Thursday, March 31, 2005


Children? Sure, I Have Children!

I don't care if I have to steal babies from Cambodia if it will give me a valid excuse to buy a picture book featuring Sam Vimes.


Stomped On Like a Blue Beetle

If you are not a comics geek, don't want to know how DC's Countdown to Infinite Crisis turns out, or just want to stick your fingers in your ears and go "LALALA" while pretending it never happened, then skip this post.

For everyone else:

Wow. Between this and Identity Crisis, I am led to believe that there are DC board meetings that consist entirely of the editors kicking Giffen and DeMatteis in the balls while shouting, "What is the frequency, Kenneth?"

And for the really, really curious who want to know what the hell I'm talking about:

Back in early 2004, DC put out a comic book series called Formerly Known as the Justice League, written by former Justice League creative team Giffen/DeMatteis. The book featured on some of the less-glorified members of their Justice League run- like the Elongated Man Ralph Dibny and his wife Sue, the Blue Beetle, Booster Gold, Fire, and Captain Atom. The book was warmly received, and filled with the slightly-mocking humor that Giffen's run was famous for.

And then Sue Dibny became beef jerky in the pages of Identity Crisis, DC's "dark" "long-reaching" summer miniseries event. Oh, and she was pregnant- with twins- at the time of her death. While fanboys raged, the worst is yet to come.

Then came the sequel to Formerly Known, "I Can't Believe It's Not the Justice League", currently running in the pages of JLA: Classified. And among the subjects featured is a not-yet-well-done Sue Dibny. Who's just found out she's pregnant. Which leads to severely uncomfortable feelings when you read about a woman who's joking about baby names with her superpowered husband, when you know that she will soon be killed by the Atom's ex-wife in a horrible fit of womb crazy.

Then came the preview for DC's latest "long-reaching" crossover event, Countdown to Infinite Crisis, wherein the Blue Beetle (who gets treated like shit by everyone else in the DC Universe) finds out about some horrible fate that's about to befall the world.

And then gets shot in the head for his troubles.

So, basically, DC now has a series running full of light humor and gentle reflection on the Silver Age of comics featuring a pregnant victim of a murderous aneurysm and a guy who got double-capped. Aren't comics supposed to be kind of, well, fun?


Jerusalem 5

I always thought that evangelical Zionism was like something out of a sci-fi novel. Two races, the Kristiani and the Ebreu, who bear a basic distrust of each other and think that their god is going to wipe the other out at the end of days. The two, however, end up uniting in a common goal, to oppress and demonize another race, the Esalam.

Well, now it looks like they've all united against a new race: the Omeau. Let's take a look at those soundbites, shall we?

"They are creating a deep and terrible sorrow that is unbearable," Shlomo Amar, Israel's Sephardic chief rabbi, said yesterday at a news conference in Jerusalem attended by Israel's two chief rabbis, the patriarchs of the Roman Catholic, Greek Orthodox and Armenian churches, and three senior Muslim prayer leaders. "It hurts all of the religions. We are all against it."

So, I assume Buddhism and Unitarianism just decided to send a telegram saying they were with you?

Abdel Aziz Bukhari, a Sufi sheik, added: "We can't permit anybody to come and make the Holy City dirty. This is very ugly and very nasty to have these people come to Jerusalem."

Well, I see you've done a very good job with that. Except for that gay guy in the Knesset, of course...

One day later, however, Pope John Paul II appeared on a balcony over St. Peter's Square and delivered a message expressing his "bitterness" that the gay festival had gone forward, calling it an "offense to the Christian values of a city that is so dear to the hearts of Catholics across the world."

...says the man who has Bernard Law working for him, safe from the Boston DA.

At the news conference in Jerusalem, he called the festival "the spiritual rape of the Holy City." He said, "This is not the homo land, this is the Holy Land."

Let's see; a gay pride parade counts as "spiritual rape", but plans by other evangelicals to blow up the Dome of the Rock does not. Also, I'd listen to a guy who doesn't refer to me by a prejorative.

I'm a Christian myself, and I like Jews and Muslims. But when I look at the extremists in each group, I see people who Isaac Asimov could have had a field day with.


At Long Last, Peace

Goodbye, Teri Schiavo. You're in a better place now.

And let the opportunistic bastardry begin. Because one politically-tasty woman is obviously greater than ten Native Americans or 20,000 Asians.


