Monday, February 28, 2005
Mr. Phelps Goes to Washington
Good God, one of Them is running for elected office? If she gets elected, we'll know the end times are upon us.
And, meanwhile, check out even more of the Phelps' utter lack of anything resembling human compassion. So, he lives, but Hunter S. Thomspon shuffles off this mortal coil. If there is a God, he's a deist.
And, meanwhile, check out even more of the Phelps' utter lack of anything resembling human compassion. So, he lives, but Hunter S. Thomspon shuffles off this mortal coil. If there is a God, he's a deist.
Sunday, February 27, 2005
The Fix is In!
Screw the Oscars; the most important ceremony in Hollywood happened last night. Let's see how my predictions measured up:
Worst Film: Catwoman. Well. Guess three hours of Greco-Roman comic tragedy just doesn't match up against the horror of open-toed high-heeled boots.
Worst Sequel: Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed. Whuh? No, seriously; whuh? It's not as if this was a sequel to some glorious paragon of Hollywood filmmaking that soulless executives crapped out for a few dollars more, and it's not as if the first Scooby-Doo was an abomination so bad that the earth should have been salted where it was filmed.
Worst Director: Pitof, Catwoman. God, they really hated Catwoman, didn't they? Well, so did I, I guess. But not as much as Oliver Stone. I guess when it's a choice between the guy who did JFK and the guy who did... um... some French movie, you go with the guy who wasn't Oscar-nominated.
Worst Screenplay: Catwoman. Well, at least I got one of them. No human can speak or make decisions like those of the characters in the screenplay without being considered at least moderately retarded.
Worst Actress: Halle Berry, Catwoman. Should have gotten this one, but Angelina Jolie with a Macedonian-by-way-of-Siberian accent utterly captivated me.
Worst Actor: George W. Bush, Fahrenheit 9/11. And Michael Medved chokes on his popcorn. I guess Hollywood has someone they hate more than Ben Affleck.
Worst Supporting Actor: Donald Rumsfeld, ditto. I should have gotten this one, too, because, when it's a member of the Bush administration vs. everyone else, the Bushie's gonna win.
Worst Supporting Actress: Britbot, once more. Of course the Razzies would give someone an award for just 30 seconds of screen time, no matter how many women with aneurysms are up for said award.
Worst Screen Couple: Bush and My Pet Goat/Condi, just guess where. Wow, when they hate Bush, they really hate Bush. Well, I got this one, too, so, cool.
Worst Razzie "Winner" of the Past 25 Years: Arnold. Of course. Another notch on my belt.
Worst "Comedy": Gigli. Not even lesbians could save it.
Worst "Drama": Battlefield Earth. And the Fametracker Metric Standard of Suckiness* prevails!
Worst "Musical": From Justin to Kelly. In retrospect, I can totally see this one. Dear Kelly Clarkson and... that other guy: You are not Frankie and Annette, nor will you ever be.
So... five out of thirteen. So much for a career as professional Razzie pool player.
Worst Film: Catwoman. Well. Guess three hours of Greco-Roman comic tragedy just doesn't match up against the horror of open-toed high-heeled boots.
Worst Sequel: Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed. Whuh? No, seriously; whuh? It's not as if this was a sequel to some glorious paragon of Hollywood filmmaking that soulless executives crapped out for a few dollars more, and it's not as if the first Scooby-Doo was an abomination so bad that the earth should have been salted where it was filmed.
Worst Director: Pitof, Catwoman. God, they really hated Catwoman, didn't they? Well, so did I, I guess. But not as much as Oliver Stone. I guess when it's a choice between the guy who did JFK and the guy who did... um... some French movie, you go with the guy who wasn't Oscar-nominated.
Worst Screenplay: Catwoman. Well, at least I got one of them. No human can speak or make decisions like those of the characters in the screenplay without being considered at least moderately retarded.
Worst Actress: Halle Berry, Catwoman. Should have gotten this one, but Angelina Jolie with a Macedonian-by-way-of-Siberian accent utterly captivated me.
Worst Actor: George W. Bush, Fahrenheit 9/11. And Michael Medved chokes on his popcorn. I guess Hollywood has someone they hate more than Ben Affleck.
Worst Supporting Actor: Donald Rumsfeld, ditto. I should have gotten this one, too, because, when it's a member of the Bush administration vs. everyone else, the Bushie's gonna win.
Worst Supporting Actress: Britbot, once more. Of course the Razzies would give someone an award for just 30 seconds of screen time, no matter how many women with aneurysms are up for said award.
Worst Screen Couple: Bush and My Pet Goat/Condi, just guess where. Wow, when they hate Bush, they really hate Bush. Well, I got this one, too, so, cool.
Worst Razzie "Winner" of the Past 25 Years: Arnold. Of course. Another notch on my belt.
Worst "Comedy": Gigli. Not even lesbians could save it.
Worst "Drama": Battlefield Earth. And the Fametracker Metric Standard of Suckiness* prevails!
Worst "Musical": From Justin to Kelly. In retrospect, I can totally see this one. Dear Kelly Clarkson and... that other guy: You are not Frankie and Annette, nor will you ever be.
So... five out of thirteen. So much for a career as professional Razzie pool player.
"That Does Absolutely Nothing For Me."
That Old Dried Up C**t Ann Coulter
Well, if she does it, so can I.
So, now she's not just anti-Islam, hypocritical, and homophobic, she's a racist. Forget being allowed to write; why is this woman still allowed to breathe?
