Tuesday, November 30, 2004


So, This is What it Sounds Like... When Doves Cry

And yes, I am a massive dork.

I just cancelled my subscription to City of Heroes. I've loved it for the past three months, but I just hit a rough patch lately and found the game kinda boring and frustrating at varying intervals. I would've stuck with it until the update for good measure, but I'm going to college next year, and I need some pocket money. And seeing as I currently earn a maximum of $56/month in allowance, I thought that $15 would be better spent on future ramen than present video games.

Some day, when I'm gainfully (or at least partially) employed, I'll return. Until then, thanks for the memories, Heroes.

And thanks for having me, P.R.I.S.M. Because I can't even play video games without being totally gay.


Pass That Dutch

So apparently there's some great big medical marijuana hoopajoo in the Supreme Court. While I personally think Ashcroft needs to relax with a bit of the happy weed myself, I think this decision will definitely act as a weathervane for the next few years of the Court (or at least until Rehnquist kicks it). This case comes down, basically, to federalism versus state's rights. Will it be decided as such, or will the beliefs about the size of the government be thrown over for conservative and liberal arguments? We'll have to wait and see.


The Spirit of H.L. Mencken Lives On

The press goes "awwwww" to Bush's comments. Somewhere out there, Spider Jerusalem is having an embolism.

Monday, November 29, 2004


So Are They "Activist Judges" Too, Now?

Dear members of the far right: taking a case about supposed "judicial tyranny" to the US Supreme Court is never going to go your way.


Wants to Destroy PBS and Tear Big Bird Apart

What the fuck is it with social conservatives and public television?

A state legislator says he wants to cut South Carolina Educational Television's budget after it aired a documentary on gays in the South.

"I thought it was just social, leftist propaganda that they had no business airing," said state Rep. John Graham Altman, R-Charleston. "They were actively promoting homosexuality as an OK thing to do."


"An analogy would be a librarian buying books for the bookshelf. 'We are your Neighbors' was just one 26-minute show out of 8,700 hours of programming. We are just presenting a point of view. This is just one book on a shelf of thousands of books," Bresnahan said.

Emphasis mine. Now, does Part A seem like a logical reaction to Part B?

Oh, wait. Never mind. Logic is out. Shoddy moral outrage is the new black!

Sunday, November 28, 2004


'Tis the Season to Be Jacking

So, Mother Cognito buys a light-up wreath for the holidays. It's charming, and festive, and it only costs $20. She decides to hang it on the white fence we have at the end of the driveway; that way, while everyone who drives by our house can't see our front porch, they can see that we have some Christmas cheer.

Then somebody steals it.

It's a wreath. A fucking wreath. With Christmas lights. It costs only $20. It's not an animatronic Santa that breathes fire. It's not a robotic Rudolph that breakdances to "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas (Trance Remix)". It's a tiny little wreath. And it got stolen.

Merry fucking Christmas, douchebag. Enjoy your stolen goods.

Saturday, November 27, 2004



Concerned citizens bring titties to C-SPAN.

Now all we need is for the FCC to sue them, and the "moral values" brigade will have successfully collapsed upon itself.

Friday, November 26, 2004


And Now You Know... The Rest of The Story

Or, well, not. The transcript to 20/20's Matthew Shepard segment.

So, let me get this straight: the alternate theory is being put forth based on the testimony of the killers themselves (who made a deal sparing themselves from the death penalty centered around not talking to the media), the girlfriends of the killers, the friends of the killers, and members of the "drug scene" (read: possible good acquaintances with the killers, who were meth heads).

This is weaker than a straw house in a tornado. Shame on thee, ABC.

Thursday, November 25, 2004


Yes, I'm Really That Shallow

So, you want to know why I haven't posted anything all day, huh? Well, I've been busy playing Fable, which I rented from Blockbuster yesterday, and enjoying it greatly.

Is it because of the combat system, which balances out ranged, melee, and magical attacks? Maybe...

Is it because I can determine whether my character can be good or evil? Kinda...

But the real reason I'm enjoying it is I can get my hero to marry a guy! Aww. Look at them, in their cute little gay domestic bliss...