Slightly Cheaper than the Encyclopedia Galactica

Yahoo! has up a brief simulation of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. See if you can get through the audio simulation of Vogon poetry without hemorrhaging.


Assume the Ideological Position

A Florida philosophy professor's opinion of conservative students who demand "equal time", and the bill that would force such a thing to happen.

I'm sorry, but if a student tried to give a demonstration at the start of class without running it by me, and then tried to push me out of the way to give it, they'd be walking back to their dorm with my foot broken off in their ass.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005


Jiggle All the Way

Or, End of Delts. Or, Terminator 3: Rise of the Body Mass. And yes, I am playing off of Arnold Schwarzenegger movie titles to stave off the insanity inflicted by gazing upon this.

I... I can feel myself turning to salt. To salt, people. When a person's physical state is on par with God's fiery wrath, you've got problems.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005


Say Your Prayers

So, um, yeah. Falwell's on a respirator.

Look, I'm going to say this right now: I do not wish Falwell any harm. You know why? I don't think he, at his very core, is wicked and corrupt and an user of religion to further his own agenda (Robertson and Helms, however, are still up for grabs). In fact, I've heard stories about how he's actually rather nice.

I think he's a man who has been afraid his entire life. He's a man who has been raised to believe that if he so much as swears without getting on his knees and begging forgiveness from the Lord, he's gonna go straight to Hell. He's a man who has constantly been afraid, fearful of what he needs not be afraid. He may have done some detestable things in God's name, but at least he didn't, say, suggest nuking the State Department, or write a letter to a grieving mother telling her that her son deserved to die of AIDS, unlike the two fucksticks listed above.

I don't hate him. I pity him. And I wish him a speedy recovery.

Of course, feel free to deconstruct this post.


Now Slide! Slide to the Right...

The previous post has me wondering something: if Joe Lieberman is the new Zell Miller, then who's the new Joe Lieberman? Well, it could be every Republican's favorite Democrat... Hillary Clinton?

"Children are playing a game that encourages them to have sex with prostitutes and then murder them," the US senator and former first lady said.

"This is a silent epidemic of media desensitisation that teaches kids it's OK to diss people because they are a woman, they're a different colour or they're from a different place."

And she's teaming up with Sam "Poooooorn!" Brownback and Rick "Damn You, Dan Savage!" Santorum to get Bush to launch a widescale investigation of "electronic media." Somedays, the fact that the stop signs are still red is the only sign I haven't fallen into Bizarro World.


Say It Ain't So, Joe...

"...So this government, this country was not neutral about God right
at the outset. One, accepting that there is a creator, so our existence
here is not accidental. And secondly, that as a result of the creation, we
have an inherent unity. We are all equal. We have equal opportunity for
those rights. We are a country based on a vision, a belief in

Can you guess who said that? Jerry Falwell? James Dobson? Bill First?

Nope. It's Joe Fucking Lieberman. A Democrat. Who is basically saying that, yes, we should teach creationism, based on the bald-facedly false belief that the Founding Fathers made us a "Christian nation".

Faster, Newman. Kill. Kill.


CSI: Dog Park

German officials are trampling on civil liberties! They're giving the go-ahead to take random DNA samples from anyone they come across in the course of their investigation!

What? The whole thing's about dog shit? Oh. Never mind, then.

Monday, March 28, 2005


It's Two-- Two-- Two Times the Ass-Fucking

So, let me get this straight: a mainstream media get-together holds a seminar on blogging, and they invite Jeff Fucking Gannon and Wonkette to represent all political bloggers? Hey, why not invite the Hulk while you're at it?

Fucking jokers.


How to Know When to Put Your Head Between Your Knees

If you are a prominent, nay, probably the most prominent Republican representative, and the WSJ rips you a new one, then you are, in the common parlance, totally fucked.


Unclean! Unclean!

Legislation is going through in Michigan to protect doctors from lawsuits if they refuse to treat gay patients on religious grounds.

So, if they outright refuse to treat a gay man, then what happens when they come upon a menstruating women? Do they burst into flames?

Sunday, March 27, 2005


The Republic of Gilead, OH

Religious leaders move for coup of Ohio's Republican Party. If there's someone named Serena Joy among them, then run for the nearest available border.

