Thursday, December 07, 2006


Cheney Has Two Mommies

Dear Mary Cheney's future baby:

Congratulations. Welcome to the world. There's a lot of good stuff here-- chocolate, video games, and kittens. But before you come shooting out of that birth canal, I thought I'd warn you about some of the difficulties you're going to have to face.

First of all, your mommies live in Virginia. Virginia is not known for being the best place for two mommy families. Your mommies aren't allowed to gain the same rights as mommy daddy families, and if your biological mom dies, then your other mommy will have a hard time fighting for maternity rights. There's always the possibility that they''ll move somewhere else when they have you, but that's your mommy's choice.

Also, your grandpa Dick has some friends. Well, they're not so much "friends" as they are "allies", or "clients", or, well, "johns." Your grandpa and his friends have reached out to these people as good buddies, and embraced them. And now, these people have decided that your mommies' decision to have you is an affront to Western civilization. Your grandpa may not like these people, but he's never directly attacked them, and his friends still really like them.

So, welcome to the world. It's a good place, when you get past all the bullshit. Just make sure to ask mommy why her daddy is so close to people who don't like her.

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