So, now she's not just anti-Islam, hypocritical, and homophobic, she's a racist. Forget being allowed to write; why is this woman still allowed to breathe?
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Viva Espana!: The Return
I'm back from Barcelona, where, for seven glorious days, there was no snow. And that's all that really matters.
We stayed in an apartment rented out by a nice woman. It was a little tiny, but it worked. The first few days were murder, though: I was depressed and tired all of our first day there, and then I ended up getting up at 3 in the morning Barcelona time and barely being able to go back to bed. After that, however, things straightened out, and I was on Barcelona time.
That day, we checked out some buildings by the architect Gaudi, including the Casa Batllo, which, in my honest opinion, looks like Cthulhu's summer house. I mean, look at that: does that not scream non-Euclidean madness? Still, he did also design one of the most awesome apartments I've ever seen, so he comes off even.
Brother Cognito and I decided to go clubbing one night. We went to a gay bar called Arena right down the street from our apartment, but I ended up splitting after a half-hour due to a lack of good music and a couple that kept coming up to me and asking if I wanted to dance with them every five minutes, no matter how many times I said "not interested." Ah, well. It was my first time, and there's always Lansdowne Street next year.
So, anyway: Barcelona- fun, sunny, and temperate. Boston- cold, bitter, and more fucking snow. I miss it already.
We stayed in an apartment rented out by a nice woman. It was a little tiny, but it worked. The first few days were murder, though: I was depressed and tired all of our first day there, and then I ended up getting up at 3 in the morning Barcelona time and barely being able to go back to bed. After that, however, things straightened out, and I was on Barcelona time.
That day, we checked out some buildings by the architect Gaudi, including the Casa Batllo, which, in my honest opinion, looks like Cthulhu's summer house. I mean, look at that: does that not scream non-Euclidean madness? Still, he did also design one of the most awesome apartments I've ever seen, so he comes off even.
Brother Cognito and I decided to go clubbing one night. We went to a gay bar called Arena right down the street from our apartment, but I ended up splitting after a half-hour due to a lack of good music and a couple that kept coming up to me and asking if I wanted to dance with them every five minutes, no matter how many times I said "not interested." Ah, well. It was my first time, and there's always Lansdowne Street next year.
So, anyway: Barcelona- fun, sunny, and temperate. Boston- cold, bitter, and more fucking snow. I miss it already.
Uncle Rom
In case you thought Mitt Romney couldn't be more of a self-centered jackass, you thought wrong.
Romney smiled as Republican speakers poked fun at the Bay State. US Representative Rob Bishop of Utah called Romney's home state the ''People's Commonwealth of Massachusetts" and joked that it ''has a tax rate lower than Sweden's, kinda."
Yeah, way to care for and stand up for the people who actually bothered to vote for your sorry ass. Dickfuck.
Oh, and yeah, I'm back. I promise full updates once I catch up to the full glory of the Internet.
Romney smiled as Republican speakers poked fun at the Bay State. US Representative Rob Bishop of Utah called Romney's home state the ''People's Commonwealth of Massachusetts" and joked that it ''has a tax rate lower than Sweden's, kinda."
Yeah, way to care for and stand up for the people who actually bothered to vote for your sorry ass. Dickfuck.
Oh, and yeah, I'm back. I promise full updates once I catch up to the full glory of the Internet.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Grand Theft Asshole
Three questions: who is this Jack Thompson, what is with his particular animus towards video games, and why, whenever he talks to inquisitive gamers, does he act like a leaking douchenozzle?
I say that gamers all over the Internet should ask him (gently, of course) the following questions via e-mail:
1. Do you think there are any games that are harmless, if not positively beneficient?
2. What do you think of gamers who play games like Halo and Grand Theft Auto and who don´t commit violent acts against their fellow men?
3. If what your suit alleges is true, then isn´t it a bit scary that large chunks of humanity lack the basic intelligence to understand the difference between killing in a game and in real life?
A few hundred thousand of those should teach him to clean up his manners when talking to someone who does not have a video camera or a tape recorder. And if not, then there´s always room for an amicus brief.
Remember, kids: violent video games may drive you to kill, but an agenda of censorship turns you into a snotty little bitch.
I say that gamers all over the Internet should ask him (gently, of course) the following questions via e-mail:
1. Do you think there are any games that are harmless, if not positively beneficient?
2. What do you think of gamers who play games like Halo and Grand Theft Auto and who don´t commit violent acts against their fellow men?
3. If what your suit alleges is true, then isn´t it a bit scary that large chunks of humanity lack the basic intelligence to understand the difference between killing in a game and in real life?
A few hundred thousand of those should teach him to clean up his manners when talking to someone who does not have a video camera or a tape recorder. And if not, then there´s always room for an amicus brief.
Remember, kids: violent video games may drive you to kill, but an agenda of censorship turns you into a snotty little bitch.
Gonzo!
Goddamnit, I go three days without the Internet, and Hunter S. Thompson kindly decides to commit suicide on the day I begin my solitary confinement. While The Washington Times (which I´d trust as far as I could throw against a wall) says it was because of the country´s shift to the right, a more logical answer is that he was in intense pain from a recent surgery (and when Raoul Fucking Duke himself can´t self-medicate...).
There´s nothing I can say that those with media access haven´t already. So... adios, good doctor. You showed us just what the fuck was wrong with our nation, and did a whole lot of drugs while doing so. May flights of green faeries sing thee to thy rest.
Oh, and yeah, I seem to be in Barcelona. Just remembered that. I promise full updates when I get back and don´t have to pay for the Internet.