Saturday, March 26, 2005


Saving Private Schiavo

He sent in the National Guard. Jeb Bush sent in the National Fucking Guard in an attempt to force the reinsertion of Teri Schiavo's feeding tube, despite the five bazillion court rulings that say otherwise and the fact that about 80% of the American public thinks that it's douchetastic for the legislative and executive branches to beat up and gang-rape the judicial.

But I'm sure history will smile upon the Governor of Florida. After all, we all look back fondly on the last time a Southern Governor used the National Guard to block the will of the judiciary, right?


No Falafel, But It'll Do

The Pat O'Brien Monologues. (Ganked from Pete.)

Wow. Do straight men really have such a limited vocabulary when it comes to scoring? Maybe he should trademark, "You are so fucking hot," and open every episode of whatever hosting venue he can afford in the future with it.

"Good evening, America. God, you are so fucking hot."

Friday, March 25, 2005


GTA: Minnesota

Well, at least we made in three days before anyone started blaming video games again.

But also a great deal of anger brewing inside and murderous rage that is expressing itself in ways we all find quite familiar from countless video games.

And Taxi Driver, and Quentin Tarantino movies, and...

Well, at least the woman recognizes that video games don't corrupt every little John and Jane until they're beating up hookers with the butts of shotguns. But still. Won't someone please think of the gamers?


The Long, Suffocating Arm of the Law

Dear unmarried straight couples of Ohio:

I'm not here to gloat. I'm not here to say, "I told you so." I'm not here to say that you should've read between the lines before you said yes to stopping those icky queers from getting married.

What I'm here to say is this:

We're in the same boat now.

The people who put forth these laws don't want to recognize the fact that our relationships exist. They don't want us to be able to visit each other in the hospital, they don't want us to be able to make medical decisions for our partner-- and they don't care about whether we suffer at our partner's hands. Because, in their minds, we don't exist.

So, for this I say: I forgive you for everything you did before. This time. But if you do it again, I might not be so friendly. We have to stick together from here on out, and tell the people above that yes, actually, we do exist.

Thursday, March 24, 2005


Congress Farts, and America Smells It

According to CBS News, a whopping 82% of Americans believe that Congress went way over the bounds of decorum by butting into the Terri Schiavo case. Wow.

Feel free to say something, Democrats.

In other Teri Schiavo news, Emma at the American Street uncovers some rather disturbing particulars on the part of the Schindlers for keeping Teri alive, including amputating her limbs and performing open heart surgery should the need come up. Wow. This isn't "the right to life" anymore; it's The Brain That Wouldn't Die.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005


Who Cares About the People Dying Around Us? We're Right!

An Ugandan bishop has rejected $350,000 dollars in money to fight AIDS. Why? Because it comes from the Diocese of Central Pennsylvania, which supported Gene Robinson's election.

Good God, when did the worldwide body of the Anglican Church become such utter pricks? We (by "we", I mean the Episcopalians and the Canadian branch of the Anglican Church) have been kicked out of the world body, there's been talk of a larger schism coming, and now the people in power are rejecting money to fighting a disease that is killing millions of people. All because some people in the US thought it would be best if our views on gay people didn't come from an arcane book that tells us that lobsters are sinful.

"We pray and believe that our God who created and controls silver and gold in the world will provide for the needs of His people. Halleluiah! Amen."

I'm sorry, Bishop Tembo, but God, or at least His people, did provide for your needs. The only problem is, you turned them down.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005


Peace? I Sure Hope So.

A federal judge has upheld the decision to remove Teri Schiavo's feeding tube. This isn't the end of the case, mind you; Schiavo's parents, along with some other group likely interested in the photo op, will probably appeal to the Supreme Court. But maybe, just maybe, Teri Schiavo can find some peace without the entire federal government getting up in her shit.


To the Theatre!

Is this not glorious?

Now, if you're wondering, "What the fuck? Has this guy snapped, or is he one of the twelve fanboys of this obscure Marvel character who sounds like the worst attributes of Todd McFarlane and Rob Liefeld combined?", then you obviously missed this part (emphasis mine):

Regardless, Variety reports that a feature film adaptation of the crusty but not unloved Marvel space character is in the works. Who's involved? None other than frequent visitor and outspoken Devin Faraci critic Don Murphy. Say what you will about the guy, but he has his hands on tons of cool properties, not the least of which being Guillermo del Toro's At the Mountains of Madness, a film you'll hopefully hear about real soon. Whether Killraven is a cool property will depend on the talent that comes in and whether the costume designer shitcans everything from the image above.

