Wednesday, April 19, 2006


Cherry Guardin' Daddies

All right. If you have ever considered taking your daughter to a Father-Daughter Purity Ball, then get some fucking help. Talk to a psychologist, talk to Dr. Ruth, or just grab the latest copies of Playboy and lock yourself in the bathroom. Because that shit is not normal.

I mean, read this shit:

"How can you measure the value of your eleven year old looking up into your eyes (as you clumsily learn the fox-trot together) with innocent, uncontainable joy, saying, 'Daddy, I'm so excited!' wrote Wesley Tullis in a letter describing his grateful participation.

Mind you, in return for spending the day with daddy and getting to dress up all pretty, the little girl has to read something like this:

I pledge to remain sexually pure...until the day I give myself as a wedding gift to my husband. ... I know that God requires this of me.. that he loves me. and that he will reward me for my faithfulness.

People, if you want your little girl to make any promises about making sure some boy does not put his hoo-hoo-dilly in her cha-cha until she has a ring on her finger, then do it in private. Make it a personal conversation, one where you communicate your wishes for her and allow her the chance to respond. Do not, for the love of God, turn it into some sort of public spectacle that (as if this needed to be creepier) takes on the airs of the wedding and aims to paint your little girl as prime candidate for volcano sacrifice.

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