Oh, shut up. This is my Sexy Beach 2.


Because You All Wanted to Know What We Had. Admit It.

For Thanksgiving dinner, the Cognito Clan dined on:

-mashed potatoes w/ skins
-butternut squash
-snap peas

And we have a chocolate pecan pie (that I made myself!) reheating in the oven as we speak.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go pass out. Well, after the pie, of course.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004


This House is Cleansed... Except for the Oil Stains. Sorry.

So apparently, someone engaged in an informal exorcism of a church in St. Paul. Why? Because the church dared to have gay Catholics. I mean, ew! People who practice our faith and swear devotion, even after we've shown them, time after time, that we treat them as little more than cockroach shit! We must save our house of worship and discrimination!

Y'all, fuck this shit. I am glad, now more than ever, that I left the Church.


Self-Destructing is Pretty

Jerry Falwell goes up in flames more so than usual, talking about wanting to mentally abuse PETA members and calling NOW the "National Organization of Witches".

Hey, Jerry; if NOW really were a diabolical cabal of sorceresses, your private parts would have been transmogrified into something nasty loooooong ago.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004


Uwe Boll Must Die

They're making a sequel to House of the Dead. I have no pithy comment; I have lost faith in humanity.

Monday, November 22, 2004


I Shall Return... Or Not.

After Alan "Well, Guess Jesus Did Vote for Obama" Keyes lost the Illinois Senate election (88% to 10%- ha!), he vowed to stay the course in the state and fight for moral decency. Because Illinois? Is the cesspit of America. Seriously, Las Vegas worships at the dark altar of... Chicago.

Anyway, Keyes's fight for morality got off to a great start when... he moved out in the middle of the night? Yup.

He lost the Senate, he lost the House, he lost the Presidency, and he lost his damn mind. See ya, Alan. Don't call us; we don't care.


The Shepard and the Flock

So, apparently 20/20 is reopening the Matthew Shepard case, looking at the possibility that it may not have been a hate crime, and that Shepard may have known his killers.

Now, when I first heard of this, I didn't take a position. I heard Sully's "Called it" position, and Pam's "Smear campaign!" position, but I really didn't know. Of course Matthew Shepard opened up the national discourse of hate against homosexuals, but if his death wasn't itself a hate crime, then so what? You can't say something doesn't exist once it's in the room.

Then I saw an ad last night. And the announcer was crowing, "We have interviews with his killers!" And now, I am quite doubtful.

Let's look at it this way: You are the iconic perpetrator of a hate crime in the '90s. Whenever anyone thinks of violent hatred towards homosexuals, you are the first face that pops up. Hell, your lawyer even testified that you killed your victim because he dared to be gay and forthright about it. Aren't you gonna want to say anything- anything at all- that makes you look like something less than the embodiment of hatred towards the Other?

I'll try and watch it. If they have a whole bunch of supporting evidence, I might buy it. But if it's just the anchors talking to Russell Henderson and Aaron McKinney for an hour, then I don't think so.


Pull the Analog Stick Back, and to the Left...

Game lets you recreate JFK's assassination; Ted Kennedy reasonably pissed. I imagine cheat codes will start popping up that will let you put gunmen on the grassy knoll.

Sunday, November 21, 2004


Reveling Like the Greeks of Old- You Know The Ones I Mean

Greeks sue because Oliver Stone says Alexander the Great was bi. In other news, 14th century scientists are suing the modern world for saying that the earth revolves around the sun.

Saturday, November 20, 2004


How to Miss the Point Entirely

The House will not criticize the Boy Scouts for their policies of membership. Money quote:

"Scouting values, military values, citizenship values, a respect and reverence for a creator are not a violation of the doctrine of church and state," said Hayworth, who was an Eagle Scout.

Got that right. But kicking out atheists? That... kinda might be.



Action figures for The Warriors. I am saddened to say that they do not come with a removeable leather vest or facepaint that appears under cold water.

The Warriors is, strangely, one of those movies that I have never seen in my life, yet I know more than any normal man should know about it. I blame this on the Fametracker forums, where a topic pops up devoted to a cult movie every other day.

