large financial transactions, and creating credit cards whose owners (not everyone with a credit card, mind you, but the specific owners of one of these cards) would give a little money to the global fund with each transaction. Sounds perfectly reasonable, right?

Not so, says the Bush presidency! According to Secretary of Agriculture Ann Veneman, "economic growth", and not global taxes, are the key to fighting world hunger. That's right: Why help the little guy, when you can help the rich guy, too? Because everyone knows that if we give money to the rich, they'll... give it... to the poor...

Sorry, UN. Don't hate me. I didn't pick them.


The Trouble With "Ex-"es

Okay, everyone, I want to use this opportunity to talk about ex-gays. Personally, I think that this ex-gay thing is a whole lot of bunk. It's just a temporary system of denial with a high rate of relapse.

But does that mean that I don't think churches should endorse it? No. If a church believes that homosexuality is a sin, it can certainly say that. I may not agree with it, but a church can fully say that gayness is a sin that can be conquered.

However. The main reason I don't really like these programs is because saying that homosexuality is a sin is rarely where these churches stop. Often, the same churches and organizations that endorse "conversion therapy" also claim that gays are all promiscuous, drug users, child molesters, prone to violence, etc. And every time I read through one of their "laundry lists", it's like I'm reading a checklist of everything I'm not.

So, "ex-gay" churches: You can say that gayness is a sin. Just don't try to throw in a bundle pack of sins while you're at it.

Monday, September 20, 2004


Jack McCoy Goes Medieval on Corporate Crime's Ass

Fun with Yahoo!News. Headline: White collar cases become N.Y. specialty.

Throw in some sex and violence, and we have the next Law and Order spin-off!


"Pimp of the Groom? Madam of the Bride?"

Please, somebody tell me that this atrocity did not take center stage at Britney Spears' Secret Weekend Wedding(TM).

They're actually wearing white track suits with "Pimps" written on the back. What the fuck was this, a Bloods and Crips theme wedding?

Seriously, I am horribly fascinated by Britney's downward spiral. I know I should look away at some point, lest my face melt like the Nazis in Raiders of the Lost Ark, but dude. Honestly.


Why and How God Loves Me

Now, onto less refined matters: In shopping for Angels in America the other day, Mother Cognito found a copy of True Crime: Streets of LA on the floor of the mall. And it wasn't as if it had been stolen; someone had paid for it, and just left it on the floor of the mall. So, she took it home, and Brother Cognito and I have been enjoying it ever since.

Free video games. I don't know what I did to please the Almighty so, but it must have worked.


"Prepare... Prepare for the Parting of the Air..."

So, Angels in America took home 7 Emmys last night. Which makes it all the more appropriate that I finally received the series on DVD as a late birthday present yesterday afternoon.

I still like it. I know the politics are a bit hoary, but the characters are interesting (especially Roy Cohn, the only occasion where Al Pacino can get away with munching on the scenery), the dialogue is charming, and the music... well, I don't think I can say this without sounding like a massive pussy, but the music is ethereal. Seriously. Just listening to the opening theme gives me goosebumps.

Only managed to rewatch Part 1 of Millennium Approaches, though. But I think I'll catch up.


Putting Monica to Shame

Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie might serve as interns under conservative Congressmen in the third season of The Simple Life.

Rick "Man on Dog" Santorum apparently turned them down. You know, I think if we put Rick Santorum and Paris Hilton in a room together, the nation's average IQ would drop about ten points.

Sunday, September 19, 2004


The Magic Jew

Ganked from Hairy Fish Nuts.

In a move destined to send the image of Judaism in the Arab world back to the days of the blood libel, a radical rabbi has threatened to put a deadly hex on Ariel Sharon for his plan to evacuate Jewish settlements in the Gaza Strip.

I can just imagine what's going through Madonna's head right now: "Wait, Kaballah can be used for more than just empowerment and shit? Hot damn!"


God Panic Defense

At least, that's one way of putting Jimmy Swaggart's message that if a gay man gave him the wrong kind of look, he'd kill him and tell God that he just happened to die of natural causes.

There are five hundred different things running around in my brain right now, but I'd like to focus on the top three:

1. This is the man who got caught in flagrante delecto with what the guys who wrote the New Testament would refer to as a harlot. And we all know how Jesus felt about sinners casting stones...

2. This is what it comes down to, people. No "love the sinner, hate the sin", no "Treat the homosexual with love"-- it comes down to, "I'm going to kill any fag motherfucker who looks at me the wrong way."

