Thursday, April 26, 2007


Worms and Dirt

And now, tonight's episode of Cold Case, with the character of Detective Lily Rush replaced with Lt. Col Ralph Kauzlarich.

WELL-MEANING RELATIVE: When my mother died, we thought it was a suicide. But I was twelve at the time, and I just went along with what my dad told me. When I look back, it doesn't seem to make sense. I was wondering if-

KAUZLARICH: This is because you're an atheist, isn't it?

WELL-MEANING RELATIVE: ...I beg your pardon?

KAUZLARICH: Look, for your mother to die, and for you to think she's no more-- that she's just worm dirt-- that's pretty hard to get your head around. That's why you must be so upset.

WELL-MEANING RELATIVE: Are you fucking kidding me? I'm angry because I don't know how my mother died!

KAUZLARICH: Hey, it can't bring your mother back. It's not my fault you just want someone's head on a platter.

[The WELL-MEANING RELATIVE knocks KAUZLARICH down and starts beating him to death with her chair. The VICTIM'S APPARITION, who usually does not show up until the Closing Montage With Moving Period-Appropriate Music, joins in by holding Kauzlarich down while her daughter kicks him in the nuts.]

And on a more serious note... wow. I don't think I've ever seen a more perfect blend of sanctimony, religious bigotry, and head-in-the-sand denial tactics. I'm guessing folks like Kauzlarich are pretty much the reason why the Tillmans want someone's head on a platter.

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