There´s nothing I can say that those with media access haven´t already. So... adios, good doctor. You showed us just what the fuck was wrong with our nation, and did a whole lot of drugs while doing so. May flights of green faeries sing thee to thy rest.
Oh, and yeah, I seem to be in Barcelona. Just remembered that. I promise full updates when I get back and don´t have to pay for the Internet.
Friday, February 18, 2005
Next Up: The Wellesley High School Theatre Department Presents Hairspray
Man, first "Once More, With Feeling", and now this. A few weeks back, I heard my school was casting for the Spring drama, Murder Mysteries. When I heard the news, I thought, "Wait... they can't mean that Murder Mysteries, can they?" Then I heard someone mention "Lucifer" in mixed company at school, and I was peaked, but didn't connect the two. And today, I saw the poster, complete with "A Play By Neil Gaiman" in the corner.
Yup. It's that Murder Mysteries.
My school drama board rocks.
Yup. It's that Murder Mysteries.
My school drama board rocks.
Ministry of Truth
Why the fuck is friend of the death squads John Negroponte being assigned to an intelligence post? Is no one guilty in Washington anymore?
Viva Espana!
The Cognito Clan is off to the land of bulls and paella for February vacation, so expect radio silence from tonight on.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Duck Dodgers in the 28th and 72/100ths Century
LA has developed a slight orbital eccentricity: Chuck Jones, Tex Avery, and Mel Blanc spinning in their graves.
No one... no one needs Looney Tunes a la Teen Titans. I'm not even going to pretend I was around during the heighday of Bugs Bunny- hell, I still apologize to my dad for taking him to Space Jam- but who the hell thought, "Hey, let's take treasured cartoon staples and give them non-ironic superpowers."?
No one... no one needs Looney Tunes a la Teen Titans. I'm not even going to pretend I was around during the heighday of Bugs Bunny- hell, I still apologize to my dad for taking him to Space Jam- but who the hell thought, "Hey, let's take treasured cartoon staples and give them non-ironic superpowers."?
A Woman's Place is in the House... and the Senate!
Imagine a world where the Equal Rights Amendment passed the first time around. Women who joined the army could face combat, girls who went into the job market would be guaranteed that they would have as fair a chance at a job as an equally-qualified male, and David E. Kelley would be laughed out of Hollywood for trying to suggest that Ally McBeal was feminist.
Well, looks like we may see that all happen (except for the David E. Kelley part, sadly). A Nevada state assemblywoman has resurrected the ERA, heartened by the passing of the Madison Amendment and hoping that it'll grant some steady ground while women's rights are slowly being chipped away at by laws that, say, monitor whenever a woman miscarries.
But, like Ahura Mazda and Ahriman, if one must rise, the other must rise, too. And out of the fires of Hell comes the shrieking harpy that I can't believe my mother once had lunch with...
Schlafly said Wednesday that she'll come to Nevada, if necessary, to oppose the ERA. Time, she said, has only confirmed her original objections and created new ones.
"It's just as bad as it ever was," said Schlafly. "And it's perfectly obvious now that it would give us same-sex marriages."
Obviously. Does anyone else think that Schlafly thinks that, if women have the same rights as men, she'll lose the magical power of her vagina? After all, she's benefitted from a life of learned helplessness; why should anyone else with two X chromosomes want anything else?
So. Anyway. The ERA is back. Let's hope it passes, and Phyllis Schlafly bursts into flames before its glory.
Well, looks like we may see that all happen (except for the David E. Kelley part, sadly). A Nevada state assemblywoman has resurrected the ERA, heartened by the passing of the Madison Amendment and hoping that it'll grant some steady ground while women's rights are slowly being chipped away at by laws that, say, monitor whenever a woman miscarries.
But, like Ahura Mazda and Ahriman, if one must rise, the other must rise, too. And out of the fires of Hell comes the shrieking harpy that I can't believe my mother once had lunch with...
Schlafly said Wednesday that she'll come to Nevada, if necessary, to oppose the ERA. Time, she said, has only confirmed her original objections and created new ones.
"It's just as bad as it ever was," said Schlafly. "And it's perfectly obvious now that it would give us same-sex marriages."
Obviously. Does anyone else think that Schlafly thinks that, if women have the same rights as men, she'll lose the magical power of her vagina? After all, she's benefitted from a life of learned helplessness; why should anyone else with two X chromosomes want anything else?
So. Anyway. The ERA is back. Let's hope it passes, and Phyllis Schlafly bursts into flames before its glory.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Eulogy for a Gay Candian Mutant
Time for me to get my comics blog on. (SPOILERS for Wolverine #25.)
Well, I wasn't going to report on this until I had conformation, and, seeing as Kevin's word is pretty much bond to me... apparently, Mark Millar (bar-none hack, but that's another issue) is planning on killing off one of the X-Men in issue #25. And that X-Man? Is Northstar.
To fully understand what this means, you have to look back at Northstar's history in the comics. A lot of readers thought he was gay back in the days when those things didn't happen in comics. Even though Jim Shooter, Marvel's editor-in-chief, said there were no gays in the Marvel Universe, everyone threw a shit fit and tried to find some other solution when Northstar contracted a "wasting disease" that looked suspiciously like AIDS.
Potential gayness aside, however, Northstar is a very interesting character. He is arrogant, almost to a fault. He is impassioned about the views he holds, occasionally to the point of radicalism. He has a strong relationship with his twin sister, Aurora, who, due to a childhood of abuse, developed multiple personality disorder. He shows a strong paternal instinct, especially when he adopted an abandoned baby dying of AIDS.