3. And most importantly of all: This is a somewhat famous man, who has said that he would kill any gay person who looks at him in a way that could be mistaken for sexual attraction. And the only place I've heard uproar about this is on relatively liberal, gay-slanted blogs. What the fuck is wrong with our nation?

Saturday, September 18, 2004


College Bound

I won't be updating for a fair chunk of the weekend. The Cognito Clan is going down to New York to check out Columbia. So, I'll see you Sunday evening.

Friday, September 17, 2004


Who Let Pat Robertson In the Mailing Office?

Oh, my head. Apparently, if we let those nasty liberals take over West Virginia, they'll ban the Bible. So sayeth someone who managed to get the RNC's return address on his propaganda.

And big surprise-- Ed Gillespie doesn't care:

Republican National Committee Chairman Ed Gillespie said Friday that he wasn't aware of the mailing, but said it could be the work of the RNC. "It wouldn't surprise me if we were mailing voters on the issue of same-sex marriage," Gillespie said.

Uh, yeah, Ed? Someone is mailing letters with your name on them, saying that your political opponents will ban the Bible, thereby flouting the fucking U.S. Constitution, if elected. There is only one way this can go, and that is nuclear. If you have any semblance of common sense, you'll remove your head from your ass long enough to denounce the fuck out of this demagogue.


"You Know What They Call an Olsen Twin Eating a Quarter Pounder With Cheese in Paris?"

The Olsen Twins have signed on to hawk French Happy Meals.

How does that work when one of them doesn't eat?


With Earl Hindman as Robert Novak!

Proof positive that anything can be made into a sitcom: Someone has sold a comedic drama to FOX based on the Valerie Plame outing scandal.

At least in this version of reality, Not Joseph Wilson can kick Not Robert Novak square in the nuts once the news is leaked.

Thursday, September 16, 2004


Schadenfreud is a Force for Good, Not Evil

Ganked from AMERICABlog.

This is rich. An independent study has found that gay marriage would be generally good for the economy of Minnesota. But even funnier was how this was determined: a family values group called up the economist who conducted the research, asking him to prove that gay marriage would cripple the economy.

This just proves that fate loves a good tempting.


What, Another One?

Okay, I think we can officially call this one a curse.

R.I.P., Johnny Ramone. Everyone, a 1:44 of silence so that we may play "Blitzkrieg Bop" in his honor.

Thank you.


In Which My Destiny is Foretold

Ladies and gentlemen, the Lady of the Lake has appeared to me. (Okay, no, she didn't, but it's a metaphor, so just go with it.) She gave to me Excrayoniber, the magical pen, and told me to write a screenplay. And she told me that it would sell.

Why? Because after someone sells shit like this, anything is possible.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004


So That's What "Higher" Is About!

Let me guess: Scott Stapp was taking all those little pills because Jesus wanted him to.


The Horror... The Horror...

Oh, thanks, Hollywood. Would you care to rape and defile anything else from my childhood?

Tuesday, September 14, 2004


Oh, You Know You Wanted This

Spider Jerusalem vs. John Kerry.

Now if only I could find the Bush version.


Goddamn, That's Sweet

Oprah kicked off her season premiere by giving the entire audience G6s.

So why is it that the only thing I get while watching Oprah is bored?

Monday, September 13, 2004


This Is What We In the Industry Call "Irony"

Hey, look, everyone, Michael Savage called Bill Clinton evil.

Ladies and gentlemen, I do believe we just found the blackest pot in the Universe.


Silver and Ghouls

Ganked from Shack.

"Call now and enjoy our lovely silver-imprinted attempt to milk every dollar from the worst national tragedy since Pearl Harbor. Operators are standing by."

Like Shack, I saw an ad for that... thing yesterday. And, like him, I was absolutely fucking disgusted. There must be a deep pit in Hell for people who do stuff like this.

Sunday, September 12, 2004


Must Give Money. Must Give Lots of Money.

"Tikkun is a nonprofit 501(c)3, which means we are prohibited from endorsing candidates or parties, and we never have. We're concerned with building a New Bottom Line in American society of love, generosity, social justice, and peace—and a progressive middle path for Middle East peace that is both pro-Israel and pro-Palestine."

If I can't find the appropriate sums of money, then I'm sure they'll appreciate a lovely fruit basket.


Duck and Cover

Did-did-did-did you hear the falling bombs?

That's right: reports are coming in, saying that North Korea set off its first new fully-functioning nuke.

I'll just be practicing my French over here.