Maybe I should indulge in my cult movie backlog one weekend. I ordered The Iron Giant off of OnDemand due to FT buzz, and was sobbing like Sydney Bristow by the time it was over. Wouldn't hurt.

Friday, November 19, 2004


Right, There's No Difference. Except Where There Totally Is.

As long as John's airing his frustration about gay conservatives who spin Bush's civil union policy, I'd like to air my contention about one argument made by certain numbers of these conservatives: "Bush and Kerry really aren't that different on gay rights."

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh. Look! Here! At least one way the two are different: If a hate crimes bill made it past DeLay's cronies and towards Bush's desk, he'd probably veto it with that crap "every crime is a hate crime" defense (yes, I'm sure James Byrd's family loves it when you equate their father's death with a robbery). Kerry? Would not. Or, well, would have not.

And here! Another! The Court! Bush has made clear that he likes Scalia's bastard clones for positions. Scalia, of course, being the same man who argued that a gay man dismissed from the army had no right to seek recourse in the justice system. The court tilts in favor of the Scalia clones, and we can say goodbye to Lawrence v. Texas. And God help us if Goodridge v. Massachusetts approaches the bench...

I hold some conservative policies myself. But Jesus Christ on a motorbike, let it go.


Jamaica Me Crazy

Jamaica denies that there's any mistreatment of gays among its population, which is somewhat like denying that water is wet.

"We also as the duly elected representatives of the people feel that it is the people who must set our agenda in respect of the legislation which we pass or the repeal of any existing laws. We are certainly not about to respond to any organization, external to this country, which may want to dictate to us how and when to deal with the laws of our land," Senator Whiteman said.

Emphasis mine. Oh, you want "the laws of your land", Senator Whiteman? Here are the laws of your land: Last year, a man called his son all sorts of homophobic names in front of his friends, inciting them to rip planks of wood from benches and beat him with them. The father was seen walking away from this development smiling. Do you know what the law of your land did in response, Whiteman?

They pressed no charges, calling it "a family issue". Hell, if that boy is still alive, I'd be surprised.

In 25 years, they've gone from Marley to artists who sing about throwing acid at gays. I'm sure they're soooooooo proud.

Thursday, November 18, 2004


Shut Up, Marlow. Shut Up A Lot.

I have read, and I have hated, quite a few required reading books throughout my high school career. I have read and hated Summer of my German Soldier, which might as well have been titled Oppressionfest 1943. I have read and hated Black Boy, which, were it not a biography, I would peg as the prototype for A Series of Unfortunate Events. I have read and hated The Grapes of Wrath, a book where the laws of Punctuation would take a vacation every other chapter. I have read and kinda disliked All The King's Men, which, while having rocking dialogue, carried the most unpleasant characters this side of a Larry Clark movie.

All of these, however, have a new idol. A Baal. A Cthulhu. A dark god at whose altar they are to worship and sacrifice fatted calfs. And this demon's name is Heart of Darkness.

I approached the novella, thinking, "It's short; where's the harm?" Well, let me put it this way: While the other books sucked, I at least had the idea that time was passing while I read them. In Heart of Darkness, however, you have no idea what's going on, no matter how many times you read it. I read ten pages, thought, "I must have missed something," and read them again. And again. And again, until they were red with the blood of paper cuts. And it still didn't make sense.

It also didn't help that the entire story is told by Marlow, who is telling it to the narrator and a few other men, and thus the entire thing is in double quotation marks. And then when someone else speaks, it goes "double quotation mark- single quotation mark." And then you get to the cases of "double-single-double", or, in one mind-raping case, "double-single-double-single", and you have no idea who the fuck is saying what the fuck to who the fuck ever.

This book drove me to SparkNotes, people. Usually I go to SparkNotes for refreshers on certain minor events that may be on a quiz, or quick reminders of where that one quote took place. But this is the first time I have ever gone to that site just to get a basic grip on the plot.

So fuck you, Kurtz, fuck you, Marlow, fuck you, Conrad, fuck you, British Empire, fuck you, Belgian Congo, and fuck you, the Spirit of Imperialism.

