Wednesday, February 02, 2005
House of the Braindead
Or, BloodyPayne in the Ass. Or, Alone in the Dark When Your Director Treats You Like Shit. I've got a million of these.
I just have to say, if Uwe Boll, who does to cinema and good filmmaking what Mengele did to the medical profession, gave me shit about trying to make a salvageable film, I would beat him to death with his own torn-off limbs. And not a jury in the land would convict me. I just love this argument, on why they just have to show the Big Scary (and why Uwe Boll hearts Caps Lock):
WE MUST KNOW A LITTLE MORE ABOUT ALL THIS . LOOK in SIGNS THE AUDIENCE KNOWS THAT THE ALIENS WANTS TO DESTROY - SO HE AUDIENCE IS AFRAID. LIKE WHT YOU SAY ABOUT OSAMA BIN LADEN: WE DONT KNOW A LOT - BUT WE ARE FRAID - BECAUSE OF 11.9. - SO WITHOUT ANY INFORMATIONS ABOUT THE ALIENS WE ALL FEEL NOTHING - WE ARE ALL CONFUSED BUT LETS SAY YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE SHOWED AN ALIEN IN SIGN - IT WOULD BE A DESASTER - NOBODY WOULD TAKE IT SERIOUS!!
So, the audience of Signs doesn't know what the alien looks like... and this is effective... and yet, we also don't supposedly feel anything, because we don't know what the alien looks like, so we have to make it show up, or else it won't be scary, which is already is, and oh my God, Uwe Boll just broke my capacity for rational thought.
I just have to say, if Uwe Boll, who does to cinema and good filmmaking what Mengele did to the medical profession, gave me shit about trying to make a salvageable film, I would beat him to death with his own torn-off limbs. And not a jury in the land would convict me. I just love this argument, on why they just have to show the Big Scary (and why Uwe Boll hearts Caps Lock):
WE MUST KNOW A LITTLE MORE ABOUT ALL THIS . LOOK in SIGNS THE AUDIENCE KNOWS THAT THE ALIENS WANTS TO DESTROY - SO HE AUDIENCE IS AFRAID. LIKE WHT YOU SAY ABOUT OSAMA BIN LADEN: WE DONT KNOW A LOT - BUT WE ARE FRAID - BECAUSE OF 11.9. - SO WITHOUT ANY INFORMATIONS ABOUT THE ALIENS WE ALL FEEL NOTHING - WE ARE ALL CONFUSED BUT LETS SAY YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE SHOWED AN ALIEN IN SIGN - IT WOULD BE A DESASTER - NOBODY WOULD TAKE IT SERIOUS!!
So, the audience of Signs doesn't know what the alien looks like... and this is effective... and yet, we also don't supposedly feel anything, because we don't know what the alien looks like, so we have to make it show up, or else it won't be scary, which is already is, and oh my God, Uwe Boll just broke my capacity for rational thought.