Then he came out of the closet. And none of this mattered.
Seriously. At the hands of hack writers like Scott Lobdell and Chuck "Boobies!" Austen, the only things Northstar was good for were being fast, flying, and being gay, gay, gay. In this light, you can almost understand why he's getting killed off.
And yet, it's still inexcusable. One reason is that Northstar is, at the core of it, a good character. He has a lot of potential that, in the hands of a good writer, could go beyond the one-dimensional gayness. Another reason is that Northstar was, pretty much, the first superhero in any mainstream comic book to come out of the closet. He pretty much led to the establishment of other mainstream, ass-kicking gay heroes, such as Apollo and the Midnighter. And Marvel is going to kill him, just to satisfy the wants of Mark "Which Cultural Group Can I Piss Off This Time?" Millar.
Godspeed, Jean-Paul Beaubier. And fuck a bunch of Mark Millar.
Well, I wasn't going to report on this until I had conformation, and, seeing as Kevin's word is pretty much bond to me... apparently, Mark Millar (bar-none hack, but that's another issue) is planning on killing off one of the X-Men in issue #25. And that X-Man? Is Northstar.
To fully understand what this means, you have to look back at Northstar's history in the comics. A lot of readers thought he was gay back in the days when those things didn't happen in comics. Even though Jim Shooter, Marvel's editor-in-chief, said there were no gays in the Marvel Universe, everyone threw a shit fit and tried to find some other solution when Northstar contracted a "wasting disease" that looked suspiciously like AIDS.
Potential gayness aside, however, Northstar is a very interesting character. He is arrogant, almost to a fault. He is impassioned about the views he holds, occasionally to the point of radicalism. He has a strong relationship with his twin sister, Aurora, who, due to a childhood of abuse, developed multiple personality disorder. He shows a strong paternal instinct, especially when he adopted an abandoned baby dying of AIDS.
Then he came out of the closet. And none of this mattered.
Seriously. At the hands of hack writers like Scott Lobdell and Chuck "Boobies!" Austen, the only things Northstar was good for were being fast, flying, and being gay, gay, gay. In this light, you can almost understand why he's getting killed off.
And yet, it's still inexcusable. One reason is that Northstar is, at the core of it, a good character. He has a lot of potential that, in the hands of a good writer, could go beyond the one-dimensional gayness. Another reason is that Northstar was, pretty much, the first superhero in any mainstream comic book to come out of the closet. He pretty much led to the establishment of other mainstream, ass-kicking gay heroes, such as Apollo and the Midnighter. And Marvel is going to kill him, just to satisfy the wants of Mark "Which Cultural Group Can I Piss Off This Time?" Millar.
Godspeed, Jean-Paul Beaubier. And fuck a bunch of Mark Millar.
The Pink Elephant in the Room
So, I read this article in Newsweek about a radio host who wants to "save red staters from themselves" by convincing them that Democrat is the way to go. And that sounds cool. Then I read this:
Ideologically, Schultz is all Democrat—he likes universal health care and labor unions, hates Wal-Mart and corporate crooks—but he also delights in hacking away at his party's more sensitive side. When a gay listener recently called to complain about homophobia, Schultz cut him off. He believes Democrats shouldn't talk up gay rights, just like they shouldn't bash God and guns. Schultz says liberals had better get used to his brand of tough love if they want to win in the heartland. "The party thinks there aren't any Democrats between Texas and North Dakota," Schultz told NEWSWEEK, "so why bother talking to people out here?"
Now, here's the thing: I agree that the Democrats shouldn't automatically bash gun ownership. I also agree that there should not be some instant disgust reaction to evangelical religion. But what Schultz is talking about is basically throwing over the sufferings of gay people just to win votes for his party and its economic position. And he, if the whispers of "gays cost us the election!" are any indication, is not the only one.
All I'm saying is this: I don't care if you're Republican, or Democrat, or Libertarian. I'm not voting for anyone who does not recognize my right to exist without being persecuted.
Ideologically, Schultz is all Democrat—he likes universal health care and labor unions, hates Wal-Mart and corporate crooks—but he also delights in hacking away at his party's more sensitive side. When a gay listener recently called to complain about homophobia, Schultz cut him off. He believes Democrats shouldn't talk up gay rights, just like they shouldn't bash God and guns. Schultz says liberals had better get used to his brand of tough love if they want to win in the heartland. "The party thinks there aren't any Democrats between Texas and North Dakota," Schultz told NEWSWEEK, "so why bother talking to people out here?"
Now, here's the thing: I agree that the Democrats shouldn't automatically bash gun ownership. I also agree that there should not be some instant disgust reaction to evangelical religion. But what Schultz is talking about is basically throwing over the sufferings of gay people just to win votes for his party and its economic position. And he, if the whispers of "gays cost us the election!" are any indication, is not the only one.
All I'm saying is this: I don't care if you're Republican, or Democrat, or Libertarian. I'm not voting for anyone who does not recognize my right to exist without being persecuted.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
I Think I Have the Black Death, Pop!
So... Mischa Barton is going to be in a movie version of The Decameron, where young men and women escape to a farm outside of Venice to try and avoid the Black Death?
If she does not have rupturing pustules by the end of the film, then someone's gonna pay.
If she does not have rupturing pustules by the end of the film, then someone's gonna pay.