UPDATE: Oh, God, not even SparkNotes can stand it. It takes four sections to explain a passage that runs, in total, 34 pages long. Somebody kill me.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004


Political Protest is Sexy

This is Not Over.

Yes, but it is fucking awesome.


You'd Think He'd Learn, But You'd Be Wrong

It's the remix to his pissin', I want his ass in a prison...

And that's all I have so far. Sorry.


Walt Disney Breakdances in His Grave

Toy Story 3- without Pixar.

Time to start the "how many people are gonna get fired?" pool.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004


Evolution, Maybe Not; Devolution, Definitely

48% of Americans believe in creationism.

48% of Americans believe in creationism.

Forty-fucking-eight percent of Americans throw over fossil records, astronomical data, geology, and oh yeah, the fucking dinosaurs all because of a book of the Bible that was written in Hebrew in the days of superstition, then translated to Greek, then translated to English, that happens to define the units of time God took the create the Earth as "days".

Fuck Canada; I'm moving to Mars.


The Will of the People Has Whispered!

Courtesy of Reason.

Jeff Jarvis, intrepid blogger, filed a Freedom of Information Act request to pour over the 159 complaints that led to Married by America getting sued for $1.2 million, only to find that they were 156 short.

Three complaints, people. And that led to a million dollar fine. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if they were all signed by the same person.

By the way, Sars has taken a hatchet to Michael Powell's puritanical complex. Enjoy.

Monday, November 15, 2004



Anna Nicole Smith makes Grace Slick look like the model of sobriety at the AMAs. There's no way I'm watching that shit. The still frame is enough to give credence to the theory that Anna lost all her weight by eating the souls of infants (0 calories, and 100% sin-free! Yummy.).

But seriously, is this any surprise? The woman dressed up as all sorts of sexy female video game characters for GPhoria. I could devour the entire supply of every pusher in Boston and still not be high enough to agree to do that shit.


Why Must All My News Sources Go Bitch Crazy?

It's official; certain parties at AMERICABlog have lost their fucking minds.

Wow. I didn't know someone could be so gay and yet toss out so many homophobic explitives and taunts. And I'm not talking about Mehlman. Oh, he put "girlfriends" in quotation marks! Hahahahakillme.

Normally I respect these guys. I may not agree with them 100%, but I respect them. But to see them stoop to the same level of homophobia as the people they're trying to stop is just disgusting. Snap out of it, fellas.


False Alarm, It's Just Shangri-La

Atlantis found? Maybe.

The problem is, we've had so much talk about Atlantis in pop culture, we have no idea what we'll find there. Nazi meddling? Alien pods? Disney animation? Who knows?

Sunday, November 14, 2004


What, Burning at the Stake Was Too Expensive?

The White House is apparently kicking out all officers who don't like Bush. And as for those at the CIA who pledge their undying loyalty to Bush, I have two words: Yellow. Cake.


Margaret Atwood Knew Her Stuff

A handy guide to Christian Reconstructionism. I'm not responsible for any soiled pants that result from reading that website.


Won't Kiss the Pope's Toe

The Pope is telling Protestant churches to stop blessing the gayness. I thought there was a reason we had that whole schism thing.

Saturday, November 13, 2004


Dude, Didn't a Celebrity Just Die Last Weekend?

Ol' Dirty Bastard dead at 35.

And if you think I'm gonna make some crap "His death was for the children" joke... then I've become utterly predictable. Shit.


City of Copyright Infringements

Marvel sues City of Heroes for giving people the ability to make knock-offs of their heroes. Hmm. And yet, we haven't been sued by DC, Quentin Tarantino, Matt Groening*, or the guy who came up with The Tick**. I wonder why.

Oh, yeah; because they know it's a fucking video game. None of these characters are central to the game; they're just developed by the players. The central point of the game isn't, "Create your own Marvel(TM) superhero." It's "create your own superhero."

Oh, and by the way, Marvel: You know that whole Avengers Disassembled stunt you pulled? Yeah, it sucked penguin cock. So I think you have more pressing issues than what your fans want to do to your characters. Can't be any worse than what you do.