Bonjour, monsieur? Ici est Toronto, non? Ou est le bureau de l'immigration? Je cherche l'asile!

Saturday, September 11, 2004


Beating a Dead Velociraptor

SPOILERS AHEAD. Mind you, spoilers for a movie that may never get made, or may get made in a severely altered form, but... spoilers.

Once upon a time, I saw Jurassic Park 3. That was a more innocent time, a time when I thought Rush Hour 2 was pretty damn funny. And even then, I realized that the movie sucked wind. I realized that the only reason this movie had been made was to drag a few more bucks out of the franchise.

And now, someone (specifically Universal, Spielberg, and a bunch of industry bigwigs who want to sap gullible moviegoers of hard-earned cash) think it would be a good idea to make Jurassic Park 4. And, judging by the script review, I'm not exactly confident.

Gene-spliced dinosaur super soldiers, people. Unless you're making a movie based on a Saturday morning cartoon, those words should never find their way into the plot of your film.

That does it. Screw Hollywood. I'm going to give up pursuing screenwriting for a more noble literary pursuit. Like, say, poetry.

Nah, I'll just do screenwriting anyway. Because I'm a big whore. But I won't enjoy it.


How We Remember That Day in September

So, we've approached the third anniversary of September 11th. We all remember where we were that day, when we heard the news. So, this is my stupid 9/11 story:

As a sign that the universe does indeed work in mysterious ways, I woke up that day at 3 in the morning. Unable to go back to bed, I decided to finish Insomnia by Stephen King, which I'd checked out the day before. For the unfamiliar, one of the main plots of the book is that the Crimson King (the baddie from King's Dark Tower series) is manipulating an anti-abortion group in Derry to violence in order to greatly fuck up the multiverse. In the climax of the book, the hero has to stop the leader of the group from crashing a small airplane full of explosives into the Derry Civic Center while a renowned women's rights speaker is giving a speech. Coincidence? I think so!

So, anyway, once I'm done, I go on with my usual schedule. When I'm in 3rd block Latin, the announcement comes on over the speaker: however, it's so jumbled that I think that an airplane has crashed into the Boston World Trade Center, which is pretty much a yard sale with a tin roof. Not fully grasping the gravity of the situation, I turn to my friend and wisecrack, "I bet you five hundred dollars that the guy behind this had the initials 'OBL'." Once again, mysterious ways.

Then they wheeled in a TV during my next class, and I finally understood what was going on. Nothing, however, shocked me more than my 6th period class, where we saw direct footage of the 2nd plane crashing into the Towers. I started thinking, "This is a dream. I went back to bed after reading Insomnia, and this is an incredibly vivid bad dream." And yet, it wasn't. Once school got out, I called my mom, asking her to pick me up immediately. She did, I went home, affixed myself to CNN, and had a good cry for the rest of the day.

So today, we remember the victims of 9/11. May they have found rest.


Bride and Gr-ewwwwwww-m

Mary Kay LeTourneau and victim may marry.

I'm sorry, but am I the only one who sees how fucked up this is? I mean, if the genders were reversed, would people even pretend to be objective in a situation like this?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go work on a spec script for Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. And I swear it has nothing to do with this. Really. No, really.

Okay, it totally does.


Radio Silence

Oh, by the way, sorry for the lack of posts last night. I was just recovering from the fact that I spent most of the night in a simulated rehab experience. I ended up shaking so hard from fever chills that I thought I would crack my bed in half, and I sweated like Whitney Houston in a Turkish bath. Still, it was kind of worth it, as the fever broke and went down to the 99 degree range.

Something positive came out of it, though. Thursday night, my boyfriend called up, and I was able to explain my situation for two minutes before I had to haul my diseased carcass up to bed. Yesterday, he vists while he's seeing a friend in the area, and gives me a get well card. Damn, how I love him.


The Toad Elevating Moment

Oh fucking dear.

Right now, I'm bracing for the worst. It's not like I'm afraid that if Bush gets elected, we're gonna turn into a theocracy. Despite all my blatherings about The Handmaid's Tale et al, I think we've seen it enough times to know when things are going off the deep end. I'm just really scared of the people who are backing Bush. I don't want to give them four more years to try and steer the course of American politics.

Thursday, September 09, 2004


Bang Bang, My Congressman Shot Me Down

Unbe-fucking-lievable. The GOP is pretty much saying that they won't vote on the assault weapons ban that expires Monday. This, I believe, is bullshit. I'm all for bearing arms, but please. One can defends oneself with a handgun, or hunt with a shotgun or a rifle. There's no need to go all Predator and use a chaingun in either situation.