Offense of Marriage
Stephen Harper: "Let's try not to appear like red-neck bigots when we oppose gay marriage, shall we?" Uh... good luck, Steve. After all, one of your colleagues in Parliament just went for one of the stupidest arguments of all time:
On the tape Conservative MP Jason Kenney says gays have every right to marry whoever they want - as long as it isn't someone of the same sex.
This has to be, without a doubt, the most hypocritical "defense of marriage" I have ever heard. So, it doesn't matter if a gay person's spouse doesn't get social security benefits, hospital visitation rights, etc., as long as the gay person gets a nice wedding reception and a big cake? And it doesn't matter that we're subjecting both gays and straights to a lifetime of infidelity and unhappiness, just as long as the children don't find out?
And it's not like this is a new argument. I heard this from a Young Republican in my Auto class last year (to his credit, he said he liked hearing my opinions, too), and the summer before that, Presidential media liaison Maggie Gallagher actually used it as an argument before a Senate Subcommittee on the FMA. And these are the people we trust to defend marriage?
On the tape Conservative MP Jason Kenney says gays have every right to marry whoever they want - as long as it isn't someone of the same sex.
This has to be, without a doubt, the most hypocritical "defense of marriage" I have ever heard. So, it doesn't matter if a gay person's spouse doesn't get social security benefits, hospital visitation rights, etc., as long as the gay person gets a nice wedding reception and a big cake? And it doesn't matter that we're subjecting both gays and straights to a lifetime of infidelity and unhappiness, just as long as the children don't find out?
And it's not like this is a new argument. I heard this from a Young Republican in my Auto class last year (to his credit, he said he liked hearing my opinions, too), and the summer before that, Presidential media liaison Maggie Gallagher actually used it as an argument before a Senate Subcommittee on the FMA. And these are the people we trust to defend marriage?
Monday, February 14, 2005
Oh, So They Aren't Really Pillars of Righteousness?
Republican leaders: "What FMA?" You know, while I feel bad that there are people in Washington who regard whatever legal relationships I engage in with a person of the same sex as icky and gross, I really don't know how to feel about the fact that they can't care enough to make a solid decision. Seriously; every few months, they're like, "Throw away legal protections for a group of citizens? Sure, why not?" And then, a few weeks later, they suddenly remember they left the filibuster running and abandon it.
I'm just saying: one of these days, James Dobson is gonna strap on the brass knuckles, and bitches are gonna get slapped.
I'm just saying: one of these days, James Dobson is gonna strap on the brass knuckles, and bitches are gonna get slapped.
Who Would Jesus Bomb?
Hey, kids! Count the ways in which this violates the separation of church and state. (Ganked from Hairy Fish Nuts.)
Sure, Jesus told us to turn the other cheek... but it's easier to turn their cheeks when you stuff an M80 up their ass! Hoo-rah!
Sure, Jesus told us to turn the other cheek... but it's easier to turn their cheeks when you stuff an M80 up their ass! Hoo-rah!
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Ia! Ia!
The H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society is making their own Call of Cthulhu movie. Because nothing says epic madness like a fan film.
Boston Marriages
Now even the Attorney General who fought against same-sex marriage in Massachusetts is saying, "Whatever." Ladies and gents, I think it's here to stay.
Friday, February 11, 2005
I Got 52 Problems...
..but Bin Laden ain't- oh, wait...
Fifty-two times. Fifty-two fucking times. And this is not the FBI, or the CIA, or the NSA picking up this critical, cryptic information. It's the FAA. If something is hiding in such plain sight that the guys who make sure the planes all don't crash can pick it up, and you don't, there are problems. Big problems.
Oh, and look at that! Bush and friends have been blocking this document for the past five months! How conveeeenieeeent. If anyone needs me, I'll be throwing up.
Fifty-two times. Fifty-two fucking times. And this is not the FBI, or the CIA, or the NSA picking up this critical, cryptic information. It's the FAA. If something is hiding in such plain sight that the guys who make sure the planes all don't crash can pick it up, and you don't, there are problems. Big problems.
Oh, and look at that! Bush and friends have been blocking this document for the past five months! How conveeeenieeeent. If anyone needs me, I'll be throwing up.
Hate to Say I Told You So...
Oh, wait. No, I don't.
So. Bloomberg is basically getting thrown over by the Queens Republicans for being too "pro-gay" (and let's just appreciate the juxtaposition of "Queens" and "gay" in that last clause), and gay people are already pretty willing to thrash him. It's official; Rudy Giuliani's bowel movements carry more political charisma than Bloomberg.
So. Bloomberg is basically getting thrown over by the Queens Republicans for being too "pro-gay" (and let's just appreciate the juxtaposition of "Queens" and "gay" in that last clause), and gay people are already pretty willing to thrash him. It's official; Rudy Giuliani's bowel movements carry more political charisma than Bloomberg.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
What's My Line?
A further list of things Ward "Little Eichmanns" Churchill did not say:
"I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky."
"I am a gay American."
"Is this because I'm a lesbian?"
"Tastes great!"
"Less filling!"
"KHAAAAAAAAAN!"
Okay, I kind of get the point of the article, and yeah, why is Ward Churchill having the media descend upon him like the Furies for his statement when all this other inflammatory shit goes undisturbed? I guess they have a point. But what Churchill said- that the workers at the World Trade Center had it coming for propping up capitalism- is repulsive. I don't think he should lose his job for it, but I can certainly see why everyone notices. After all, everyone noticed after Falwell blamed 9/11 on gays and the ACLU.
"I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky."
"I am a gay American."
"Is this because I'm a lesbian?"
"Tastes great!"