*Yeah, really; I saw a Lucy Liu-bot on the Victory Server.
**Along with an Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight.

Friday, November 12, 2004


Hitmen for Xenu

You know, I didn't really need any more evidence that Scientology is batshit crazy, but this will do nicely:

Scientology is highly opposed to homosexuality, teaching
that if a homosexual cannot be reformed, he should be "disposed of,
quietly and without sorrow" (L. Ron Hubb[a]rd, "The Science of Survival").

That's right, folks; the founder of Scientology advocated taking "unreformable" gays out back and shooting them. I think I love Germany just a little bit more now.


Um, Should You Tell Him Or Should I?

Michael Moore to make Fahrenheit 9/11-1/2. Now I thought the healing was supposed to begin. Why you splitting the country, Michael?

["]Fifty-one percent of the American people lacked information (in this election) and we want to educate and enlighten them. They weren't told the truth. We're communicators and it's up to us to start doing it now.["]

Michael... y'know, buddy, I'd... oh, fuck it- your movie was nothing but polarizing polemic for the left! No one cares about the strength of the truth if the only people it reaches are those who already thought your way!

There. Look, I liked 9/11. I stared at Bush's 7 minutes of silence in horror, and I fell over laughing at the musical "talents" of John Ashcroft. The problem is, Moore is gonna be damaged goods to anyone who thinks conservative for the rest of his life. It won't matter if he makes a movie out of footage of Bush raping children and offering them to Cthulhu; the people who don't think like him are gonna doubt it.


No! You Fool!

So, yeah. Apparently, ABC canned showing Saving Private Ryan on at least 20 affiliates out of fear that Michael Powell will come at them with a hatchet, despite the fact that the movie aired without a problem in 2001 and 2002.

Even more interesting, however (and by "interesting", I mean "absolutely spewworthy"), is the FCC's reaction to the first strike prevention of massive fines.

"Oh, we're not a culture of oppression, no, sir! Fear works just fine." Great; instead of puritans, we've got the Gestapo running the airwaves.

Thursday, November 11, 2004



Air Force to study psychic teleportation. Kurt Wagner could not be reached for comment.


Master Chief: Enemy of Freedom

I usually respect John and the crew over at AMERICABlog, but when I see something like this, it makes me worry if they're getting enough sleep at night.

So. Tanks showed up at an anti-war protest in LA? Then why does the guy driving them look so much like this guy?

Mind you, I haven't been able to open the video of the event, so I can't tell for sure. Still, maybe the tanks just got lost on the way to a Halo party?

UPDATE: Okay, never mind the doubt, I just got the video to work. That's not Master Chief, some bot, and a Scorpion; those are actual soldiers and an actual tank. Jesus Harold Christ.


Arafat: "I'm Getting Better..."

Just kidding. Arafat is officially dead. Really. No, really. I swear. No, I haven't seen the body myself, but that's because I live in fucking Boston.

And boy, am I glad he's dead. Here's a man who did almost nothing to stop the actions of terrorist groups that he knew would blow up innocent Israeli citizens. I hope he roasts. At the same time, Sharon's a bit of a dick for not regarding a dying man's burial wishes. So, you can't bury him at Al-Aqsa because it will mean "Palestinian gains" in Jerusalem, huh? Well, excuse me for thinking that maybe, just maybe, that would win over a few Palestinian radicals to moderate thinking.

Meanwhile, Mahmoud Abbas, who actually recognized terrorism is bad, has been named as Arafat's successor. Here's hoping this will somehow contribute to an eventual peace. Which, at this rate, is somewhat like hoping that Jesus comes to your door selling Girl Scout Cookies.


The Bible is Good! The Penis is Evil!

Yeah, you know how the upcoming movie about Alfred Kinsey's life satirizes staunch, puritanical Christianity in the form of Kinsey's uptight preacher father, played by John Lithgow? Well, the point's been lost entirely on the religious right, who call Kinsey a pedophile and compare him to Mengele.

I am sure that, were Kinsey still alive, he would be entirely interested in finding out what was stuck up their asses.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004


This is My Hot Body and Blood...

At least I know that no matter how gay or religiously liberal I am, there's always gonna be someone to outdo me in both fields. I mean, look at that...