And why is the GOP letting the ban expire, besides DeLay's continuing effort to lure in the separatist militia voting bloc? Well, here's the logic from the big man himself:

DeLay said the ban was "a feel-good piece of legislation" that does nothing to keep weapons out of the hands of criminals.

So, let me get this straight: You're letting a weapons ban expire... because it doesn't block all forms of automatic weapons... but, in blocking it, you're making automatic weapons more accessible to criminals. I do believe my cerebellum melted because of that one.

Guns don't kill people; bureaucracy kills people.


Excuse Me While I Cough Up My Spleen

I'm missing school today, due to the fact that I woke up with a fever, chills, aches, and a need to pull a Regan MacNeil that sent me scuttling for the nearest toilet. Yeah, yeah, I know, TMI, but I have to suffer through it, and so should you.

Anyway, if I start talking about pink elephants with jigsaws who want to collect my liver, you know what to blame it on.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004


The (Cecil B.) DeMille Code

Okay, so, Parisian authorities have found a cinema/cafe in the Catacombs. Covered with swastikas, Stars of David, and crucifixes. That apparently showed films noir and recent thrillers. And which is obviously the product of people who do not want to be found.

Damn. And Dan Brown had to settle for the Priory of Sion.


What Would Jesus Do? He Would Vote For Me!

I only wish I was making this shit up, people. Alan Keyes's latest bout of verbal diarrhea is that Jesus wouldn't vote for Barack Obama.

Hey, Alan? Seeing as the Son is one in being with the Father, I think it's safe to say that Christ is in the tub.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004


So It Begins... Well, Again

Because you just can't get enough of it, the FMA returns, this time in the House. Where it will once again crash and burn.

Whoops. I'm projecting again.


I Do Believe Michael Medved's Head Just Exploded

Fahrenheit 9/11 to pursue Best Picture Oscar. Hey, if he loses, can the far right shut their gobs about "liberal Hollywood"?


This Is Gonna Make Fahrenheit 9/11 Look Like Garfield

A new Iranian film covers, among other topics, abortion, lesbianism, and adultery. Iranians can expect it to be burned in a theatre near them.


Putting the "Peace" Back in "Religion of Peace"

Seriously, this woman needs to go toe-to-toe with Ann Coulter, Franklin Graham, Pat Robertson, and all the other Islam-bashers. I do believe she will kick their asses up and down the boulevard.

Monday, September 06, 2004


I'm Not a Boy, Not Yet a Man

And geez, that could possibly be the gayest title for a post like this.

I turned eighteen today. There was much celebration among the Cognito Clan over the weekend. I got many a gift, including South Park Season 4 on DVD, Kill Bill Vol. 1 on DVD, the promise of Angels in America on DVD, and Something Rotten, the latest in the Thursday Next series.

I guess I'm officially an adult now. I have to sign up for the draft within 30 days. I'll probably become a legal guardian if my parents die.

Well, guess I'll do the only mature thing I can think of: Go look at porn legally.

Oh, and if you're my parents, that's only a joke.

Sunday, September 05, 2004


Funny Ha Ha or Funny Weird?

Atrios provides a summary of what went on at "GOP Comedy Night", which was about as funny as Michael Savage. A choice quote:

For wacky Julia, who wears a cameo of "my Georgie" around her neck, AIDS is nothing but a pet cause of Hollywood activists. Want to know why they're so eager to find a cure? "They can't keep their legs shut."

Wow. Yeah, it has nothing to do with the millions of kids who are infected in Africa, and it all has to do with them being sluts. What, they couldn't just resurrect Sam Kinison?

Saturday, September 04, 2004


Creativity at FOX? What an Alien Concept!

Good God, man, don't do it! Feeding it only makes it stronger!


Why I'll Never Truly "Get" Independent Features

I want whatever drugs Gregg Araki is taking, and I want a gross of them.

Friday, September 03, 2004


Make Your Own Joke About Compassionate Conservatism, I'm Flat Out

Don't you just hate it when someone wishes that a member of the opposing army recovers from a health condition? These dickfucks do.

UPDATE: Oops. Sorry about that. Apparently, what everyone thought were boos were really "oohs" of shock. Go back to your lives as normal.


And Ann Coulter Gets Out the Voodoo Dolls

Good luck on the heart, Bill.