At the Mountains of Madness. At the Mountains of fucking Madness. By Guillermo del Toro.

Can I buy a ticket now, please?


The Celluloid Creationist

America has officially given the fuck up. A handful of science museums across the country are passing on some of the latest IMAX films, because they don't want to stir up a controversy by showing them. What kind of statement could be so radical that a museum devoted to understanding the world around us would pass on them?

Oh, just the sentiment that mankind evolved from lesser beings, that's all.

For the love of all that is good and right in the world. How long ago was the Scopes Monkey Trial? And now we've got people in an institute devoted to logical thinking passing on films that discuss a theory that was validated for public consumption eighty years ago, just because some people can't put it together that maybe, just maybe, God helped us evolve.

Ooh ooh. Aah aah.

Monday, March 21, 2005


Vacation, All I Never Wanted...

I've really got to wonder about Bush's holiday priorities. One woman is going to die in a few days and Congress is working to keep her alive by violating a whole bunch of checks and balances, and he flies back to Washington at once. But hundreds of thousands die in the worst natural disaster of recent record, and he stays on the ranch for a few more days. Must be because they were foreign.

By the way, am I the only one who's finding the wording by the House Republicans on the Teri Schiavo matter atrocious? "A great political issue"? She's a living being, you fucks. At least, I hope that's how you view her, and not as another way to gangrape the system of checks and balances.

Sunday, March 20, 2005


"How's That For a Slice of Fried Gold?"

Oh, by the way: If any of you haven't seen Shaun of the Dead yet, then for the love of God, do so.

That is all.


Choose Life

I have a suggestion for all the politicians and preachers who are suddenly rushing to Teri Schiavo's defense: Do you want to help her stay alive? Then pay her bills.

You guys do know why her husband is pulling the plug, right? Her chances for even the slightest bit of recovery are dangling at somewhere around 1%, and he's been driven past the point of bankruptcy watching what was his wife struggle to recognize him for 15 years. If you want to make sure that Teri and her family, including her husband, are better off, then don't allow them to fall into financial ruin by keeping her alive.

This is what makes me so pissed off about people who try to protect "the sanctity of life": they're all for it when the fetus is in the womb or the breathing tube is about to be removed, but once the baby's born or life support is restored, they suddenly remember they left the stove on.

Saturday, March 19, 2005


Paradox for a Fundamentalist

"But how can abstinence pledgers have a greater risk of catching STDs? They're virgins!"


"Mom? I'm Gay. So Can You Sign This Form?"

A Georgia school district is considering a rule saying that all kids must ask permission from parents before joining any extracurricular activities. Sounds innocent, right? Well, seeing as the proposal was put forth by some people who wanted to squelch the school's GSA, it really isn't.

Cox contends the proposal is NOT intended to suppress membership in such [controversial] groups [as the GSA].

Really. Yeah, I guess all that uproar in White County is about the chess club, too.

Friday, March 18, 2005


Run, Jon Stewart, Run!

They're coming for the fake news! Quick; I'll guide Rob Corddry and Stephen Colbert out of the building, while you go save The Onion!

Huh? They're only talking about those government propaganda tapes? Oh.

...Can I still keep Stephen Colbert?


Fuck You Very Much, Dear FCC

The new boss may be worse than the old boss. (Ganked from Reason.) Say what you will about Powell, but at least he didn't to hit cable and satellite radio.

Speaking of cable, Comcast service has been blessedly restored to my house. They are forgiven. For now.


Eleison, Take Me Away!

A Jesus scented candle. My fellow Christians, there are better ways of spending your money. You could actually give to the poor, like Jesus suggested, instead of buying what is pretty much the modern equivalent of a graven image.


Quick, Let Me Post That Macro... know, the one I said I'd make about being glad I got out of the church when I did?

The Diocese of San Diego has denied a man a funeral in any Catholic institution. Why? Becase he ran two gay bars. The archdiocese claims it was because the bars were "adult entertainment", but according to John, they were about as adult as a kid's tea party.

Hmm... I wonder if John Geoghan was allowed a Catholic funeral.

UPDATE: Oh, thanks, John. John Geoghan, serial kidraper, did indeed get a Catholic funeral. If you'll excuse me...


That is all.