"Less filling!"
"KHAAAAAAAAAN!"
Okay, I kind of get the point of the article, and yeah, why is Ward Churchill having the media descend upon him like the Furies for his statement when all this other inflammatory shit goes undisturbed? I guess they have a point. But what Churchill said- that the workers at the World Trade Center had it coming for propping up capitalism- is repulsive. I don't think he should lose his job for it, but I can certainly see why everyone notices. After all, everyone noticed after Falwell blamed 9/11 on gays and the ACLU.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Heart Attack Architecture
There's a chocolate fountain at the Bellagio. And, seeing as Gridskipper beat me to the Willy Wonka joke... um...
Look, it's a fucking chocolate fountain. Do you really need to ask for anything else?
Look, it's a fucking chocolate fountain. Do you really need to ask for anything else?
Let's Not Fuck the Masses, Let's Just Fuck!
The 25 Most Inappropriate Things for Objectivists to Say During Sex. (Ganked from Reason.) The scary thing is, I think Ayn Rand heard at least three of these during her life.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Sooool-dier Booooooi...
Wow. The power of the liberal blogosphere both frightens and amazes me.
Here's a brief summary of the whole Jeff Gannon thingie: Media Matters for America notices that some guy from an institution called "Talon News" is throwing out softballs whenever questioning at White House press conferences gets a little too hairy. So, they send a letter to Scott McClellan, and Atrios and others take it from there. Soon, it is found that Gannon is: a hack; an alias; and, most importantly of all, a man4man ho (not safe for work). And all of this in about a week.
And just know, by posting this here, I become part of the great chain of blogging, spreading the word to further corners of the world... when I could be researching it myself. Because I'm just lazy.
Here's a brief summary of the whole Jeff Gannon thingie: Media Matters for America notices that some guy from an institution called "Talon News" is throwing out softballs whenever questioning at White House press conferences gets a little too hairy. So, they send a letter to Scott McClellan, and Atrios and others take it from there. Soon, it is found that Gannon is: a hack; an alias; and, most importantly of all, a man4man ho (not safe for work). And all of this in about a week.
And just know, by posting this here, I become part of the great chain of blogging, spreading the word to further corners of the world... when I could be researching it myself. Because I'm just lazy.
It's Like a Party in My Ass, and Everyone's Invited!
I don't know which is more unbelievable: that a man accidentally killed himself with a sherry enema, or that his wife is floating this about like it's an everyday tragedy.
And y'know, you can just hear the gears turning in Anthony Zuiker's head, even though he's many states away.
And y'know, you can just hear the gears turning in Anthony Zuiker's head, even though he's many states away.
If You Can't Say Anything Nice...
...then repeal the laws that say you can't.
Unbe-fucking-lievable. These people are still swinging about Marcavage and his merry men as martyrs upon the cross, impaled by the filthy homosexuals. The only person who was put upon the cross was Marcavage, and he tied himself up and put in the nails when he disagreed with the nice policemen about how loudly he was shouting. And this isn't exactly the first time, either.
Because, y'know, I'm always going to align myself with a man who carries around signs like "AIDS: Judgment or Cure?" and turns himself into the activist equivalent of a lemming at every available opportunity.
Unbe-fucking-lievable. These people are still swinging about Marcavage and his merry men as martyrs upon the cross, impaled by the filthy homosexuals. The only person who was put upon the cross was Marcavage, and he tied himself up and put in the nails when he disagreed with the nice policemen about how loudly he was shouting. And this isn't exactly the first time, either.
Because, y'know, I'm always going to align myself with a man who carries around signs like "AIDS: Judgment or Cure?" and turns himself into the activist equivalent of a lemming at every available opportunity.
Monday, February 07, 2005
I Know We're the Fucking Champions, Now Shut the Fuck Up
Is it possible to OD on Queen? Because they're playing "We Are the Champions" over the PA again in school. I mean, Freddy Mercury, yeah, rock, but for God's sake, there's only so many times you can hear that song before you want to take out your eardrums with a pair of rusty tweezers.
Oh, and yeah. Go, Pats.
Oh, and yeah. Go, Pats.
Friend Of Gay People Everywhere!... Just, Not to the Point of Fighting for Them or Anything
I agree with Sars on this one. Bloomberg's appealing this "to avoid legal confusion" and guarantee gay rights? Yeah, that sounds just about right coming from the man who tried to stomp on the "guaranteed domestic partnerships" bill until it was dead, and then stomped on it some more. When you're mayor, and you have to sue to try and keep a bill from passing, you have problems.
Sunday, February 06, 2005
A Honest Query
Should I feel like a bad New Englander for not watching the Super Bowl right now?
Uh... go, Pats!
Uh... go, Pats!
The Cinematic Hellmouth
A-ha! I've found it! I've found how to make the cinematic equivalent of a black hole! I'll just adapt a Madonna children's book, put Madonna and Britney Spears in the two leading roles, and have Guy "I Only Know One Story to Tell, Unless I'm Ripping Shit Off" Ritchie produce it! Only... no. It's a weapon of such horror and suffering that no one dare use it... right?
Dear God, what have I done?
Dear God, what have I done?
Dude, It's the Fucking Truth
See, this is why I own a PS2, XBox, and Gamecube: so I don't have the Digital Wrath of God unleashed upon me.
In other video game related news, I've resubscribed to City of Heroes. Huh? What's that about future college pocket money? Hahahahashutup. Anyway, it's still pretty good. When I left, I was getting my butt handed to me by Clockwork; now I'm polishing through most enemies, even those a level or two above me, like they aren't even there.