Other panel topics: ``spiritual dimensions of leathersexuality,'' ``s-m rituals in gay men's leather communities,'' ``construction of sadomasochistic theologies'' and ``the body of Christ, spectacles of pain and trajectories of desire.''

Doesn't that sound like something Marilyn Manson does in concert?

Tuesday, November 09, 2004


Can't Touch This

Andrew Sullivan is apparently an ass man. Courtesy of Wonkette.

And from what I heard about his performance on Real Time, he must have been massaging away the pains from sticking his head in there.


Homon Raus!

James Dobson: "Gays will destroy the world."

I'm sorry about having to say this. I know it violates all laws of proper debate, but it has become obvious: Dobson and his ilk are Nazis. There. Fuck Godwin's Law.

I'm sorry, but I don't see how you can put yourself in the right when you continually tar a subgroup of society with a broad brush. It was disgusting when the Nazis spread propaganda saying that Jewish men would molest children; what makes it less disgusting when Pat Robertson says it? D.W. Griffith's Birth of a Nation stirred outrage when it portrayed black men as sexually wild, and yet the Concerned Women for America swear up and down that all gay men are promiscuous.

They are not using facts; they are not using data; they are not using history. They are using fear.

We can't let them win. We must bring logic back into the public sphere. Shout down their dirty lies with logic, and break their arguments with the truth.


Next I'm Gonna Give My Daughter A List of Swear Words... So She Never Uses Them, Mind You

Someone please explain the new ideal of "family values" to me. Because apparently, while letting two guys or two girls raise a child is wrong and not of the Lord, giving a seven-year-old girl a sign that talks about buttsex is A-OK.

These are the people who raise hell against ABC for talking about ejaculation at 9 PM and dildos at 10 PM, and they're giving their daughters signs that describe sex acts? Do they ever stop to think that their little girl might ask, "Daddy, what's sod-oh-mie?" Really, what the fuck is this?


Lacking Proper Judgment

Let's say that a person has been picked to oversee that your party gets most of its choices in a position that will decide American politics for the next 50 years. He has one condition, however; the choices must not hold a viewpoint that is too extreme, or else it will reflect poorly on the American public and never get past the opposition party's filibuster. Do you:

a) stand back and support him; after all, your party's gonna get its people in there,
b) call for his blood?

Guess which one James Dobson and his ilk are doing?

Monday, November 08, 2004


Wash Your Mouth Out With Ivory

You remember that little thing in the Bible about turning the other cheek when offended? That's not quite the case with religious right groups, who want to kick Proctor & Gamble to the curb.

Now, I'm okay with a boycott; many a gay person has organized many a gay boycott against many an anti-gay business. I can't attack these groups for boycotting P&G, because then I might as well smack those who participated in the Cracker Barrel boycott.

What I can object to, however, is this (emphasis mine):

Sharp said in a statement that the company can do what it wants in it's own internal policies with regard to gay rights but, “[This] issue was about a major American corporation … becoming involved in a political and social agenda outside of their company… We have found numerous instances in which they have supported gay pride parades, they have placed ads in homo magazines, they support conferences across America which are designed to promote the homo agenda.”

"Homo"? "Homo"? "Homo"? Now, either 365Gay.com is abbreviating for faster reading, or someone needs to take some lessons in proper manners. What, you thought "fag" would alienate too many people?

Now if you'll excuse me, I feel the sudden urge to buy some Tide, Pringles, and Head & Shoulders.


Of Course It's Untouchable, It's Got Bill O'Reilly

You know, when I read about FOX News Corp. developing a "poison pill", I couldn't help but think about sinister men in trenchcoats giving one to Sean Hannity and telling him, "Remember, if you're ever questioned about your visit to Mr. Frisky's Bondage Shack and Day Spa, swallow this immediately." But no, it turns out to be something about how Rupert Murdoch has rendered his company safe from hostile takeover.

I think I like my version better.


"Former" Child Star, My Ass

How the hell does Kevin Federline not get busted for child sex abuse? Because Britney Spears is obviously ten years old.