Thursday, March 17, 2005


Death is Not an Option: Religious Affiliation Edition

I'm sorry, but I'd rather swan-dive into liquid nitrogen that have to choose between James Dobson and Fred Phelps.


The Whole Sordid Mess

I'm guessing you'd like to know why my postings for the past few days have been somewhat lacking. Well, here goes.

At about 5 PM on Tuesday, after spending the afternoon finishing a paper on Romeo & Juliet, I decide to surf the Web a little... only to find that my computer won't connect. I try finding alternate IP addresses. I read TCP/IP For Dummies until my brain cells cry out in agony. I do everything to the cable modem short of strapping it to a slab and raising it into a lightning storm. But it still won't connect.

I decide to leave the matter for when Father Cognito gets home, and go downstairs to watch some cable... which is also out. At this point, Mother Cognito calls Comcast, where someone tells her that this usually happens after a big thaw, and that they're trying to restore service to all of Wellesley (make a note of that).

The next day, at around 8 AM, the Internet returns to my high school. And yet, when I get home at 3 PM, I find out that it is still out at home. So, I call Comcast, and fiddle with the cable modem some more for their benefit. They say that there are no (repeat, no- take another note) local outages, and that the problem may be on my end. That is, specifically, our house. They arrange to send a repairman over on Thursday, between 3 and 5 PM.

Afterwards, Mother Cognito speaks to our next door neighbor, who is suffering from a similar conundrum, and is having a repairman come over, also.

Between 5 and 7 that afternoon.

So, they make plans to have Mother Cognito accost the repairman when he comes over. When they do, they find out that the cable box at the foot of the street (take that, "no local outages" guy!) is out, and that a repair crew should be over soon, but they can only work until 7.

The crew never shows up.

Hopefully, it'll all be resolved today. But if not, then fuck Comcast, y'all.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005


Our Father, Who Is A Spiteful Fuck...

Ever wondered why Jerry Falwell thinks God's gonna kill us all if we don't keep praying? Look no further than the Freudian.

So, let me get this straight: this guy's dad kills a man's pet, cooks it as a meal, feeds it to the guy- who's crippled by the way- and says that the horrible abuse of humanity that took place "bordered on cruelty"? Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the paragon of daddy issues.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005


That Glint in Your Eye

The Illinois House is acting like sane people and making a move to ban eye jewelry, which consists of attaching a small metal bit to your eye's fragile membrane. Some, however, dissent:

"Why is it my business where they want to put jewelry?" asked Rep. Connie Howard, D-Chicago.

Woman! Eye! Metal! Attachment! What part of this sordid mess did you miss?

Monday, March 14, 2005


So Open Up That Golden Gate...

...California, here I coooome!

Well, okay, I'd better wait until I have someone I want to marry... and yeah, it would also be a good idea to wait until I'm done with college... but still. Yay, Cali!

Lou Sheldon must be choking on his bile as we speak.

Sunday, March 13, 2005


That Whole Ministry of Truth Thing is Doubleplusgood

Apparently, the main-stream media can barely contain itself at the thought of broadcasting pre-produced government newsbites that border dangerously on propaganda. Great; now my blog's looking like a legitimate news source. But just barely.

Saturday, March 12, 2005


City of Non-Trademarked Heroes

City of Heroes wins after federal judge dismisses lawsuit against NCSoft by Marvel. Well, at least no one at Marvel can accuse me of copyright violation with my character of Heirophant, a gay MCC reverend with healing and psychic powers. Why? Because there aren't any gay characters left in the Marvel Universe.

Wow. I'm just soaking in bitterness this morning.


I Apologize to Any and All Kentucky State Law Enforcement Officers Who Read My Blog

Okay, remember the zombie story? Well, it turns out it's not so much about zombies as it is about a paramilitary fighting force, which was written about with the hopes of recruiting other kids for a possible school shooting.

Next time, I'll find out where the bandwagon goes before I leap on it.

Friday, March 11, 2005


The Coffee Klatch Evening News

I'm sorry, but how in the sweet-scented fuck can one "feminize" the news?*

I hate the idea that, somehow, American culture is becoming "feminized". What, so Al Bundy and his NO MA'AM flunkies have become icons of conservative ideals? And at that, so what if the world is becoming more "feminized"? Why is it a bad thing that culture is adjusting itself to reflect a group that makes up about 50% of society and whose continued existence is vital to said society?

