Saturday, August 20, 2005

 

The Gallery of Regrettable Opinions

I know approximately shit about James Lileks. Sure, I laugh at the Gallery of Regrettable Food, and I'm vaguely aware that he lost his mind after 9/11. Now, however, I have come to realize what Ludickid has told me often: James Lileks is full of shit.

What about that abortion bomber guy, Eric Rudolph? Sorry; he calls himself a disciple of Nietzsche.

Right, and I'm assuming the fact that he was a member of Christian Identity for years and years negates the fact that he believed in the superman. Eh, I'm sure the whole "Christian" thing is just there for show.

Well, what about the Crusades? And Dresden? Fine. Drop us a line when someone drives a 737 into the Sears Tower on behalf of a bygone pope and Gen. Eisenhower.

What may be one of the main reasons why "they" hate us? Forget it!

But they're not anti-Semites. Heavens, nay. Don't you dare question their philosemitism! No, they looked at the entire world, including countries that lop off your skull if you convert to Presbyterianism, and what did they choose as the object of their ire? A country the size of a potato chip hanging on the edge of a region noted for despotism and barbarity. By some peculiar coincidence, it happens to be full of Jews.

Okay, here's the thing: I don't like asparagus. I don't like how it tastes. I do not buy it. But I do not wish to defoliate every asparagus crop in North America and salt the earth so that nothing can ever grow in it again. What Lileks-- and many others, for that matter-- do not get is not liking something does not equal hating it.

These adolescent spirits love nothing more than a revolution, a story of a scrappy underdog rising up against a colonizing power, and the Palestinians, with their romantically masked fighters and thrilling weapon-brandishing, fit the bill. Plus, there's something so deliciously naughty and transgressive about calling Jews the new Nazis.

Or, it could be the fact that the UN took a machete to the Middle East, chopping up countries with no respect for ethnic and tribal boundaries. Then again, I'm sure James thinks that the reason why the Iraqi constitution is being held up is because those brown people can't put together an accurate government, and not because of strife between Sunnis and Shi'ites.

It doesn't matter that one side is a liberal democracy that grants rights to women and non-Jews while the other has thugs and assassins for rulers and sends its kids to summer camps where they learn the joys of good ol' fashioned Jew-killing.

Or camps where they learn that Jews are their friends. Just saying.

The companies the church wishes to pressure include Caterpillar, which makes bulldozers purchased by the Israelis for the sole purpose of knocking down innocent homes of gentle lamb herders

I bet James has a few of those hilarious Rachel Corrie T-shirts.

Seriously, go back to the cakes shaped like houses, James. You at least made sense there.

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