The Evil Petting Zoo

Damn that Augmentin.

Last night was Senior Awards Night at my high school. I had been informed that I was getting an award, but I didn't know which one. So, I went and sat on the stage, waiting for my name to be called.

Here's where the Augmentin comes in. I'm taking medication for what we believe are ingrown hairs. These bumps have been appearing en masse on my scalp for the past year or so, and I have no idea what they are. I'd already gone through one Augmentin treatment, and that cleared up the bumps. Then they returned, and I went back on the pills, only to find that this time, the Augmentin is having no effect.

So I'm sitting on the stage with the other senior recipients when the stomach pains start. See, one of the things about Augmentin is, you have to take it twice a day, once in the morning, once at night, and always with food; otherwise, massive stomach problems can occur. Which still doesn't explain why, after eating a hearty dinner of pasta, garlic bread, and salad, I was experiencing the Galveston hurricane in my gastrointestinal tract.

After about thirty minutes of various awards, I finally decided to step down from the stage when one of the presenters did so I could ask my parents about what action to take. They told me to go to the bathroom, then come back and sit in an aisle seat so that if my award was announced or I had to go, my passage would not be impeded.

Of course, it was when I was darting for the boy's room that Mother Cognito came racing out of the auditorium and yelled, "Justin, they're presenting your award!"

So, I had to race back from the bathroom and take the stage to get my award. Ah, well. It happens to actors at the Oscars all the time. Mind you, they're probably in the bathroom doing coke instead of relieving themselves, but still.

I sat through the rest of the ceremony, repeatedly running to the bathroom the whole time. We finally left when the scholarships were being handed out, as they had all been announced ahead of time. Still, I'm probably gonna be remembered as the only senior award recipient who had to rush back from the toilet to receive it.