What people who talk about "feminization" want is for women to just be put away when they're not needed. A good meal, a clean house, a vagina, that's good. But if they want to, y'know, be recognized as existing in modern society, that's too much. It's best if they just hide out of view- maybe even under a burka.

*And yes, I'd normally go into the twisted nature of a woman railing about wanting to be marginalized in the media, but honey, please. I've seen bad Leona Helmsley impersonators who could pull it off better than you can.

Thursday, March 10, 2005


Things Fall Apart; The Center Cannot Hold...

...and Fametracker erupts into an inferno of bitching. (Ganked from Pete.)

It's sad, really; I never noticed that there was this undercurrent of anger and bitterness on Fametracker (okay, okay, make that anger and bitterness directed at people besides celebrities). FT, along with TWoP, helped me understand the most hatetastic cliches in movies and television, so that I could make a movie/TV show that didn't make the audience want to kill their cathode rays. And the entire time, as far as I could tell, everyone got along really well. Trolls were basically taken out back and shot, potentially volatile debates were stopped before they erupted into flame wars, and everything was okay.

At least, I thought so.

Goodbye, Fametracker. Shame it had to end like this.


And It Was Called Yellow

Oh, dear God, Rosie O'Donnell has a blog. And the style of writing would make e.e. cummings' brains slowly drip out of his ears.

The pain... oh, the exquisite pain...


Oh, Good Fuck, No

Dear Quentin Tarantino:

Can we talk? Really, can you put down the sword and- yes, yes I know, it's a Hanzo sword, let's just talk.

Dude, what's wrong with you? I mean, yeah, you just reentered Hollywood after four years in limbo, I'd be ecstatic, too, but-

Yes, I do know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris. It's a Royale. And to answer Jules' eternal question, it's still a Whopper.

Look, seriously. Quentin. We hear you're going to film the season finale for CSI. And that's cool, because it'd be neat to see what you do with a TV crime show.

But, look. The Friday the 13th series? No one needs that. No one needs a man in a hockey mask chasing half-naked cheerleaders while "Run Through the Jungle" plays and you focus on their naked feet-

Look, Quentin. Put the- put the fucking sword down, Quentin.

Okay, you know what? I'll just go before you open a can of whoop-ass on me. Fair enough? I thought so.


Cthulhu Fhtagn, Every Saturday at 8!

Disinformation dishes on how the world is getting more like the pandystopic thrill ride displayed in their books, and one item catches my eye:

Jon Hansen is in discussions with Cartoon Network to bring ‘Tales of Plush Cthulhu’ to your digital television screen. This may include a Santa Cthulhu special...

Tales of the Plush Cthulhu: The Animated Series. Tales of the Plush Cthulhu: The Animated Series.

I think I like this Disinfo-tinged world.


The Garden-Fresh State

Legislation under way to make tomato the state vegetable of Jersey. Somewhere in Brooklyn, Sars is doing the happy dance.


Picture Perfect

The gay couple whose photo was bogarted by USA Next for anti-gay purposes is suing the ass off of them for libel and invasion of privacy (oh, hi, John!).

Sweet karmic retribution for the Swift Boat ads, or... you know, I really can't be arsed to come up with a second option.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005


Uh, Yeah, Um, Very Destabilizing

Remember, people: If Russell Crowe stops making movies, the terrorists win.

No, wait. Everybody wins.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005


That Good Old Christian Charity

Here's a moral dilemma: You are a cancer charity seeking money for a cure. Suddenly, a source comes along, offering to donate 3000 pounds. However, the donation comes in the form of proceeds from a play that uses more "fuck"s than Quentin Tarantino after stubbing his toe, and has Jesus, Mary, and God arguing with each other on a public talk show. What would Jesus do?

Why, He- or at least those who claim to speak for him- would force the charity to reject the donation by saying it would turn away "potential donors" (read: us uptight pricks). Because everyone knows that the rejection of "filth and blasphemy" trumps the possibility of people surviving a debilitating disease every day.


Meow Meow Bang Bang

Please... somebody tell me that this is a joke. Please tell me that there is not some fuckstick who thinks there should be a law allowing him to shoot at domesticated cats on sight.