Look at that note, people. Look at that note. I dare you to tell me that anyone who made it out of puberty alive wrote something like that.

The only problem is, if she's ten, then how the hell did she get those tatas?

Sunday, November 07, 2004


Chung Chung

Man kills self at Ground Zero. I know this is sad and depressing and one of the ultimate statements about how American politics are going, but all I can think about is the story Dick Wolf's gonna wring out of this one.


Here We Fucking Go Again

Son of the FMA. Way to unite the nation, dipshit.



So, you ever have one (or, hell, two) of those days where you go surfing all over the web, looking for a story that you just have to have in your blog, and you can't find anything? And then you feel like shit for it?

Yeah. That's me right now.


So, uh... how 'bout those Pats?

Friday, November 05, 2004


Fine, Then. No Funky Cell Phone for The WB.

"You're off the Global Frequency," says WB. But hey, there are at least 1001 other networks to go to, right?

And I truly apologize for whatever feelings of deep confusion those of you who don't read comics are feeling right now.


Australian for Whaaaa?

You know, I do believe I've missing a key piece of evidence here. Just what in the name of Santa Claus is a "pillow biter"?

UPDATE: Never mind, found out. Y'know, when your mom knows more about the physics of gay sex acts than you do, it's really saying something.


Ask a Simple Question...

"Our state is certainly totally out of step with the rest of the nation," said Kris Mineau, leader of the Massachusetts Family Institute, the organization that has led the fight against gay marriage in Massachusetts. "Massachusetts residents must be beginning to ask themselves, `How come we're different than the rest of the country?'"

Oh, wait, I know this one! We're not total idiots who believe that all the world's problems, ranging from cancer to war to parking tickets, can be traced back to two guys or girls who want to get married?

Well, most of us, at least.

Thursday, November 04, 2004


Listen to Him, George. He Appears Sane.

Arlen Specter warns Bush to back off from anti-abortion judicial nominees. You know, I'm beginning to see why gay conservatives like this guy.


Yay for Uncle Toms!

One in five gays voted Bush.

Who are you people? Seriously. I just want to talk to you. This man has endorsed an amendment that would make us second-class citizens. His underlings have worked to disassemble job protections for gays and lesbians. His Supreme Court choices have compared your relationships to men fucking dogs and crimes against humanity.

And you voted for him? Why? Just tell me: Why? Was it the war? Because while he may have gotten rid of Saddam Hussein, something I'm glad about, he has dragged us into a quagmire that's killed 1000 and is bringing up talk of a draft. Was it taxes? Because unless you're Gianni Versace levels of rich, you're gonna feel them. Was it terrorism? Because the man who attacked America has run around for three years mocking us while we attacked somewhere that had only the most tenuous relations to him.

I just... fuck this shit.


Rights? No!

Predictions of gay rights within the next few years. I am so very, very, very, very, very, very, very fucked. And not in the good way.

The FMA will be reintroduced next time Congress convenes, and Republicans might be unified behind it this time. The Court, if stacked with conservative judges, will likely never hear a gay rights case.

If anyone needs me, I'll be catatonic for the rest of the day.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004


Bluegr-Ass State

Because I really needed to be more depressed.

In Kentucky, Jim Bunning was going up against Dan Mongiardo for a Senate seat. Bunning looked like a massive jackass during his campaign. He at first refused to hold any debates, but then agreed to one debate, where he would be broadcast via satellite from his campaign headquarters and have the aid of a teleprompter. He told an interviewer that he rarely paid attention to the news, save for a little FOX News every now and then. In the last few days of his run, his aides resorted to gay-baiting, calling Mongiardo "limp-wristed" and saying things about him like, "I'm not sure 'man' even applies to him."

And yet, he won. 51%-49%.

I'd say "Fuck you, Kentucky," but my grandparents live there. I'm truly this close to heading for the border.


Oh, Fuck This Shit

Well, Kerry's not giving up Ohio without a fight, but let's face it: Bush has won. Bush, Cheney, Rove, Rumsfield, and all the twisted reactionary shit they stand for have won.