In other video game related news, I've resubscribed to City of Heroes. Huh? What's that about future college pocket money? Hahahahashutup. Anyway, it's still pretty good. When I left, I was getting my butt handed to me by Clockwork; now I'm polishing through most enemies, even those a level or two above me, like they aren't even there.
Saturday, February 05, 2005
Selfish Hedonists are Doing It For Themselves
You shut right the fuck up, Alan Keyes. On the "bright" side, this'll only serve to dig the loony a deeper hole. I mean, how can you be said to be standing up for "family values" when you disown your daughter?
Friday, February 04, 2005
Kill the Wabbit, Kill the Wabbit...
Remember Margaret Spellings flipping her shit over background lesbians in an episode of PBS's Postcards from Buster? Well, now she's cancelled the show's producer's invitation to an educational conference. Man, No Child Left Behind's gotta be incredible if Spellings has to fill her time by waging an infitada on a cartoon bunny rabbit.
BREAKING FUCKING NEWS
I just wonder: Is there a symbol for hate? You know, we have a heart for love, but is there any simplistic symbol for hate? No?
Well, then, what ever are the religious right going to put on their T-shirts?
Well, then, what ever are the religious right going to put on their T-shirts?
"And They Have Masseuses, Too!"
Lieberman goes out of his way to support Guantanamo Bay, calling the policy "remarkably just".
Now, look. I know that Guantanamo is not a death camp (past aborted plans aside). I know that the prisoners have access to satisfactory food, religious services, even movies. But here's the thing: a cage, no matter how gilded, is still a cage. You can't keep a person there forever, unless you have some reason, aside from, "They're brown, and they were caught in the Middle East."
Is it any wonder that I hope Cool Hand Luke enters the '06 run and kicks his ass?
Now, look. I know that Guantanamo is not a death camp (past aborted plans aside). I know that the prisoners have access to satisfactory food, religious services, even movies. But here's the thing: a cage, no matter how gilded, is still a cage. You can't keep a person there forever, unless you have some reason, aside from, "They're brown, and they were caught in the Middle East."
Is it any wonder that I hope Cool Hand Luke enters the '06 run and kicks his ass?
Crisis on Infinite Social Security Plans
Now, I've stayed head and shoulders above the entire social security privatization debate, if only for the fact that I don't have a clue about most of it. But you know, I think I understand this part:
Even more curiously, a "senior administration official" who briefed reporters on the Social Security proposal earlier today disclosed details of the White House plan that I don't think will play well in Peoria. Most significantly, this official revealed that most or all of the earnings from new "personal" or privatized accounts will be paid not to the holder of the account, but to the government. The senior official called this a "benefit offset." It's one way to finance the creation of these private accounts, but it's going to cause quite a political stir, I think.
Remind me why I want to play poker with my pension if all of the big earnings might go to the government, Mr. President?
UPDATE: I got taken. Again. And now, I will continue to shut up about social security.
Even more curiously, a "senior administration official" who briefed reporters on the Social Security proposal earlier today disclosed details of the White House plan that I don't think will play well in Peoria. Most significantly, this official revealed that most or all of the earnings from new "personal" or privatized accounts will be paid not to the holder of the account, but to the government. The senior official called this a "benefit offset." It's one way to finance the creation of these private accounts, but it's going to cause quite a political stir, I think.
Remind me why I want to play poker with my pension if all of the big earnings might go to the government, Mr. President?
UPDATE: I got taken. Again. And now, I will continue to shut up about social security.
Thursday, February 03, 2005
"Mmm, Tasty Pollutants!"
God, I'm so sick of the SOTU media blitz. That being said... "frivolous asbestos claims"? Funny, I missed the part where we decided that asbestos wasn't, you know, toxic and cancer-causing. And I guess those people on Three Mile Island should've just sucked it up and returns to work, huh, George?
Again...
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
House of the Braindead
Or, BloodyPayne in the Ass. Or, Alone in the Dark When Your Director Treats You Like Shit. I've got a million of these.
I just have to say, if Uwe Boll, who does to cinema and good filmmaking what Mengele did to the medical profession, gave me shit about trying to make a salvageable film, I would beat him to death with his own torn-off limbs. And not a jury in the land would convict me. I just love this argument, on why they just have to show the Big Scary (and why Uwe Boll hearts Caps Lock):
WE MUST KNOW A LITTLE MORE ABOUT ALL THIS . LOOK in SIGNS THE AUDIENCE KNOWS THAT THE ALIENS WANTS TO DESTROY - SO HE AUDIENCE IS AFRAID. LIKE WHT YOU SAY ABOUT OSAMA BIN LADEN: WE DONT KNOW A LOT - BUT WE ARE FRAID - BECAUSE OF 11.9. - SO WITHOUT ANY INFORMATIONS ABOUT THE ALIENS WE ALL FEEL NOTHING - WE ARE ALL CONFUSED BUT LETS SAY YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE SHOWED AN ALIEN IN SIGN - IT WOULD BE A DESASTER - NOBODY WOULD TAKE IT SERIOUS!!
So, the audience of Signs doesn't know what the alien looks like... and this is effective... and yet, we also don't supposedly feel anything, because we don't know what the alien looks like, so we have to make it show up, or else it won't be scary, which is already is, and oh my God, Uwe Boll just broke my capacity for rational thought.