First of all, his argument sucks. "The cats need to be killed because they attack the birds at my feeder." This, Mr. Smith, is called the circle of life. We kill and eat anything that does not poison us or cause us to break out in hives, and cats occasionally kill birds. Second of all, if the cats always keep coming back, how about moving the birdfeeder to a non-cat accessible area (my younger brother, in an ornithologist phase of life, preferred a hanging birdfeeder)? Or, if you still want to observe nature's avian beauty at eye-level, how about springing for a have-a-heart trap before shooting at Kitsy?

And third- and here's the most important part- "shoot on sight"? Does said sighting include, oh, I don't know, the cat's collar? What happens if one shoots a cat that isn't feral? Hopefully, they get sued out the wazoo.

If anyone needs me, I'll be clutching my cat protectively.


White Laugh Riot

More white supremacist fucktardry. I don't think I can say anything, except for this:



Live Briefly and Flounder

I'm not a Trekkie, by any means (although lifelong exposure to the TWoP boards has rendered me able to "KHAAAAAN!" with the best of them), but when the lead actress of Enterprise states that the series finale is "appalling", you just have to feel the warm glow of schadenfreud.

Or outright hatred for the executive producers. Whichever.


+5 M16

Israeli army considers players of Dungeons and Dragons "detached from reality." Yeah, because then they go into the sewers to fight giant rats, and sacrifice virgins, and... oh, wait, that's the Chick tract.

And, Ynetnews? That's not pencil and paper D&D, that's live-action roleplaying. Now, anyone who engages in cosplay? There's your detachment from reality.


Lincoln, Lincoln, I've Been Thinkin'...

...what the fuck has Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) been drinking?

"We don't do Lincoln Day dinners in South Carolina," Senator Graham told a Lincoln Day gathering in Tennessee Sunday. "It's nothing personal, but it takes awhile to get over things."

I'm sorry; how long does it take a man in the Republican party to recognize the accomplishments of, bar none, the most famous Republican in all of history?

Monday, March 07, 2005


Uh... Thanks, Louie...

Louis Farrakhan: "Oh, yeah, you gay guys can come to the Million Man March, too."

While I know that it's great that a black religious leader is being widely acceptive of gay men, and that it should serve as a wake-up call to the religious right as to what the fuck is wrong with them... I just don't feel comfortable accepting an invitation from a guy who thinks Jews are dirty. Sorry.


Run for Cover, Motherfucker!

Is Mark Foley next in the outing parade? Well, when you put it in terms like Mike does, you can certainly hope so. All I know is, this is gonna be good.

Saturday, March 05, 2005


What's a Wicked Game to Play?

And yes, I truly apologize for the lameness of that headline.

So, CBS has finally noticed the ongoing debate about video games and violence, and is having a series of interviews, first with Jack Thompson, and then a long stream of gamers, including Tim Buckley.

Now, I wonder who I'm going to side with. Could it be the author of one of my favorite web comics, who recognizes that there are gamers, like me, who have played GTA and not felt the need to beat a lady of the evening to death? Or could it be the "blame the media" lawyer who calls the entire video game industry "selfish and childish" and sends "fuck you" missives to any gamer who sends him a friendly e-mail about his position?

If you read that entire post and have not yet determined my position, then you aren't smart enough to post here anymore.



Looks like the Fametracker forums are closing.

The posters (including me) are already discussing alternate plans, such as paying a subscription fee to keep the forums up (like when TWoP was in danger of closing in 2002). All I know is, I'd gladly pay to keep up the civilized snark. This is one of the few message boards I've been to (mind you, I haven't been to many) where trolls are summarily taken out back and shot.

If worst comes to worst... well, there's always the TWoP forums. But damnit, life just won't be the same without up-to-the-minute updates on Britney's downward spiral.


Crazy Like a FOX

Great; I don't know whether to tell David E. Kelley or ABC to shut up in this case.

Then again, Kelley's bringing back a character from a show no one watched to promote an agenda that might be viewed as awkward (FOX News is a shitload of things, but "hateful"? OK, then.). So, I guess I'll say what I've said many a time before: Shut up, David E. Kelley.

Friday, March 04, 2005


If the White Race is So Superior, Then Why Are the People Saying This the Worst Examples of It?

Or so asks Garth Ennis. And I concur wholeheartedly:

White supremacist groups again are in the national spotlight following the murders this week of the husband and mother of a federal judge in Chicago. Authorities were investigating whether Monday's shooting deaths were carried out by hate groups linked to white supremacist Matt Hale. Hale, leader of World Church of the Creator, is facing up to 40 years in prison for trying to arrange the murder of the judge, Joan Humphrey Lefkow, who presided over a case involving the group.