What is wrong with you, America? Our economy is in the shitter. Bush goes to Congress on a monthly basis, asking for sums of money that not even Bill Gates will see in his lifetime. We've lost over 1000 in Iraq, and have no clear plan to restore order. And most importantly, the man who attacked America, the man whose machinations killed more Americans than any other attack on our nation, is running around Western Asia mocking us, and our leader has said, on multiple occasions, that this man is not a concern.

But noooo. You just had to vote for those "moral issues", didn't you? You didn't care about things like actual logic and science, because Bush had God on his side!

I feel the dire need to close this rant with a pertinent quotation from Spider Jerusalem, and, seeing as Kevin beat me to the essay of a thousand "fucks", I just have to say this (to truly recreate the experience, imagine I'm punctuating it with throwing a grenade off a rooftop):

"Scum! You useless bastards can't get anything right, can you?"

Thank you.


Insert Stupid Florida Joke Here

And all across America, people are waking up to the election news and saying, "Oh, fuck, not again."

I'm still pulling for Kerry, but I'm not holding out a lot of hope.


A Bigger Slice of a Wedge Issue

Anti-gay marriage amendments pass in all 11 states. Thank you, America. Thank you oh so fucking much.

And here's the best part: the Ohio one not only bans any benefits for same-sex partners, but applies those same rules to heterosexual couples that aren't married. Congratulations, Cleveland; you just became even more of a smoking crater.

This, too, shall pass. But if not, then I'm looking up the lyrics to "Oh, Canada."

Tuesday, November 02, 2004


Support Wedge Issues!

Oh, now this is just sick. A group of Republicans pretending to be gay lined up in front of an early voting office full of African-Americans toting "Kerry/Edwards" signs.

And look at how they desperately try to cover it up:

“I know all about Polk street and the Castro,” he said. “Stanford University. I’m from San Francisco, and I’m for gay marriage.” He was wearing a yellow golf shirt, tucked into khaki chino shorts with a call phone clipped to his belt — the Republican uniform. “Our candidate, John Kerry, supports gay marriage, gay adoption, everything gay.”

Yeah, John Kerry supports gay marriage. Supports it so much, in fact, that he didn't bother to make a trip to DC to vote either way on the FMA.

You know, I myself admit that Kerry isn't the best candidate on gay issues, but when the GOP pulls crap like this, do I really have a choice?


Vote, Goddamnit, Vote!

So, yeah. Today's the big day. I'm doing my part; I'm going out this morning, going down to my old elementary school, and casting my first vote ever. You should do the same. Go out, and vote like a motherfucker.

Yeah, I know, not the most inspirational message. Then again, everyone else beat me to it.

Monday, November 01, 2004


The Fanwank to End All Fanwanks

What do Buffy Summers, Sherlock Holmes, Rick Blaine, James Bond, Indiana Jones, Fu Manchu, Doc Savage, the Phantom, and Buckaroo Banzai all have in common? Not a whole lot... that is, unless you're a big fan of Philip Jose Farmer.

This website fascinates me. I can feel my brain exploding every five minutes while I read it.


Shit Your Pants for Jesus

Rob over at AMERICABlog brought up a Pentecostalist stunt that has sat in my craw for quite a while: the Hell House. Since Halloween is a "devil's holiday", Pentecostalist churches in the Midwest set up their own haunted houses, which depict the gory results of "sins" such as suicide, abortion, gayness, drug taking, and (gasp!) reading Harry Potter (horrors!). And at the end, the entire audience, which is forced through the house and not allowed to leave, are made to pray.

And you'll have to excuse me when I say that that is the greatest load of shit short of a diarrhetic elephant I have ever encountered in my life. When did people forget that Christ's message was about love, not fear? If Christ wants you to go to Christianity, it's after careful contemplation and observation of the world around you, not the religious equivalent of "shock and awe."

And Harry Potter? Bitch, please.


On the Plus Side, Candy!

Well, Halloween was officially a bust this year. We got only three groups of kids during the entire night. Then again, we never do get many trick or treaters; may be because we have a highway longer than the Sahara.

And while I get all the candy, I actually miss getting kids to come to the door. When I grow up, I'm getting a house with a short driveway.

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