You know, I'd hate to be morbid, but... if he dies, will it be a fight to the death (well, after-death) between his legacy and Reagan's legacy?


Does He Understand the Words That Are Coming Out of His Mouth?

Bush's speech. I'm sorry, I just have to draw attention to this:

"I am running with a compassionate
conservative philosophy: that government should help people improve their
lives, not try to run their lives."

Yes, yes: that perfectly explains why your party supports measures to block judicial review on the state level. Because that's not the government interfering with people! No, sir!

Oh, and he said it. In his speech. To the American Public. I mean, I don't think I should be surprised at this point, but still.

Damn. I wonder if there are any liberal militias I can join if this guy gets elected again...

Thursday, September 02, 2004


Welcome to Gilead

This is the full party platform for the Republican Party this year. Sure, I've talked in detail about how the platform suggests nuking gay rights and throwing an amendment in the Constitution banning abortion, but did you know that it also shoots down contraception in general, and is in favor of putting up Ten Commandments statues in public places?

Oh, and this is just beautiful:

And while the vast majority of Americans support a
ban on partial birth abortion, this brutal and violent practice will likely continue by
judicial fiat.

Yes, never mind the fact that under the ban, there was no protection for women with medical complications. Those nasty, nasty liberals are killing babies!

Today, I say "no more". No more to people who think they can fuck over the Constitution to make America something mutated and inbred. No more to those who would shoot down the freedoms of our nation because they make them feel uncomfortable every so often. And no more to people who think that God gave them the right to fuck this nation in the ass.

Vote Democrat. Vote Independent. Vote Libertarian. Just please, for the love of fuck, don't vote Republican.


I Lost Seven Homosexual Tendencies in Two Weeks!

Proving that there are indeed people out there for whom logic is just a naggling concept, here's the mind-pretzeling thinking involved in one man who's defending Alan Keyes's Cheney-bashing:

Former Senate candidate Jim Oberweis of Aurora said Keyes could have thought through his remark, then suggested homosexuality can be changed like obesity, citing his own vast weight loss in the past year.

I'm sorry, did you lose your gayness along with it? So, if you go on a binge, you could end up gaining ten pounds and chasing dick?

I'm sorry. I can't stand stupid people.


Bat Out of Zell

What the fuck is this? Did Zell Miller really joke about challenging Chris Matthews to a duel? Did he really spit out more "Shut ups!" than Bill O'Reilly on speed? Did he really rag on him for giving Michelle "Those Dirty Japs" Malkin a hard time?

This isn't "Democrats for Bush" anymore. This is "Raving Headcases for Bush".


Off-Camera, Out of Mind

Well, looks like everyone learned their lesson from 1992: If you have to mention a "culture war", do it when no one from CNN is watching.

Seriously, what the fuck is this? Why do I feel like I'm in The Manchurian Candidate or something? We have all these moderates talking up front, but we have a party platform that was taken from the Spanish Inquisition and panderings to people who call Michael Moore an "Antichrist" (and please, save that title for someone who is evil and not just annoying).

I don't care how many people they put up front who urge moderation for a stronger America. As long as they keep pandering to people like this, especially when it comes to the platform, I'll vote Republican when the sun burns out.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004


All Keyed Up

Alan Keyes calls Mary Cheney a "selfish hedonist"; the Illinois GOP puts its head between its knees and kisses its ass goodbye.

Well, except for this woman, who is clearly running the campaign from Mars:

Illinois Republican Party Chairwoman Judy Baar Topinka said Keyes' remarks about Cheney's daughter shouldn't distract from key election issues.

"It's a pity that we have gotten away from the substance of the campaign and instead have gotten into personalities and things that are personal and name-calling," Topinka told the Chicago Tribune.

Um, Judy? Calling gays "selfish hedonists" and claiming God made 9/11 happen because of abortions? I'd say those are pretty fucking big election issues. It's like saying, "I can't believe that people are focusing on all those names Hitler is calling the Jews, and not on his strong economic policy."


Everytime He Says It, An Angel Gets Its Wings

The Governator used "girlie men" again at the GOP Convention.

Oh, Arnold. I want to love you, but you make it so very, very hard.


Schrock of Ages

So, the whole Ed Schrock thing. Everyone else has probably commented on it in even greater detail than I, so, here are my thoughts:

-Good riddance to bad garbage.
-Good job, John and Mike. Spider Jerusalem would be proud.


Martians? She'll Fit Right In, Then!

Why are we giving Dakota Fanning so much work? Surely there must be other moppets out there.

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