When asked about the murders, Kreis said his group wasn't involved, but added: “We love it!”

Why... why are these men, these men who claim that they are morally superior to those Jews/blacks/gays/anyone-not-entirely-WASP, such sociopaths? It's not the first time I've heard this, "But that was in another country, and besides, the kike is dead," type of statement. I watched a special on neo-Nazi groups in America on the History Channel, and had to be physically restrained from ripping out the cathode ray tube with my hands after the getaway driver from The Order said, with absolutely no trace of regret, "But hey, at least that Hebe isn't broadcasting his 'hate whitey' messages anyone."

These men can preach greatness, superiority, a status as paragons of morality over those bestial blacks and promiscuous gays. But one look in their eyes will tell you that they should have been put down at birth.

Thursday, March 03, 2005


Fur is Murder... But It's Fashionable Murder!

Star Jones Payless(TM) Motorola(TM) Reynolds (she's trying to get sponsors for the anniversary) is pissed that PETA would dare have a drag queen portray her in an ad. Let me ask you this, Star: if you're so offended with being associated with gay men, then why the hell did you marry one?


.50 Caliber Rifles, 3-Inch Dicks

Ganked from AMERICABlog.

Here's a brief recap on the .50 caliber rifle issue: There is a sniper rifle avaiable on the market with rounds that can pierce armor. Theoretically, this gun could bring down a commercial airplane. And it's being sold on the open market. Oh, and it comes with incindiery and explosive rounds, because it just isn't hunting or protection if your target doesn't spend the last few moments of its life in excruciating agony.

Here is my view on the issue of gun control: if it does anything more than kill Bambi's mom, you don't need it. I don't care about whether you want to hunt dragons or whatever ungodly beast this weapon is designed to take down. I don't care if we're invaded by the Borg. And I don't care how tiny your penis is. You do not need a weapon that can, with one round, take down a machine that is commonly weighed in tons.

And yet, there are those who do want to kill anything and everything that comes in their way... and especially in the way of their precious penile substitutes.

Now, I know it's a message board. Most message boards, with the vast expection of those handled by the glorious Wing Chun, are the farthest thing from civilized debate you could find. But here are people who own a weapon that is on ballistic par with a Stinger missile who are threatening, whether jovially or seriously, to kill anyone who messes with their precious murder machines. Do they honestly think that anyone's gonna side with them after that?


See, Cartman? Your Mom Is On the Cover!

A PR specialist called to testify in the (Crazy, Evil, Fucked-Up Beyond All Recognition) Michael Jackson trial has stated that, after the clusterfuck of a documentary, she was told to make the mother of the boy look like a "crack whore."

I honestly have nothing I can say. Except this: Shut up, Michael Jackson.


It's Not TV, It's HBO- and It's Liable

Senator Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) wants indecency fines to apply to pay cable and satellite radio, which basically means that HBO and Howard Stern would be subject to the same fines as ABC and FOX.

Does anyone get the feeling that, if people like Stevens had the power, they'd take a giant drill, bore into our heads, and pull out all the naughty thoughts?

Wednesday, March 02, 2005


Night of the Living Terrorists

Story about a high school full of zombies gets teen arrested for terorism charges. This is absolutely ridiculous; how do zombies relate to terrorists?

Unless... oh, shit! Al-Qaeda must have the T-virus! Run for your lives!

Tuesday, March 01, 2005


Loating and More Loathing in the Conservative Press

Fuck a metric ton of Stephen Schwartz. When you start writing for something other than one of Murdoch's many-tentacled grasps on the media, Schwartz, then you can start criticizing heroes of the counterculture. Until then, shut up.


Photo? Finished!

Apparently, married gay couples don't like being told they're the antithesis of American values. Especially in an Internet-wide ad campaign by the guys who brought you Swift Boat Veterans for Complete and Utter Bullshit, which demonstrates that gay marriage and troop-hating are parts of AARP's real agenda. And most especially when a photo of the happiest day of their lives is used as evidence. So, what are a gay man and his husband to do?

Well, a cease-and-desist order is a good start. Go, gay guys.


In This Version, Jesus Shoots First!

Oh, you would have made the same joke, too. The Passion has been recut for rerelease in Britain, so as to obtain a lower rating. This way, even more kids can be traumatized.

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