I just have to say, if Uwe Boll, who does to cinema and good filmmaking what Mengele did to the medical profession, gave me shit about trying to make a salvageable film, I would beat him to death with his own torn-off limbs. And not a jury in the land would convict me. I just love this argument, on why they just have to show the Big Scary (and why Uwe Boll hearts Caps Lock):
WE MUST KNOW A LITTLE MORE ABOUT ALL THIS . LOOK in SIGNS THE AUDIENCE KNOWS THAT THE ALIENS WANTS TO DESTROY - SO HE AUDIENCE IS AFRAID. LIKE WHT YOU SAY ABOUT OSAMA BIN LADEN: WE DONT KNOW A LOT - BUT WE ARE FRAID - BECAUSE OF 11.9. - SO WITHOUT ANY INFORMATIONS ABOUT THE ALIENS WE ALL FEEL NOTHING - WE ARE ALL CONFUSED BUT LETS SAY YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE SHOWED AN ALIEN IN SIGN - IT WOULD BE A DESASTER - NOBODY WOULD TAKE IT SERIOUS!!
So, the audience of Signs doesn't know what the alien looks like... and this is effective... and yet, we also don't supposedly feel anything, because we don't know what the alien looks like, so we have to make it show up, or else it won't be scary, which is already is, and oh my God, Uwe Boll just broke my capacity for rational thought.
Michael Medved Is a Golden Turkey
SPOILERS for Million Dollar Baby lie ahead. Be warned.
I've long held a distrust of Michael Medved. He's a man whose politics provide too much of an influence on his movie reviews. Hell, even his fabled Golden Turkey Awards books are victim to this, as it appears that the main reason he called Reflections of a Golden Eye one of the worst 200 movies of all time is because it sympathetically portrayed a gay military officer.
So, of course, it should come as little surprise that Medved is spoiling the end of Million Dollar Baby because he disagrees with the film's right-to-die message*. Of course, Rush Limbaugh's done the same, but that is understandable, as he is a political commentator. Medved, on the other hand, is first and foremost a film critic. It's not his job to ruin a person's prospective filmgoing experience because he doesn't like the message. If he had said, "Many, like I, will strongly disagree with the film's message", and various other expressions of disgust, then good. But no. He had to go and spoil the movie for everyone who has the misfortune to read his column or hear him on some talking head show.
Just know that, were Michael Medved reviewing movies in the '60s, he probably would have spoiled the ending of Psycho because he disagrees with transvestism.
*And yes, I'm aware of the massive irony of this coming from Roger "Team America Wasn't Balanced Enough" Ebert, but at least he didn't spoil anything about the movie.
I've long held a distrust of Michael Medved. He's a man whose politics provide too much of an influence on his movie reviews. Hell, even his fabled Golden Turkey Awards books are victim to this, as it appears that the main reason he called Reflections of a Golden Eye one of the worst 200 movies of all time is because it sympathetically portrayed a gay military officer.
So, of course, it should come as little surprise that Medved is spoiling the end of Million Dollar Baby because he disagrees with the film's right-to-die message*. Of course, Rush Limbaugh's done the same, but that is understandable, as he is a political commentator. Medved, on the other hand, is first and foremost a film critic. It's not his job to ruin a person's prospective filmgoing experience because he doesn't like the message. If he had said, "Many, like I, will strongly disagree with the film's message", and various other expressions of disgust, then good. But no. He had to go and spoil the movie for everyone who has the misfortune to read his column or hear him on some talking head show.
Just know that, were Michael Medved reviewing movies in the '60s, he probably would have spoiled the ending of Psycho because he disagrees with transvestism.
*And yes, I'm aware of the massive irony of this coming from Roger "Team America Wasn't Balanced Enough" Ebert, but at least he didn't spoil anything about the movie.
...And Some Who Thought Going Into the Trees Was a Bad Idea and That We Never Should Have Come Out of the Ocean In the First Place
"Communistic evolution" responsible for 135 million deaths? Funny; the words, they are in English, and yet, they make no sense. And I love this:
And it is amazing, he added, that evolution – despite its widespread acceptance – has no scientific basis. "There are scientists who will admit that there's not one iota of scientific evidence to support it."
Yeah. Yeah, all we have are fossil records, geological records, and radioactively dating the growth of the universe. But they? They have a book! A book that has probably been mistranslated throughout history, but still- a book!
And it is amazing, he added, that evolution – despite its widespread acceptance – has no scientific basis. "There are scientists who will admit that there's not one iota of scientific evidence to support it."
Yeah. Yeah, all we have are fossil records, geological records, and radioactively dating the growth of the universe. But they? They have a book! A book that has probably been mistranslated throughout history, but still- a book!
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
And a Single Tear Rolls Down a Libertarian's Cheek
One in three students think freedom of speech goes "too far." Shut up, my peer group.
Just as Long as the Nazis Didn't Win WWII Over There
YEEEAH!
And yes, I know it defeats the purpose to reference The Scream, but still. Howard Dean's won support from state chairs to head up the DNC. Because if there's anything the Democrats need right now, it's a massive testicular transplant.
Continuance in a Series
Then again, maybe Bush is letting Allen piss all over the Bill of Rights because he doesn't know it exists.
He's talking about the Voting Rights Act, people. One of the more famous laws that came out of the black civil rights movement, and an act anyone with a decent U.S. History education should at least know the bare bones about. Why is he the most powerful man in our nation?
He's talking about the Voting Rights Act, people. One of the more famous laws that came out of the black civil rights movement, and an act anyone with a decent U.S. History education should at least know the bare bones about. Why is he the most powerful man in our nation?
